Fading interest levels

[true|hockey]

This is more of a question concerning my most recent situation.

Ive known this chick for over a year, when she was with her boyfriend. To be honest, I never had the intentions of making a move on her at all. Rather, she made the move onto me after the inevitable breakup.

Things seemed to go okay, we got along, and hung out several times at her appartment. She really seemed into me a great deal, and we had alot in common. It seemed things were going in the right direction, than all of a sudden, she flakes out on what probably should have been a real first date. I obviously was not pleased at the time which I had set aside for this was blatently disrespected. I figured I would let it slide once, but than she pulls another no show the night a bunch of us go out, and plan to have a good night out.

So tonight, a bunch of us go out again, and she decides to ask this other guy out right in front of me. Well I guess if my time wasnt disrespected enough, than more dammage could have been done. alas, I took solace in knowing exactly where the interest levels at that point stood; nonexistant.

My question , after this long story, is what possible reasons could the interest levels have abated as they did? Obviously, I wish to learn from this to avoid a repeat when I land another chick.

 

[lerxst]

Originally posted by true|hockey
Things seemed to go okay, we got along, and hung out several times at her appartment.

See that "several times" you wrote? That was your opportunity to make your move and sex her. You didn't. She took that to mean you weren't interested/toying with her. You waited too long and she moved on. Yes, it happens that fast like that. Live and learn, my friend. I recommend cut all communication with her. If she makes the effort to contact you, you must make it clear in no uncertain terms you are displeased with her behaviour and it is up to her to make things right. Make her come to you on your time schedule if it happens.

 

[ManOMan]

OUCH! I remember a situation that happened to me just like this, I was really digging this girl , I took her to a fashion show, and she ditched me to go talk to the male models.

I just left her at the event, went home and never talked to her again.(heh I even asked her for $20 for a cab)

understand this fact, women cling on to nice guys to soothe their ego's, she may have found you interesting, but you never said if you guys connected physically or sexually.

if you didnt, then that was your problem. You should have made your advances ASAP.

Women can EASILY turn men they are interested in , into JUST FRIENDS.

Just move on, I got over her in 3-4 months with NO CONTACT. You can too.

 

[true|hockey]

Re: Re: Fading interest levels

Originally posted by lerxst
See that "several times" you wrote? That was your opportunity to make your move and sex her. You didn't. She took that to mean you weren't interested/toying with her. You waited too long and she moved on. Yes, it happens that fast like that. Live and learn, my friend. I recommend cut all communication with her. If she makes the effort to contact you, you must make it clear in no uncertain terms you are displeased with her behaviour and it is up to her to make things right. Make her come to you on your time schedule if it happens.

Live and learn indeed, I did miss the oppurtunity to have sex and know exactly when too.

Just move on, I got over her in 3-4 months with NO CONTACT. You can too.

I have already moved on, but will probably be silently kicking myself in the ass for that one. She was damn hot too, and out of all the chumps hitting on her, it was I who had the initial spark

really, thanks for the advice on this one, really appriciate it.

 

[Mr. Delicious]

theres a girl my lord in a flat bed ford slowing down to take a look at me. take it easy. take it easy. oooooo ooooooo

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by true|hockey
[B

Ive known this chick for over a year, when she was with her boyfriend. Things seemed to go okay, we got along, and hung out several times at her appartment. [/B]

Yawn.....You should NOT be hanging out with a chik who has a BF. Case closed, end of discussion.

 

[true|hockey]

Re: Re: Fading interest levels

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Yawn.....You should NOT be hanging out with a chik who has a BF. Case closed, end of discussion.

Definatly don't take it like that, as I was mostly friends with the same group she socialized with. In fact, we never chilled out during that time , except when I went to visit all her friends. Suffice to say, she was always in the background when I was socializing with that group.

her ex, whom I have known far longer than her, was the member who ended the relationship between the two. Afterwards, She was the agressor twords me , not the other way around. My guess is I was the best available rebound guy at the time, but obviously that changed pretty fast. The previous posts on this thread seem to have hit the nail on the head about the issue.

