failed a **** test? psyched myself out

[Chromeo]

Hey guys, was all worked up last week over this chick, back on track, putin more focus on my business and djing (music) got a couple fun girls numbers last night.

anyway still tryin to figure out where I went wrong on this last good thing so I dont do it again.

the girl in question, IL seemed to drop instantly. We were playin it cool, talkin to each other every couple days, seeing each other like once a week, went on a fun snowboard trip and were lookin forward to hangin out over spring break. Shes callin me baby, askin if im a player ect. The last night we hung out, shes pinchin my ass while ****tailing, im just mingling having fun, got another girls number. Went back to her place, she said she was exhausted and noticeably so I didnt initiate anything sexual just passed out with her. Slept in with her late next day and went to lunch, kissed her goodbye. exchanged a few texts later that day everything was AG

couple days later invited her over to my place via text, had the place to myself. no response. Saw her online, tried to chat her up, she was real short, explaining she was working alot couldnt come over cuz her sister was coming by, with no counter offer.

so im real confused.
my buddys convinced me she might have seen me get anothers girls number and was mad about that, (I even had a chat with my roomate last night about it and he said he thought she was lookin like she wanted to be my girl) and I should just ask her if she was mad or what the deal was

asked her, about it, she said she wasnt mad, didnt know what I was talking about, so I said ok cool, left it at that.

another couple days go by, no contact, my buddys convince me she must be mad about the #pull and I start gettin pissed shes playin games, so I call her on it and shes real short and says "I really dont care who you talk to" "we werent on the same page" "maybe we shouldnt be hooking up"

so what you guys think?

I turned her off staying at her place so late the last time? (not adding value/clingy/not dominating)

She really was mad about me getting another girls number?

Everything was cool and I failed a **** test by bugging her?

had fun with this girl, any chance pickin this plate back up or just let it go, if it comes around it comes around.

 

[Appoloin]

She had, or has no idea what you were going to do with that girls number so why even tell her or defend yourself about it? Also, you should have made your attentions clear from the get go if you already made it with her to spend the night chances are she wanted to ****, and a woman always says shes tired when she wants the **** its the quickest route to get you into bed. Also never ever text you call and leave a voice mail, if she doesn't respond do not re initiate contact with her at all, until she does and believe me she will. That's the best advice I can give you bro. Stop contact right away, move on **** her. Your better than her.

 

[starplayer]

Yeah I remember your original thread and I remember giving advice as follows:


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Do I just chill and back off

^ Do this.

or ask what the deal is.

^ Don't do this.



If her interest is low then she has to come to you. If you ask her what's up you will never get a real answer, just some bullsh!t excuse. It will also make you look needy in her eyes.

There is an emotional reason for her behaviour so you deal with it on that level, i.e. withdrawing attention. Play it cool man.

The thing about the other girl's number was most likely just a bullsh!t excuse and NOT the cause of her recent behavour.
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Everything was cool and I failed a **** test by bugging her?

It wasn't even a sh!t test. It was low IL, and by bugging her you pushed her further away.

You shouldn't have listened to your buddies. You should've listened to the guys on here. The phone thing was bullsh!t. It was low IL.

I stand by my original advice. If there is any chance at repairing this you must BACK OFF and play it cool (while spinning other plates). If she takes 1 step back, you take 2 steps back.

 

[Chromeo]

You shouldn't have listened to your buddies. You should've listened to the guys on here. The phone thing was bullsh!t. It was low IL.

Ya ya I know, never again, I have surpassed their knowledge of women and should have listened to myself and you guys.

but my real question is what did I do that lowered that IL? like I said she was pinchin my ass the last night I saw her and callin me baby the few days before

I asked her roomate while out that night, cuz I was gettin the gf vibe a bit from her, im like whats up? is she a good girl? she gonna do me wrong? she says "i dont know she talks about you all the time and compares everyone she meets to you, think she might be scared" Im like ya, Im just going with it you know, see what happens. Another reason I thought she had a decent IL and then it went to **** after that night, another reason to think she was upset.

 

[starplayer]

Although IL may appear to drop instantly, in reality it happens over time. Her IL could have been falling for a while before, but she faked high IL so you wouldn't know until it was too late.

