Ex wants something not sure though

[MattS]

I dont know what do anymore with her. Should i just say what do you want from me. She could want to get back together in 4 months or she just needs someone there righ t now. She broke it off almost after about 1.75 yrs lived with her for like 8 months. Cause shes constantly had a bf ever since high school shes 25 now and finishing up grad school. Ive been her most serious. I guess she wants her "freedom" for a while and be able to fully concentrate at school so she can finish up this semester. Its kind of weird cause I contact her and she contacts me. Ive boned her once in 2 weeks (been broken up for 2 weeks). Now she calls me out of the blue cause shes having her stupid little melt downs because of her life and school. She needs someone there obvioulsy and i guess im that guy. shell call me and small talk, how is the dog?? and random sh!t, waiting for me to say well you should come down here i want to see you and blah blah. (I live 1 hour away from her) Honestly I still do care and love her but if im not with her anymore i dont want to even talk to her its pointless and it bothers me when i do cause i still want to be with her and she needs time right now. The only way i get over sh!t is if i cut it out. I know she needs her space now and she doesnt want to let her friends down cause they suggested doing this (breaking up with me). I know she definatley is not looking for a serious bf right now either. In a nutshell I want to be with her but i feel she doesnt want it right now but i cant be a d1ck to her and just cut it off. I need to tell her in a way that I want her in my life as a gf but not in a ultimatum way and pressuring way. The two things i came up with is saying
"I know you need time right now, i still care and love you and will be there for you through thick and thin and when youre ready i will be there waiting cause your worth it"

or

"When I break up with a GF i dont expect to talk to them anymore and hear there problems. Thats not my job as a single guy Either we could work this out see how it goes or we should not talk to each other anymore and you can have the dog for good" any other suggestions?

 

[Desdinova]

Now she calls me out of the blue cause shes having her stupid little melt downs because of her life and school.

You're not with her anymore. Her "meltdowns" are none of your concern.

Now she calls me out of the blue cause shes having her stupid little melt downs because of her life and school.

She needs a girlfriend who'll listen to all her problems, therefore she chose you. She doesn't see you as bf material, she sees you as gf material. You have become her emotional tampon. You soak up all the problems she bleeds onto you.

Honestly I still do care and love her but if im not with her anymore i dont want to even talk to her its pointless and it bothers me when i do cause i still want to be with her and she needs time right now.

You know what's best for yourself, but you're making excuses to stay with her. She doesn't need "time apart to think", she wants to fvck other guys. The whole "time apart" line is used to avoid hurting your feelings. She won't say "well, I want to fvck other guys, but you'll make a nice girlfriend" so she gives you the "I need some time" bull5hit.

I know she needs her space now and she doesnt want to let her friends down cause they suggested doing this (breaking up with me).

The only way her friends got this idea is because your ex brought it to them. They won't sit there and think of ways to asassinate you for no reason. She probably told them "You know, I'd like to fvck that other guy, but I don't know what to do about MattS". Then her gfs come in and say "Lose that ZERO and get yourself a HERO girl!"

I know she definatley is not looking for a serious bf right now either.

Another line of female bull5hit you've bought into. Women are never "looking" for a bf, but they can't control themselves when their attraction buttons are pushed.

but i cant be a d1ck to her and just cut it off.

But she can be a d1ck to you and end the relationship the two of you were developing. She can also be a d1ck and string you along, hoping that she'll eventually come back to you while she's fvcking other guys. Aren't you a sucker for punishment?

I need to tell her in a way that I want her in my life as a gf but not in a ultimatum way and pressuring way.

There's no easy way to cut people out of your life. Just tell her "I'm moving on with my life, so this is goodbye." Then make your goodbye mean it. No contacting her, no picking up the phone when she calls, no nothing.

"I know you need time right now, i still care and love you and will be there for you through thick and thin and when youre ready i will be there waiting cause your worth it"

You're putting her on a pedestal. Don't worship her, she doesn't need it. She gets enough of it from other AFCs like you who think she's a goddess because she's physically attractive.

"When I break up with a GF i dont expect to talk to them anymore and hear there problems. Thats not my job as a single guy Either we could work this out see how it goes or we should not talk to each other anymore and you can have the dog for good"

Don't bother trying to "work it out". You haven't been able to work it out for how long now? When a relationship is damaged beyond repair, there's no point in trying to fix it. The best thing you can do is shop around for another woman worthy of being in a LTR with you.

