Excuses Excuses

[Neon Owl]

So I've been thinking about taking the bootcamp lately. I know it's something I need to do to get over my fear of approaching women but I always tell myself that I'm not at the right point in my life where this would come in use.

I'm 25 and I live with my parents after living on my own for 2 years, I had to move back due to losing my job 4 months ago.
This is the main reason I haven't started the bootcamp yet.

Even if I did complete it I just feel like I'm not in the position to be dating women. I mean I have no job and no place of my own. Meaning I can't really afford to go on dates and have no place of my own to bring them back to if I get lucky.
I do have a car though it's pretty damn tiny (citroen saxo). I suppose that is a plus. I imagine I would have a hard time banging in that though.

I think this all stems from the fact that I don't think I have enough to offer until I am working and have a place of my own.

Anyone been in a similar situation that can offer me some advice?

Maybe I'm just being silly and making up excuses. Am I making this out to be a bigger deal than it is in reality?

 

[Die Hard]

Was in the same position not so long ago... The situation messes with your self worth and confidence, you don't feel good about yourself. The longer this situation continued, the more I stopped caring and got a "Who cares?! I'm a bum and I don't care! I'm gonna act towards girls like they should be happy to be with me, anyway!" Just try to disconnect your self worth from your social-economic status... Instead, connect it to your personality! A great person in a sh!tty situation, is still a great person...

 

[TIC]

I'm in the same spot man. I'm 21, have a car, but still live at home. I have a crappy summer job and it will be over when school starts next month. I'll have to ask my parents for gas money and other expenses, so there's no way I can pay for dates or anything like that. Nor do I think girls will want to sleep with my in my jeep, this isn't high school anymore

Like the above post said, its really messing with my confidence and giving me a defeated attitude. I need a "fvck it" attitude to be more positive

 

[Iceberg]

Maybe I'm just being silly and making up excuses. Am I making this out to be a bigger deal than it is in reality?

You are making it a bigger deal than it really is.

First of all, a girl's attraction to you will be built before she finds out that you live at your parents. And then once you tell her, she won't care.

Secondly - Okay, you want to move out, you want a new job, but you have to wait on those things. What you DON'T have to wait on, is improving yourself in other areas. Find a gym? Too expensive (excuse)? Start running. Pick up a hobby...guitar, karate, art, whatever. Your confidence will come from accomplishments...

I was in your shoes a while ago, and I started working out, I started traveling, I started playing guitar - next thing you know, I wasn't thinking about girls not liking me for what i didn't have....I was thinking about how would have to be crazy to NOT like me. Because whether I wasn't rich, or was still living at home, I still brought more to the table than 75% of the dudes out there.

 

[Van_The_Man]

I know where your coming from as well (20 yrs. old). I used to have no license, no job, and still lived at home. And all I could think about was how can I get a girlfriend?

Then I asked myself, "What would ____ do?" Feel free to fill in the blank with someone you look up to. It was then I started answering my own questions, and realized I had to focus on myself first before I could think about trying to "game" girls and all that good stuff.

Now I've got a job, license w/car, though still living at home, yet my confidence couldn't be any higher. I just think it's best to focus on yourself first before you go and try to attract girls, though I would also say don't stop talking to girls or people, keep up those conversation skills.

 

[squirrels]

Go back to her place.

You will always...ALWAYS find excuses not to talk to women. You don't have a job, you don't have a job that pays enough, you don't have your own place, you don't have a place that's nice enough to bring a girl back to.

Why bother?

If you wanted womanly company bad enough, you'd find an excuse TO bother, not an excuse NOT to bother.

I have never brought an ONS back to my place. It's either her place or in the car. I don't want them knowing where I live.

 

[Neon Owl]

I appreciate the replies guys.

I already work out. Got a set of weights and a squat rack and bench set up in the cellar.
It does give me something to concentrate on and makes me feel like I'm not just wasting my life away, and I'm definitely gaining more confidence as an added benefit of improving my body.

I'm going to make a conscious effort to get a job this week. Just having the money to do the things I enjoy would make me much happier with my situation I think.