Don't get me wrong, girls are slaves to their emotions and therefore unpredictable and erratic in their behavior. They can love you one day and not the next. But usually IL drops OVER TIME.

You need to think back before that night. Were there any subtle clues or signs she was giving you that her attraction was fading? They wouldn't have been obvious - most likely covert communication, not overt.

Usually when I look back i realize there were some signs of low IL that i missed at the time, but were obvious with hindsight.

The ultimate cause of her attraction fading is YOUR BEHAVIOR. If you changed from how you were acting at the start, then her behavior will follow. The game never ends.


EDIT: In your previous thread you mentioned the "Active Test". You were right - this is what you failed.

Getting the girl is the easy part. Keeping the girl is much more difficult.

 

[Chromeo]

no, not that I can think of, thats why im confused, just a couple days before she texts me "baby you should come over tonight, I have the place to myself"

I denied her cuz I had test the next morning. So maybe denying her that night and not having sex the last night we hung out was conveying a lack of interest or sexuality on my part...

*that might be my new male **** test, deny her, dont initiate sex, see if she maintains a high IL, if not, next. yeah? neah?*

I didnt change my behavior at all, and I wouldnt think denying her would lower her IL. Maybe I chilled out to much that last night and morning, we just goofed around kissin and cuddlin.

wait, actually... after the night she invited me over, we were supposed to meet up the next night, think it was on st. pattys day, went out drinkin, when we were supposed to meet up her phone was off. I was ready to drop her then, didnt talk to her the next day, but then think I initiated the next contact, bad move, she didnt appologize and explained she got really drunk and passed out in the office at the bar..... sh*t should have nexted her right then.

 

[Kailex]

Okay...

Apparently you DON'T listen.
I listed a number of things you should be aware of and I'm pretty sure #9 was: DONT CONFRONT HER.

And what did you go do?

Confront her.

And I think half of the other reasons were: She's a bartender.
And stop asking her friends/roommate about her. That stuff will get back to her. It's even more annoying.

Alright, here's my final verdict: Move on.

You have THIS much drama going on and you two have only seen each other... for a month? And not even really "seen" each other. All you have showed me here in this thread and the previous is one bad move after the other.

Get your act together man.
BTW, I can guarantee that's what she is thinking as well.

but my real question is what did I do that lowered that IL?

Everything.
Go read both your threads about this. At first I thought it had to be more about her being a bartender, but the more I read into this, it's more about your lack of confidence within yourself and your insecurity when dealing with this woman. If you are a DJ, she HAS to know that you are going to get girls' numbers, just as you HAVE to know that she's going to be hit on all the time.

That being said... this is a recipe for disaster... scratch that, it already is a recipe for disaster.

Just back off.
If you really want to continue mentally torturing yourself, then don't contact her. Let her make the next move.

Personally, I'd just leave this one alone.

Please don't post a thread about her again in about 2/3 weeks asking how else you messed up... because then it'll be quite obvious that you don't listen and are just a glutton for punishment.

 

[Chromeo]

I have backed off.

I listened, and then was peer pressured by my buddys who are not DJ's. Need to start surrounding myself with guys who are.

Her IL dropped, without me noticing and I turned AFC. Like I said she was starting to show me a lot of attention so I thought she was becoming GF material. (my roomate even mentioned that looked like the case). Shes a young girl(21) and I thought she was pissed about the number pull. Wanted to appologise if that was the case, cuz I would have been down to lock her up for a minute. But I was wrong and it was too soon, if I backed off, would definitely be telling a different story right now.

I am also a dj(disc jockey) will be spinning this weekend, so probably just pull another hotty then Met my other dj buddys GF last night, so hot, while unavailable, just seeing and talking to other hot chicks will cure any small case of oneitis

 

[squirrels]

Shoulda boinked her that night. Lots of that "I'm exhausted" crap is just her excuse to get into bed. If she was truly exhausted, you could've always hit it in the morning.

There is only ONE reason for you to be in the same bed as a girl. I would say she was disappointed that you didn't at least fool around with her at SOME point during that sequence and decided that you were either scared of the p*ssy or just not that into her. That's usually what happens when a girl goes from hot to cold like that in a hurry...she gave you an opportunity and you, for whatever reason, rejected it. They don't like it when you do that. It makes them feel self-conscious.

Either way, your decision to move on is correct.