Explain why 'no contact' works.

[AlmostThere!]

Since females have many options concering men, how does not contacting her sometimes make her contact you or be more inviting the next time she talks to you?

 

[Toph]

Actually not contacting her works because it conveys that you have higher value than her.

It also sets you apart from all the guys chasing her because they don't understand the game. Like if you meet a girl and see likes you at first and you don't contact her it is very likely she will contact you. If you keep playing cool it is very likely she will chase after you.

Not contacting just says many good qualities that women find attractive. You aren't needy, you are busy, you have a life, you aren't trying to force making an impression on her.

I don't know though, many people on here will live and die by their games they play with women, I have better success when I don't play games.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Actually not contacting her works because it conveys that you have higher value than her.

It also sets you apart from all the guys chasing her because they don't understand the game. Like if you meet a girl and see likes you at first and you don't contact her it is very likely she will contact you. If you keep playing cool it is very likely she will chase after you.

Not contacting just says many good qualities that women find attractive. You aren't needy, you are busy, you have a life, you aren't trying to force making an impression on her.

I don't know though, many people on here will live and die by their games they play with women, I have better success when I don't play games.

Okay, the only time I used no contact is when I drop a girl completely.

But if I really like a girl and don't want to seem needy, I usually send a random text every few weeks. I only do this if she actually responds and we talk. If she blatantly ignores me, then I don't keep texting/calling her.

 

[Toph]

Well "no contact" is a little ridiculous but I'm suggesting that when your dealing with any woman don't be at her every whim.

Playing games won't get you where you want in the end. Maybe you can meet a girl and make her **** you and then eventually she will feel abused.

I say that if you don't feel like talking to a girl, blow her off. It ALWAYS works.

I guess after dating so many girls I don't ever REALLY like a girl unless she proves herself to me first.

I don't think you should ever NOT contact someone you want to connect with.

Isn't it better to call her and talk with her and then leave it alone for a couple a days so she knows you are interested but aren't a desperate loser? That's what I almost always do. I just don't talk to girls more then 5-6 times a week UNLESS they contact me. Even my girlfriend right now contacts me. I have really NEVER contacting her first. She has chased me every since we met because I have the power.

Random texting is fine but I guess this is why everyone recomends spinning plates.

I guess it comes down to two things.

Are you patient enough to have no girl and wait for the one that reciprocates or do you have to spin plates so that you always have some ass. No matter what you do if shes not that into you she just won't care or even think about you that much.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Are you patient enough to have no girl and wait for the one that reciprocates or do you have to spin plates so that you always have some ass. No matter what you do if shes not that into you she just won't care or even think about you that much.

No, I'm not patient enough. I really would like to have one girl who's into me. I'm tired of multiple women but no real relationship.

All the girls I meet happen under the wrong circumstances (parties 'n stuff) at least in my opinion. I need to meet a girl in a normal situation and connect with her. That's how real relationships happen.

Or maybe I just don't have what it takes for a woman to love me. I never had a girl say she loved me, but I had sex with lots of girls. Depressing.

 

[AlmostThere!]

Another question for you...how about girls that seem into you when you're hanging out, but when you're apart, they play very hard to get?

This one girl I'm seeing exhibits all the body language and responses of a chick that has feelings for a dude, but she's so aloof when we're not together. I feel as though our relationship can grow but her lack of responses and "always busy" nature is stunting the growth.

Should I drop her or continue to pursue?

 

[Toph]

I feel you. I used to look for girls at parties but that's like looking for sane people at an insane asylum.

I believe from experience that if a girl is at a party, she is escaping something in her life. Everyone shoots out bull**** about no she is just trying to have fun, but the bottom line is that girls with substance abuse problems have deeper rooted issues because they can't be satisfied with themselves in life and so you are going to continue to find sub par girls that are probably hot, extremely ****able.

I don't think you should think you don't have what it takes because I used to feel like that. It's just not true. It's funny how much you sound like me, because I always wanted something more then sex and was told that wasn't the way to go. I'm here to tell you right now that you have to follow what it is that you want.

Life is too short to feel like that man. Let it go and just think about the fact that maybe your stopping love from entering your life. Maybe that sounds to mushy for you but it is a serious problem a lot of guys have. You at least entertain that you don't have what it takes for a woman to love you and I'd bet cash on that being the reason you haven't LET yourself find what you want.

This is life, take responsibility for what you don't have. Don't blame the circumstances, don't blame the woman, don't blame anything just take responsibility and ASK for what you want.

People think I'm crazy when I tell them that they can affect their own reality and bring into their life what they really want. If you listen to me, it could change your life, if you don't then you might continue on the same path.

