exgf coming back around - convert into FB?

[Iceberg]

Iceberg,

I'm the type of guy that likes to push myself. Like, I have a fear of heights, so I'm skydiving at 18,000 ft next weekend. And I'm scared of sharks, so I'm going to Mexico next month for a cage dive with 15ft+ great whites. Just how I am. I like to be challenged and try to master something. Not that anyone can "master" these girls, but you can master yourself and not let their BS get to you... at least it sounds good in theory?

So you dated a BPD. Do you then understand the ego motivation to try to take it on again and beat it? Did you fight with that?

Nah. It's never that deep with me. I'm a very simple man.

She was really hot and I wanted to bang her. And I did. Then we broke up. And repeated the process of banging, breaking up, not speaking....and repeat.

Maybe you're right and it is an ego thing. But I don't want to "beat" her BPD tendencies. Because it's not a fight that's winnable. Knew that from the start. Every time we got back together, I'd just hope that she had grown out of those stupid qualities. And every time, I was proven wrong.

I like a strong, smart, ambitious woman. If you give me one of those "stay home and bake cookies" girls, I'll end up bored, miserable, and banging some intern after the first year. I want my women submissive to me, but not submissive to life in general. But there's "strong" and then there's "bat sh*t crazy"

Actually the BPD ex I'm talking about, is a girl I first dated back in 2009, I think. And ever since then, we'd go our separate ways, and then for whatever reason find some way to end up at the same bar, and then back in the same bed. Hadn't seen her for a year, and then she got home from Europe last month (August). By her first week back, we were already f**king. Now it's September, and you know what happened last weekend? She suggests we get a room in Atlantic City. I agree. We hop in my car, I drive, and within 10 minutes of being in the car, she's yelling about what hotel we should go to. I proceed to take a deep breath, make a U-turn, and I drive that b*tch straight to her car and leave her there without saying a word.

And we haven't spoken since.

See, that's the best I can do. I know not to fight. Because that's what these girls want. They want the fight, and the screaming, and the broken dishes. If you're fighting the BPD, you've already lost. Because that's what she wants. The only thing you can do is treat them like a toy that isn't doing what you want. You put them on the shelf and walk away.

When it comes to this type of woman, we're all the same. We want the action of it. The unpredictability. Whatever. But at the end of the day, all we're doing is driving a car 100mph into a brick wall. We know how it's going to end. Because we've already been there. So I'll continue to advise you to forget your BPD ex. And hopefully you'll advise me to do the same. And a year from now we'll have some new BPD ex to complain about. Because there are plenty more where these came from. What they are isn't a "challenge". It's a distraction.

 

[tafakna]

Not sure about the differences between BPD and sociopathy, but the bottom line is there is no change.

I could/did halt banging her and left her apartment without saying a word (I was dating another girl and felt shi%ty about the whole thing). And she would disappear and come back.

I could/did sleep with two of her friends, and she would disappear and come back. And I'm sure if I had tried to 'make things work' the same thing would happen, she would disappear and eventually show up again.

And everytime she would beg her friends and my friends to help, and ask them to let me know that she was in love. And it was all BS and I knew it.

So now that I know exactly how things are it's easy. Last time we met was 3 weeks ago at a wedding, and like usual I woke up at her place and left (no talking, no see you soon, no cheap talk). When we meet and either one of us is dating we just act normal (hope this doesn't mean I also have some sort of disorder).

I'm also always eager to take on a challenge. It may sound easy now (and it's easy now) but the process was a lot harder than it may sound here. Overall like I said, it's not worth it.

 

[49au]

I just wonder how they respond if you throw their own crap right back at them.


They want to start fights with you for no reason? Deny them that need for drama and turn the car around and drop their ass off (as Iceberg did).

They want to triangulate you with some guy? OK. "I know how you feel, I met this girl a couple weeks ago, we've been talking and I can't get her out of my head." (whether true or not)

They want to disappear on you for weeks at a time? That's fine... just never even contact them and let them feel like you don't care.

 

[TopGun2000]

don't try to win this. not worth it. :kick:

I just wonder how they respond if you throw their own crap right back at them.


They want to start fights with you for no reason? Deny them that need for drama and turn the car around and drop their ass off (as Iceberg did).

They want to triangulate you with some guy? OK. "I know how you feel, I met this girl a couple weeks ago, we've been talking and I can't get her out of my head." (whether true or not)

They want to disappear on you for weeks at a time? That's fine... just never even contact them and let them feel like you don't care.

 

[Solomon]

49au If you banging other chicks why worry about this one? shoot me a pm with a pic mate and I'll tell you how to "mindfucc" her

*Grabs cigar and sits down to watch this hot mess*

 

[CuriousGirl]

Personally I think she sounds like hard work for a **** buddy.... fb's are meant to be fun and uncomplicated..

 

[HeMan]

whats wrong with you dude?

u are one of the people on this site who gives great advise over bpd chicks and then you fall right back into her trap.

my ex gf who i was suppose to marry in may ended up trashing my office. i loved her deeply but she obviously has serious issues in her head so i had to walk away and never look back

you need to do the same. your only hurting your chances of recovery by doing what your doing

you deserve better!

it took me awhile to realise myself this for myself but after no contact and therapy im not better than ever

good luck

 

[49au]

Thanks HeMan. Over the last few months I have spent a lot of time studying cluster B disorders, and understand BPD pretty well. I think it's clear from my posts in related threads that I have zero desire to have a relationship with such a woman. You can't beat a mental illness.


