Expos - How I killed it in 2013

[expos]

Some of you might remember me from this past year. I had a rather lengthy, painful thread about my divorce, wanting to get back with my ex-wife after the divorce, depression, etc.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=204506

Basically, my life fell apart completely last year and I had to go through the long painful process of rebuilding myself becoming the person I wanted to be. I am back to tell that I have fully recovered, and pulled off a remarkable comeback!

It all started around last August. Here’s how it went down.

1. Rebound Relationships

Last summer, I had a few flings with a few women who were nothing more than rebound relationships. Bradd80 can attest that one was pretty hot. One girl was about a HB6, the other was a HB8.5. Unfulfilling, boring, and empty in every way. I was still very depressed with myself, my career, and missing my ex-wife. Consequently, this aloof behavior has quite the magical power over the women you are with. The less I cared, the more they would text and try to rip my clothes off. They thought I was a badass, but the reality was that I was hurt and had the 1000 yard stare all the time - so I was mysterious to them. They also boosted my confidence - and would always tell me how handsome I was. Whether they really thought this, or if it was fake and they were just trying to use me, I did not care. I was getting some physical needs met that weren’t being met during my sexless marriage.

2. Person and Professional Therapy

One night, around 2am, I got up and started screaming and crying, and venting towards my ex-wife even though she was not there. I started asking her why she treated me the way she did, why she didn’t love me, and why she decided to get in a relationship with her co-worker and rub it in my face, etc. It was incredibly therapeutic and allowed me to say the things I always wanted to say, but didn’t. I also sought counseling last summer with a male shrink who was able to pound some sense into me. I found that approach better than that of a shrink who would coddle me and treat me like a little child. I also got back into running again after being too depressed to do so, and starting lifting weights. My body is sick now…no fat, fast, and full of energy.

3. Career

I was always being pushed around at work and was grossly underpaid for the level of work I did. I was a poor communicator and let my co-workers push me around. I started taking action by getting to work before everyone else and leaving right at 5pm every day. When people gave me a bad attitude, I made strong eye contact and let them know that I wasn’t going to put up with any BS in the most professional way possible. I didn’t raise my voice or act dramatic. It’s amazing when you stand your ground and people start respecting you for it - you can almost feel the power shift.

I then noticed a job opening at a Fortune 500 company. The job entailed working directly with a huge client. I fought like a crazed idiot to get the job. I called recruiters, HR reps from the company, sent resumes, bugged more HR reps, and finally got an interview. I then CRUSHED the interview and was offered the job the next day. I make well over 6-figures a year now in one of the biggest companies in the world, all because I was willing to go the distance and sell myself. I received a $8K signing bonus, the whole works. My office overlooks the city (i worked in a basement before, doing IT work for 60K a year), I travel the country, and my job kicks ass and is far less stressful than my last one.

4. Relocation

Forgetting my ex-wife meant going as far moving out of town, and that’s just what I did because of my new job. I am now 2 hours away from the places we used to go, live, work, etc. I now live in the richest area of my state and I’m surrounded by tons of new places and I have no reminders of my past. I’ve met a lot of new people, joined a new gym, eat at new restaurants. I feel alive and like a different person.

5. The Right Girl

Confidence can do wonders. Women love a confident, strong man. I met a girl in September who changed my life. She was beautiful. I made a move for her one night, exchanged numbers, and that was it. She’s 4 years older than me, a career-woman, no kids, never married, and rich. She didn’t like me at first (apparently, she got some dirt on me from a girl who I blew off that was still mad at me) but I won her over. How? By being completely “confidently aloof" again and never letting on how much I was into her. She initiated all the texting, calls, dates, everything. Like they always say, a girl with a high-interest level will move mountains for you and she did just that. The more I got to know her, the more I realized how awesome she was. She is better than my ex-wife in every possible way. Friends who have met her have now disclosed how much they disliked my ex-wife and how “perfect” this new girl is for me. Best of all, this girl just loves me for being me. I can get back to enjoying my hobbies that my ex-wife hated because the new girl is always encouraging me to follow my passions.

6. Revenge

Of course, the comeback has to come with a nice footnote. My ex-wife just happened to see me out one night a wine bar with my new girl. And of course, my new girl looked fantastic while my wife looked tired and unhappy. I guess her new relationship with her 33-year old lard ass boyfriend who lives with his mom isn’t all roses. I knew, by looking at her, that I wasn’t missing anything by being with her. I watched as my ex-wife hovered around us trying to get a good look at my new girl…and had to laugh a little bit at the hilarity of it all. I don't hate my ex-wife, or her new guy, it's just that I've been there and done that with her and know that she isn't worth the effort at all.


Conclusion

Without the help of this board, I would have never gotten myself back on track. It does take some time to get over a really bad breakup, but continuing to be active and assessing your problems are the best ways to get over it. I wanted to be a person of value for myself, not for others, and I took a hard look at everything I didn’t like about myself and worked my ass off to eliminate the problems. Contrary to belief on this board, there are some very good women out there. I’ve got a really good one. But even with the "good” ones, you need to maintain that frame and wear the pants. She knows, from myself and from others, that I have no problems walking out at any time. I have too much respect for myself to be treated badly, and therefore I hold the power. This is what being alpha is all about.

