experienced dj's, i need help on next move

[boynamedsue]

Ive been dating a girl off and on for 2 years. long story short we decided to stop seeing each other this past feburary because she didnt see motivation in me. for the next three months we still went out once every two weeks or so. keep in mind we never broke things off because we didnt love each other or because we didnt get along. as a matter of fact we get a long exceptionally well and were like best friends. She has family problems which is why the motivation thing was a huge issue with us. we went one month of no talking or so then saw each other out. we clicked again and i called her the next day to go out. we did and had an awesome time. a week later i called again and had another awesome date. (she stated she will never call a guy out bc thats the guys role, thats why im calling her to go out). a week later she goes to a wedding and shes hanging out with my best girl friend and according to my friend, she starts crying and saying how much she missses me and wants things to work out but is worried that nothing has changed. after my friend tells me this, a week goes by and i see her out again. we click and go back to my house that night. we hook up, wake up in the morning and slept in till like 4pm, doing the cuddling stuff. ( i can assume what i did here was wrong) however we start talking about how her weekend was and i showed a lil jealousy asking about guys that were around, etc. i drop her off. three days later (a week ago) i ask her to help me babysit the following day, she says she already made plans. i said well how about this weekend (memorial day weekend) she says you have bad timing ill be out of town. i left it at that.
i thought id try one more time (2 stike rule) i called her up earlier today. we chit chatted a bit and i said, "i thought id give you another shot since i believe in the 2 strike rule and see if we should get together this weekend." she said," you asked me too late, i already have plans for tommorow to spend time with my mom and ill be at my sis's house on sunday. " i said well ive already tryed twice now, are you interested in still getting together. she said yes but you have bad timing. i said fine you plan something out and get back to me. she said she will be out of town monday for work and be back weds. shell plan something when she gets back in town.

my spider senses tell me that she wont call. my experience tells me she is really confused about us, where one day she really misses me and another day she isnt. is there something i should say to her? like i know what your going through. and talk it out? also is it possible to go from crying and missing me soo much to now not interested because i showed too much interest ( be it this is a long term relationship not a girl that just met me)? assuming she doesnt call do i take this as she is no longer interested or is she still confused?

thanks in advance
sue

 

[kingsam]

a girl yo-yo ing = low interst level in you.....

 

[Romjuan]

in her defense she really was busy and had plans. do you still believe she was yo-yoing or example of bad timing?

 

[Ease]

however we start talking about how her weekend was and i showed a lil jealousy asking about guys that were around, etc. i drop her off. three days later (a week ago) i ask her to help me babysit the following day, she says she already made plans. i said well how about this weekend (memorial day weekend) she says you have bad timing ill be out of town. i left it at that.
i thought id try one more time (2 stike rule) i called her up earlier today. we chit chatted a bit and i said, "i thought id give you another shot since i believe in the 2 strike rule and see if we should get together this weekend." she said," you asked me too late, i already have plans for tommorow to spend time with my mom and ill be at my sis's house on sunday. " i said well ive already tryed twice now, are you interested in still getting together.

This is what's wrong. Read it again, and realize how you went wrong.

First, that was 10 strikes, not 2. Second, this is a relationship, 2 strike rule is more about asking a new girl out. When your girlfriend is too busy to see you or isn't excited about it, you apply the 'WTF rule'.

And you definitely dont say 'im applying the 2 strike rule'. If you have to say anything, say, 'im tired of you ****in around'. The less you say, the less chance of saying some stupid. And dude dont ask about her guy friends, thats basic.

Il also tell you that she has no interest in you, has already broken up with you, and theres a good chance theres someone else she likes. But you already knew that!

 

[Razor Sharp]

Let her see you talking to other girls. That's really the best wake-up call for any woman. As soon as they even suspect you are trying to upgrade, the whole game changes.

PS - Posting the same thread in several forums does not motivate people to help you more. Please get a grip of yourself and take a chill pill

 

[boynamedsue]

Goodcall razor, I thought about having her see me with another girl, but how does that work if we don't see each other regularly?
And I only posted on both forums bc I noticed some of the older guys don't go to this forum

 

[boynamedsue]

Also ease, how can you say she has low interest and is seeing someone else if she was crying over me to a friend of mine saying how much she misses me.... I'm not saying its not possible, just wondering your rationale if she's crying over me.

 

[Real Talk]

"i thought id give you another shot since i believe in the 2 strike rule and see if we should get together this weekend."

There are probably thousands of better ways to say this. Swag level is on zero with this one.

As for your next move: move on (i.e. look at other girls and forget her) until she initiates something substantial on her own, like a phone call out of the blue. If her interest level is where you say it is it will happen.

