Falling in love with someone you can't have?

[strids97]

Hey guys...Just curious if this has ever happend to any of you. Have you ever been friends with someone...that you over time realized that you have fallen for...but are affraid to say it or when you do say something or something bad happens with a guy she's with...you keep biting your tongue cause you know she's still taken?

This has just happened to me...someone I'm friends with...really charrish the friendship..she's been dating another guy for most of the time i've known her and the more i talk to her the more i start to feel something towards her like no guy is good enough for her except for me...I really don't want to wreck my friendship cause i love being friends with her. I just want the whole complete package, besides the friendship...i want the romantic, couple relationship with her too...but right now i can't have it...

What would you guys do in this situation? How would you handle it? any Advice would be nice...thanks!

 

[( . )( . )]

What would you guys do in this situation? How would you handle it?

Give myself a severe kick in the ass for getting oneitis at 26 years of age. Then give myself another kick in the ass that hell has a better chance at getting snow than me getting out of friends zone with this b!tch because of the damage I've already done by being her "friend".

After kicking my own ass I would man up with the odds severly stacked against my favour and make a move.......and then promptly get shut down by her, and rightly so.

Falling in Love with someone you cant have

Give me strength. The only chicks you "cant have" are the ones with gonorrhea.

 

[SELF-MASTERY]

I thought that hoes as friends was covered in the first page of the dj bible.

 

[flexion_]

I would take my balls and put them in a vice for being so stupid. Hopefully the testicular compression would snap me out of my stupidness so I would move on with my life and meet other women.

 

[Desdinova]

Have you ever been friends with someone...that you over time realized that you have fallen for

Yeah, but I wouldn't call it love. Love is a two way street. A "crush" or "infatuation" is a one way street.

I just want the whole complete package, besides the friendship...i want the romantic, couple relationship with her too...

You skipped the part before the "romantic relationship". WHat about the first few dates? What about the first one or two months of dating? You need to build a bridge to get to the other side. If you try jumping across, you'll get injured because of your own stupidity.

Another thing I need to mention is that NO successful relationship is built on romance. Romance is merely a spice to give a relationship flavor. Would you eat a plate full of salt?

Now, for your situation... You have a crush on your friend. Converting a friend to a girlfriend is a difficult, time consuming task, and that's if you're successful at doing it. If you're not successful, you're wasting your time. You have about a 2% chance. Some on here (including myself) have proven that small percentage exists, but it doesn't happen overnight. If you know what you're doing (which obviously you don't) it can be done. You're best bet is to write her off and screw your head back on straight. Go read the DJ Bible.

 

[Mischka]

strids97, the replies here may seem a bit harsh, but believe me: they are right. I myself could have written your post some years ago. It is a nice guy post, ready for a schoolbook. There is nothing wrong with being nice, but being nice (honest, telling your life story...blabla) does not attract women. You might refuse this thought, you might not believe what the DJs here are trying to tell you, you might think it's rude and respectless, but it isn't.

About the 1% probability you might "get" your friend: you can easily raise it to 2% by meeting other women and working on yourself and your career

 

[joekerr31]

dude, nothing wrong with feeling the way you're feeling.

but in terms of what to do next it's pretty simple.

you gotta go and get with other girls and forget her for the time being.

Then when you are with other girls tell her about how well you're treating them.

Say crap like "You know what i love about suzie, is that she lets me take her out on long romantic nights blah blah blah"

basically you want to keep reinforcing that your providing other girls with every girls fantasy - whether you are or not.

eventually she will get sick of watching other girls get treated like gold while her bf treats her like crap. then she'll throw herself at you.

just my 2 cents.

J

 

[Squid]

If she finds you physically attractive then you can start with building sexual tension between the two of you. Be openly flirty, talk to her while being intimately close to her, see how she responds. Does she back away or lean in? look at her, talk to her like in a seductive manner. She'll either be turned off or respond in a good way. If she isn't attracted then forget it.

It sounds to me however that you've definitely been too much of a "nice guy", so getting out of the friend zone may be next to impossible.

 

[CLOONEY]

Your her friend, hes her boyfriend. You are a bottom feader! You are going nowhere with this girl except for heartache! Hate to break it to you the hard way! You need to meet single girls!

I am also ashamed you have one-itis with a girl you are friends with at the age of 26! What have you been doing with your life!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by joekerr31
dude, nothing wrong with feeling the way you're feeling.

but in terms of what to do next it's pretty simple.

you gotta go and get with other girls and forget her for the time being.

