F*ck I'm Depressed

[ENIGMA16]

Ugh, I don't even know where to start with this sh!t. I've been working myself into a deeper and deeper depression for the past few weeks and it's really starting to suck.

I worked my ass off getting in shape for spring break a few weeks ago, I was probably in the best shape of my life, and now I'm worse than when I started. I'm starting a new diet/workout plan next week but I feel really damn ugly.

I was looking for a new job for a year, I finally found one, and it only pays $12 f*cking dollars an hour. How the hell am I supposed to survive on that bullsh!t? Especially when I have a BS in Civil Engineering and should be making $40-50k right now! I'm REALLY anxious about money because of my fragile financial situation, and this didn't help me at all. It just made me more upset because I got my hopes up and then they were completely destroyed when I found out the pay.

On top of that I need all new clothes; I look and feel like complete sh!t when I'm out and about because all I have to wear are faded ass t-shirts, some jeans that are on the brink of falling apart and some shoes that have already started falling apart. My new job was supposed to solve that but doesn't look like that's happening any time soon.

I don't even want to approach women because of how ugly/bad looking I feel.

I hardly go out anymore, and when I do I usually make an idiot out of myself. I'm planning on not drinking anymore but I don't know how far that will go.

I can't make new friends. I don't know how. Hell, I don't even know how to go to a party and have a good time anymore. Last week I went to a party at a friend's house and didn't know what to say to anyone; I felt like a complete outcast so I just left. And even if I do get someone's number or something I don't know what to do. I end up sitting at home contemplating calling someone new to hang out with but have no idea what to do with them, so I just end up sitting there alone watching TV or playing Xbox.

Hell, I even have some girls' numbers that I've been meaning to call up and do something with but I just don't want to because my self esteem is so low. I keep telling myself I'll do it when I look better and have clothes that aren't sh!tty.

I've come to the realization that I've always had problems making meaningful connections with other people, especially other guys, which is definitely my biggest problem, but it's gotten so bad lately where nobody who are supposed to be my friends calls me back; I feel like they're sick of me calling them to hang out. I need new friends because I'm sick of this sh!t and sitting at home all the time is so f*cking depressing. But I don't know what to do or where to go; I don't even know how to make f*cking friends with people.

I have all these barriers up and I don't know how to even start dismantling them. I've confined myself to this little cage yet I can't get myself to break free. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I need some encouragement or a kick in the ass or something because I feel absolutely terrible about myself.

 

[Falcon25]

Hey man, I 'm almost exactly on the same boat. The problem is the financial situation. I can't find a job so be grateful for finding one. Start hitting the gym and buy the clothes slowly. One paycheck, buy some jeans, next paycheck buy some casual clothes and going out clothes, etc. But I went from partying and fuvking girls non-stop in my late twenties to this. I have a Master's degree and should be over 60K right now at my age, but there are no jobs. Keep your head up. PM me if you need to. Don't even worry about chicks until you get the basics. I don't even have my own place, so you could imagine how hard it has been to be able to date chicks. I am depressed but more dejected. The financial situation is numero uno for men. If you get that straightened out, then you will be okay. I laugh at some of the guys on this site who have great jobs and nice apartments and still can't get dates, I find that impossible. I wish I had the basics. I figure "if I meet girls, how am I going to pay for dates? My new clothes?". How am I going to pay bills if I put down 50 bucks on drinks? So financial situation is huge, that is what's making you feel ugly. Keep looking for new jobs and get a second one. A huge part of confidence is how much money you make and have at your disposal.

 

[f283000]

I was looking for a new job for a year, I finally found one, and it only pays $12 f*cking dollars an hour. How the hell am I supposed to survive on that bullsh!t? Especially when I have a BS in Civil Engineering and should be making $40-50k right now! I'm REALLY anxious about money because of my fragile financial situation, and this didn't help me at all. It just made me more upset because I got my hopes up and then they were completely destroyed when I found out the pay.

If I looked for a job for a year and my financial situation was getting dangerous I would probably get the hell away from the city and go where jobs are.

Have you considered moving to another city?

 

[Falcon25]

If I looked for a job for a year and my financial situation was getting dangerous I would probably get the hell away from the city and go where jobs are.

Have you considered moving to another city?

I agree. This is what I am doing this summer. I am leaving everything behind, cause you have to go where the money is at. Great advice.

