Excellent advice from a girl....or....?

[Centaurion]

Just got an email from a girl that I'm keeping on the backburner. She thinks I'm an *******, but yearns for my manjuice.

I threw up a little in my mouth when I read through this sh!t. Stupid b!tches.

HEEEY CENTAURION READ THIS!!!! Stop being such an ******* and take this advice ;-)

* EVERY girl deserves to be treated like a princess/goddess.

*Never answer the phone when your having a serious moment with your gf.

* Girls need a MAN not a boy.

* were not settling for anything less then the best

* don't set yourself up for disapointment.

* cheating is a no no... it's never ok...

* never take a girl to hooters on the 1st date..

* late night calls (to tried to get laid) is a no no

* Never meet an ex for lunch with hickies on ur neck and telling her u love her.

* Never make promises you can't keep.

* Never u the excuse ur just too emotional.

* Always plan surpirses or dates.

* Take responsibility for ur own mistakes.

* Lairs are just as bad as cheaters.

* When they cheat once it will happen again.

* Never leave strip club cards in ur car for ur gf to find. no no

* Never try to cover up a phone call from a girl at 3am.

* Never keep someone else panties in ur bag and say they are a mans thong. dosent work

* Dont ditch ur GF on valentines day for ur boys
.
* Never let ur Gf pay for everything including ur aniversaries.

* Never tell her u dont want sex and have condoms/porn in ur car.

* Make sure if shes in the hospital u go see her.

* Never make her feel that she has to pay u in order for you to spend time with her

* Never leave her home alone when shes scared to be by herself

* Dont ever call her a **** or *****.

* If she slaps u its for a good reason

*Dont go mia and not return your significant other calls when you realize their going away to school soon

* Never tell her girls aren't going to be there becuase they always are.

* Never take time away without a proper excuse.

* Never take breaks (they never work) it all ends up the same way in the end

* Never believe everything you hear about us. (ask before you judge or *****)

* Girl are allowed to have boy FRIENDS. it doesn't mean they're always ****ing them

 

[Unregistered]

I wouldn't let a girl with such bad grammar near my man-juice, lest she become inseminated and taint my glorious genetics with her own.

 

[cant think of a user name]

HEEEY CENTAURION READ THIS!!!! Stop being such an ******* and take this advice ;-)
...
* EVERY girl deserves to be treated like a princess/goddess.
...
* If she slaps u its for a good reason
...
* Never keep someone else panties in ur bag and say they are a mans thong. dosent work
...
* Never tell her girls aren't going to be there becuase they always are.
...

1 star(s) out of 5.

Pretentious and patronising.

 

[Warboss Alex]

How old is she? 12?

 

[mrRuckus]

if she slaps u its for good reason

Yeah the girl wants a big manly backhand herself.

 

[High Voltage]

I found it ironic that many of 'tips' deal with a chick's insecurity of her guy hanging out with other girls - but wait, girls are allowed to have male 'friends'. Plus the fact that the tip stated that they are not *always* fuking them, but I guess its okay to do it sometimes?

Garbage.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

There's a few good ideas in there if you're in a LTR but the rest...

Tell her to stall off of IVilliage.com.

 

[DJMaC23]

lmfao...this is crap...there are like maybe 2 or 3 things that would be good in a LTR like Francisco said, but other than that...mierda lol

 

[Centaurion]

She is *drumroll* 23, immature as hell though.

Now, the million dollar question is, what should I write back? Suggestions?

I want to keep it short and sweet. Something like "Blow me."

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

She is *drumroll* 23, immature as hell though.

Now, the million dollar question is, what should I write back? Suggestions?

I want to keep it short and sweet. Something like "Blow me."

Ask and 'ye shall receive... It's not short, but it's accurate...

WOMEN:

Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present (again)!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair (out of thirty) would look good with your dress?

'Yes' and 'No' are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
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