Eye Contact Question

[CaliGuyInLondon]

Okay, so i've been reading a ton of posts and almost ALL of them highlight the importance of Eye Contact with a girl.

There's this girl I like right now and we hang out at her place every now and then and chill and stuff and talk a lot. When I'm talking to her I try to get eye contact and smile and laugh at her jokes and all that. I notice that she makes eye contact but it's almost always her that looks away to break it. Is that a bad sign if they break the eye contact? Do they like know what I'm doing subconciously or does it intimidate them or something?

My question is, when using eye contact do you literally try to hold it the whole time? Or when she looks away is it a sign that she's like intimidated by it and you should look away too?

Does that make sense?

 

[Apocalypse Now]

Definitely not a bad thing. When they look away, it shows that she feels you're dominant.

 

[Five To One]

Its hard to say, its just something you learn from experience, which is something your working on right now.

Its perfectly normal for the girl to look away first, it shows a bit of submission and yes you said it, intimidation. Which is good, you want to be seen as dominate.

But whats important is how long she looks and how exactly she looks at you before turning away.
Smiling and giving you eye contact for about 2-3 seconds is ideal.
Bedroom eyes, soft eyes, and diolated pupils are all things to look for.

Okay to answer your question you defenently dont want to continuiously gaze at her. I often will give the girl eye contact for 3-4 seconds and then let my eyes flick to something behind her. Let your eyes wonder around, mix it up. But dont look down at the floor, your shoes, your pants, all bad things to look at when talking to a girl.

If you want to let her know your very interested and you have things on your mind then all you need to do is...
when giving her your eye contact keep your gaze at her eyes and below. Your eyes should go from her eyes to her mouth to her neck and then maybe a glance farther down. Then have your eyes come back up to meet her gaze. Judge her reaction. I do this only when I hit it off with a girl and about to isolate.

If at any time you feel like she is uncomfortable then lessen up the eye contact for a while.

 

[CaliGuyInLondon]

thaankks

You guys are seriously the ****. This site is amazing! That was really, really helpful!

Another quick question, I apologize to anyone in the AP for not listing it as a 2 parter... but I digress, okay so she knows that I like her and as of now doesn't like me in a "romantic" way or whatever. SO i was all AFC for like what a day and then was like whatever I'm moving on, so I'm starting to move on, but I want to keep her in the back pocket and maybe later she'll like me. Any tips on how to do this? She still asks to hang out and wants to chill. I've been trying to initiate conversation a lot less but I still talk to her and am hoping to use a lot of this eye contact stuff and KINO stuff to get her to like me later on.

Any tips you guys have from experience on how to get a girl who thinks you're really cool and maybe kinda likes you a little but isn't sure, to really like you?

 

[francoatgrex]

Don't exaggerate with the eye contact. You don't want to initimdate her and no matter what others say you don't want to dominate her. Yes you want to be seen as dominant, but that is to be dominant over other males and potential suitors. So how much eye contact is right? When you are listening, there is no such thing as too much: Ideally, it should be a hundred percent. But when you are doing the talking, maintain eye contact 60 to 70%. Otherwise you'll look like those villains in the movies who use that kind of unyielding eye contact when they speak (and that's not what you should be after).

 

[CaliGuyInLondon]

Francoatgrex! thanks for that! I kinda thought that and was what I was doing as well (mostly during listening) but I noticed when she talks she looks around so that was my question! Thaaanks!

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

It's definitely not a bad thing! When the guy I like makes eye contact... I feel all giddy inside, but have noticed myself looking away first almost always. I cannot say for sure why, but I do know that I like him A LOT! I have been working on maintaining eye contact longer and trying not to act like such a dork around him. Oh that's another thing... if she gets all retarded when you're around... LOL I think that could def mean she's into you! Hope this helps!!

 

[Five To One]

You guys are seriously the ****. This site is amazing! That was really, really helpful!

Another quick question, I apologize to anyone in the AP for not listing it as a 2 parter... but I digress, okay so she knows that I like her and as of now doesn't like me in a "romantic" way or whatever. SO i was all AFC for like what a day and then was like whatever I'm moving on, so I'm starting to move on, but I want to keep her in the back pocket and maybe later she'll like me. Any tips on how to do this? She still asks to hang out and wants to chill. I've been trying to initiate conversation a lot less but I still talk to her and am hoping to use a lot of this eye contact stuff and KINO stuff to get her to like me later on.

Any tips you guys have from experience on how to get a girl who thinks you're really cool and maybe kinda likes you a little but isn't sure, to really like you?

Yes its very possible to get this girl but it requires PATIENCE. Its a slow process but you will go from an unattractive AFC to a confident man. You must not show too much interest in her. You showed her your cards in the past and she didnt like you, doing it again will set you back past redeption.

Just go about your life, growing from what you learn here and persuing other girls. Girls are very fickle and once she catches wind that you are wanted by other girls she will suddenly find you much more attrative. "If Sally and Jane like Caliguy then he must be speical, I want him too" will literary go through her head.

But be patient, if you misjudge her and try to make a move too early the damage will be too much to come back from.

