Fake Friends

[Brians_600rr]

Alright, i suspect that my gf of two months has a fake friend and its really starting to bother me.

All this girl does is call my girlfriend and vent about her problems which are extremely stupid...

About 3 weeks ago my gf ran into a VERY serious problem that she really needed a good friend to pull her out of.. Of course her "friend" called me and I had to go over there and help out..

Now her "friend" lives about two hrs away.. so it was totally cool that i was the one the had to come to rescue. BUT i found out a couple days later that this "friend" went out and partied the whole night and wasnt worrying about my gf at all..

I dunno but this is really starting to be some bullsh!t.. How can i bring up this fake friend to my gf or should i even do it at all? any advice would be great

 

[Purple-Haze]

Alright, i suspect that my gf of two months has a fake friend and its really starting to bother me.

All this girl does is call my girlfriend and vent about her problems which are extremely stupid...

About 3 weeks ago my gf ran into a VERY serious problem that she really needed a good friend to pull her out of.. Of course her "friend" called me and I had to go over there and help out..

Now her "friend" lives about two hrs away.. so it was totally cool that i was the one the had to come to rescue. BUT i found out a couple days later that this "friend" went out and partied the whole night and wasnt worrying about my gf at all..

I dunno but this is really starting to be some bullsh!t.. How can i bring up this fake friend to my gf or should i even do it at all? any advice would be great

It is not your place to worry about your gf's "fake" friend. If she thinks that this friend is insincere, then it is up to her to deal with it, not you. She is her own person, isn't she?

 

[MotownMack]

If she thinks that this friend is insincere, then it is up to her to deal with it, not you.

False.

1) Some people are too good natured, and bend over backwards to help those that don't deserve it or that will never return the gesture.

My ex had a friend that was sort of like this-not a terrible person, but just a very manipulative girl that was all about what worked for her. I won't get into all the details, it was a lot of little stuff. I would occasionally point it out to my ex, very casually, and eventually she caught on herself (after about 6 months)

2) People like this, whether it be a friend or family, bring drama to the girls life, which brings drama to the guys life. So many times, you ARE left dealing with it. I don't want to hear about it most of the time, especially after I've informed my gf what's clearly going on.

In my case, that didn't stop my gf from trying to get me to go out with this girl and his husband (the OP is not there yet, but he might be soon). I actually liked the guy well enough when finally went out once or twice, but the girl was just really selfish and in general, a pain in the a$$.

Eventually, my gf got tired of it too, and begrudgingly told me I was right all long.

 

[Purple-Haze]

Motown, if it's a case where the gf is oblivious to the fake BS, then I suppose the bf might want to consider broaching the topic with her. However, if she is already aware of her facade of a friendship, why should he step in and say something? Since when did a bf become a parent?

 

[MotownMack]

However, if she is already aware of her facade of a friendship, why should he step in and say something?

My point is that she his gf is probably a very good natured person and wants to believe she is doing the best, and this will continue until the drama queen in questions sucks the life out of her.

Since when did a bf become a parent?

All he is doing is looking for a tactful way to bring this up to her. So she is obviously not aware of it, according to the OP, so your taking this to the next level in saying that he is trying to stop her from associating with her, which is hypothetical at this point.

No need to overcomplicate it here, it's not rocket science. If the actions of this friend start to strain the relationship or impact the OPs life in a manner that he is unwilling to allow or is uncomfortable with, he is fully within his rights to mention this to his gf, end of story.

 

[Purple-Haze]

To me, it seems like he is overthinking this.

He is upset that this friend went out to party when something upsetting happened to his gf. Why is he trying to dictate the terms of their friendship?

I think the OP needs to provide some more info on how aware his gf is.

 

[MotownMack]

I think the OP needs to provide some more info on how aware his gf is.

I agree. There is a difference between him not caring for her friend and not wanting to be around, as opposed to actually having an impact on his life. In the former case, he could probably mention it, but that's about it. However, he is more justified if it's effecting him directly. A little example of the kind of crap I am talking about:

The girl I was talking about once made plans to get a bunch of people to go to a strip club, including me and my gf. I knew the place to be really expensive (even by strip club standards), 45 minutes away (everything she wanted my ex to do was ALWAYS 10 minutes from her friends house-another one of those little selfish mannerisms), and obviously I was not crazy about the girl. But I agreed to go for the sake of my ex, about a week in advance.