 

[EFFORT]

Good advice in this thread. Some time ago someone posted a very similar sounding post on the RSD forums and Tyler gave some very uplifting advice. I'll post it here.


"So today there was a post on RSD Nation about a predicament that a well-known member has found himself in.

Here it is.......:

"This post is not so much related to game as it is to life. The past several months have been kind of hard on me, and I am in a situation that can be considered "rock bottom" right now. It wasn't all that long ago that I had a great stable job, a longterm girlfriend, a nice car and I lived in the city. Everything was hunkie dorie. I had a college degree and success was just around the corner.

The past year however things have gotten really bad in my life. I had some money issues and had to move back to my hometown after I broke up with my girlfriend, and there is no job potential here. I also have lost the ability to drive because of a stupid mistake that I made. The only thing that has really driven me is that I have been working on bettering myself and my inner game, and learning how to game girls. Right now as it stands I am stuck in a dead end town, with no potential and no wheels.

A part of me wants to find a way out, sell my car, and take off to parts unknown to start a new life. This is something I have never done before though and it is kind of intimidating because I would be going some place with no wheels and no job. All my life I have lived in the Northeast and to go south or west would be quite a risk. The alternative though is to stay in a dead end town, with a limited amount of targets, and no jobs.

I feel like if I stay here I will just be giving up, there would be little chance to save up money, and it may be a couple years before I can truely get my life going again. If I take off somewhere else though, somewhere with public transportation, job potential, and targets ... I will be taking a huge risk. At least here I have friends and family to help me to get through this.

Anyways I know this is some really personal **** I am throwing out there, but I am hoping there are some guys on here that have gone through a rock bottom period, or who would be able to offer some of their perspective and help me to understand the relevance of this decision. How can I make the best of this situation?"

Alright, so for some reason I found myself having somewhat of an emotional response to this.

It reminded me a great deal of the situation that I personally came from, and how important it is to me to always find a way to rise above it.

So here is my response, which I originally wrote up for the forum but decided to post to the wider audience up on here......

------

The challenge with certain small towns is that although it's cheaper to live, there is also oftentimes very little in terms of earning potential.

Canada, for example, has much much cheaper rents and whatnot however the earning potential is 10-100X less than it is in the United States. In Canada if you make $250,000 a year you're considered to be a very wealthy man or even a "rich prick". In a major city in the US if you making that you're, like............. keeping up with the Jones's.

Anyway, you may want to consider places like NYC or Honolulu where it's unnecessary to own a vehicle. Both have phenomenal public transportation systems, as opposed to places like Los Angeles where public transpo is virtually impossible.

I don't own a car and I have absolutely no plans of owning one any time soon -- and that's because I almost always choose to put the extra $1000 in gas/insurance/repairs/payments towards the rent to live centrally in cities where they aren't required.

If I were you, I would personally save enough to barely scape by for ONE month. Then I'd print of several thousand resumes (I'd actually start with a few hundred and modify them based on feedback) -- and approach employer after employer for about 13 hours a day until I got a semi-decent job, even as a waiter or a bartender.

Once I'd secured even a semi-decent job I'd keep applying and applying in every spare moment I had until I got a better one.

Of course, if you have no trackrecord of being self-motivated and working that hard in the past then there is very little reason to believe that you'll do so in the future. You'll probably wind up doing like 3-5 hours of applying for jobs per day and rationalize that it was a lot of work, however you'll soon run out of money and be left in a foreign city totally screwed.

That being the case, you may want to start with smaller, more realistic goals such as going to the gym 5 times a week and lifting weights, etc etc... Then once you've cultivated the habits of creating a goal and sticking to it, you can upgrade your goals to something more on the "wild side".

I've personally been broke without food numerous times growing up, so I have a hardcore hustler's spirit and to me the situation you're in sounds like child's play. Every time I think of being broke and hungry again I feel this massive panic in my chest and feel like throwing up, and then I start working like a ****ing madman.

Your situation, to me, is like a nightmare I've been in myself multiple times. Stuck in a circular rut where you live in a small town in which you can't make money, however with no means of getting out because it TAKES money to MAKE money -- and to get to the place where you could MAKE money you'd need to somehow FIND money in order to get there.

Ugghhhh......

Still, I've been there many times and throw me into your shoes and I'd be back on my feet in under 90 days.... Seriously.

