jmm854
Master Don Juan
I'm 21. She's 19. We dated for 26 months over a span from June of 2004 through the end of July 2006. She was the first woman I ever really took seriously in a relationship, the only woman I'm able to say with 100% confidence I love, and the only woman who would say the same to me in return and mean it.
When we broke up I pretty much looked at the situation in that it was my actions that caused the break up. I was good to her for a long time but when the serious thoughts of long term commitment creeped in, I must admit I never saw myself becoming tied up at such a young age for good and it scared me. I began to go out, check out the bars, and meet new people. I never cheated on her, but my indifferent attitude towards her and I caused her by mid summer to be ready to be done. She was a great girl to have by my side and I do regret some of the actions I made last year.
I always pictured myself completing college, meeting many different women, and by the time I had established a career for myself then begin to think about becoming a family man. And so at first, when we spent those couple months apart, I took advantage of it, going out with a couple different girls and enjoying my freedom. She did the same, and in October began to date another man.
I'm not posting on here to be judged for the decisions I then made, but rather to gain some extra insight on what I did and perhaps how I can better assess the future that lies ahead.
In early October, I decided this woman is really what I desire in my life. I wasn't sure about how to go about getting the message across, but I felt inspired to do something great. Something so meaningful that after there'd be no doubt real feelings would come out again. I've always had a good voice, and I knew that the Boys II Men Song I Swear was the song she'd always wanted played at her wedding. Late on a Sunday afternoon, I showed up at her front door, dressed in all white just like any one of the band members in any B2M music video, and in one of the greatest 5 minute periods in my life showed her what lengths I was willing to go to see her by my side again. I wasn't aware at the time she had met someone else. I got no reaction at all. I'm not sure 5 minutes was enough time for everything that just happened to sink in. Or a week. But within a week and a half, she contacted me at my job, asked me to come over to her parents house one night, and upon arriving, told me how much she loved me and for the next 2 hours, it was like it was back in 2004 all over again.
Then I didn't hear from her for 4 days. I had to track her down to see what the deal is. She told me she wanted to but just couldn't leave her current situation at the moment but be patient and in time our relationship is what she wants. I don't need this part analyzed, it told me that she wasn't done screwin around with the other guy or was too scared our relationship would fail again to make a change. By her more recent behavior, prolly the latter.
Over the last 3 months, we've been back and forth a hundred times, yet in the end, she's still at his apartment, sleeping in his bed every night. Don't get the wrong idea here. I haven't let this discourage me from trying to meet other women. I have. But at the end of the day, she's still the one in my thoughts, and I have no desire to walk away without a second chance with this girl.
Yesterday, we went to the movies. For awhile there she stopped contacting me at all, for most of November and December, it was on me to contact her. But lately, she's been sending me messages, called a couple times, basically showed an interest in at least seeing each other, although she remains with the other guy. After the movies she came in last night, and we talked for awhile. I told her how in the fall I plan on going to school in South Carolina, and the answer I'd been searching for for 5 months came out in the look she gave me in the 30 seconds following me speaking my intentions. It looked like she was ready to fall off the face of the earth. I knew all along this girl was still in love with me. Now I was sure of it.
Before she left, I figured I better create some tension. She leaned in to hug me and I grabbed her by the waist and went for the kiss. She pulled back, but rather than saying that isn't what she wants anymore, she just said "Jared, I can't do this to him." I made it obvious I wasn't pleased by her reaction and walked outta the room.
15 minutes after she left we talked again. I told her I knew how she still felt about me and she needs to stop living her life based on being concerned everyone else. In return, she said that why should she cheat on her boyfriend who loves her for someone who is leaving? (By the way, the guy she met plays the AFC role like a champ. Gives her whatever she wants, kisses her ass, let her move in after being together for 2 weeks...really the perfect guy for her to meet in my situation.) At no time during our conversation did she attempt to deny her feelings for me. My friends showed up and I ended the conversation. We haven't talked since.
It's obvious what my intentions here are. I'm not here to ask whether or not to move on, I've already made the conscious decision not to. I know the other man in her life doesn't rank for sh*t compared to me, and if I stay in her life, she will eventually want to give things another shot. She doesn't deny being scared to get back together, and at this point, I really feel like that's the only thing holding her back. Also, I don't need to hear a word of bullsh*t about how my actions have played exactly into her hands. This is somebody I love and worth putting forth effort for, not someone I saw at a coffee shop and became obsessed with. The rules change in these situations and I have tried to play my cards best. I did what I felt was necessary to show her how much I cared for her, but have in no way kissed her ass since. She paid for her ticket at the movies. All I have done is made a constant effort to keep in contact with her on a regular basis (at least once a week).
I'm not an idiot, and I would've been able to see it coming long ago if there wasn't a chance that I'd have this girl back in my life. But I feel like I have more than just a chance. Rather, that it's bound to happen in the near future.
The question I'm hoping to seek answer to is simple. How do I need to play my cards to get this girl back in my bed and by my side the day afterward? If you've never been in a long term relationship or have no personal experience dealing with this sorta situation, I'm not interested in your reply, simply because this is something only someone who's been there can have any attempt at trying to give a response.
A couple things I might have failed to mention. This guy has threatened to do things to himself if she were to leave him, and she would consider herself responsible. She never turns down an opportunity to get together. He basically moved his life here to Harrisburg to be with her, and he plays the guilt trip card better than any. And before yesterday, I'd made no previous attempt to kiss her or anything else.
