Hey guys,
I needed to get this **** out there;
Tuesday night I had a horrible experience. I knew it was going to be rough right from the get go.
We poured wine and my friend and I serenaded our respective ladies who were in the midst of a semi hostile mood. This is already not my style but my buddy invited him into our shared house...They're both 21, semi-famous actresses on family TV shows and I think "Louise" is beautiful. I think her kiss is a little bizarre (inexperienced) and our sexual chemistry doesn't really seem to click. This was our 3rd date and we're going for it; I can tell at the beginning of the night...
I took off her clothes and kissed, groped, sucked, ate, and fingered her everywhere at the end of the night. My **** was completely flaccid nearly the entire time which she seemed to avoid. When I inserted two fingers into her tight *****, I became hard and reached for a condom. As soon as I took it out I immediately felt relieved and wanted to put it on to find my **** going limp again. I stuck it in her mouth to only have it go completely flaccid again.
Her body was beautiful - I mean perfect. Great handfuls of full tits, a tight full round ass and a taught tummy. She's gorgeous but I couldn't see past my what appeared to be broken penis. I was frustrated, embarrassed, ashamed to say the least.
I told her it was "too much wine" and we went to bed. I then had horrible dreams of us discussing what's wrong with me... Her cold hands on my chest - my breathing labored and hard to manage.
It made me feel pretty uncomfortable.
I should preface that I've been in a weird place lately. Since I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 2 years last November... my sexual history can be summarized by the following 8 weeks; Tara (or Tazz) who I had amazing sexual chemistry with. She made me feel loved and I loved f*cking her for it, as she cooked, cleaned, and encouraged spiritual practice and thought. God knows how many times we banged between Thanksgiving and New Years. A friends girlfriend came in one night while I was crashing on his couch in Jersey and blew me. A drunken bet that was both strange but worked in my favor. I then f*cked Rama, an Indian girl I met in NYC years ago, in a bar bathroom over Thanksgiving when I met her there for a beer. I returned from NYC to have sex with Laura, my ex-girlfriend multiple times back in LA...she treats me so well and I never have reservations about sex with her. Tara some more before/during New Years. While on Xmas vacation, I arrived to have sex with Helene, an Asian girl I've had on and off relations with for a few years. I then hooked up with Hailey, a beautiful and happy nurse on the couch of my cousins boyfriends place on Boxing Day (Canadian Christmas basically). Back in LA, Sarah showed up one random night when Martin was in town - not sure if that was before or after New Years but we had amazing sex. She is fun in the sack and then I need her to leave and don't speak usually for months at a time. It's a poor way to treat the girl but she's a party girl and we both know it. I saw Betty and have f*cked her many times now - a girl I met through Tinder and enjoy f*cking but also a little hesitant about by her. She's a little small, not well educated and is a hostess I think at a Mexican Restaurant. I was hammered one night and bit one of my friends friends tits when she showed them off. The same night I met up with Maria, my buxom valley girl that now lives on the west side to "check out" her apartment late one night. We spoke for 10 minutes, had a sip of wine and then f*cked multiple times. I had sex with her again the following Friday twice I believe, I was so hammered. I decided not to f*ck her first thing in the morning as I was hung over... Heather then came over the next night to which I feigned illness to get out of having sex with. She had her tits literally chopped off to save her from breast cancer and death. She's an amazingly cool girl, hot, and I like her but would like to remain friends - boobs are pretty important to me and it makes me nervous to touch her fake breasts that hurt her and also cause her to think of nearly dying (at least I do which I don't get hard for). Monday I had great sex with Betty again, twice, before working out in the morning. I was tired and exhausted from that full day and then had Louise to look toward last night. Couldn't do it... I don't think I left any one out but it's possible.
I had sex with Heather last night. It was fun and enjoyable but then when I woke up with a hard on in the morning, I couldn't get it in quickly and so I bailed by saying I had to pee. If everything doesn't go right immediately I pretty much can't keep a hard on. Why am I so anxious about this?
It's pretty damn crazy how many women I've been f*cking in the last couple weeks/days really. It's too many. If I could focus on any, it would be Louise and Maria and decide between the two of them. Really it would just be Louise as I believe she's a better overall package than Maria who is not very bright....but I ****ed up our first night of sex by not being able to get it up. Sh*t.
I enjoy my time the most with my ex girlfriend. The times I don't enjoy are taking her out and getting looks like I've settled on a sh*t pie - she's a little heavy. I guess I want that full package of comfort, love, encouragement and a tight body. Sue me.
I've always enjoyed the thrill of bedding women but also feel it a chore at times - like it's my obligation to f*ck them if I hang out with them or decide to kiss them and make them feel like I'm attracted to them. I don't know why I often pursue girls to this point when I'm not that into them.
I'm considering going cold turkey...I say that but no I'm not going to do that.
Thoughts welcome.. needed to get this out somewhere.
To summarize my questions:
1) Performance anxiety - successful ways to deal with it?
2) Is the above just related to this lifestyle I've created for myself?
3) How to get clear and pair up with only one girl?
