Explaining to date you are "separated" not divorced yet?

[Backupagain]

So I have another thread on here about a potential date I have coming up but I thought this would get me the responses I crave.

So now on to the big Q.

I met someone a few nights ago and we had amazing convo. I number closed and got the digits. Fast forward 2 days and I called her and the convo was awesome and she showed high interest level.

She is divorced and has 2 kids and i'm separated with 2 kids.

I'm assuming I need to tell her that i'm not Divorced but that i'm separated when I call on Thursday...?

[There's no way I'm going to pick her up on Sat and have dinner and tell her ON the date. I'm simply not comfortable with that. I'd feel like I trapped her and I assume she'd feel the same?]

I need to somehow bring this up on the phone on Thurs when I call BEFORE we schedule the date. I feel this is a risk worth taking and i'll know if she's ok with it or not. What is appropriate? Will she likely freak out? What do you guys think? Given she's been where I am at some point?

I was considering bringing it up by asking her how long her Divorce took, how long she's been divorced, etc on the phone on Thurs night, and if she had any roadblocks... and then let her know my ex and I have the house we are still haggling about as well as stocks (so just assets) but that everything else is pretty much a done deal. I feel like that is the best way to bring this up casually without making a big deal out of it.... thoughts?

I need to really get the house situation settled and it IS worth fighting for so i'd hope she'd understand that. Thoughts? My ex and I have been separated for 6+ mos now and all that drama started about 8-9 mos ago.

My only other option would be to be REALLY blunt and tell her straight up I want to be perfectly honest with her, etc and tell her the divorce isn't final yet, etc. What do you guys think? I think this way would freak her out. I'm not sure though.

What are the chances this will scare her off either way?

Anyone out there been in a similar situation? Help!

 

[davewe]

I'm not quite sure why you're so scared of this. With a 50% divorce rate it's not like divorce and separation are uncommon.

For most of us it takes quite awhile for the divorce to be final (3 years for me). Just date and have fun!

If the subject comes up, you can say that you're separated and in the process of divorce. You don't owe your entire life story to someone on the first date.

It also sounds like you might be ashamed of your situation and that's why you need to talk about it and justify it. There's nothing to be ashamed of. So the divorce papers aren't done - big deal.

Again, I recommend just having fun and don't rationalize your situation. She's lucky that you're now available!

So I have another thread on here about a potential date I have coming up but I thought this would get me the responses I crave.

So now on to the big Q.

I met someone a few nights ago and we had amazing convo. I number closed and got the digits. Fast forward 2 days and I called her and the convo was awesome and she showed high interest level.

She is divorced and has 2 kids and i'm separated with 2 kids.

I'm assuming I need to tell her that i'm not Divorced but that i'm separated when I call on Thursday...?

[There's no way I'm going to pick her up on Sat and have dinner and tell her ON the date. I'm simply not comfortable with that. I'd feel like I trapped her and I assume she'd feel the same?]

I need to somehow bring this up on the phone on Thurs when I call BEFORE we schedule the date. I feel this is a risk worth taking and i'll know if she's ok with it or not. What is appropriate? Will she likely freak out? What do you guys think? Given she's been where I am at some point?

I was considering bringing it up by asking her how long her Divorce took, how long she's been divorced, etc on the phone on Thurs night, and if she had any roadblocks... and then let her know my ex and I have the house we are still haggling about as well as stocks (so just assets) but that everything else is pretty much a done deal. I feel like that is the best way to bring this up casually without making a big deal out of it.... thoughts?

I need to really get the house situation settled and it IS worth fighting for so i'd hope she'd understand that. Thoughts? My ex and I have been separated for 6+ mos now and all that drama started about 8-9 mos ago.

My only other option would be to be REALLY blunt and tell her straight up I want to be perfectly honest with her, etc and tell her the divorce isn't final yet, etc. What do you guys think? I think this way would freak her out. I'm not sure though.

What are the chances this will scare her off either way?

Anyone out there been in a similar situation? Help!

 

[Backupagain]

Ok so do you call your stbx wife an "ex" or what do u refer to her as ? When we met I referred to her as my "ex" and now I'm wondering if that is inappropriate?

Is this a safe thing to wait and discuss on the first date? I think she sees me as divorced already? I really don't wanna come off as a jerk and I'd rather be forthright with her.

Thoughts? Do u usually tell the woman ur separated not divorced on the phone prior to the fIrst date or during it or? How is it usually brought up? They ask?

What has your response been? Are you seeing anyone more than the first date or does this freak them out??? Has it freaked any out?

Thanks!

 

[Backupagain]

Bumping this. Bueller? Bueller?

 

[Ace_Magnamus]

So I have another thread on here about a potential date I have coming up but I thought this would get me the responses I crave.

So now on to the big Q.

I met someone a few nights ago and we had amazing convo. I number closed and got the digits. Fast forward 2 days and I called her and the convo was awesome and she showed high interest level.

She is divorced and has 2 kids and i'm separated with 2 kids.

I'm assuming I need to tell her that i'm not Divorced but that i'm separated when I call on Thursday...?

[There's no way I'm going to pick her up on Sat and have dinner and tell her ON the date. I'm simply not comfortable with that. I'd feel like I trapped her and I assume she'd feel the same?]

I need to somehow bring this up on the phone on Thurs when I call BEFORE we schedule the date. I feel this is a risk worth taking and i'll know if she's ok with it or not. What is appropriate? Will she likely freak out? What do you guys think? Given she's been where I am at some point?

I was considering bringing it up by asking her how long her Divorce took, how long she's been divorced, etc on the phone on Thurs night, and if she had any roadblocks... and then let her know my ex and I have the house we are still haggling about as well as stocks (so just assets) but that everything else is pretty much a done deal. I feel like that is the best way to bring this up casually without making a big deal out of it.... thoughts?

I need to really get the house situation settled and it IS worth fighting for so i'd hope she'd understand that. Thoughts? My ex and I have been separated for 6+ mos now and all that drama started about 8-9 mos ago.

My only other option would be to be REALLY blunt and tell her straight up I want to be perfectly honest with her, etc and tell her the divorce isn't final yet, etc. What do you guys think? I think this way would freak her out. I'm not sure though.

What are the chances this will scare her off either way?

Anyone out there been in a similar situation? Help!

if you're getting divorced it is your ex......why are you so worried?

you're making way too much out of this. you're going to be too worried about this separation thing to even have a good date. you will f it up if you are this worried. you are worried for nothing.

she has been divorced so she knows what its all about.

why does she have to know all the nitty gritty details of your marriage? you don't even need to tell her.

tell her it didnt work out. that its almost finalized that you went your separate ways...only if it comes up.

this isnt an inquistion it is a date.

forget about your soon to be ex wife and the separation or you will be too worried about the date then it will turn out bad.

you dont have to qualify yourself to her.....you already are freaked out about nothing. go out and have fun...forget that stuff.