 

[amoka]

I support Desdinova's ideas. There is no need for you to wait for her. In fact, you never know when she'll turn her back on you again. Tell her you've moved on and you expected her to follow suit.

 

[phoneproblems]

tell her your dog has moved on and is not taking her calls anymore ;-)

you see, a dog is a man's best friend, and your dog is your best friend, and if you are not worthy of her, she is not worthy of your dog. if I know women, not seeing the dog will hurt more than not seeing you

if she is still on the phone after that, tell her point blank you cannot be used for emotional support whenever she has a crisis and held at arms length the rest of the time. this behavior is selfish and makes her unworthy of your time or love.

tell her you are really sorry but as a result of her disrespectful behavior you must move on and find the woman who will treat you with the respect that a man like yourself requires. and at this point you do not want to be held back by hangers-on or give the new women in your life the wrong impression

then hang up the phone and never answer her calls again. change your number if you have to.

you the man

 

[[]D [] []V[] []D]

Thank you VERY much Destinova!

I have a very similar situation as Matts.

My girlfriend dumped me because she lost interest in me.

She told me she wanted "to slow down the relationship" which you made me realize clearly that she wanted other guys.

Also, i realize now why girls dont come to me for advice LOL. Ive been wanting girls to come to me for advice because it makes me feel like they look up to me. Wrong Idea once again. Ty

I feel my girlfriend killed her attraction for me by herself.

- She said she wanted to slow down the relationship. Thus, i stopped talking to her and gave us some room (and she broke up with me becaue she thought i was boring, and quiet)

- Since it was an LTR, she said i didnt show care for her. (I showed care but she never recognized it, or she brushed it off).

- She ALSO asked my best friend and her other friends if she should dump me because she thought i was boring, careless, quiet etc. My best friend said yes(to dump me). I only found this out now. Is this considered backstabbing? My best friend said sorry and that he didnt hear my side to it. But im not mad at him because he just gave her, his opinion. But i dont really know how to feel right now. Can you seriously help me out Desdinova.

[Im thinking you'll say it was my fault for listening to my girlfriend about the space thing, but Im thinking you'll say it was ultimately HER fault for losing attraction towards me]

 

[OpenMind]

Move on, it will be the best for the both of you....

 

[Desdinova]

- She ALSO asked my best friend and her other friends if she should dump me because she thought i was boring, careless, quiet etc. My best friend said yes(to dump me). I only found this out now. Is this considered backstabbing?

Women will get opinions from other people on breaking up. Then they'll place some of the blame on that person. Women don't like owning up to their actions when they do something hurtful. They hate being given the label "b1tch", so they'll try to spread around the blame and use lines such as "I need some space" to clear themselves of the "b1tch" title and prevent your feelings from getting hurt.

 

[KarmaSutra]

- She ALSO asked my best friend and her other friends if she should dump me because she thought i was boring, careless, quiet etc. My best friend said yes(to dump me). I only found this out now. Is this considered backstabbing?

You need to lead your "best friend" out back and take his ass to school. Sounds to me like your buddy is trying to get your leftovers. Cvm in every orifice she has and then remind your good pal that he'll be tasting your nutbutter by proxy.

Should clear that sh!t up right quick :woo:

 

[Kid Quick]

You just can't resist this board, can you? Go back to the any one of the 7 other boards that allows those your age. Have the maturity to respect the rules of this board instead of trying to act like a rebellious teenager.

 

[[]D [] []V[] []D]

Thanks again Desdinova, you're right again.. you have this other type of knowledge that isn't taught on this site. Im sure you have tons of experience with girls (been in many relationships) so you understand women a lot better than me. heh.

Well after knowing a lot more about "womenense" how would i put this to use? If my girlfriend tells me "she needs some space" next time, then i should try to spark up the attraction (C&F) or possibly next her?

haha yeah, i know i sound like a newb. If you feel like giving advice, please feel free. Otherwise, it's ok.

And to adress your comment frivolouszz21, women go with their emotions, if they feel it, they feel it. You can't trust your girlfriend to go to another guys house at 10pm alone. Thats how it goes.