How would I do it?? I'd think ****ing Big, and I wouldn't entertain a SINGLE thought that isn't productive at all whatsoever. The only thing I'd think of is HOW DO I DO IT and to KEEP ****ING MOVING.

I've done this my whole life. It's the only way I personally know of to get anything done.

Imagine waking up in Kandahar Afganistan and finding out that you've been transplanted to a mud-hut village with filthy water and disease and despair.

You'd do *anything*, like literally whatever it takes, to get yourself back to America. It'd be like a horror movie where the guy is trying to get out of Hell and back to his family.

THAT is what going back to living in a no-opportunity/no-employment town with zero possibility of escaping is like to me. The things I'd do (and have done in the past) to get out of it are literally that extreme.

The challenge is that even if you're "depressed" or "sad" about it, you'll still stay there because it's more difficult to motivate/discipline yourself than it is to maintain at a semi-crappy state.

For me though, I wouldn't be "depressed" about being back in that situation.... I'd be vomiting and freaking out like I was in a pool of acid burning off my skin.

Sure, if there were no other possibility then I'd accept it. I could meditate and resign myself to find happiness in my own mind --> self-generating like I do when I'm on a 40 hour airplane flight or pushing through difficult challenges with my work.

But to me it's about PERSONAL STANDARDS, and one of my personal standards is not going back to that type of situation.

I will never, ever be without food again -- no matter what.

I will never, ever be stuck in a bad situation for more than 90 days -- no matter what.

It's like how guys will often ask me "How did you find the motivation to go out all those nights??"

The thing is, not having a hot girlfriend in my twenties and thirties is totally unacceptable to me.

It's so unacceptable that to fix it I'd do literally anything. I didn't have to "motivate" myself to go out anymore than you'd have to motivate yourself to jump out of a nazi gas chamber.

Mediocrity just isn't acceptable with all the opportunity in the world right now. I've been in mediocre situations and to go back to them would be like going back to the third grade and sitting there for a whole year PRETENDING to be stimulated by what's being taught.

It's just not something I would accept under any circumstances.

That being the case, my brain would go into "emergency mode" and you'd find me in a better situation within 90 days.

The thing is, you can read this now and get all motivated and pumped up like "Yeaaah I'm going to get out of here!!"

But as soon as you turn off the forum and a few hours pass, if you haven't maintained that level of emotional-leverage then your brain is going to find all sorts of rationalizations like "It's really not that bad here.... That Tyler guy is way too extreme.... He's just dealing with emotional issues and he can't find the beauty in the simplicity of a more straightforward existence like mine..."

The thing is, I COULD find happiness in mediocrity if there was a reason to, and if I had to live in Afganistan I'd do that do too. The fact is that I DON'T have a reason to, and that being the case, my personal standards for myself are that I treat myself as a "first class citizen" and I've got to treat my own life with the respect to do the things I truly care about while I'm at an age where I can appreciate them.

Hope that stirs up some thoughts.


Tyler"

 

[ENIGMA16]

Hey guys, thanks for all the kind words. My situation took a turn today when at work my boss told me that the people I've been training with both independently went to him and told him that they thought I haven't really been caring about the job or whatever, which IMO is ridiculous because I've been asking a ridiculous amount of questions and trying my ass off to figure it out. So now the stress of losing my job has just compounded everything exponentially.

My boss told me he'd give me one more week before he decides if he wants to keep me or get rid of me; the thing is, my finals are next week, which means that I'll have to take at least partial time off for 3 of the 5 days. I told them about this when I was hired, but in this context I'm dreading bringing it up again; I have to tell him later today and I feel like if I do he's just gonna tell me to f*ck off, which would seriously f*ck me up hardcore.

I'm absolutely terrified of losing my job, my ability to pay bills and having to move back in with the parents, even if it's only temporary. I'd feel like a complete and utter failure and I don't know if I can take that. So I'm going to spend the rest of the day applying for jobs.

I already have one interview lined up for later today, so I'm really hoping that will go well. That job is much closer than my current one (biking distance as opposed to a 30 minute drive) and could possibly pay more. So I'm going to try my ass off in nailing the interview.

Oh and my financial situation isn't dangerous (at least it wasn't before this new development). However, if I get fired and can't find a job I might just start over somewhere else. I can't mentally handle hitting bottom, so I'm just not going to.