Thanks!

 

[Bokanovsky]

It certainly looks like you've turned your life around. I love reading stories like this!

 

[In2theGame]

:::Claps::: I went through something very similar and how you described it, although it wasnt an ex-wife but a significant prior relationship. I applaud how you came out of it and i can relate to your feeling. Nice job man and I wish a brighter and fun future for you and your new woman.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I only read one part of your post and I commend you for it brother. If you don't mind PM me and let me know a little bit more about your career. I'm always interested to hear success storied in career sitations.

Congrats on the job brother.

 

[skinnyguy]

To be fair, your life was never that bad. You had an ex wife and flings which means you were desired. Most guys on here can't even get a date and have to troll POF just to get in contact with a woman.

 

[DonJuanit0]

Congratulations man! Great story, from which everyone in here should learn something! Not giving up, moving on and going after your goals will get you where you want! It is not about the girl, it is about yourself who you owe to be better!

Again, congrats!

 

[dasein]

Damn, may 2014 be even better!

 

[expos]

To be fair, your life was never that bad. You had an ex wife and flings which means you were desired. Most guys on here can't even get a date and have to troll POF just to get in contact with a woman.

Although my life wasn't bad on paper or to anyone who casually knew me, depression can absolutely ruin your life or kill you. Nobody but this board had any clue just how bad I was. I think there were times last year where I did really want to end my life and actually suffered a nervous breakdown. I was such a mess that I don't even remember summer beginning or ending. I wish I could give you a better explanation on how I was able to escape the depression, but it was a slow process for sure. I took no meds to get out of it, I was determined to fight it on my own.

As for women - no excuses. I have seen beautiful women with some guys who wouldn't be considered good looking. Believe me, you notice these things when you are single and you see everyone with somebody and wonder what they have that you don't. Stay on this board and learn what people are telling you here. You need to get out and get happy with your life. Not a single woman wants to be with a guy who is a real downer, but almost all of them want to be with the life of the party.

 

[expos]

:::Claps::: I went through something very similar and how you described it, although it wasnt an ex-wife but a significant prior relationship. I applaud how you came out of it and i can relate to your feeling. Nice job man and I wish a brighter and fun future for you and your new woman.

Thanks! Please elaborate if you can get the chance.

I also want to add that my success with woman came directly from the fact that I was putting them second to my own interests. I cancelled dates all the time to play soccer, hang with friends, be with family, etc. The minute you put them immediately first on your priority list, the more they will abuse you and see you as desperate and not having a life outside of them. Neediness is repellant. That is why it is important to be passionate about other things - sh!t, my girlfriend even runs with me now to get more time with me. lol!

 

[skinnyguy]

Although my life wasn't bad on paper or to anyone who casually knew me, depression can absolutely ruin your life or kill you. Nobody but this board had any clue just how bad I was. I think there were times last year where I did really want to end my life and actually suffered a nervous breakdown. I was such a mess that I don't even remember summer beginning or ending. I wish I could give you a better explanation on how I was able to escape the depression, but it was a slow process for sure. I took no meds to get out of it, I was determined to fight it on my own.

As for women - no excuses. I have seen beautiful women with some guys who wouldn't be considered good looking. Believe me, you notice these things when you are single and you see everyone with somebody and wonder what they have that you don't. Stay on this board and learn what people are telling you here. You need to get out and get happy with your life. Not a single woman wants to be with a guy who is a real downer, but almost all of them want to be with the life of the party.

What exactly was your reason for being depressed?

I almost committed suicide when I was 27 because I was a virgin, had no friends, and had been unemployed/homeless for 1.5 years.

 

[In2theGame]

Although my life wasn't bad on paper or to anyone who casually knew me, depression can absolutely ruin your life or kill you. Nobody but this board had any clue just how bad I was. I think there were times last year where I did really want to end my life and actually suffered a nervous breakdown. I was such a mess that I don't even remember summer beginning or ending. I wish I could give you a better explanation on how I was able to escape the depression, but it was a slow process for sure. I took no meds to get out of it, I was determined to fight it on my own.

As for women - no excuses. I have seen beautiful women with some guys who wouldn't be considered good looking. Believe me, you notice these things when you are single and you see everyone with somebody and wonder what they have that you don't. Stay on this board and learn what people are telling you here. You need to get out and get happy with your life. Not a single woman wants to be with a guy who is a real downer, but almost all of them want to be with the life of the party.