Then when you are with other girls tell her about how well you're treating them.

Say crap like "You know what i love about suzie, is that she lets me take her out on long romantic nights blah blah blah"

basically you want to keep reinforcing that your providing other girls with every girls fantasy - whether you are or not.

eventually she will get sick of watching other girls get treated like gold while her bf treats her like crap. then she'll throw herself at you.

just my 2 cents.

J

Bad advice. The only reason I am responding to this particular resonse, is that the original poster might actually listen to the one response that actually gives him hope, and not the rest which tell him to get a life and pursue other women.

If he says that to this girl, she'll be even more glad she's not with him. She rather keep dating her bf than a guy who feels like he has to sell himself to her by talking about how "nice" he is to his other women, as in he has to buy their affection. She's not gonna want that type of AFC in her life.

 

[strids97]

Thanks

Well of all the replies the only one that makes sense is the one that Gangster Left...the rest of your not including those of you who were very rude and complete jerks about it and not giving constructive advice..the rest of you that actually offered real opinion i appricate it. Thanks,

Strids97

 

[CLOONEY]

Re: Thanks

Originally posted by strids97
Well of all the replies the only one that makes sense is the one that Gangster Left...the rest of your not including those of you who were very rude and complete jerks about it and not giving constructive advice..the rest of you that actually offered real opinion i appricate it. Thanks,

Strids97

Its called "tough love", or "learning the hard way", keep hanging yourself up on her, and you will be feeling a lot worse than anything we could say.

You know those things that hang on the bottom of a shark, waiting for the scraps off its food to come past, that is what you are like! Waiting for the scraps of her, while her boyfriend is getting the good fresh meat! It is hard, but it is true! Everyone of us has "fallen" for a girl with a boyfriend at some stage! Its just some of us keep hanging around the girl, getting oursevles obsessed with them, whilst others stop hanging around her (this is called making a healthy detatchment) and start hanging around single girls who are interested in us! Its not hard mathematics, its simple logic and will make you feel a whole lot better in the long run! Either you have to hear it harshly now, or you have to deal with it harshly yourself once you are burnt and told you are her "friend" and nothing more!

 

[TesuqueRed]

Tough situation that.

At 26 I couldn't handle it.

Somewhere in the 30s I could. Not sure what happened.

I think it was when I met the woman I considered the best I could come closest to spending a life with. No guarantees it would work but interesting odds on it.

She was attracted to me and I to her - no hiding it. Just walking down the street doing nothing with her was fun. Problem was, she was engaged to someone taller, better looking, richer and better prospects than I would have. She knew it, I knew it. She was no dummy and adored her fiance.

Me? I enjoyed the time together. I didn't allow myself to get hooked. Ever since then I handicap the women I meet that I am attracted to -- like a horse race or rating a stock's value -- as to how likely or unlikely anything would work and adjust my expectations accordingly. You never give yourself over fully, though.

Took me somewhere in my 30s to get that. I'm not sure but I think a lot of women pick up that skill (a survival skill) earlier and quicker.

 

[Metalixia]

strids97,

You have to remember this is a board for PU artists and players. I disaggree with all this advice, but to them and their life style, it makes perfect sense.

It sounds to me like you just want to pursue your own desires, regardless of what other people think. I think that's cool.

If I were you, I'd just do what feels right to you. Don't do any of this stuff if you disaggree with it.

www.askmen.com has got a good relationships forum, where you can get good all round advice from men who are in all walks of life.

If you ask here, you're only ever gonna get "DJ" advice.

 

[CLOONEY]

Originally posted by Metalixia
strids97,

You have to remember this is a board for PU artists and players. I disaggree with all this advice, but to them and their life style, it makes perfect sense.

It sounds to me like you just want to pursue your own desires, regardless of what other people think. I think that's cool.

If I were you, I'd just do what feels right to you. Don't do any of this stuff if you disaggree with it.

www.askmen.com has got a good relationships forum, where you can get good all round advice from men who are in all walks of life.

If you ask here, you're only ever gonna get "DJ" advice.

All round advice? lol what is that? Advice from all different perspectives that will confuse him more.

As far as this forum is PUA and players, I couldnt disagree more. Some are, but I always argue against that, as I have been there and was not happy at all doing it!

