excerpts of an ex girlfriend: Thoughts and opinions

[jafyk]

(sorry if you've read this before but I didn't get any responses, so I'ill keep posting till I get sufficient answers)
Hi, I'm just doing a review of my expired relationships. I encountered some things and I'm just looking for some advise and opinions against next time.

1) Girl friend does something, it upset me but I felt maybe it's not a biggie so I just decide to let it blow over. She senses something is wrong and presses me to open up. I tell her it's not so bad she should just let it go and it will blow over. She insists and won't let me rest, so I tell her so she will stop bugging me. She doesn't agree with my POV and when I see it's getting nowhere . I tell her lets drop it since we don't agree. She gets really upset and something that would've blown over just gets worse. What's a guy to do?

2) Get into a fight with gf and she calls my home and cell phone the whole night. Even when I hold some conversations just to pacify her and let her go she keeps calling back. I turn off my cell phone and had to unplug my house phone. I check my cell phone later I get tons of voicemails and text msgs; 2/3rds of the message is cursing me out and pleading and begging. The other 1/3rd is telling she's sorry and she loves me. Is this a test cos this is crazy?

3) In the above scenario she says she keeps calling me cos she can't sleep, she doesn't know what to do and I'm the only person she can talk to. She claims to have lots of friends. So, why doesn't she call them and complain to them?

3b) Says that she's worried about me turning off my phone cos life's too short and if something happened she wouldn't be able to get a hold of me. I turned off the phone because she pissed me off and I didn't want to keeping going back and forth.

4)I'm having sex with gf and she asks if I'm cheating on her. I wasn't.

5) Gf was too cutesy with too many people on the phone. You know , "I love you","baby" etc.

6) GF gets texts from guys late at night and acts pissed off like she doesn't know who the heck is texting her. I offer to take care of it. She says she can handle it herself.

7) GF gets mad in the car and asks to be let out so she can walk instead. Let her out (which I did, but picked her up later) or not?

8) GF gets b*tchy and sh!tty at my place and asks to be taken home and then refuses to leave the house. She later wants to go but when I'm ready to take her she changes her mind.

I know this a lot but I'd appreciate your opinions thanks.

 

[Phyzzle]

Girl friend does something, it upset me but I felt maybe it's not a biggie so I just decide to let it blow over. She senses something is wrong and presses me to open up.

You may have a set of habits known as "passive-aggressive". You tend to hold in things you don't really WANT to hold in until you eventually explode in argument.

You must master the art of quickly and nicely explaining why you don't like a certain thing she does. You should tell it to her like it is an innocent oversight on her part: "Oh, I don't think you should shave your head. I think you would look very bad like this." Or whatever she is doing.

5) Gf was too cutesy with too many people on the phone. You know , "I love you","baby" etc.

6) GF gets texts from guys late at night and acts pissed off like she doesn't know who the heck is texting her. I offer to take care of it. She says she can handle it herself.

These two things aren't worth getting angry about.

As for everything else, she sounds like one of those girls who must always be on a phone sobbing. She's just being young and silly. Really, your reaction is fine. Just tell her what you want her to do, and turn off your phone. She will leave a bunch of messages telling you how much she hates you, then break down and agree. Problem solved.

 

[jafyk]

Ok, Phyzzle, I think I might be passive aggressive (sometimes). You know how people say if someone does something you don't like you should tell them etc. Sometimes I take this approach and what I get is "You're too sensitive etc" or then she denies ever saying something I was quite sure she said.I start to wonder if I misunderstood to begin with.I don't like to fly off my handle each time something happens cos that often gets one in more trouble. Sometimes things bother me and I can't help that they do. If I'm not sure if it's something to really be upset about I keep it to myself till it passes, other times I feel that I maybe wrong. So, why confront someone one something I'm not so sure of?
I'm not angry about #5 & 6 it just makes me wonder. Then when I ignore it she says I don't stand up for her , when I do she says she can handle it. What's a guy to do?

 

[Warrior74]

Give us your opinion on what you think is happening in your relationship. Tell us why you think this is happening. if you can't properly analyze and diaganose yoru own relationship. It's doomed. So tell us what you think is going down and then people here can help you with your thinking.

I have some thoughts, but I want to know what you think is going on first.


edit. woah there sensitive nelly. So what do you think went wrong? You have to be able to figure to figure this out for yourself. Yah I missed a bit where you said it was over. But it seems you missed a fair bit while it was happening. My mistake obviously is not as big as yours. Or maybe it is....not paying attention to detail.

What was the aftermath? DId she start dating someone ASAP? Was she single for a while? Use these facts to analyze what happened. you should take each line of what you wrote and write why you think each thing happened with brutal honesty. YOU are the closest person to this situation, you are the one who knows her and her personality. My opinion would only be guesses. Mostly centering around how AFC you are and how you quickly jump to the wrong conclusion (hope you didn't call her a jerk when she was trying to open your eyes to something!)

Open self reflection on relationships is how I've learned the most from my past. Maybe you don't have the tools yet to do that. If so, sorry for being presumptive (aka a jerk, lol).

 

[jafyk]

Warrior74 , you jerk. If I knew would I be asking? If you took the time to read what I wrote instead of being a smart alec you would see the relationship is done and over. I want to know what you guy's thoughts and opinions are incase I should encouter similar situations in the future.

 

[stoner1129]

Dude just coming off of how my ex was, yours seems kinda like and AW, mine would do stupid stuff like that.

The one she would do the most was senseing the something was wrong and then keep tryin and trying to find out what it was even when it was the littlest thing. Then later on she would blow it way out of proportion.

Know I didn't give any answers, but just saying I know how it is.

 

[jafyk]

Thanks stoner, it's always good to know somebody can relate . I wish you had some sort of answer though,lol.

 

[Jeffst1980]

Phyzzle is right about being passive aggressive. Believe it or not, girls HATE when guys DON'T call them out on bad behavior. You're not doing her any favors by letting things blow over.

The problem seems to be with her, rather than you. She's clearly a drama queen and seems to go out of her way to start conflicts with you.

It's great that you're analyzing the situation and trying to figure out how you could've changed things, but some things are truly out of our control. Never feel bad about getting dumped by a girl like this--she would've only made your life miserable with her need for drama.

 

[jafyk]

Like I said sometimes it isn't worth the drama to point out everything to a girl just cos I don't like it. Sometimes even though it bothers me I try to suck it up. I guess I'm not so good at hiding my emotions. So, she figures something is on mind and presses to know. However I know that within a few hours I'ill be fine but then she's gotta know. I know revealing it to her will just make things worse than they are especially since she's gonna blow it out of proportion.

 

[The Gamer]

She's insane.

 

[jafyk]

but when she was sweet she was and she's the best I've had in bed so far. ARGH!!!! Why can't I eat my cake and have it?