F-closed on our First Night, but I think I'm Losing Her... (Texts Enclosed)

[Kailex]

I'm 24. She's 22. You're 36.

You know that's an argument in cordon's favor... right?

 

[spinaroonie]

Game should be calibrated to one's target, correct?

I'm assuming at 36 his targets are older, professional women. Obviously a DJ would go about texting her differently than a college girl barely out of her teens.

The "cutesy" texts spiked up her attraction, built rapport and got me into bed with her. It's what she and most younger girls respond to.

 

[Kailex]

Women are women no matter what age, spinaroonie.
I hope you learn this and SOON.

This is our txt exchange today - my first text intiated since last Thursday:

"just saw new zealand tie in the world cup and you popped into my head.. how you going mate"
"Very very tired lol. I had one of those Allnighter essays. How about you?"
"developing an excel spotchecker that replicates AXIS reserve runs.. redonkulously complicated"
"Erm I c"
"btw fatigue is your body nonverbally communicating to you to get some rest.. dont need ekman to tell you that "
"I know, I jsut slept from 3 till 11 lol"

How is this cutesy?
Notice the "Erm I c"?

You can do better than that.

And the fact that someone is older, probably means that you should listen to them instead of trying to flash their age. I'm 29, are you going to say that I'm too old as well and that my age demographic is different?

If I were texting a girl, I'd be texting her about how good she looked in that skirt the other day, or about how I want to take her out to that new bar or mini-golf or whatever...




Not about spreadsheets.

 

[vatoloco]

I'm assuming at 36 his targets are older, professional women.

You assume wrong my friend. I'm 35. If she's 21+, she's fair game!

 

[Bluntmaster]

Given that she's only been with one other guy before me

You actually believe that?

 

[scorpio1138]

I'll keep "pinging" her sporadically every few days with random DHVs.

I wouldn't at this point.

Just drop it and let her contact you.

If she's interested it will happen within 2 weeks.

That will be a good reset button on the situation. This has worked for me in the past.

 

[bukowski_merit]

Yet another thread where a guy asks for advice, gets some good advice and then gets defensive....

People need to stop asking fvcking questions if they don't want to risk getting told they are doing sh!t wrong!

You, spinaroonie, are doing sh!t wrong. It's NO BIG DEAL; listen to us and learn from it! Swallow your fvcking pride for a minute....


My very education opinion -
#1 - Women who you meet online normally are attention *****s who have MANY options. In this ADHD society - this means - you're going to have a hard time holding her attention unless you're REALLY different from her other options. Nothing that you posted seems that different from the way 90% of men would handle the situation.

#2 - The fact that this woman was raped cannot just be thrown out there like it's not a big deal. If she never got therapy for that - she most likely has a wide range of issues from it (the socially awkwardness; as well as inability to commit). The fact that you (almost a complete stranger) know that she was raped - is even more disturbing.

#3 - An alpha frame never gets shattered from such a small event the parking lot incident). Talking on the phone for so long and texting so much - is much more telling.

#4 - Your text messages seem like you're trying to be too cool... like you're trying to give off the vibe of "ima cool guy who's always busy"..... It's fine to be a cool guy who's always busy, but if you are that guy - you have NO REASON to verbalize it.... Allow for some mystery to be there.... honestly, in your text messages - you come off pretty obnoxious.

#5 - i'd have to know a lot more. But it's very possible that she's a recluse and more of an introvert (that she's been raped, and is on websites looking for hookups make me think this even more). There's a chance that all this "cool guy" stuff you're presenting to her has her feeling that your value is a lot higher than hers. Which is ok if you're dealing with a High-Self-Esteem woman; but obviously - this woman is not. I guarentee if you spent less time being cool guy to her - and a lot more time being "mean" or "@sshole" guy - this woman would want your **** in her mouth 3 times a day! (not telling you to be that; but i bet that's what she likes more than cool guy)

#6 - The fact you believe this girl has been with 1 guy is showing your own nieveness. The fact that you actually believe this woman on everything she says to you - is pretty disturbing. I have fvcked a number of women i've meant online - didn't take a word they said serious.

#7 - Oxytocin (the bonding chemical you're referring to) does get released during sex; but what you've had is virtually a ONS. Unless you give her 7 hours worth of orgasms and then snuggle with her for 7 more hours - the bond is not going to be that great.

#8 - You don't need to be mister cool, aloof and distant. That will DO NOTHING because she's not attached to you.

#9 - Online gaming for a committed relationship is a horrible idea! Especially on free sites like POF where the seahags bring their seals to die.