I have not contacted her any more and don't plan to. I am guessing that what is happening right now is she's collecting some orbiters from POF (since all her "real life" male friends are gay - red flag right there) to either come back and triangulate me with, or vice versa.

I don't doubt that I will hear from her again, and all I have to do is ignore her a little bit to trigger her abandonment fear and make her fvck me for a while to try to set the hook. Pretty simple.

In the meantime, I'm focusing on my business, my hobbies, and some new plates. I don't expect anything and I am not going to offer anything.



btw - I dated a girl like the one you described. She was pretty normal during the relationship, but when I dumped her all hell broke loose. She kicked a hole in my wall, slandered me to my friends behind my back, stalked my house, called/texted non-stop, etc. I moved out of state and she moved to Orlando, about 3 hours away. I've seen her since but I will never tell let her know where I live, or let her be around any of my new friends. Too risky.

 

[HeMan]

good to hear man

these girls are serious trouble because they have a hook in us that can tear us apart if we let them

i know its hard . my girl was so amazing in many many ways as well and caused me so much pain when it ended. i still have not found any girls who made me feel as good as she could

the more time i spend apart though and the more i have accepted what she did to me was pyschotic, the easier it has become to heal . by the way i forgot to mention my ex fuked my close friend to get back at me after i kicked her out of my apartment. this also caused huge pain for me but now i realise its them who loose out by not having me in there lives and not the other way around

im surprised u didnt learn from your other pyscho ex to pick up warning signs earlier into the relationship with the bpd?
so so importnat we find stable girls in our lives, no longer how long that might take

 

[AlexDP]

Borderlines don't lose games. Ever. That's because they keep playing until they win. And even if she won't hurt you emotionally, she'll make you suffer in other ways. Hope that she forgets you exist.

 

[AlexDP]

I just wonder how they respond if you throw their own crap right back at them.


They want to start fights with you for no reason? Deny them that need for drama and turn the car around and drop their ass off (as Iceberg did).

They want to triangulate you with some guy? OK. "I know how you feel, I met this girl a couple weeks ago, we've been talking and I can't get her out of my head." (whether true or not)

They want to disappear on you for weeks at a time? That's fine... just never even contact them and let them feel like you don't care.

Yeah... let's provoke a mentally ill woman, who would do anything in her power to hurt you the minute she perceives she's being abandoned. Even if you play the game well, you'll lose at some point. And the points you score will not outweigh the ones you lose.

 

[Donnie Darko]

The only way to beat a BPD is to walk away.

If you want to continue fvcking a BPD, then you also need to be fvcking other non-BPD girls.

The problem with BPD's is that they are crazy but the sex is amazing and it has to be...otherwise you wouldn't put up with all of her BPD B.S.

Ultimately, the BPD will make herself a huge distraction for you and prevent you from living your life to the fullest.

Now I miss having sex with my BPD ex...maybe I'll give her a call

 

[happygilmore]

Dude, you just hit the bullseye right in the center.

I just used this EXACT quote to describe my BPD ex last week. These types of girls will try to make you believe that the problem is YOU. And if you change, then all the fighting and random mood swings will disappear.

So then you try to change. Not in an extreme way. But just a little, because "Hey, maybe she has a point. I've been too (fill in the blank)."

And then after you change, the fighting continues, or possibly gets WORSE.

Because ultimately, this girl doesn't have the goal of changing you. She doesn't have the goal of building a stable relationship. She doesn't even have the goal of hurting you. She just wants you to spend years chasing your own tail, because that's how she lives. Basically (like the Joker), creating total anarchy where if she wants to fight, you'll have a fight. And if she wants to play nice, you'll play nice. And if she wants to f**k in an alley, you'll f**k in an alley. No rhyme or reason. Just chaos for the sake of chaos.

Ugh. I'm creeped out just thinking about it.

I know, very creepy. But one thing, she actually DOES have the goal of hurting you (the BPD, not the sociopath). The fear of abandonment does not disappear for them until they know they have hurt you, sucked the life out of you. Emotional vampires indeed.

 

[happygilmore]

lol my ex Cluster B is a med student too...big surprise. She's is just about the 8th week with the "replacement" she's been using (he moved right in). I will tell the full tale one day but for now who knows. She's tried contacting me twice, once she says was by accident (rang the landline 6 times). After the first month i tell her to mail me my the last few of shirts, which is a neutral text (basically saying eff you i dont wanna see you) and i get a response. It's not here, but I'm at the bar up the street you wanna hang? (LIKE NOTHING EVEN HAPPENED, oblivious) I ignore it, she texts again 45 min later and says "no? ok goodnight." So effing weird. The next hoover attempt is probably coming up, and to be honest...knowing about her disorder, I would absolutely be able to brush her off after banging her. I'm banging plenty right now as it is...and I don't think it would be so bad having her on the back burner (since she literally does whatever i tell her to in bed). I'll let the new shmuck handle her crazy fits and he can even spend money on her to keep her entertained....while i live my life and, every now and then, fvck her with as little strings as possible. Easier said that done i know, but i know this girl very well....enough to be UNAFFECTED for at least a while...until i get tired of the sex. (good Weezer song)

Besides, the more you ignore their games and not be predictable, they more they are challenged...and it drives them nuts. They become obsessed. I know that you cannot win, but I am not trying to win anything. It's just keeping her on the back burner temporarily. Especially since she thinks one of my old fvck buddys attractive....I'd say threesomes are worth the effort...for a while ; )