Although that said, the advice on Pick Ups is golden, and you will always need it to find new woman, once you have one (that you want to keep around for a long time), its an entire different ball game (refer to the thread by Wheelin).

Other than that, its pretty simple, make yourself the most attractive you can, both physically, and mentally (all will add to confidence)! Establish a strong friendship network, do the things you want to do and get good at them! Be happy with your morals and yourself. Once this is done, I think you can possibly reach that thing Maslow always talked about "self actualisation".

 

[amano]

Oneitis is your problem.

Seriously,most of these posts might be rude but they are right.

To fix this go spend time with other women and stop being focused on HER.

Some good things can happen here.

1- you will meet someone better, realize youve been eating scraps and move on.

2- she will then realize you havent been around. She might even MISS YOU. This doesnt mean things will change between both of you but its a good start to have her realize what she is missing when you are gone. If she doesnt miss you then NEXT was the only choice anyway.

You will not find much positive reinforcement for a situation like this here. Youve played a textbook "niceguy"

Disperse your attention on some new women.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Originally posted by Metalixia
strids97,

You have to remember this is a board for PU artists and players. I disaggree with all this advice, but to them and their life style, it makes perfect sense.

It sounds to me like you just want to pursue your own desires, regardless of what other people think. I think that's cool.

If I were you, I'd just do what feels right to you. Don't do any of this stuff if you disaggree with it.

www.askmen.com has got a good relationships forum, where you can get good all round advice from men who are in all walks of life.

If you ask here, you're only ever gonna get "DJ" advice.

Yeah, this guy knows what's up. You know what? I recommend you really do what this guy tells you, go with your instict and do what you really want to do, and take it a step further.

Tell her you need to talk to her and ask her if you can borrow some of her time because it is very important for you to tell her how you feel.

Make dinner reservations at an expensive restaurant, hopefully one she's mentioned she likes. Rent a limo and take her out in style. Make sure you call and confirm throughout the day, to make sure she hasn't cancelled on you. When you get there, walk up to her door with some nice expensive flowers, and maybe some balloon that says "To the best woman in my life".

Once you get there, open up and confess how you've loved her all these years and how you would wait for her forever because you know she's the one and only for you, and she's totally worth any amount of waiting. Tell her you are willing to listen to all of her man problems, and how he's a jerk and doens't deserve a queen like her. Tell her how you would treat her a lot nicer and never make her mad, angry, or sad. Make sure to mention how you think that the beauty of your friendship is that most great relationships start out as friendships that blossom into something beautiful.

Any woman who doesn't respond to this, is nor worth it and doesn't deserve such a nice guy like you.

 

[( . )( . )]

Originally posted by Metalixia
strids97,

You have to remember this is a board for PU artists and players. I disaggree with all this advice, but to them and their life style, it makes perfect sense.

It sounds to me like you just want to pursue your own desires, regardless of what other people think. I think that's cool.

If I were you, I'd just do what feels right to you. Don't do any of this stuff if you disaggree with it.

www.askmen.com has got a good relationships forum, where you can get good all round advice from men who are in all walks of life.

If you ask here, you're only ever gonna get "DJ" advice.

What the fvck is this sh!t? And then this clueless moron goes on to tell this guy that if he doesnt like the advice he gets here to go to another place where the advice is actually 10 times worse.

PuertoRican Lover and P Surpreme banned yet this douche is allowed free reign, unbelievable.

 

[penkitten]

sometimes in our lifetimes we meet people that we could almost fall for however it just wasnt meant to be.

its ok to feel this way, its normal.

something about them, their personalites and morals, values whatever we are attracked to

remember whatever qualities you adore in them and start looking for those qualities when you meet new women.

you cant have everything you want, this is important to remember when you do meet that person you almost could fall for .

 

[OCTAVIO]

in the same boat to a degree

im currently in a situation thats about the same , but i knew that i couldnt just keep proping her up cause she is unhappy with her BF but refuses to leave him till she knows for sure .
but she did give several openings if things dont work out with her current BF , shes aware that i have feelings for her , but i felt like i was being played as the back up plan , women are like monkeys , they wont let go of one vine unless they have ahold of another . i told her that i wouldnt feel like i could be a good freind at this time and i would step away from it and i havent spoken to her in over a month now , i agree with the other posters , by doing the same it will give you the best shot at anything that might come from it , she will miss you if there is anything there , and it should give you time to check out other avenues to pass the time and get your head outta that "friend funk"