The bottem line is you have the right idea to keep her in your back pocket, for now persue other girls and she will come to you with time.

Because girls I never thought I had a chance with 5 years ago find themselves naked in my bed without me having to do much work. They just hear stories from other girls and become interested in me.

Like I said, very fickle

 

[Allurre]

The first rule when engaging in eye contact is to be relaxed.

If you concentrate too much on "having to build eye contact", it'll radiate nervousness and awkwardness.

Every now and then, look away, but return your eyes back on hers. Try not to stare intently at the girl, just be sincere and show that you're not just listening with your ears, but also your eyes.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Looking away is a sign of submission. Dogs do it, too. Once she looks away, she has submitted, and there is no need to keep staring at her; you won.

 

[Tazman]

I like to play the eye contact game. When I first started I felt uncomfortable staring for too long and I'd look away. Ever since I decided to stick it out (been years) I got very positive reactions.

There were women who didn't give me any indication that they liked me until after I won the staring contest. I didn't even smile when I did it, I just made sure I held it longer and boom, they start sending all the IOIs. It's a powerful tool.

I got the impression that a particular woman liked me at a gym I used to go to (overheard a conversation that may have happened on purpose because I was within earshot). One day I lock eyes with her and I hold it for what seemed an eternity, I mean it really started to feel awkward because she just wouldn't let up, but I persisted. After that incident, she would stare me down every time I entered the gym. Needless to say, everything was smooth sailing after that.

 

[CaliGuyInLondon]

you guys are the best! this **** is gold!

 

[Lusterkx2]

Dude your doing great keep it up. As for me I give a full 100% eye contact with a smile till they look away. I start to feel funny inside no lie. It also shows that your listening to her when shes talking. So keep the eye contact. For my experiment I hold it till she looks away. For some reason her eyes is just stuck in my head. Ohh and i read this book that said something like they did a study that said something like they experiment a guy and girl to hold eye contact for 3 minutes and during those 3 minutes they would look into each others eyes and think of the most wonderful moment or things that made them really happy and they'd end falling in love with each other. P.S sorry for my typing Im not really good at putting periods and kama and what not. But keep it up man.!!

 

[Soyoushave]

yeah, I don;t want to spoil your party, but recent study showed that:

Whenever a man looks a woman in her eyes for (mean) 8,5 seconds, he likes her.
A woman doesn't have this. There were no (significant) differences between short looks and long looks when it came to women liking men.

On the other hand, you CAN tell a lot about how a woman feels towards you by looking at the way she looks at you.

Does she look interested (she looks you in the eyes and scans you, meaning you see small twitches in her eyeball, and does she smile doing that?)
Is she shy? (also a good sign)
You look eachother in the eyes for a few seconds, but, because you don't turn away your look, she turns away her look? (bingo she likes you, but also knows you're in charge)

 

[francoatgrex]

yeah, I don;t want to spoil your party, but recent study showed that:
...You look eachother in the eyes for a few seconds, but, because you don't turn away your look, she turns away her look? (bingo she likes you, but also knows you're in charge)

What studies? Do you have peer-reviewed scientific journal references?

 

[MaradonaOfSeduction]

I like to hold eye contact until she breaks it. But you have to be careful. By holding eye contact i mean holding it in a sexy playful way. You don't want to be staring at her like a psycho.

Search youtube for a video called Perfect Eye Contact - 9 1/2 weeks. It's a scene from the movie 9 1/2 weeks with Mickey Rourke and Kim Bassinger that has been pointed as a perfect example of how to properly keep eye contact.

Take care

 

[Kevin Feng]

Okay, just because a girl looks away doesn't mean she's not interested. Just exercise some common sense. It's just wierd if you're staring at someone. Now some girls are okay with giving out really strong IOI's, some girls will look at your and smile which is a VERY strong invitation to come over and talk.

That being said, if a girl is looking at you, that's definitely a mild IOI. The more important matter here is that you need to go over to her and talk to her.

If you start over-analyzing every situation you'll find yourself giving yourself excuses not to approach, don't let that be the case.

-Kevin

 

[bud_2005]

hmmm a lot of conflicting information....

 

[Lexington]

Eye contact has been huge for me. People may disagree on the specifics but make sure you look her right in the eye with a confident gaze. Usually, the girl should look away first. But you should also break eye contact occasionally or otherwise you will look creepy.

Again, this isn't a hard and fast rule, but maybe think of it in terms of a ratio. Look away approximately once for every 3-4 times she looks away. When you break eye contact, immediately re-initiate it.

Eye contact has actually been one of my biggest issues. I've always been shy and the kind of person that doesn't make much contact and I'm also often the first to break it. I've had to consciously make an effort to hold eye contact and it has made a significant difference.

Eyes really are the window into a person's soul. You can sub-communicate your desire for her and you can simultaneously read her feedback.

 

[Lexington]

As for the broad who you showed your cards too, your best bet is to blow her off. Go forward with the assumption that it isn't going to happen. Pursue other women and don't initiate any contact with her. She may eventually get jealous and want you back in her life.