extremely shy girls (borderline anxiety disorder)

[neptoons]

Have you guys ever met a girl with an anxiety disorder? A girl that was just absolutely , extremely shy?

Well, I have. The other nite I met her and then ran into her the next nite at a club her friends dragged her to. She was sitting by herself on a couch and I came up and started chatting it up a bit with her.

She would absolutely not dance at all. And even when her friends tried to literally pick her up and drag her onto the dance floor, she nearly broke out into a panic attack.

Finally, I got somewhere. I asked her what kind of dancing she did, and it turned out to be swing dancing. So we went outside the club and she taught me how to swing dance. which btw, is pretty fun. Then i told her I needed to teach her how to club dance.

I got her to loosen up, move her hips, showed her a few moves, and we were having a great time, laughing at each other and what have you. Then i went to teach her how to grind and she totally shut down and was like, "I can't have people in my bubble, i'm really bad about my bubble."

WTF mate? Well, i was cool with that and by the time this happened the club was closing. I walked back to her apt. with her friends and she walked right next to me while he friends walked ahead of us. we chatted a bit again, and i thought i was finally getting her out of her shell.

Well, today I call her to see what she's up to and if she wants to hang out and she responds with, "ummm i think i'm gonna go read..."


Gah, do you guys have any tips on cracking open this girl with an anxiety disorder? she's extremely beautiful, a definite 8-9, but definetely not like any other girl i've worked on...

 

[chicksrock]

GAWD damn...
i reccomend being persistant like a b!tch..

and SHOW her that you are a really decent, caring, respectful and cool guy and she needs YOU to complete her life

 

[MacDiddy]

Trying to score with these ultra shy girls is almost as difficult as with hard-core bible study junkie christian girls. But you know, once you break them out of their shell, they come out with a bang, and probably become porn stars. You'll wonder what monster you've created

Its all about cost benefit. You put in the effort that has worked in the past and if it don't work with these chicks..... Move on!!!!

 

[neptoons]

yeah, i'm confident that once i get her out of her shell, she'll be extremely amazing girl to be around....


a little more complication to the situation, one of her extremely unnattractive and overweight friends has a huge crush on me. to the poin that one time she invited me over to have ham sandwiches... wtf??? well, i went to get some food since i'm a college student and free food is something that you never turn down.


do you think she's feeling shy and obligated to her friend to totally dismiss me? i think i got the point to her friend that i wasn't interested in her when i flirted with the shy girl the entire time at the club and ignored her friend....


think i should tell her ugly friend off? or start working on her ugly ass friend and then show the shy girl what she's missing?

 

[Interpol]

The key to working girls like that is making them feel very comfortable around you. Try to find out what things she's really interested in (maybe ask her friends) and talk about those things in-depth with her. You want to create a very secure personal connection with her.

The danger with this approach is it could easily lead you to the friends zone if you're not careful. It's going to be hard, but you have to try to work in some kino when you can. You have to be very casual and non-threatening about it, moreso than with regular girls.

This is the best advice I can give...If you try the above tips and still aren't making progress, it's probably best to just move on down the road.

 

[neptoons]

Interpol, very good advice. I appreciate it.

I've actually tried something similar already. She talked about the fact she's a huge harry potter "nerd."

Well, just turns out i've read 4 of the harry potter books and asked her to borrow the 5th one, which i have right now. i'm not going to read it, probably just read through the cliffnotes and talk to her about it.

i feel stupid doing that, but i'm sure if there's one way i can get into her "bubble" it's through something dorky like that.

A little more progress in the story: I called her cell the other day since I got her # from her. Well

there was no answer, but when she called back and i saw her name on the caller id i answered really happy... turns out it was her unnatracgtive friend asking me,

"hey did someone call Lane from this number? she didn't know who it was..."

(yeah, she's really that shy, she has her friends call unknown #'s)

so i was like "yeah, this is kyle" and her friend says

"oh...hey kyle...um...do you want to talk to Lane?"
and i'm like "yeah, that'd be great"

then i ask her what's she's up to and then i'm like

"well hey, how would you like to go and get some lunch with me?"

(something non threatening and laidback)

and her response, "i think i'm gonna go read actually"


.........................................

wtf?

now i'm going to crack this puzzle, but does ANYONE have some advice?

thanks in advance.

 

[Interpol]

Some possible ways to get around her nervousness:

1. Arrange a get-together with her and her friends, then isolate with her, kinda like you described in your first post.

2. If she has a job, you could drop by there while she's working and chat her up.

3. If you call to ask for a date again, try having a longer convo before you make the invite. I know this usually goes against DJ theory, but in this case it might be necessary to get into her "comfort zone". Maybe she was really nervous to be talking to you, so when you asked her out her first instinct was to say no. If you get her comfortable with conversation, she might feel better about meeting you for a date.

Also since she likes Harry Potter a good date idea might be renting one of the movies (even though she's probably already seen them). Or since she seems to like reading in general, you guys can go to bookstore or something to find some good books...I realize these aren't the most exciting date ideas and might even sound a little AFC but I think it's the best approach for a girl like this...After you break her outer shell you can get into the more exciting tradtional stuff. If anyone else disagrees please speak up.

 

[neptoons]

once again, interpol, thanks for the advice. a great help indeed.

i've thought about the harry potter idea and she does seem to like movies. now that i've heard your logic to her rejecting teh date idea, i think your 100% right.

she was definetely probably anxious to be talking to me and i should've gotten her into her comfort zone... ah i was being stupid and way to straight forward with her... :|

well, her unnatracive friend IMed me , and my wingman is doing me a huge favor and starting to flirt with this unnatractive friend for a week to break this sort of ****blocking scheme they have going

but i coudn't ask for a better friend huh?

oh back to the IM, yeah, then her friend was like "Lane says hi" and i tried to play it off, since i was pretty miffed about that whole rejection thing so i was like "yeah, ah, tell her i said hi... so how was your day, alissa?"


oh well, thx agn interpol, hope some other people have ideas.!!

 

[neptoons]

bump bump. where are all those experienced and super suave don juans on the forum tonite?

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by neptoons
bump bump. where are all those experienced and super suave don juans on the forum tonite?

Where are they? DUUUUUDE! It's Saturday night! They are out DJ-ing the panties off every woman on Earth!

I'm sure they'll be back in the morning, slightly hungover, but ready to help.

 

[A.J. Stanson]

I personally think you're using this whole anxiety disorder thing as an excuse for the fact that the girl is completely rejecting you. That's ok though. Rejection is a part of the process. I'd just move on.

 

[ryanvalmont]

If a girl told me she'd rather read than be with me...i'd forget about her right then and there...it's just not worth it.

 

[Dan Hunter]

i would just laugh at a woman if she said that to me then walk off,

women moan they can't find decent blokes and when they come along they use evry excuse in the book to get rid of them

 

[neptoons]

Originally posted by A.J. Stanson
I personally think you're using this whole anxiety disorder thing as an excuse for the fact that the girl is completely rejecting you. That's ok though. Rejection is a part of the process. I'd just move on.

I thought the same thing at first A.J. but there are so many variables in the equation that I really do think I moved to quickly and was too straight forward with her.

I'll give it some time, not talk to her for a while and then try to strike up a good convo. one day and then see if i can ask her to hang out again.

If she again rejects me for a book, I'll come and share my rejection with my DJ brethren about how Harry Potter got chosen over me.