#10 - the final text you exchanged with the woman was one of the strangest text exchanges i've seen. with-holding sexual vibes on purpose? sorry dude, that's just stupid.

#11 - stop contacting this girl and move on. if you truely are out getting "crunkkk" and gaming other girls - then why the fvck do you care so much about one disturbed female like this?

 

[spinaroonie]

Whoa bukowski_merit - you nailed it.

 

[iliketennis]

stop acting like a girl

 

[istanbul]

I think your text game is good.
Keep at it!

 

[UserFriendly]

I'm medicore at text game, but here's my opinion: She feels like your texts are pointless and too friendly. You focued on her feelings more than you hould have and devalued yourself from a SEX GOD double-orgasm-giving fiend to one of those friends she can afford to not care about. I think if you go No Contact, she might forget about you, but you could try lowering your frequenc of messages, and when you guys do text, keep it sexual. Or maybe you could make her jealous.

A friend told me this, so I have no idea if it works. Act like you accidentally texted her when you tried someone else.

You: Hey [random name: Amanda, for example], I'll see you at [location] then we could walk to [bar].

Girl: Huh?

You: Ha sorry, I was trying to get someone else. Forget about it.

Apparently that's it.

 

[spinaroonie]

Alright, since I'm getting a lot of flack for my text game, here's a history of my text correspondence since we last hooked up (my texts in bold) -

(Thursday night)

home sweet home. my room reeks of sex.. gnite cutie
Lol whoops. Night night

(Monday afternoon)

for some odd reason you just popped into my head so I'm saying Hi. the big head.. how was your weekend
Not too bad, a little melancholy cuz my good friend had a wake for his brother going on. How about you?
that's unfortunate.. interviewed some candidates for our board of directors, won a $200 bottle of wine.. no bear or minx atacks
Hehe ah I c. $200 bottle of wine? Lol
yes, and I know that as a connaisseur of the fine liquers you're tingling for a sip
Actually I don't drink much wine, I think it would be wasted on me
quit whining lil miss kiwi, that would be a good start
And if I didn't like it? I'd feel Les Awful
your company will make it all the more pleasurable. Jesus turned water into wine. I make wine a heavenly experience
Lol I'll just bet
you bet ive heard you squeal from the orgasmic throes of an out-of-body experience while I throw it in your body. brb pouring
Lol

wow if text msgs were proprortional to size of ones last name i'm sri lankan and you're chinese.. I bet you are grateful it also happens to correlate with penile length and girth
Wah?
brb sobering up
Hehe oki then. Did I mention im braindead today?
easy on the blonde hair dye sweetheart
Lol it has more to do with lack of sleep
that's what happens when you spend your nights frolicking in bed with your stud muffin
Stud muffin? Blech. Lol
yes.. with my dark tan dont I look like Im' freshly baked out of the oven. I recall you devouring me for breakfast. blech
Yaya So what are you up to?
laundry.. and thinking about how beautiful you are inside and out. but mostly laundry
Lol smooth
I luv this group texting app on the iPhone. oops


(Tuesday morning)

You
is that (her first name)-ese for "hello"
Yuppers. Well depending on the context it can also mean you are in sh*t lol
in that context we'll just have makeup sex and I will ravage you until you limp home after you've made me breakfast
Ooooo, you dog lol
A gentleman on the streets, a beast between the sheets.

(few hours later)

so you recall the other day in the apex of your post-coital glow me telling you that you reminded me of someone
Erm no lol
the orgasmic bliss must have clouded your memory.. you kinda remind me of the girl from Juno
Is that so lol
you have the same style and quirks, a sassy side but a good heart.. just don't get knocked up now
Ew god


The remainder of our text correspondence is here and here.


Anyone want to school me as to what I'm doing wrong here?

FYI - I've gone no contact since this Tuesday. I'm still optimistic I can salvage this one.

 

[DonGorgon]

lol the only thing you did wrong was falling in love wid a ho

 

[spinaroonie]

She's not a ho.

 

[bukowski_merit]

She's not a ho.

I would say her actions are more congruent with a girl who's a ho than a girl who's not a ho.

---

As far as your texts... they're pretty bad man... especially since she seems very unenthusiastic and you're just giving her wayyyyy too much energy. If she was being receptive to them and you were doing them - they'd be fine. But why you continue to be sexual with a woman who's being poorly responsive to sexual suggestion - i have no clue.... A blind man could see she's not interested in talking about such things. In general - your texts:

- They come off as very try hard.

