Failed Juaner needs advice...

[pallermo]

Here is a story with some complications, but boiled down it goes like this: guy and girl get along great, spend time together, seem made for each other. In the car after a wonderful evening, guy really missed a "pivot point" (i.e., should have kissed her). There is a very big reason why he didn't go for it, but now regretting it just the same (I can't say more about the reason, but know it is a good one and unrelated to the gal). Guy has spent significant time and is on close enough terms with girl (who is not just a playgirl or looking for a one night thing--potentially serious) to think that he should just go over to her place, knock on the door, and when she answers just look her in the eyes and kiss her (nothing surprising or shocking like a bum rush onto her face, but ideally just a deep look into the eyes and then slowly and calmly go for it).

Guy really feels the need for redemption, and wants her more than anything; he is pretty sure she feels the same way. Good idea or not? Wait for another time, which there probably will be (but who ever knows?), or go for it?

 

[slaog]

Don't worry about it. If she likes you there'll be more times.


Beware the friendzone. Sometimes people over think things and miss oppertunities. Thats what I always did in the past. Don't put her on a pedestal either or don't rush things. If/When an oppertunity arises again just kiss her. It would be better if you did go into some detail though. Was she looking into your eyes at the moment of the missed oppertunity? What was her body language like?

 

[pallermo]

Yeah, I am very aware of not falling into the friendzone...which is why I wrote this. We have had positive interactions for a half a year now, but not constant. Which keeps the tension high when we meet. There is a certain mood when we are together; we can't stop talking to each other, have wonderfully interesting conversations, and are very intimate with our conversations. We touch on occasion, and again, here too there is electricity. I think we are both afraid of where it will lead if we jump in. I know I am (for reasons I cannot get into here).

In the situation she was driving, and she stopped to drop me off. I looked at her, and she did look at me...My will broke like glass. That is the problem and why I was thinking of just "manning up" and going over there. I can't bear to think that I lost my chance and that she will forever dump me into the friend zone.

As for her body language, she is a very shy person in general. Which is why I know it is significant that she touches me, or even spends time with me. We don't talk about "friend" things. I am not her emotional tampon, as we call it here. Our conversations are deep and fulfilling. Relating to the above, part of the problem is that she is shy and I can never really tell if she wants to kiss. I am no rube: I have been with lots of women and know the telltale signs. She doesn't make overt signals (in truth, she is unlike any woman I have ever dated, which is why I find myself at a loss). Anyway, I know I should have gone for it...but my problem is where to go now.

 

[slaog]

Its simple. Create some sexual tension and escalate it bit by bit ie start touching her more and hanging out more. Have more sexual body language too like sitting closer to her etc. She'll get the message then and thats important because usually shy people want to be 100% sure if somebody likes them before they'll do anything.


Do something shes interested in and invite her along, have fun and escalate. Don't overcomplicate it because its not complicated.

 

[pallermo]

Thanks for the advice. I guess it must simply be my fear that it won't work out. This situation makes me laugh because I've never been so head over heels for someone, and instead of making me more sure of myself it has wilted my confidence. I would never have acted like this before, but this girl does something to me...I'm not putting her on the pedestal. I know enough about what I want in a woman to know when I see it...and I see it in her. I want her so badly that I am paralyzed by the thought that it might not work out.

I need to reread the lesson that rejection is better than regret. Because the regret I feel right now is so powerful I actually feel ill--I could vomit. (take heed any who read this and think that regret is not too bad). Which is why I came up with the idea of just going over there. I thought if I did that I could release the agony and at least have an answer.