"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Farting

Cloud-uk

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lol, I shouldn't laught but what the hell...

Yeah duke007, Chrolms is a *****. I never had any probeing though, just ****ting in a test tube.

Ah, however much you think of how amazing people are, and how hot that girl at the front of class is, there's always that nagging admittion that for all our style and brilliance, human beings are just smelly, ****ting, embarrised monkeys. Hurray! We Suck!
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Ken785

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Originally posted by Fenderules
man i dunno what to do. I have a problem and i should prolly go to the doctor. I know this thread sounds like a joke but im not. I have gas all the freaking time. The average person farts about 21 times per day. I say i prolly fart 150-200 times a day. Its every 5 minutes or so i have to let one go, sometimes nonstop. Its terrible when im hanging out with friends or on a date. I have to hold it in. and then a couple minutes later, another ones comes and on and on and i know that is not healthy. And of course i dont wanna let them go but sometimes i ahve to. Or if i move too suddenly while im holding it it will burst out. Its sooooooooo embarissing.


Any of you guys got a similar situation??? i mean i cant hold all night if im with a girl. I tried beano, it only helps a little after taking like 3 or 4 pills. I quit eating white bread and i dont eat that much cheese anymore.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! LOL!!!!
 

octane_orphan

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Ok, havent read all this post so apologies if this has already been covered ....


It might be the order you eat your food!

If you eat meats\heavy food first and then fruit and veg, as the heavier foods have a longer digestion time, the fruit and veg is digested quicker and get stuck behind the heavier foods, this ferments and then results in gas!

Eat fruit and veg first and then heavier foods\foods with a longer digestion period\transit time.
 

Disconnect

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Man, I started having this problem too recently. I stopped watching what I eat, following the general 'no fastfood' principle most of the time, but hell... Not only do my farts rattle the doors into heaven, but they stink like no tomorrow! (broccoli smell sometimes, you know?)

Basically, it rocks! :D

Just sometimes, I get this buildup of gass and I need to let it out by taking a dump, or my stomach begins to hurt and I can't do any vigorous movements.

As for a fart-on-date thing? Done that :D God it cracks me up. She just cringed, but didn't say anything. Must be noted: that was in an ltr.

I remember one time in grade 8, I was sitting in the back of the class passing the silent-but-deadlies. Eventually the fat kid next to me couldn't take it any longer, so he complained to the teacher. The teacher then made me stand up, and told me in front of everyone how disgusting it is. By that time, the rest of the class caught a wiff of broccoli.
I couldn't stop laughing! :D There I was, getting b*tched at, and I was just laughing out of control!

Ahh good times...
 

dastal

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put garlic in your meals. though it does make your breath stink...
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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usedtolurk

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My farts seldomly smell. Even when it smells it isn't that bad. I used to be proud of it, until a friend told me that it's bad because I might lack the "good" bacteria in my gut. Oh well.
 

Fenderules

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Originally posted by Disconnect
Man, I started having this problem too recently. I stopped watching what I eat, following the general 'no fastfood' principle most of the time, but hell... Not only do my farts rattle the doors into heaven, but they stink like no tomorrow! (broccoli smell sometimes, you know?)

Basically, it rocks! :D

Just sometimes, I get this buildup of gass and I need to let it out by taking a dump, or my stomach begins to hurt and I can't do any vigorous movements.

As for a fart-on-date thing? Done that :D God it cracks me up. She just cringed, but didn't say anything. Must be noted: that was in an ltr.

I remember one time in grade 8, I was sitting in the back of the class passing the silent-but-deadlies. Eventually the fat kid next to me couldn't take it any longer, so he complained to the teacher. The teacher then made me stand up, and told me in front of everyone how disgusting it is. By that time, the rest of the class caught a wiff of broccoli.
I couldn't stop laughing! :D There I was, getting b*tched at, and I was just laughing out of control!

Ahh good times...


ahahah lol "broccoli" i know wut you mean i get those 2, and i called them the exact same thing, i'm having them right now
 

Fenderules

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i know this is really old but does have some relevance.


I changed my diet. Now i dont have the problem

I eat healthy multi-grain bread, no pop or sugar.
Lots of fruits and veggies.
Moderate amounts of meat like fish, chicken, pork and beef.



solved the problem.
 

THE_ADDMAN

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ahhh u guys are great :crackup:
 

itishe

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Ever since I upped my intake of protein substanially I've had more gas and nastier poops. I'll try to fall asleep in class but when I do I feel a fart pushing it's way out of my butthole, so that wakes me back up because I do n't want to fart on my friends kneecap.

My poops are never complete. I take about half a dump and then I have the urge to take the rest of the dump but I can't. It's pretty retarded.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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SamoJednom

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You know what sucks about farting? When you have a roomate that lifts with you as well and between the two of us we eat about 700 grams of protein a day lol. So you can imagine when it gets bad.
 

Fenderules

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i eat a lot of fish, lot of fruit and veggies. I'll eat chicken and lean meats.

I also drink lots and lots of water.
 
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