Ugh all of this stress was supposed to end after I got a real job but now I'm worse off than ever. I have this constant pit in my stomach that won't go away and I'm sick of not being able to sleep at night.

 

[morepoonplease]

Ugh, I don't even know where to start with this sh!t. I've been working myself into a deeper and deeper depression for the past few weeks and it's really starting to suck.

I worked my ass off getting in shape for spring break a few weeks ago, I was probably in the best shape of my life, and now I'm worse than when I started. I'm starting a new diet/workout plan next week but I feel really damn ugly.

I was looking for a new job for a year, I finally found one, and it only pays $12 f*cking dollars an hour. How the hell am I supposed to survive on that bullsh!t? Especially when I have a BS in Civil Engineering and should be making $40-50k right now! I'm REALLY anxious about money because of my fragile financial situation, and this didn't help me at all. It just made me more upset because I got my hopes up and then they were completely destroyed when I found out the pay.

On top of that I need all new clothes; I look and feel like complete sh!t when I'm out and about because all I have to wear are faded ass t-shirts, some jeans that are on the brink of falling apart and some shoes that have already started falling apart. My new job was supposed to solve that but doesn't look like that's happening any time soon.

I don't even want to approach women because of how ugly/bad looking I feel.

I hardly go out anymore, and when I do I usually make an idiot out of myself. I'm planning on not drinking anymore but I don't know how far that will go.

I can't make new friends. I don't know how. Hell, I don't even know how to go to a party and have a good time anymore. Last week I went to a party at a friend's house and didn't know what to say to anyone; I felt like a complete outcast so I just left. And even if I do get someone's number or something I don't know what to do. I end up sitting at home contemplating calling someone new to hang out with but have no idea what to do with them, so I just end up sitting there alone watching TV or playing Xbox.

Hell, I even have some girls' numbers that I've been meaning to call up and do something with but I just don't want to because my self esteem is so low. I keep telling myself I'll do it when I look better and have clothes that aren't sh!tty.

I've come to the realization that I've always had problems making meaningful connections with other people, especially other guys, which is definitely my biggest problem, but it's gotten so bad lately where nobody who are supposed to be my friends calls me back; I feel like they're sick of me calling them to hang out. I need new friends because I'm sick of this sh!t and sitting at home all the time is so f*cking depressing. But I don't know what to do or where to go; I don't even know how to make f*cking friends with people.

I have all these barriers up and I don't know how to even start dismantling them. I've confined myself to this little cage yet I can't get myself to break free. I don't know what to do anymore. I guess I need some encouragement or a kick in the ass or something because I feel absolutely terrible about myself.

lol, i'm sorry but i had to laugh at this because i see myself in you... you're just a lazy fvck plain and simple... Getting in the best shape of your life will not take a few weeks, it will take many months or even years depending on what you want... i've been at it for 5 1/2 months and i'm not even close to where i'd like to be... Please do yourself a favor and throw out the xbox, i wasted so much time on playstation while i was in highschool that if i ever met the guy who invented it i'd sucker punch him in the face then tea bag em while hes on the ground. I'd like to thank you for mentioning sitting at home doing nothing b/c thats what i've been doing since i got up lol, time to go to the gym, then scope out the college for cold approaches!!

 

[ENIGMA16]

lol, i'm sorry but i had to laugh at this because i see myself in you... you're just a lazy fvck plain and simple...

Fvck you too.

Getting in the best shape of your life will not take a few weeks, it will take many months or even years depending on what you want...

Maybe you should spend some time learning to fvcking read. I never said that I was in the best shape that I'll ever be in; I said that I was in the best shape of my life, meaning the best shape I've ever been in.

Now, you can stop being an insensitive piece of sh!t and get the fvck out of my thread.

 

[Neon Owl]

I can relate to your situation. I recently had to move back into my parents house as I couldn't afford to keep paying the rent on my house. Feels pretty ****ty let me tell you but you just gotta look forward and stay positive.
After having my independance for 2 years I'm right back where I started and it has made me a little depressed if I'm honest. If there's one way to make yourself feel like a child again it's to move back in with your parents. But then again I'm still thankful that I even have the option of living with my family as some people don't.
This has just made me more determined than ever to get things right this time.

I think you need to take all that pain you're feeling right now about your life situation and turn it into motivational energy that will take you where you want to be with your job and your social life.
Pain is a good thing when you use it constructively. Nothing else in the world can make you change your life but yourself. Use the pain every day in everything that is important to you. Let it fuel your life.