I had such an awesome drive within myself right before I moved back with my parents, I felt like I could do anything. Slowly though that drive has been diminished the longer I've been under the wing of my parents. Something about losing your independence and having to go crawling back home has given my confidence quite a blow.
I still have the spark within me though. I just need to fuel it and get the fire burning again.

 

[Lexington]

Right now the main focus has to be getting your life back on track. If you see a good looking gal, don't hesitate to give it a go, but girls are not your top priority at the moment.

 

[zekko]

Right now the main focus has to be getting your life back on track. If you see a good looking gal, don't hesitate to give it a go, but girls are not your top priority at the moment.

I've got to agree with Lex here. I would put all my energy into finding some gainful employment, or in working on your career. That has to be top priority. If the house is burning down, you're probably not going to be worrying about sarging.

That said, you'll probably have some free nights, so by all means try to have some fun. I think some of the best times I've ever had were when I was unemployed.

 

[Nutz]

A couple of guys in my local lair gave a presentation that would be right up your alley. You are making excuses because of logistics. Guess what, they are still plenty of places to pull girls to have sex, you just need to cultivate what logistics you do have control over. For example, you mentioned you've got a car. That's great. When you go to the club make sure when you park in a parking garage that you go all the way to the top. And put in the sun screens and tint you windows so she's comfortable there won't be prying eyes. Car is too small? Use the steps when walking back to the car, which is still parked at the top of the garage of course, and bang them in the stairwell -- nobody uses the steps to the very top like that. Ditto when pulling and you need a quiet place for a quicky. Duck into a hotel and go up to the top floors in the stairwell. These are just a few examples off the top of my head for things you can do that are in your control.

These are the things you need to look at fixing. They're logistical logjams to overcome with planning. Stop making excuses.

 

[squirrels]

Use the steps when walking back to the car, which is still parked at the top of the garage of course, and bang them in the stairwell -- nobody uses the steps to the very top like that. Ditto when pulling and you need a quiet place for a quicky. Duck into a hotel and go up to the top floors in the stairwell.

LOL...that's where the redhead and I used to make out at work...one section of the building was under construction and the stairwell to that floor was blocked. Unfortunately I could never get her nekkid there, though.

 

[Neon Owl]

Nutz you've given me some great ideas there lol. I suppose you just need to use a little imagination.

Still there is the lack of monay aspect limiting what I can actually do with my social life but that will be sorted once I gain employment.
My CV look like absolute sh1t though. I'll have to jazz it up a bit to get more responses I think.
Was actually thinking about bar work. I imagine it would be very useful in gaining confidence speaking to random people.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear NeonOwl,
Look when I seriously got into Shagging,it was on the grass,on my Army great coat (Similar to your GI's winter coat),then I graduated to a Fiat 500,very cosy,but the gear stick used to create a few anxious moments....But my nocturnal friend this begs a question....are you using this downturn as an opportunityto upgrade your qualifications?

 

[tihash]

Get good at landing chicks NOW when your circumstances are less than ideal. Then imagine how much better you will become when things turn around and you have your own place, more cash, etc.

 

[mrRuckus]

You don't need any fvcking money to go out with women. Especially some dumb 21 year old.

I lived with my parents before and had no money and it never stopped me from getting girls. Have her come over, go to her place, and go to the park. If she's attracted to you - she. does. not. care.

 

[Julian]

fuk *****es get money


everything will fall into place

 

[Neon Owl]

Dear NeonOwl,
Look when I seriously got into Shagging,it was on the grass,on my Army great coat (Similar to your GI's winter coat),then I graduated to a Fiat 500,very cosy,but the gear stick used to create a few anxious moments....But my nocturnal friend this begs a question....are you using this downturn as an opportunityto upgrade your qualifications?

I was actually thinking of taking a college course. Would be nice to feel like I'm actually being productive with all this free time I've got.
Plus there's all the young women I'm inevitably going to bump into there, it would be like killing 2 birds with one stone.

And lol @ fiat 500. That must've been tricky.