Eye contact

[MikeYikes122]

I haven't started a thread in a while and was going to rant about the matrix and pvssy-a$$ guys, but I'm just going to save that for later I think.

I was wondering what you guys consider before going in for a cold approach. Do you look for eye contact, wait for a smile, etc? I'm only asking because I don't look for any of these things. Of course, it's nice if I see a smile or eye contact and that will make the approach/talk-up an almost definite for me. But for the most part, I just kind of feel like if I talk to a girl there is about a 90% chance she is going to at least be up for a friendly conversation and probably about 75% of the time there will be some attraction. So why sit there and wait for a go-ahead from her?

I also think some girls are just too shy or scared to put themselves out there, so they don't send signals to guys. For example, if I'm at the gym and a girl walks by me, looking directly at the ground or away from me. I think sometimes something like that from a girl can even be an indicator of interest because she might be timid and scared to look at and smile at a guy she is attracted to.

Also, at a bar or a club, a hot girl who is getting hit on by guy after guy isn't going to take the time to single out a guy and throw signals his way unless she is drunk or something or the guy just has phenomenal game set up at the bar or club.

To put it simply, I guess I think signals are a definite deal-maker, but they are anything but a deal-breaker.

Any thoughts?

 

[joekerr31]

in my opinion eye contact is everything.

the eyes are the window to the soul. call me crazy, but generally i can 'sense' what a woman is thinking by the way she is looking at me. its AMAZING how much we pick up on subconsciously. we were made for this you know. biologically we are designed to pick up on these signals.

observe yourself next time you are out and about shopping or at work or whatever. women who you have zero interest in you will not make eye contact with.

in any given environment what we do as humans is scan our surroundings. if something in our surroundings catches our attention we continue to look at it.

THAT is attraction.

like take me today for example. i was in the bank. there were probably 30 people in there. 22 customers and 8 employees (or thereabouts). i scanned the bank while waiting in line. low and behold my eyes landed on this hottie.

the way we were positioned was such that we were kidn of at an angle to each other, and as such further eye contact was easy.

what i noticed is that she kept looking at me also. then when id look at her and catch eyes for a moment she'd look off in another direction. then when she turned back to me id look off. we did this about five times, always with these momentary split second pauses were we caught each other looking at each other.

did she smile? nope. did i? nope. we were strangers. (nonetheless i should have smiled!!! i blew it!)

but the point is, if you were to ask me to describe who was in the bank today i could name THREE people:

1) the old lady in front of me that was taking FOREVER to use the f*cking machine and holding me up for like 10 minutes.

2) the woman i kept glancing at

3) the guy who was in front of the woman (as i was wondering whether or not she was with him).

thats it. i couldn't describe any of the other 30+ people in the bank today.

eye contact is everything.

my rule of thumb is that one glance might be a coincidence. two glances? she's checking you out.

trust me, im just 100% convinced of this, when people have no interest in each other, they hardly make ANY eye contact.

oh and by the way i think your post was a very good topic, despite no responses so far. i'll tell ya why....

personally, i rarely notice women checking me out. and yet, if im out with my girlfriend she points it out all the time. 'she was sooo flirting with you!" she'll say after i've just bought something. its a total shocker to me, im like "what? get out."

but given i can't have a woman on my arm all the time p ointing out which chics are interested in me, i do find that eye contact is the best signal that indicates a woman is at bare minimum finding something interesting about you (lets just hope its not that you have a booger hanging from your nose).

 

[joekerr31]

oh and guys, feel free to rip on me about not approaching that girl in the bank.

someone has got to kick my ass because im totally bailing on cold approaches in crowded situations lately.

 

[MikeYikes122]

personally, i rarely notice women checking me out. and yet, if im out with my girlfriend she points it out all the time. 'she was sooo flirting with you!" she'll say after i've just bought something. its a total shocker to me, im like "what? get out."

but given i can't have a woman on my arm all the time p ointing out which chics are interested in me, i do find that eye contact is the best signal that indicates a woman is at bare minimum finding something interesting about you (lets just hope its not that you have a booger hanging from your nose).