 

[UniKKatiL]

Start selling weed.. lol jk man.

Anyway, if you wanna get your motivation up again and feel good you should hit the gym and also go out for a run, break a sweat, working out hard makes you feel good, doesn't it? It gives you motivation, especially when you start seeing results. Take a shower too lol. I've noticed every time I take a shower after a hard workout it makes me feel like a new person. Put on some clothes you got, I mean how bad can the clothes you've got right now be? Brush your teeth, get nice fresh breath, smile and just be happy with the way you look. Anything that will boost your confidence and make you feel more attractive.. I think what you're in right now is just a fase.

It's true what they say, money is power.. money is my problem too right now.
I think you're depressed because of your job, you let it go in to your head and the rest of your social life because you said you would change once you got money and new clothes, and because of that you blame yourself and feel ''ugly'' as you described. Don't let that go into your head, how can you feel ugly because you don't have money? the only thing you can do is to get a good paid job. There is really no magic spell that will give you money and a job, you gotta go out and keep trying.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Wow, today was nuts. So I talked to my boss again and told him that my schooling might have been distracting me and that I've never been in a situation with an employer like that before, and he told me that he could tell that by the look on my face when he told me about it haha. So he was cool with me taking off for my finals and so it sounds like I'm going to be able to move forward; the stress isn't off because I still have to prove myself but for now I'm feeling a lot more relaxed.

I also had an interview at another company for essentially the same position but it sounds like they'd pay me more, give me more hands on experience and they're closer to where I work. Oh and the hours will be more regular because when it's raining I'd have lab work to do. They basically said that they would hire me if they have a position open but they're not sure if they do due to the weirdness caused by the economy. So he said that he would meet up next week with someone to figure it out and let me know then. I'm really hoping it pans out because everything about this place is better than my current job.

So everything's up in the air, but after that interview I'm feeling a lot better. The stress will return in a few days though, but at least I'm not freaking out anymore haha.

Thanks for all the kind words again everyone.

 

[ENIGMA16]

Alright, so I'm still at the first job, which is going alright. Right now I'm just happy to have a job in my field, even if it's paying 5-10 dollars an hour less than I should be making. Still waiting to hear about that other opening, which I should this week; if I get it they'll pay me $3-5 per hour more probably, it's closer and it's more regular work so it's better in pretty much every way.

So I'm out of crisis mode but back into a dull sense of low-self esteem. I've gained a bunch of weight because I've been off diet for a couple weeks along with heavy drinking, but I'm going to start going to the gym next week probably and really hammering that out. After I lose some weight I'm going to start going out some more and will probably start a cold approach thread. My finances are starting to get in order, at least they should in the next couple of weeks as the paychecks start rolling in. So everything's pretty much on the up right now, but I'm just not there yet.

I hooked up with some girl for the first time in months that is like friends of friends of friends (basically a stranger) and that got me somewhat hyped, but she's not as cute as I thought (I was drunk haha). I seem to only ever get the girls that basically come to me - I mean this girl basically was throwing herself at me haha. So I don't really feel like it's an improvement on my game at all. I'm sick of that sh!t, so I'm gonna start working on that ASAP.

Everythings getting better; it's just frustrating it's going so slow.

 

[HeMan]

i havent read the whole thread but if your getting paid ****$y its ok as long as your getting good experience.

the more experience the more value you be worth to future employers in the future!

 

[Master Cheif]

i have to sell illegal MMA dvds and bet on baseball just to get by because i can't find a job that pays enough, you think you got it bad (financially):crackup:

 

[ENIGMA16]

Oh, I ended up getting a job in the finance field which I started today and so far it's going great; pretty good starting pay and awesome benefits. Also has great room for advancement so I'm hoping to utilize that to move up the latter and am looking towards getting an MBA and moving into a big paying position somewhere as some kind of trader. But one step at a time haha.

Going to start hitting the gym next week probably, and starting the diet as well.

I'm also planning on pre-ordering an iPhone 4G, so I'm really excited about that. Going to be in debt for a little bit until the money starts flowing in from this job but I should have everything set up for success in the next couple of weeks.

My mood's starting to turn around, I'm starting to finally see the end of this long, dark tunnel and I'm really excited to finally be getting out of it after like 3 years.