EXTREME blushing problem.

[Eulogy]

I don't know what the hell is going on with me. I've had this problem all my life but it's been more and more pronounced in recent years.

Whenever someone which I percieve as authority talks with me, or an attractive girl, any kind of social situation, I blush insanely.

I've vastly progressed in this game but this is that one big "block" that keeps me from stepping out further. I've tried ALL the mental techniques, all the best books on the subject have been carefuly analysed and applied by myself to no avail.

Its just something thats totally OUT of my control. An attractive girl can just sit down next to me and I'll turn beet red and sweat insanely. I then feel paralysed as each action I take aggravates it. Even if I'm not thinking negative thoughts... even when my mind is blank... or I'm reafirming that I'm the sh*t.... it only feeds it. A few minutes into the convo (if I manage to get there) and I feel like I'm A-OK once again... thinking what the hell just happened there.... then.... again... boom... something triggers it (in my mind... I dont have a physical condition or anything) and there it goes again.

I never get sh*t from anyone, and am percieved as a pretty cool guy, so the instant I recieve *any* kind of emotional attack my fu*ckup mechanism activates, since I'm not used to it at all.

Has anyone had a similar problem and found a way to overcome it?

 

[h2o]

I used to have this problem, so there is hope because I don't have it any more.

You need to bombard yourself with your fears. Face it, you fear attractive girls, and people in authority. It doesn't matter how much you read or how many times you say these so-called "affirmations" to yourself.

I used to be like this up until the point I started doing cold approaches. Go out and do as many as possible. I promise that you will blush, and you will be scared, but that's the point. Focus on the conversation rather than over-analyzing every meaningless detail. After a while you'll get used to these types of situations, and you won't fear them.

If you do this, and practice it everyday, so as to make a habit of it, I guarantee you'll never have this "blushing" problem again.

 

[Smooth Player 056]

Originally posted by h2o
I used to have this problem, so there is hope because I don't have it any more.

You need to bombard yourself with your fears. Face it, you fear attractive girls, and people in authority. It doesn't matter how much you read or how many times you say these so-called "affirmations" to yourself.

I used to be like this up until the point I started doing cold approaches. Go out and do as many as possible. I promise that you will blush, and you will be scared, but that's the point. Focus on the conversation rather than over-analyzing every meaningless detail. After a while you'll get used to these types of situations, and you won't fear them.

If you do this, and practice it everyday, so as to make a habit of it, I guarantee you'll never have this "blushing" problem again.

great advice

 

[flyinshark]

Very good advice from h2o. If i may add, you should also talk about your blushing with the person that made you blush. Getting it in the open will not be easy, and you will probably blush a bit more, but the relief you will feel afterwards and the benefits you will reap in the long term are well worth it.

Talking about it has these advantages:

- you are no longer wondering about whether the other person noticed your blushing - although it's nearly impossible for them not to, unfortunately - but it frees your mind from those killer thoughts

- you will receive positive feedback from the person most of the time, such as they will tell you that it doesn't bother them, or that it doesn't even show that much

- it feels like you both are aware of what is happening (the blushing) and then you can concentrate on your discussion instead of the redness

Eulogy, can you still handle a conversation normally when u are turning red, or you feel like a wreck and your only concern is getting the hell out of there to a "safe" place where you can go back to your normal self?

 

[Eulogy]

Originally posted by flyinshark


Eulogy, can you still handle a conversation normally when u are turning red, or you feel like a wreck and your only concern is getting the hell out of there to a "safe" place where you can go back to your normal self?

The latter, unfortunatly. I usually turn around and pretend I'm doing something important in an attempt to ease the blushing off. After that, I'm usually OK to continue the convo normally. It's hell, really.

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by Eulogy
The latter, unfortunatly. I usually turn around and pretend I'm doing something important in an attempt to ease the blushing off. After that, I'm usually OK to continue the convo normally. It's hell, really.

Oh, i know how awful it feels. I've been there, at roughly your age. It started to get drastically better by the age of 18, if it can make you feel any better.

So, i asked you that question because i think you can try to adopt a different approach to your problem. See, i still blush occasionally, but the difference between you and me is that when I blush, i am totally confident that my conversational skills, intelligence, and charm are unaffected.

If i feel a bit bothered by it, i mention it out loud, like i told you. I can say "damn, my face is probably pretty red, but you know what? I DONT CARE". This eases the tension by A LOT, and the other person seems to adopt the same attitude as you (mirror effect). It works great for me!


OHH!!!!! One more thing. My girlfriend tells me that she actually finds it cute if i blush. Now that could be the case with other girls. Pretty shocking isn't it?
Suddenly, blushing could turn to your advantage. Now go get 'em cowboy!

 

[Duke]

Good advice from Flyinshark.

I would get this checked out to see if it is rosacea.

IPL (intense pulse light) could help to reduce the redness.

I have rosacea. I'm very sensitive to flushing triggers and man, it sucks a$$.

Whenever I flush deep red I feel my attractiveness drop down about 3 points and I feel incapacitated and unable to think clearly.

Regretfully, when this happens, I try to find a bathroom and splash water on my face and eat some ice to try and cool my face down. It sucks but when I flush it feels like ANYTHING is better than just standing around.

Flyinshark, I agree its good to let people know that you flush and that its normal, but thats not always possible if you're in a huge classroom or just walking the streets. You can say the thoughts of random strangers don't matter, and you're right, but it's still distracting.

I agree it totally nullifies my game when it happens.

Other people blush, but if you're blushing a deep red or if your face is always a bit red, then its not normal. See if you can get diagnosed with something so that you can treat it. No one should have to live like this.

Here's a forum about facial flushing:

http://www.esfbchannel.com/

 

[Keeper]

Hmm... try a little reframe to start off with:

"I don't Blush, I Flush."

:-/