I skimmed through your previous posts that you linked above. Bro i can totally relate to that depressed feeling. The pain in your words and your actions reminded me of how exactly how i was feeling. I too had a nervous breakdown, I ended up in the hospital twice and for the first time ever in my life, I understood why someone would want to end their life because of such massive and deep pain, although i would never ever do it but i understood in some way. It definitely takes time moving forward but seems your on the right track. You may still have deep scars and think of how ugly your ex wife was to you at the end but F*ck it. After the hell you went through, you became a better man. My ex left me for another guy too and i found out she got banged by 3 guys at once immediately after she left. Then getting married within months of our split. I never thought my ex would do something like that but definitely turn into little Satan's and kick you when your down. Overall, Glad that your doing better and keep moving forward.

 

[expos]

What exactly was your reason for being depressed?

I almost committed suicide when I was 27 because I was a virgin, had no friends, and had been unemployed/homeless for 1.5 years.

I'm sorry to hear this. I haven't read your posts...but what are you doing to turn the ship around?

I guess the dynamics are tough to explain. I loved my ex-wife, but she was treating me really bad, so I decided to leave our sexless marriage. She suffered from depression and was one of those Cluster B types. She was a mess. She then filed for divorce. We had no kids.

Turns out, my ex-wife was banging her co-worker while we were separated and before the divorce was final. They could have even hooked prior to me asking for the divorce.

Regardless, the fact that she wanted him over me was what really did me in. It stripped me of everything. She was very materialistic and a gold digger, so she was attracted to him because made more money, like $120K per year.

Now, I make just as much!!! :crackup:

The way I see it, I came out better in the end, and she has done absolutely nothing since our divorce except leach of her co-worker boyfriend. She is stuck in the same town, at the same dead end job, same lousy apartment. In the game of life, I kicked her ass badly.

 

[expos]

Very nice job expos! The best revenge indeed isn't living well, it's looking good

Thanks Bradd80! you saved my ass last summer! Good to see you drop by!

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks! Please elaborate if you can get the chance.

I also want to add that my success with woman came directly from the fact that I was putting them second to my own interests. I cancelled dates all the time to play soccer, hang with friends, be with family, etc. The minute you put them immediately first on your priority list, the more they will abuse you and see you as desperate and not having a life outside of them. Neediness is repellant. That is why it is important to be passionate about other things - sh!t, my girlfriend even runs with me now to get more time with me. lol!

lol nice going and i agree with this. GL to you Expos.

 

[JohnChops]

this is awesome! good luck to ya bud! Im glad you saw an opening and you worked hard for it and you wanted it. just goes to show if you want something bad enough you will work like an animal for it whether it be school, a job or a goal. I love it man!

 

[jackson37]

I didn't know you but this was amazing to read man. I'm going through a break up at the moment and love seeing that with the right encouragement and attitude this can be achieved, thanks man!

 

[Greasy Pig]

Great story man. Should be stickied!

 

[expos]

I skimmed through your previous posts that you linked above. Bro i can totally relate to that depressed feeling. The pain in your words and your actions reminded me of how exactly how i was feeling. I too had a nervous breakdown, I ended up in the hospital twice and for the first time ever in my life, I understood why someone would want to end their life because of such massive and deep pain, although i would never ever do it but i understood in some way. It definitely takes time moving forward but seems your on the right track. You may still have deep scars and think of how ugly your ex wife was to you at the end but F*ck it. After the hell you went through, you became a better man. My ex left me for another guy too and i found out she got banged by 3 guys at once immediately after she left. Then getting married within months of our split. I never thought my ex would do something like that but definitely turn into little Satan's and kick you when your down. Overall, Glad that your doing better and keep moving forward.

Thanks. Bad relationships/breakups are a real motherf**cker, and you experienced it first hand. But you must realize that your ex will never change. She always probably felt like a victim and never realized that her behavior towards you was wrong. These people NEVER learn. Your ex sounds like complete trash and you should feel blessed that you are not with her anymore. Think how her new husband will feel once it's revealed that she did that with those guys before she got with him.

It takes awhile, but there are better women out there for you.

 

[expos]

Congratulations man, repped ya.

You have done what so many people in this world will NOT do.......take responsibility for themselves, their situation in life, then make a plan and takes steps to improve their lot. My story is similar.

You deserve all the happiness you now have.

Thank you so much Mauser96. I did have a plan in mind and I was able to carry it out and came out on top.

I will preach this one last time - you guys need to really sit down by yourself and put together a long term plan with short terms goals to be successful. This should not include women, it should include things that you always wanted to accomplish. That promotion, a better body, maybe pick up a second job, just don't be neutral with anything.

Put women on the back burner for awhile and flat out ignore them. Women are drawn to men who have a lot going for themselves. They despise laziness and people who lack any sort of direction (even if most of them are guilty of that themselves). If you are always on the run, they will wonder what drives that, and the curiosity will get that hamster spinning.

I also became valued because of this. The aloofness allows you to spin plates. Women tend to become more interested and increase the rank of an observed male when he gains social proof of his worthiness by the preselection of another female. The finest example of this is when my now girlfriend disclosed to me that her friend called me "the perfect guy". Now that is a compliment.

 

[Alvafe]

nice work I remember you, at least you stoped the therapy thing

keep looking good and things only get better