- They also come off as validation seeking (everything you say trys to point her back in the direction that sex and time with you is soooo amazing; but she doesn't seem to validate that which makes you continue to do it. This doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy sex with you or your time - it just means she has no interest in validating it or talking about it. In this case - it's best to not talk about it with her; she's not that receptive to it anymore (you said she once was).).

- She's giving very boring answers in those texts. A sign that she's bored with you.

- You seem like a horny pervert in these texts. You're giving romance novel/pornographic descriptions of sex. Some women are receptive to such things. But once you see that she ISN'T - you should stop immediately. Why? Every time you say something sexual or mention what went on when you had sex, and she responds poorly - you're killing attraction by continuing to talk about sexual stuff! You're showing her you don't understand her; that you can't read her sub-communication.

---

Your best bet is just to sarge other women and if she comes texting/calling to go from there and try to get her to meet.

 

[cordoncordon]

I would say her actions are more congruent with a girl who's a ho than a girl who's not a ho.

---

As far as your texts... they're pretty bad man... especially since she seems very unenthusiastic and you're just giving her wayyyyy too much energy. If she was being receptive to them and you were doing them - they'd be fine. But why you continue to be sexual with a woman who's being poorly responsive to sexual suggestion - i have no clue.... A blind man could see she's not interested in talking about such things. In general - your texts:

- They come off as very try hard.

- They also come off as validation seeking (everything you say trys to point her back in the direction that sex and time with you is soooo amazing; but she doesn't seem to validate that which makes you continue to do it. This doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy sex with you or your time - it just means she has no interest in validating it or talking about it. In this case - it's best to not talk about it with her; she's not that receptive to it anymore (you said she once was).).

- She's giving very boring answers in those texts. A sign that she's bored with you.

- You seem like a horny pervert in these texts. You're giving romance novel/pornographic descriptions of sex. Some women are receptive to such things. But once you see that she ISN'T - you should stop immediately. Why? Every time you say something sexual or mention what went on when you had sex, and she responds poorly - you're killing attraction by continuing to talk about sexual stuff! You're showing her you don't understand her; that you can't read her sub-communication.

---

Your best bet is just to sarge other women and if she comes texting/calling to go from there and try to get her to meet.

Well said. I agree. Those texts were painful to read.....they really were. Like I said a few days ago, he is trying to be too cutesy and witty. I felt like I was watching an episode of "Friends". Trying to make a joke out of almost every comment. It gets old. Looking back at your texts with her, you are writing 7-8 words for every 1 she writes. You do realize it should be the opposite right? You are the girl in this relationship, trying to "prove" yourself to her every chance you get. Knock it off. It also sounds like she tries to steer you away from the sexual comments every chance she gets. She is probably thinking "is this all this guy wants me for? Sex?" There is a difference between being a "stud muffin" as you texted about, and acting like one or trying to convince someone you are.
I've had these kinds of exchanges with girls before, and when a girl is really into you or likes the sexual comments, she comes right back at you with them. Telling you what she will do to you, how she will make you cvm, etc. She does none of that here. So she either doesn't feel comfortable doing this, or she just isn't that into you.
You are LOSING her imo.

But OP, you can still salvage this. I would lay low for a few days, quit with the witty banter. See what happens.

 

[DonGorgon]

She's not a ho.

all these hos are hos accept it..

 

[FairShake]

There was no congruence in those conversations. You were either trying to hard to sound charming or you're smarter and more charming then she wants. Take it for however you want it, but if she's not excessively wordy in her texts (btw, **** texts) then you really shouldn't be either.

 

[spinaroonie]

Text exchange from earlier today:

I just met your twin
Nice, how is she doing?
new summer intern. she's you minus the hoser accent and pet chameleon
Lol nice
how was your weekend?
Pretty good. I sorta acquired a bf, and it was meet the parents day yesterday. Mildly nerve-wracking :s
I've been too chicken **** to tell you :s


WELLL that explains a lot.

Growing up my mom always told me there are 3 things in Canada you can't trust. The 3 Ws - Weather, Work, and Women. She was right.

What have I learned from this?
- NEVER get emotionally invested in any one girl.
- NEVER reveal your inner beta.

Appreciate all the support and constructive feedback guys. Y'all were right.

I had my fun. Next.

 

[Bluntmaster]

Pretty good. I sorta acquired a bf, and it was meet the parents day yesterday. Mildly nerve-wracking :s
I've been too chicken **** to tell you :s

Damn, you let her burn you.