"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Examples of Confidence - And How it Works!

JPFromTally

Senior Don Juan
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I would say this board is comprised of:

- 10% DJ's
- 20% Almost DJ's
- 70% Questionners, Wannabes, Wannalearners, Clueless, etc.

Don't be offended... I've worked my way up to almost be at the 10% area. Some times I relapse back into second tier. I have a girlfriend now so it get's harder to practice da skills.. Anyway, it's my opinion that those in the top 30% should be giving as many accounts of what they did that worked as possible. It's one thing to give advice but it's another to show how it's done through a story.

Ok, here's mine.. Apply everything you know to this story and see how it all fits together. Everything is as true as I can possibily remember it.

Three Saturday's ago I was not only recovering from the flu but my girlfriend and I broke up so I was pretty bummed. No confidence or energy was in me as I went to meet up with my friends at a local bar/club. They have an outdoor area with live music and there I was introduced by my friend to a couple of girls (one a hottie) and I even told them my name. I bought a beer and just sat around chatting with my guy friends and watched the band play.

Exactly one week later I was feeling much better and I was invited by my friend to come hang out at the hottie's house. When I got there, to my astonishment, the hottie and the friend had no idea who I was and had absolutely no recollection of meeting me one week earlier. To add insult to injury, when I asked them if they were drunk they said they werent.

Well, my friends, I've never thought of myself as being immemorable so I made sure I was making an impression on them this time.

Here's some of the things I did:
- Totally flirted with the hottie's friends in front of the hottie. Always keep the flirting innocent with mostly verbal and light touching. The worst is when guys grope or overhug and think this is flirting.
- I'm latin so I pretended I was a foreign exchange student to one of the girls that showed up late. The girls that were "in on it" totally had a blast with it and it made for an instant connection.
- To gauge interest always do what I call "swaps." For example, when we all went to a bar that happened to have pool tables I asked the hottie if she wanted to play. She said she would love to but didn't know how. I said that I could teach her if she bought me a drink. When she happily obliged I knew she was into me.
- As I was talking to a group of girls (about 5) I said, "I'm renting a minivan that seats 7 to go on a road trip to Atlanta. I gotta see if two more people wanna go to party up there." Immediately 3 girls volunteered with "I wanna go!" At the end of the night two gave me their numbers to make sure I called them about the trip.
- When a girl hanging out with us heard I spoke Spanish fluently she said she asked me if I could tutor her. Now ask yourself what a guy with little confidence would say: "Uh, sure I can come over any time you want. You don't have to pay me. I don't have anything better to do, etc." I said: "Sure.. but what do I get in return?" She said "I could pay you." I said, "I already make enough money. But you can cook me dinner." She said, "Sure. I'd cook dinner for you. What do you want to eat?" I said, "I don't care. Just make sure dessert's interesting though." She giggled and gave me a hug. I told her I'd call her when I was ready to teach her.
- While at the bar I saw a girl that I had once hooked up with but lost touch with. Normally when I'm hanging solo she's very indifferent towards me. But you should have seen the green in her eyes when after coming up to say hi to me I said a quick greeting and then continued talking with the hottie. A little while later she pulled me to the side and started asking why we didn't talk anymore, etc, etc. She gave me pretty nice kiss in the hallway. I told her I would call her.

Can we see a pattern?:
- Always have a great time. If you're a party and a girl doesn't have a drink in her hand... Duh! Ask her if you can fix her a drink. Make up a funny drink name while you're making it. I like to call my drink the "I'll Still Love You in The Morning."
- Gauge interest. Do this by making girls volunteer for dates. It really is that easy. Don't say, "It would be really nice if you'd go to the beach with me on Sat." Say, "What are you doing this weekend?" [Wait for answer] "I'm going to the beach. You'd look pretty good with a tan. You should come along." If she' into you she'll volunteer. Try to make it seem like she'll be missing out on a great time if she doesn't go.
- My best advice is: DON'T EVER GIVE SOMETHING FOR NOTHING!! First, don't ever buy a girl a drink at a bar unless she's bought you one first. This is why: If you a buy a girl a drink you expect that she owes you something (her company maybe). If she takes the drink and then hangs out with her friends this will bum you out and throw you off kilter. Thus hurting your DJ skills. If she does do something nice like buy you a drink always say "I owe you a (dance, etc.)"
- Make bets with girls while you're out. If she beats you at pool you have to.. If once hooked up with a girl after betting her that I could name more state capitals than her. She thought she was so smart... If a girl is into you she will take the bait.

Can we see a pattern here? I don't think it's been said before but CONFIDENCE is BAITING. It's easy.. just like the examples above I threw out bait and the girls that liked me bit. If you're talking to a girl at a club and she asks why you're not dancing say, "You wouldn't be able to keep up with me." BAIT! Do you see the picture?

Finally, let me conclude that I ended up taking the hottie home that night and hooking up with her. I later got back together with my girlfriend and made sure I told the hottie. She understood (she's really cool) and we're still friends. However, this an e-mail she just sent me:
-------
hey i forgot to put this in the ps from my email like four days ago (yeah i know i'm slow). don't tell any of the boys this because i don't want them to be jealous, but monica, leslie, and I have come to the conclusion that you're really hot and that you're "the hot one" of the bunch. don't let it go to your head.
-------

Now remember... her and her friends didn't even remember meeting me the weekend before!!! Obviously being hot in her and her friends eyes had something more to do with than looks.

Ok.. all feedback is welcome.. Thanks for reading.

Your friend,
J.P.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Raingem

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edited

[This message has been edited by Raingem (edited 08-25-2001).]
 

Raoul

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Welcome back JP, it's been a while. Very good post. I like the bit where you pretended to be a foreigner. I've used that gag too, with my "Irish and Spanish" roots. I need to work on my French accent next.


One thing though, how exactly did you react when they claimed they didn't remember you? I mean, I would have been as pissed as hell, as you probably were. How did you recover from that remark?

Good neg on your old contact, but you told her you'll call? Not too sure about that. Incidentally, I met a girl today who I just dated once (and never called back), and she was apparently quite happy to see me, to my surprise. We were walking in a group, and she disappeared suddenly. I later found out that she was meeting a date, and was counting on me finding out, and getting jealous. No such luck for her, her date didn't show, and then she saw me off with two girls who have the hots for me. Kino City from them. That girl's plan really backfired in her face.

Anyways, good to see you back again. Keep up the good posts.

- Raoul
 

Blue Phoenix

Master Don Juan
Joined
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This board has:
- 10% DJ's
- 20% Almost DJ's
- 70% Questionners, Wannabes, Wannalearners, Clueless, etc.
I don't think just because you're an "almost DJ" you cannot ask questions (being a questionner).

Anyway, on what is based your statistic?
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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check_mate_kid_uk

Master Don Juan
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well then i am in the 20%
 
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