Falling for a girl. I don't want to.

[JLW]

Well, I'm falling for a girl. I've been going out with her for about 6 months and I like her a lot. Also, she likes me even more.

Now, even though she still likes me a lot more than I like her, I still think about her all the time. Basically, I'm getting one-itis. Even though the relationship is very successful and it's sort of "okay" to have oneitis with this girl, I still sometimes stress about our relationship, or just think about her in general (usually in a positive way, but sometimes negative).

I really don't know why I am obsessing over this girl, though. This is the first girl I've ever been with and she's an HB8 (I was once a REALLY REALLY BAD AFC until i visited this site and my whole outlook on life changed. As a result I got this girl).

Now I know this isn't the worst of things considering we're going out with eachother, and as stated earlier, she likes me just as much, probably more. And I never have been with another girl before. I'd say she occupies a good majority of my thoughts. Before her, I would concentrate on surfing and other things. Now I think about her.

Now that isn't to say that I don't focus on my hobbies/passions/life in general before this girl. I would never let a girl be on the top of my priorities list.

But I mean thinking about a girl for a good portion of your life is not exactly the most healthy thing.

Why am I thinking about her so much, and is there any way to stop? Normally I would just surf more often, but that isn't always a possibility if there are no waves. Should I just start hanging out with friends more and doing other things?

Could I be thinking about this girl so much because she is my first kiss, my first fvck, my first everything? Is this even necessarily a bad thing? Is thinking about your girlfriend often part of having a girlfriend? It's not like she controls my life at all, I still do whatever I want. I always put my hobbies first. She likes me very much. I am definitely in control of the relationship.

But I just get to thinking, what if I can't find someone as good as her? She's an HB8, easily. I mean I guess I'm alright looking but I won't be pulling many more HB8's in my lifetime. I really am a great catch though. I have a great personality, awesome sense of humor, I am just very understanding and a great guy overall with decent looks.

I don't know. I just worry too much and think about her too much and I want it to stop. Any tips?


PS, One very important thing:

She really confides in this kid who isn't exactly the nicest guy. He takes advantage of girls all the time and he would probably do it to her as well. Like, she tells him EVERYTHING. Should I trust in this kid or should I be threatened by him? Or is he pretty much just an emotional tampon and nothing to worry about?

 

[Docs]

I'll ignore the majority of the post that says "I'm scared of liking a girl"

Onwards...get a grip on yourself. Do you think that if you date a girl, and you like her, that over time you would think about her a little bit, and that's bad, undesirable, etc.

She's your first everything, awesome. IMO, everyone needs to have loved someone before they really grow. If you withhold yourself from this girl, how about when your 30 and you have become a cynical bastard towards every other girl in your life, and you're lonely and crying at night.

It's alright to think about her. It's not ok to be obsessed with her.

Chill?

Good stuff, now for the Emo-T your girlfriend has gotten, I wouldn't touch it. It's only when he does do something that something would need to be done. It's not guilty until proven innocent these days you know? Don't trust him, but let him do his own thing.

Or, you could dump her because you're scared of falling in love with her, or because that Emo-T might do something. Your choice.

 

[JLW]

I think that was the perfect figurative slap in the face that I needed.

By the way, I'm 17. I don't know if that really is significant or not.

 

[MassiveSquirrel]

If you been dating the girl for over 6 months, wouldn't we already assume that you fell for her? Is oneitis even a factor when your in a long term relationship?
Unless i'm just reading everything wrong here...

 

[Docs]

17, you're young.

You're in a relationship for a reason, and it's not to second-guess your fear of liking her. Live life, let the world take you on it's constant ride, we're all afraid of heights, but yet we fly in airplanes. We might be afraid of cancer, yet we smoke.

Yeah.

 

[JLW]

All I know is that I have twice the confidence I did 7 months ago. I visit this site and decide to turn my life around and I am more fortunate in ALL aspects of my life (not just getting a girl after 1 month of deciding to become a DJ).

But I mean...is it natural to think of a girl this often? It seems sorta weird. Maybe because I'm so afraid of reverting to my AFC ways. I don't know.


You guys are probably right. I'm being a paranoid idiot. Especially considering I'm in control of the relationship.

 

[Docs]

But I mean...is it natural to think of a girl this often?

Uh, yeah.

 

[milrenkb]

Hey man don't worry about it. The first step to recovery is admitting the problem. Now by the same token I don't think that your in as much trouble as you think you are. Your reinforcing the concepts you've learned just by starting this thread, which in my opinion is a great start.

What I would do is observe how my feelings work. Look the brain is divided into three sections: the reptilain brain, the emotional brain, and the neocortex (which consist of logic and reasoning skills). The reptilain brain usually deals with feelings of anger, urgency, and survival. The emotional brain pretty much can be explained by its name alone, but nevertheless, its the part where your emotions are communicated to the rest of your body through the use of chemicals. The neo cortex is the most powerful brain but usually the last one to come to a decision. This can based on the concept that something of great quality takes time to be acquired.

So what does this mean. Well first of all you should bring to the forefront that the feelings your experiencing are very intoxicating. Once you realize this a lot of self-control will just fall into place. By forcing yourself to think with your neo-cortext you will find that you will start making better decisions in general. Now while this won't solve the problem it should keep it to a minimum. However the fact of the matter is that everyones different and what works for me might not work for you.

 

[girlsarecrazy]

All I know is that I have twice the confidence I did 7 months ago. I visit this site and decide to turn my life around and I am more fortunate in ALL aspects of my life (not just getting a girl after 1 month of deciding to become a DJ).

But I mean...is it natural to think of a girl this often? It seems sorta weird. Maybe because I'm so afraid of reverting to my AFC ways. I don't know.


You guys are probably right. I'm being a paranoid idiot. Especially considering I'm in control of the relationship.

Your girl is not going anywhere. Stop worrying about her! How many days a week do you and your girl hang out?

 

[MetalFortress]

Dude, you're in a relationship. Of course it's normal to think of a girl this often. It's one of my favorite parts of being in an LTR, personally. Just take it for what it is.

 

[JLW]

Your girl is not going anywhere. Stop worrying about her! How many days a week do you and your girl hang out?

We hang out usually once a week, maybe twice. I see her every morning before school starts for about 10 minutes, also.

I talk to her online just about everyday for a pretty long time (like an hour). Normally I try to avoid it. For example, I say to myself, "Oh I'll only talk to her for 10-15 minutes" and before I know it we've been IMing eachother for an hour. I mean I guess it could be a bad thing because we could run out of things to talk about or we'd get tired of eachother, but I don't really see that happening.

Lately we've been talking a little less, though. But that's because we're pretty much out of the "infatuation" stage of the relationship. Which seems natural after 6 months.

Thanks guys.