Yeah, I'm starting to slowly realize i have a problem with not picking up on eye contact or other interest indicators from random girls. I'm good at picking up signs when I'm talking to a chick usually, even if she is shy. But if there is no interaction, most of the signs usually go over my head unless they're real obvious, like when if a girl smiles at me and looks at the ground or something.

I agree with what you had to say, but I still think there are a few occasions where a girl just isn't going to go out of her way to make eye contact with a guy, like at a crowded bar or on a college campus. I think there are just too many guys, who are good looking and attractive in their own ways, for a chic to go out of her way to throw signs at him. However, I think in these situations it might be up to the guy to initiate the eye contact, kind of like you did at the bank. I guess I need to work on that.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Oh, and about your girl at the bank. Don't feel bad because I should have my gaming license revoked for the crap I pulled at Target today. I am still hanging my head over my performance.

There was a chick who caught my eye. She wasn't just hot. She was cute-hot. I go for cute-hot because I live in a college town and there are so many hot, made-up girls that they just get old.

Anyway, the girl made a little bit of eye contact with me, but I just kind of wrote it off to coincidence. But she caught my eye, so I figured I would try to talk her up anyway. I noticed a girl I knew in the store and went over to her and started talking her up to get my confidence going and my adrenaline pumping.

After gaming on my acquaintance, I walked over to the toothcare section and started looking for the listerine I needed. I picked it up off the shelf, walked around the corner, and the HB i was trying to talk to came around the corner right in front of me. I moved left to get around her, then she moved to her right, forcing us to almost run into each other. I moved right, then she moved left, and then I moved back left and she moved back to her right. So we almost ran into each other like three times. She smiled at me and laughed, looked in my eyes and said sorry. I smiled back and said the same thing.

Now, somehow I managed to come out of this situation WITHOUT this girl's phone number. I didn't even talk to her. I would like to sit here and make excuses, but I don't have any. It was just a blown opportunity and a mental lapse. I'm reminded of that article in the DJ bible where the guy says in a post how not talking to a girl feels worse than getting rejected by her. I know that feeling all too well now.

You can rip me for not talking to her because I deserve it.

 

[joekerr31]

ouch. you could have used the line "with a smile like that you should never be sorry. Hi I'm Mike, whats your name?"

would have been sweet.

with regards to busy environments with too many people for eye contact - i gotta disagree with you.

im telling ya dude, the human brain is an amazing thing. you could walk in to a room with 100 women, and within 10-30 seconds you'd have scanned the whole room and odds are at least ONE woman would stand out to you more than all the others. i mean, think about that, you'd have scanned 100 faces, 200 breasts, 100 *sses, 100 hair styles, processed them all through your brain and picked out 1 that you really liked - all in 10-30 seconds. it absolutely amazes me the power of the brain.

and after that you'd keep looking to her for the duration of your time in the room.

now, this doesn't mean that you can initiate eye contact with a woman who at first didn't notice you. but if the 'magic' is there, trust me, she's going have locked on to you at some point.

now she'll try to hide the fact that she's looking at you (just as us men do the same thing). but when you spot a woman who, to you, stands out among everyone else in the room, you can't help but keep looking at her.

even someone with sever social phobia, who is horribly shy and can't interact with other people, still engages in the eye contact.

everyone does it.

next time your in a store check out the other guys. its fascinating to watch them scan the women. they scan everyone, then they tend to pick out one and they keep going back to her, checking out her *ss, breasts, etc.

the older im getting the more im realizing that as much as we hide so much of who we are, if you watch the eyes you'll realize that no one is hiding anything.

the eyes tell it all.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I think my biggest problem is i tend to go to bars when I'm really drunk and that keeps me from noticing eye contact or signals.

I've been thinking about this post tonight while I've been trying to get some work done, and I recall a night out a couple of years ago where I stayed completely sober while my friends drank. This offered me a completely different perspective on what a night out at the bars looks like. Aside from being entertained by my friends, I noticed tons of girls giving me looks or casting glances my way. I think I even distinctly told one of my friends 'man I have to stay sober more often, this is insane.'

So I think you're probably right. It's just an issue on my behalf. I just have trouble noticing signals, whether it's because of alcohol or plain-old lack of paying attention.

It's definitely something I need to learn to pay more attention to.