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Re: Fading interest levels

Originally posted by true|hockey
My guess is I was the best available rebound guy at the time, but obviously that changed pretty fast.

Thats sounds pretty right. I wouldn't settle for this bitc h, and you shouldn't either. Move on, and most importantly, find chiks outside your circle of friends.

 

[Duke]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Fading interest levels

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Move on, and most importantly, find chiks outside your circle of friends.

Expand on this, please.

 

[lerxst]

Well, it is easier to move on and find a new girl when things don't work out than it is to find a whole new circle of friends when things don't work out with a girl in the group and things get weird between you and the girl. Next thing you know, sides are taken and it gets ugly. Really not worth it. Best to keep your circle of friends as social proof to lure in new girls.

 

[myfriendblu]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fading interest levels

Originally posted by Duke
Expand on this, please.

I have always been an advocate of dating outside your circle of friends. Always. This way, if and when things start to go sour, you get a clean clear NEXT. When you date a girl within your circle of people, she is still around, and more than likely it will be a mess. Yep, she will hook up with your friends, talk smack, smear your name, and make it difficult for any new girls you meet. I hang out in a very big circle of people, prolly 30 or so strong, and there is quite a few girls in that crew, however, Im not really close with any of the girls. Why? Because guys and girls can't be friends, becuase if i did hook up it wouldn't be a clean break, and not only that, most of the girls in our crew have already "broken in", if ya know what I mean, by people in our crew. All the dating and hooking up I do is on the down low, and outside of my people. And it works great. I always have clean NEXTS, and Im always getting compliments on what I "decent guy" I am by all the girls associated with us. Really, Im the bad boy type that can be a jerk to females, but they would never know it because I date outside the circle. The same goes for work. I also advocate dating OUTSIDE the workplace. All the girls at work think Im the greatest guy in the world because I have never dumped one of them/NEXTed/treated like crap, because I have no interest in dating them. Works out great. I do my dirty work on the down low, outside my circle of friends and work place, get what I want/need, all my friends and co workers think Im the nicest guy in the world. Avoiding the drama is great, and I advise you to do the same.

 

[true|hockey]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Fading interest levels

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Avoiding the drama is great, and I advise you to do the same.

My hubris exactly.

I agree with the whole dating outside the circle of friends Idea, especially considering how much crap can and does go on when relationships don't work. This particular instance, I figured, eh why not give it a whirl. Its all over and done now, obviously beraft of drama

 

[Howie Farkes]

Ive known this chick for over a year, when she was with her boyfriend. To be honest, I never had the intentions of making a move on her at all. Rather, she made the move onto me after the inevitable breakup.

Sounds like she was never really that into you in the first place. Her interest level didn't drop - it just never rose. You misinterpreted her actions as high interest.

She made a move because you were safe and available during a time when she needed somebody. When you tried to raise the stakes she was resistant because now she was "over" her boyfriend and in the cold light of day realised she didn't want you to be her new boyfriend.

 

[true|hockey]

Originally posted by Howie Farkes
Sounds like she was never really that into you in the first place. Her interest level didn't drop - it just never rose. You misinterpreted her actions as high interest.

She made a move because you were safe and available during a time when she needed somebody. When you tried to raise the stakes she was resistant because now she was "over" her boyfriend and in the cold light of day realised she didn't want you to be her new boyfriend.

Not that its relavent outside of me just wanting to be analytical at this point, but I dont want to be beating a dead horse here

The interest level was definatly there initially. I say ive known her a year, when in reality ive only been talking to her for a month before she started coming on to me. The previous year was limited to seeing one another at the gym once a week if that.

Another FYI, she set up what would have been the first date, but flaked out on that obviously.

 

[squirrels]

You were a "rebound guy." One of two things happened: having left her man, she used you as her shoulder to cry on and companion to comfort her until she found a new guy to fvck...OR...she wanted you to boink her and you dropped the ball, so she moved on.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by true|hockey

The interest level was definatly there initially.

I think so too. Sounds like it. But it never had a solid chance of working.