We worked late the night before and my gf and I were exhausted. We both agreed to that we should cancel, and it wouldn't be a big deal since a bunch of this girls other friends were supposed to be there. Of course, the chick started to whine about how there was almost no one else that was going to be there, and also that they knew the manager and we were not going to have to pay a cover, there would be some free drinks, and free lap dances (big red flag here, obviously). My ex said fine, we'll be there.

After she hung up, my ex and I had a brief argument. I said: "Look, I'll go. But I can tell you what's going to happen. The exact opposite of everything she said. She's just being her manipulative self, like I've told you a million times before. "

And of course, nothing went down like she said. I actually thought we'd at least get in without cover, since they did know the manager, but we didn't even get that. There were also 15 other people at their table, despite pleas about how "no one was going to be there." And of course, there were no free drinks or lap dances. Not that I went there for that, but just more evidence to how manipulative this girl was.

My gf was not impressed either. After that event, I basically said to my gf... You can have the friends you want, but don't ask me to go out with her again. And if I do, it will be on my terms, something you and I want to do as well, not because she manipulates you into thinking you have to. I don't want my life directly impacted by your inability to see that she ALWAYS doing crap like this.

It was at the point that she started to see her for how she was, despite me telling her before.

 

[Sir I]

don't get involved. there are allways these kind of depressing people who will pull people into their depression, stay away and make it really clear for your girlfriend that you trust her to cope with the situation and make sure she doesn't bring it to you.

 

[Brians_600rr]

To me, it seems like he is overthinking this.

He is upset that this friend went out to party when something upsetting happened to his gf. Why is he trying to dictate the terms of their friendship?

I think the OP needs to provide some more info on how aware his gf is.

hey guys thanks for the input so far..

as for some more info, here it is...

My gf is fully aware of how selfish this girl is.. so selfish that i have to hear about this sh!t.. its getting to the point where it IS starting to affect me and our relationship.. my gf is WAY too nice and wont even say a word about it to this girl..

and by no means am i trying to end this friendship between them.. i just wanna give my gf a lil check and let her noe that wats happenin isnt right.. shes being used as this girls emotional tampon

a friends ship is supposed to be 50/50. and right now theirs friendship to her and me is like a 90/10.

 

[Purple-Haze]

hey guys thanks for the input so far..

as for some more info, here it is...

My gf is fully aware of how selfish this girl is.. so selfish that i have to hear about this sh!t.. its getting to the point where it IS starting to affect me and our relationship.. my gf is WAY too nice and wont even say a word about it to this girl..

and by no means am i trying to end this friendship between them.. i just wanna give my gf a lil check and let her noe that wats happenin isnt right.. shes being used as this girls emotional tampon

a friends ship is supposed to be 50/50. and right now theirs friendship to her and me is like a 90/10.

Brian, if your gf knows this, why isn't she talking to the friend? Why does she need you to point it out? If you think this friend is really that draining, then by all means, talk to your gf. But be prepared for her trying to defend her friend...she may tell you, "well that's how she is...but I know she means well."

 

[Brians_600rr]

Brian, if your gf knows this, why isn't she talking to the friend? Why does she need you to point it out? If you think this friend is really that draining, then by all means, talk to your gf. But be prepared for her trying to defend her friend...she may tell you, "well that's how she is...but I know she means well."

very true but sometimes it feels like she doesnt want to even be her friend.. she is supposively her "besty" but my girl is always talking about this "friend" behind her back..

i dunno i think i've made my decision and ima keep my mouth shut.. if i keep hearing all this crap about this so called "friend" ima just let her noe that its her problem and SHE needs to deal with it..

thanks again for all the advice guys.. good luck out in the field

 

[Purple-Haze]

very true but sometimes it feels like she doesnt want to even be her friend.. she is supposively her "besty" but my girl is always talking about this "friend" behind her back..

i dunno i think i've made my decision and ima keep my mouth shut.. if i keep hearing all this crap about this so called "friend" ima just let her noe that its her problem and SHE needs to deal with it..

thanks again for all the advice guys.. good luck out in the field

I think that's the best thing to do. Let her deal with it herself.

However, if she comes to you complaining that her friend did this or that, then tell her that she needs to deal with her friend. So you let her come to you with the problem.