All I'm saying is that it isn't about game, its about being a real person. Build a life, make friends. There is nothing more attractive then a guy with tons of GOOD friends.

Find the beauty in all relationships, not just women and ditch the macho attitude. I don't know you or your style but I know a lot of guys think they gotta be strong and macho to get girls but that just isn't true either.

I'm a sensitive guy and that's the way it is. I understand the pain of the world and the struggle. MOST girls I met at first weren't into that but I refused to change myself and finally I met deeper girls just randomly when I was ready.

Just don't give up. I almost did when I was in your position.

 

[dude04]

no contact does not work. i stopped contact with this girl two years ago. i never got a call from her.

wait, i stopped contact with everyone after college. no call from anyone.

live life to the fullest. you're the fool.

 

[drak_ool]

Lots of people make this common mistake about no contact: it will not CREATE attraction, it can only rekindle it if there was some attraction in the first place. So it works best with a girlfriend in a stable ltr because she was obviously attracted to you at some point. It does not work with the skank at the bar who gives her phone number away to every guy.

No contact basically involves a girl who at one time had a high level of interest in you, her interest has dropped dangerously low (maybe she broke up with you), she sees you as a wimp and she is ready to move on. Now you have two choices:
1. you act exactly like she is expecting you to, you start begging her, promising her, crying, telling her how much you love her... to no avail, she can't even hear you. The only thing she's telling herself is this: "I always knew it, he s such a wimp, he can't take living without me..."

2. You act like a MAN, you don't beg, you don't show emotion, you don't look angry at her either, you simply walk away and don't look back. Now she's starting to double-guess her earlier assessment of you. "Maybe he's tougher than I thought... After all he doesn't seem affected at all!" Her plans are ruined and now she is intrigued by you again. Already her interest level is going up, and the longer you don't contact her, the more curious she will be about you. In the end, when her interest level is high enough, she won't resist it and she will contact you. Et voila!

Of course, no contact works best when you actually move on with your life yourself, and by the time she contacts you, you don't even wanna hear from her.

 

[AlmostThere!]

So, what does a man do in a situation when he's seeing a girl that's very affectionate when they're together, but a ghost when they aren't? This is her personality as she does it to all of her friends (except really really close friends).

Is it AFC to always be the one that contacts her?

 

[Skydiver43127]

So, what does a man do in a situation when he's seeing a girl that's very affectionate when they're together, but a ghost when they aren't? This is her personality as she does it to all of her friends (except really really close friends).

Is it AFC to always be the one that contacts her?

It's not AFC if you contact her, see her and then kiss-close or f-close. (or at least attempt to do so)
It is AFC if you contact her all the time, see her on her terms and make no escalation attempt whatsoever.

 

[horaholic]

no contact does not work. i stopped contact with this girl two years ago. i never got a call from her.

wait, i stopped contact with everyone after college. no call from anyone.

live life to the fullest. you're the fool.

Obviously it worked out great. You didnt waste any more time with any of them. That is the whole point of no contact. You dont use it to attract women, you use it to get rid of the lower quality ones. It means 'next.' Sometimes, however, it will make the interested ones step up, but thats not the purpose.

Whats not to understand about that?

 

[DonJuan11]

- If I really like a girl I usually send a random text every few weeks.
- I only do this if she actually responds and we talk.
- If she blatantly ignores me, then I don't keep texting/calling her.

You really like a girl and want to sleep with her, so you send a random pointless text to her every 14 days and if she doesn't give you signs she's in love with you, you quit?

Come on dude, STEP YOUR GAME UP.

 

[tafakna]

Another question for you...how about girls that seem into you when you're hanging out, but when you're apart, they play very hard to get?

This one girl I'm seeing exhibits all the body language and responses of a chick that has feelings for a dude, but she's so aloof when we're not together. I feel as though our relationship can grow but her lack of responses and "always busy" nature is stunting the growth.

Should I drop her or continue to pursue?

It seems this is your main question, so let's take a shot.

If she wanted she would make the time to hang out more, 'too busy' is not the problem here.

It just might be that while there's real attraction between you two, but she's just no ready to commit. Timing is just as important as anything else. Just about everyone have a time on their lives that they just want to have fun, and times in which they would consider a LTR.

Is the girl on the rebound?

The decision of dropping her or not, depends a lot on how it's affecting you. If you feel that you can hang in there a bit more, but date other girls on the side, I'd say it's ok to wait a bit longer.

If this is holding your whole life back, than absolutely move on...

 

[AlmostThere!]