If her IL isn't that high, which I think most of us here will say we think is the case, you won't have wasted any more of your time. It's kind of wierd that you asked this question seeing as you "dated" for two years; if the relationship has been that long you should know her well enough to be able to accurately gauge her interest level.... does she know that she has been dating you for two years?

 

[kingsam]

in her defense she really was busy and had plans. do you still believe she was yo-yoing or example of bad timing?

(idiot women aside) a girl with a high interest will find time...or make it obvious when she is not as busy at a future date
"bad timing" in this example was a BS excuse...
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Also ease, how can you say she has low interest and is seeing someone else if she was crying over me to a friend of mine saying how much she misses me.... I'm not saying its not possible, just wondering your rationale if she's crying over me.

meh...shes "smart", she knows you will hear about this so its a way of keeping you around,

dude she keeps comming back to you as the other guys prob dissaper/drop her/or she dont like them, but she will dissapear again when another guy comes along...
DO YOU REALLY WANNA BE THE BACKUP GUY?

most of us here would say reattach your balls, have some self respect and drop her out of your life FOREVER....

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Another thing ... you "dated or two years" - wtf?? were you exclusive?

 

[Ease]

Also ease, how can you say she has low interest and is seeing someone else if she was crying over me to a friend of mine saying how much she misses me.... I'm not saying its not possible, just wondering your rationale if she's crying over me.

The first time i ever broke up, my girlfriend was all over me and planning summer holidays and complaining how bad it would be when i moved away for university. The same weekend she got off with some guy and we broke up the next day.

Its a gut feeling. Her crying and complaining is bs, dont be so easily fooled.

If you want to help yourself, you need to get your head firmly out of your ass and realize the truth here. 2 Years is a long time and you lost this girl, you need to get going.

 

[cavedweller]

It's over...Forget about her and move on.

cavedweller

 

[Tesl]

First, please improve your writing and try using PARAGRAPHS. A big block of text like that is hard to read.

Ive been dating a girl off and on for 2 years. long story short we decided to stop seeing each other this past feburary because she didnt see motivation in me.

What does this even mean? Motivation to do what?

She has family problems which is why the motivation thing was a huge issue with us.

No idea really what that means, though admittedly its probably not too important.

we went one month of no talking or so then saw each other out. we clicked again and i called her the next day to go out. we did and had an awesome time. a week later i called again and had another awesome date. (she stated she will never call a guy out bc thats the guys role, thats why im calling her to go out).

This is often true as far as first dates go. Once a relationship has been established however (here you said 2 years?!) then this is total BS, she should be doing just as much as you. Its a sign of low interest.

i showed a lil jealousy asking about guys that were around, etc.

Not cool. Nothing is a bigger turnoff than this.

i drop her off. three days later (a week ago) i ask her to help me babysit the following day, she says she already made plans. i said well how about this weekend (memorial day weekend) she says you have bad timing ill be out of town. i left it at that.
i thought id try one more time (2 stike rule) i called her up earlier today. we chit chatted a bit and i said, "i thought id give you another shot since i believe in the 2 strike rule and see if we should get together this weekend." she said," you asked me too late, i already have plans for tommorow to spend time with my mom and ill be at my sis's house on sunday. "

1) You always asked how out to see you the very next day, that isn't smart unless you know what her schedule is in advance.

2) The 2 strike rule does not apply in this case.

3) Telling her "I believe in the 2 strike rule" is ridiculous and makes you sound like an idiot.

she said she will be out of town monday for work and be back weds. shell plan something when she gets back in town.

Then your answer will come then. Until then don't contact her and don't worry about it. If she never plans anything, you have your answer.

my spider senses tell me that she wont call. my experience tells me she is really confused about us, where one day she really misses me and another day she isnt.

You are probably right, I've been in a similar situation recently. The answer is often just to plow through, its still possible to build up her interest level.

is there something i should say to her? like i know what your going through. and talk it out?

Do NOT do this.

also is it possible to go from crying and missing me soo much to now not interested because i showed too much interest ( be it this is a long term relationship not a girl that just met me)?

Its hard to say, but if you keep asking her to see you ASAP she'll eventually get fed up of that.

assuming she doesnt call do i take this as she is no longer interested or is she still confused?

thanks in advance
sue

This is hard since you have known her for 2 YEARS, you should understand her well enough by now.

My actual advice would be to move on anyway. When you have split up with a girl, it can be hard to make things go right back to where they were. It probably isn't worth the effort/energy/worry at this point, given your relationship probably won't work out anyway.

 

[boynamedsue]

You are probably right, I've been in a similar situation recently. The answer is often just to plow through, its still possible to build up her interest level.

how would you go about and build up the interest level?