When we broke up I pretty much looked at the situation in that it was my actions that caused the break up. I was good to her for a long time but when the serious thoughts of long term commitment creeped in, I must admit I never saw myself becoming tied up at such a young age for good and it scared me. I began to go out, check out the bars, and meet new people. I never cheated on her, but my indifferent attitude towards her and I caused her by mid summer to be ready to be done. She was a great girl to have by my side and I do regret some of the actions I made last year.
I always pictured myself completing college, meeting many different women, and by the time I had established a career for myself then begin to think about becoming a family man. And so at first, when we spent those couple months apart, I took advantage of it, going out with a couple different girls and enjoying my freedom. She did the same, and in October began to date another man.
I'm not posting on here to be judged for the decisions I then made, but rather to gain some extra insight on what I did and perhaps how I can better assess the future that lies ahead.
In early October, I decided this woman is really what I desire in my life. I wasn't sure about how to go about getting the message across, but I felt inspired to do something great. Something so meaningful that after there'd be no doubt real feelings would come out again. I've always had a good voice, and I knew that the Boys II Men Song I Swear was the song she'd always wanted played at her wedding. Late on a Sunday afternoon, I showed up at her front door, dressed in all white just like any one of the band members in any B2M music video, and in one of the greatest 5 minute periods in my life showed her what lengths I was willing to go to see her by my side again. I wasn't aware at the time she had met someone else. I got no reaction at all. I'm not sure 5 minutes was enough time for everything that just happened to sink in. Or a week. But within a week and a half, she contacted me at my job, asked me to come over to her parents house one night, and upon arriving, told me how much she loved me and for the next 2 hours, it was like it was back in 2004 all over again.
Then I didn't hear from her for 4 days. I had to track her down to see what the deal is. She told me she wanted to but just couldn't leave her current situation at the moment but be patient and in time our relationship is what she wants. I don't need this part analyzed, it told me that she wasn't done screwin around with the other guy or was too scared our relationship would fail again to make a change. By her more recent behavior, prolly the latter.
Over the last 3 months, we've been back and forth a hundred times, yet in the end, she's still at his apartment, sleeping in his bed every night. Don't get the wrong idea here. I haven't let this discourage me from trying to meet other women. I have. But at the end of the day, she's still the one in my thoughts, and I have no desire to walk away without a second chance with this girl.
Yesterday, we went to the movies. For awhile there she stopped contacting me at all, for most of November and December, it was on me to contact her. But lately, she's been sending me messages, called a couple times, basically showed an interest in at least seeing each other, although she remains with the other guy. After the movies she came in last night, and we talked for awhile. I told her how in the fall I plan on going to school in South Carolina, and the answer I'd been searching for for 5 months came out in the look she gave me in the 30 seconds following me speaking my intentions. It looked like she was ready to fall off the face of the earth. I knew all along this girl was still in love with me. Now I was sure of it.
Before she left, I figured I better create some tension. She leaned in to hug me and I grabbed her by the waist and went for the kiss. She pulled back, but rather than saying that isn't what she wants anymore, she just said "Jared, I can't do this to him." I made it obvious I wasn't pleased by her reaction and walked outta the room.
15 minutes after she left we talked again. I told her I knew how she still felt about me and she needs to stop living her life based on being concerned everyone else. In return, she said that why should she cheat on her boyfriend who loves her for someone who is leaving? (By the way, the guy she met plays the AFC role like a champ. Gives her whatever she wants, kisses her ass, let her move in after being together for 2 weeks...really the perfect guy for her to meet in my situation.) At no time during our conversation did she attempt to deny her feelings for me. My friends showed up and I ended the conversation. We haven't talked since.
It's obvious what my intentions here are. I'm not here to ask whether or not to move on, I've already made the conscious decision not to. I know the other man in her life doesn't rank for sh*t compared to me, and if I stay in her life, she will eventually want to give things another shot. She doesn't deny being scared to get back together, and at this point, I really feel like that's the only thing holding her back. Also, I don't need to hear a word of bullsh*t about how my actions have played exactly into her hands. This is somebody I love and worth putting forth effort for, not someone I saw at a coffee shop and became obsessed with. The rules change in these situations and I have tried to play my cards best. I did what I felt was necessary to show her how much I cared for her, but have in no way kissed her ass since. She paid for her ticket at the movies. All I have done is made a constant effort to keep in contact with her on a regular basis (at least once a week).
I'm not an idiot, and I would've been able to see it coming long ago if there wasn't a chance that I'd have this girl back in my life. But I feel like I have more than just a chance. Rather, that it's bound to happen in the near future.
The question I'm hoping to seek answer to is simple. How do I need to play my cards to get this girl back in my bed and by my side the day afterward? If you've never been in a long term relationship or have no personal experience dealing with this sorta situation, I'm not interested in your reply, simply because this is something only someone who's been there can have any attempt at trying to give a response.
A couple things I might have failed to mention. This guy has threatened to do things to himself if she were to leave him, and she would consider herself responsible. She never turns down an opportunity to get together. He basically moved his life here to Harrisburg to be with her, and he plays the guilt trip card better than any. And before yesterday, I'd made no previous attempt to kiss her or anything else.
