I've had my fair share of orbiting women over the years (have a few at the moment). These women absolutely adore you and will literally do anything for you, hanging on like love obsessed puppies. It's good for the ego and you chuck them the odd teaser to keep them worshipping, exactly like many women have treated some of the lovelorn guys on here (including myself). You walk around empowered by it and the ego inflation and confidence associated with it helps bring other women in. Yes, sometimes you bang them because they pester so much for it and it's easily available (but it makes them keener), but in general you just keep them hanging with promises etc. But what is most interesting to me is the day when they finally give up, when it finally dawns on them their pursuit is futile and they've wasted too much time, effort and love on you. When they really DO lose interest. They tell you they don't fancy you any more and they mean it.
In these cases I've found myself doing exactly what women do to us men: trying to preserve my orbiter, keep her worshipping. Sadly, our egos need it. It really hurts when they no longer serve you, so I end up naturally doing every every little trick women do us, but almost instinctively! Likewise they do what we do, try to preserve their sanity by NC or LCing. It makes sense to.
What is interesting though is that sometimes I've found myself becoming highly attracted to the ones that break away, who mean it and stick to it. It's like their strength in rejection makes them more attractive. A few times I've found myself in a complete role reversal, orbiting them, really attracted to them suddenly, trying to maintain the connection. Weird huh? It's extreme push pull dynamics. Someone once said that the person who cares least in a relationship dynamic holds all the power, so true. So them falling away and being resolute about it takes the power with them and power is intoxicating. Anyone else experienced this?
This leads me to a theory and perhaps experiment that maybe total rejection and telling them you don't fancy them any more (whether true or not, but convincingly done) could be a useful tool to reverse the dynamic? It might not work in all cases, but might in some. I've never thought to try it, so instead of doing the usual NC approach - trying harder, pleading, bargaining, perhaps telling them you hurt too much or just disappearing, go with the "I just don't fancy you at all any more, so in my eyes there's no point us continuing" might in some cases at least be another saving approach? It might make you actually believe it or change how they feel about you. The only problem I see is being emotionally detached for long enough to be convincing and to allow dynamics to change - not easy at all.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone currently NC-ing who thinks they have nothing to lose, has the opportunity to try it, and is strong enough to convincingly try to play guinea pig and test the theory?
Ska
In these cases I've found myself doing exactly what women do to us men: trying to preserve my orbiter, keep her worshipping. Sadly, our egos need it. It really hurts when they no longer serve you, so I end up naturally doing every every little trick women do us, but almost instinctively! Likewise they do what we do, try to preserve their sanity by NC or LCing. It makes sense to.
What is interesting though is that sometimes I've found myself becoming highly attracted to the ones that break away, who mean it and stick to it. It's like their strength in rejection makes them more attractive. A few times I've found myself in a complete role reversal, orbiting them, really attracted to them suddenly, trying to maintain the connection. Weird huh? It's extreme push pull dynamics. Someone once said that the person who cares least in a relationship dynamic holds all the power, so true. So them falling away and being resolute about it takes the power with them and power is intoxicating. Anyone else experienced this?
This leads me to a theory and perhaps experiment that maybe total rejection and telling them you don't fancy them any more (whether true or not, but convincingly done) could be a useful tool to reverse the dynamic? It might not work in all cases, but might in some. I've never thought to try it, so instead of doing the usual NC approach - trying harder, pleading, bargaining, perhaps telling them you hurt too much or just disappearing, go with the "I just don't fancy you at all any more, so in my eyes there's no point us continuing" might in some cases at least be another saving approach? It might make you actually believe it or change how they feel about you. The only problem I see is being emotionally detached for long enough to be convincing and to allow dynamics to change - not easy at all.
Any thoughts on this? Anyone currently NC-ing who thinks they have nothing to lose, has the opportunity to try it, and is strong enough to convincingly try to play guinea pig and test the theory?
Ska