Thanks
I needed to get this **** out there;
Tuesday night I had a horrible experience. I knew it was going to be rough right from the get go.
We poured wine and my friend and I serenaded our respective ladies who were in the midst of a semi hostile mood. This is already not my style but my buddy invited him into our shared house...They're both 21, semi-famous actresses on family TV shows and I think "Louise" is beautiful. I think her kiss is a little bizarre (inexperienced) and our sexual chemistry doesn't really seem to click. This was our 3rd date and we're going for it; I can tell at the beginning of the night...
I took off her clothes and kissed, groped, sucked, ate, and fingered her everywhere at the end of the night. My **** was completely flaccid nearly the entire time which she seemed to avoid. When I inserted two fingers into her tight *****, I became hard and reached for a condom. As soon as I took it out I immediately felt relieved and wanted to put it on to find my **** going limp again. I stuck it in her mouth to only have it go completely flaccid again.
Her body was beautiful - I mean perfect. Great handfuls of full tits, a tight full round ass and a taught tummy. She's gorgeous but I couldn't see past my what appeared to be broken penis. I was frustrated, embarrassed, ashamed to say the least.
I told her it was "too much wine" and we went to bed. I then had horrible dreams of us discussing what's wrong with me... Her cold hands on my chest - my breathing labored and hard to manage.
It made me feel pretty uncomfortable.
I should preface that I've been in a weird place lately. Since I broke up with my girlfriend of nearly 2 years last November... my sexual history can be summarized by the following 8 weeks; Tara (or Tazz) who I had amazing sexual chemistry with. She made me feel loved and I loved f*cking her for it, as she cooked, cleaned, and encouraged spiritual practice and thought. God knows how many times we banged between Thanksgiving and New Years. A friends girlfriend came in one night while I was crashing on his couch in Jersey and blew me. A drunken bet that was both strange but worked in my favor. I then f*cked Rama, an Indian girl I met in NYC years ago, in a bar bathroom over Thanksgiving when I met her there for a beer. I returned from NYC to have sex with Laura, my ex-girlfriend multiple times back in LA...she treats me so well and I never have reservations about sex with her. Tara some more before/during New Years. While on Xmas vacation, I arrived to have sex with Helene, an Asian girl I've had on and off relations with for a few years. I then hooked up with Hailey, a beautiful and happy nurse on the couch of my cousins boyfriends place on Boxing Day (Canadian Christmas basically). Back in LA, Sarah showed up one random night when Martin was in town - not sure if that was before or after New Years but we had amazing sex. She is fun in the sack and then I need her to leave and don't speak usually for months at a time. It's a poor way to treat the girl but she's a party girl and we both know it. I saw Betty and have f*cked her many times now - a girl I met through Tinder and enjoy f*cking but also a little hesitant about by her. She's a little small, not well educated and is a hostess I think at a Mexican Restaurant. I was hammered one night and bit one of my friends friends tits when she showed them off. The same night I met up with Maria, my buxom valley girl that now lives on the west side to "check out" her apartment late one night. We spoke for 10 minutes, had a sip of wine and then f*cked multiple times. I had sex with her again the following Friday twice I believe, I was so hammered. I decided not to f*ck her first thing in the morning as I was hung over... Heather then came over the next night to which I feigned illness to get out of having sex with. She had her tits literally chopped off to save her from breast cancer and death. She's an amazingly cool girl, hot, and I like her but would like to remain friends - boobs are pretty important to me and it makes me nervous to touch her fake breasts that hurt her and also cause her to think of nearly dying (at least I do which I don't get hard for). Monday I had great sex with Betty again, twice, before working out in the morning. I was tired and exhausted from that full day and then had Louise to look toward last night. Couldn't do it... I don't think I left any one out but it's possible.
I had sex with Heather last night. It was fun and enjoyable but then when I woke up with a hard on in the morning, I couldn't get it in quickly and so I bailed by saying I had to pee. If everything doesn't go right immediately I pretty much can't keep a hard on. Why am I so anxious about this?
It's pretty damn crazy how many women I've been f*cking in the last couple weeks/days really. It's too many. If I could focus on any, it would be Louise and Maria and decide between the two of them. Really it would just be Louise as I believe she's a better overall package than Maria who is not very bright....but I ****ed up our first night of sex by not being able to get it up. Sh*t.
I enjoy my time the most with my ex girlfriend. The times I don't enjoy are taking her out and getting looks like I've settled on a sh*t pie - she's a little heavy. I guess I want that full package of comfort, love, encouragement and a tight body. Sue me.
I've always enjoyed the thrill of bedding women but also feel it a chore at times - like it's my obligation to f*ck them if I hang out with them or decide to kiss them and make them feel like I'm attracted to them. I don't know why I often pursue girls to this point when I'm not that into them.
I'm considering going cold turkey...I say that but no I'm not going to do that.
Thoughts welcome.. needed to get this out somewhere.
To summarize my questions:
1) Performance anxiety - successful ways to deal with it?
2) Is the above just related to this lifestyle I've created for myself?
3) How to get clear and pair up with only one girl?
Thanks