She's not holding my whole life back. But you're right, I think she's just not ready to commit. I have a feeling she will but it will take effort on my part. I'm not just going to focus on her, because I don't want to overwhelm her and scare her off. Plus, I'd be breaking rule number one.

I just want to know how do I stay in contact with her without becoming too annoying. I was never good at this part in relationships.

 

[Tazman]

I think the concept of "no contact" is ridiculously easy to understand.

AFTER you have made 1 or 2 attempts (based on circumstance) to contact or hang out with someone and they either don't contact you back or flake on you without offering a suggestion of their own, is when "no contact" should be implemented.

If they never get back to you, THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING YOU!!!

 

[AlmostThere!]

I think the concept of "no contact" is ridiculously easy to understand.

AFTER you have made 1 or 2 attempts (based on circumstance) to contact or hang out with someone and they either don't contact you back or flake on you without offering a suggestion of their own, is when "no contact" should be implemented.

If they never get back to you, THEY ARE NOT INTERESTED IN SEEING YOU!!!

Okay, she does contact me back. She shows high IL when she's with me. But it's always hard to see her again. As someone pointed out, she may not be ready to commit at this time in her life, but I don't want to implement no contact as I want to keep her around when she does want to commit. She's not gonna be my everything while I'm waiting though.

 

[HeyPachuco!]

No-contact works!

A girl who flaked me about 2months ago a few times had a photoshoot and first thing she done was try to email me the pics, and asked why I forgot about her - she fought tooth and nail tyring to txt me here and there - I just no contacted her!

I've yet to reply to her emails. Shes high-caliber aswell, AFC's all chasing her down, no-contact works and I'll say listen to what drak_ool said. Attraction must be there at the origin or its a done deal.

 

[drak_ool]

AlmostThere!, now that i understand your question better let me take another stab at it...

No contact is best used when you just got dumped, you just got LJBF, or you just got flaked on. It's a method of getting rid of the girl by forgetting about her. Sure, sometimes it works to rekindle some attraction, as I pointed out before, but the main purpose of no contact is for you to get over the girl and move on with your life.

Obviously, that is not your purpose with this girl, right? From what you wrote, this girl is not ignoring you or flaking on you. You are not in the friend zone either. So I don't see how no contact would work in your situation. As long as she is making time to hang out with you, take it one day at a time but keep escalating, as someone else said. That is the only way to increase her IL.

I do see one red flag in your attitude towards this chick. You seem a little too worried about making this girl "commit", even though you admit she does not seem ready to do so at this time. It would be a big mistake here to try to force her into a relationship. Simply the fact that you are considering it, but she is not, already gives her more power over you. If things evolve towards a relationship later on, it's fine. But if you want to make a gf of this chick and she just wants to have some fun with you on the side, no strings attached, you are in for a rude awakening...

 

[Ease]

A load of answers but i havent yet seen any insight into the question asked at the start.

It works because of a POWER SHIFT that is caused. When the woman has all the power, when your making all the dates and your chasing her with phone calls and showing affection and shes busy and flaky. At this point she does not feel any of that magical emotional attraction, this is why Interest level drops in a relationship.

When you No Contact, there is an earth shattering POWER SHIFT. She no longer has control and her mind races about why you are not replying. You have created ANXIETY in her, she fears that she is LOSING YOU and is unable to CONTROL you. At this point you are the alpha and the prize, and she is going crazy with magical emotional attraction.

This can be reversed and used by the girl on US. This is the same effect that girls subconciously are wired with, playing hard to get. It makes AFC's go needy and start chasing. Its all about the ANXIETY and FEAR of loss. When you give a girl everything and anything she wants, she will take you for granted. She will get bored. You have become a nice guy, and the magical emotional attraction is destroyed.

Think about the girly chick flick movies. 'OMG WHY HASNT HE CALLED', 'DOES HE NOT LIKE ME', 'I LEFT HIM 300 MESSAGES, WILL HE THINK IM NEEDY?'. That is a girl that has 200% interest level.

Use it when she breaks up with you. It will power shift in your favour and she will be confused and her self confidence will shatter as she wonders why you dont care and why you arent chasing her like the AFC SHE THOUGHT YOU WERE. She will wonder if she had made a mistake and all logic will go out the window and she will recontact you, because of the magical emotional attraction.

This magical emotional attraction is what causes logic to thrown out the window when it comes to women. The magical emotional attraction is EVERY women's weakness, but it also works for us guys too, so we must be careful.

To combat it, we have our solid inner game, and our spinning plates, our options and our hobbies. So that we dont get insecure and the anxiety and neediness does not sweep over us.