EX Tried contacting me through LinkedIn

[Crissco]

Its a trap!

 

[corrector]

Same here, my ex sent me an invite to her linked-in page on May 1st and I have not responded to it by accepting the invite. I draft saved a few messages but that's about it.

I don't get this linked in thing. I get facebook since you can post pics and maybe there is something on there that can get me jealous or feel bad. However, linked in from what I know is a professional site so it shouldn't lend itself to that. After May 18th (i.e. six months of last contact), I may be tempted to accept the invite and check out her profile there, but intend to honour a strict NC prior to that time. I think an invite is too weak and too much time has elapsed since the last contact and I just don't get why she would do that.

I think I'm in indirect contact with her social group and if I give them the impression that she did something wrong with me that they may start getting some cold-feet with her too, particularly this guy that's a head of a home church that I visited a few weeks ago. This could be her way of trying to soften my heart against her. Who knows. But this came on May 1st. This is assuming it was not accidentially sent.

(circumstances: I dumped her and promised to call her but never did, but she never called me either and were in NC with each other since. It was an "involuntary" dump and I feel she has moved on allot faster than I have since she has a social life and her own people while I'm more isolated and into my own journals, where as I'm ruminating over the whole thing almost daily in the past six months in silence.)

 

[Montague_Leach]

Why are you guys still concerned about your ex's? Get over them

 

[corrector]

Why are you guys still concerned about your ex's? Get over them

I can't speak for the other OP but saying "get over them" doesn't effect anything. As I've already said, I'm maintaining strict NC, that's the best that I can do. Beyond that would be to delete the "invites" to linked-in and pretend I never saw that after May 18th and don't even be curious to read her profile. I wasn't planning to contact her even if I accepted the invite, it would have only given me an update concerning her and that's it.

This was the first "love relationship" I had in my life that almost ended in a marriage. So it's a bit difficult to just get over her without erasing all of the memories with her on my mind and undergoing a lobotomy. Not very practical advise.

 

[corrector]

If someone can give helpful advice to this thread I'd suggest the following:

1) What is the possible motivation behind an ex sending an invite via linked-in, as compared to facebook? (ie from what I understand you can post pics on facebook, but you can't on linked-in and it's more professional)

2) If you accept an invite and view a profile would that count as contact if no exchange actually takes place on there. While this is a professional site, does it show relationship status, or go into dating territory?

3) Does this mean that you are on your "ex"'s mind on some level or would you look at it as spam?

 

[Montague_Leach]

I was never good with women before I met this "ex" or after, and while I mutually masturbated with a girl that was a under a 5 just after I dumped her, it didn't really help me get over her which was like a 7-8 (initially a 5-6 when I started seeing her).

Why were you doing that? If you go out to meet new women, you will get better with them. You got her, so there is no reason why you can't get somebody new. You're miserable when you think of her. Wallowing over the past will never help you. Maintaining NC doesn'r help when you're still checking up on her. Go out to meet new women.

She wants to see what you are up to, you should continue to ignore her. She will still be a contact on your link, that is still contact. Sounds like you are hoping she wants you back. Get over her, that is the best thing you can do.

 

[corrector]

She wants to see what you are up to, you should continue to ignore her. She will still be a contact on your link, that is still contact. Sounds like you are hoping she wants you back. Get over her, that is the best thing you can do.

Okay, so you believe it is still contact if, on May 18th, or after, I accept the invite? Fair enough. This is what I needed to hear to prevent any "loop-holing" concerning this NC thing.

On one hand I'll be the "bitter ex" who can't get over her and am thus ignoring her friend request and now hold a grudge against her. She knows I'm a professional myself and I'd rather spite her even if it means failing to promote my own business if there is an opportunity to do so there.

On the other hand, she sees what I'm up to, gets what she wants, then I'm just another blip on her bloated friends list and that is the end of that...and I may accidentally promote my business at the same time if anyone in her network wants to buy or sell a home.

Before I think about wanting her back she has allot of issues:
1) She is on anti-depressants.
2) She can't have children.
3) She walked out on a husband and refused to reconcile with him and I spoke with her ex-husband and sent our correspondence to her mother and "told on her". Her ex-husband is an associate pastor of a church.
4) She's very short.
5) She ignored me when she was around her friends in some instances.
6) She doesn't do oral or believe in sex before marriage

To be rejected by a reject is very hard, all she has going for her really is a somewhat pretty face and no STDs but not much else.

To reframe the question, if I'm hoping this "ex" wants me back, would be to ask, which one of the above deal-breakers is the reason why I would want that? Then it is better to be single and alone than to have someone with so many issues who could walk out on a marriage at any time and put up another profile on the internet before a divorce is even finalized. You never have someone like that.

Any hoping that she wants me back is insanity because it's simply a rotten deal. That is why I dumped her.

 

[Montague_Leach]

Okay, so you believe it is still contact if, on May 18th, or after, I accept the invite? Fair enough. This is what I needed to hear to prevent any "loop-holing" concerning this NC thing.

On one hand I'll be the "bitter ex" who can't get over her and am thus ignoring her friend request and now hold a grudge against her. She knows I'm a professional myself and I'd rather spite her even if it means failing to promote my own business if there is an opportunity to do so there.

On the other hand, she sees what I'm up to, gets what she wants, then I'm just another blip on her bloated friends list and that is the end of that...and I may accidentally promote my business at the same time if anyone in her network wants to buy or sell a home.

Before I think about wanting her back she has allot of issues:
1) She is on anti-depressants.
2) She can't have children.
3) She walked out on a husband and refused to reconcile with him and I spoke with her ex-husband and sent our correspondence to her mother and "told on her". Her ex-husband is an associate pastor of a church.
4) She's very short.
5) She ignored me when she was around her friends in some instances.
6) She doesn't do oral or believe in sex before marriage

To be rejected by a reject is very hard, all she has going for her really is a somewhat pretty face but not much else.

She doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. I don't see why you are so concerned about her. It's not about holding grudges, it's about moving on from her. Having her linked to you, is just as good as having contact as far as I'm concerned. All she has to do is bad mouth you to her friends, then you won't get a sale. I would care less about a sale as long as I'm totally free from her. You should be thinking the same way. Meet some new women, forget about your ex.

 

[corrector]

She doesn't sound like much of a catch to me. I don't see why you are so concerned about her. It's not about holding grudges, it's about moving on from her. Having her linked to you, is just as good as having contact as far as I'm concerned. All she has to do is bad mouth you to her friends, then you won't get a sale. I would care less about a sale as long as I'm totally free from her. You should be thinking the same way. Meet some new women, forget about your ex.

Yeah you are right. On or after May 18th I'll make a choice. This choice could be deleting that email. It could be accepting the invite. But if it's contact...then I may delete the email and close the last loophole. After all, she has probably already bad-mouthed me and I probably will not get a sale within her network.

I some have weak connections with women.....cashiers, people at church, etc... they just haven't gone beyond that. When contrasted to a relationship that included some passionate french kissing and going to some exotic places it's just difficult. Now on March 18th, my mom hears that God has someone for me after I was praying. So, if God has someone for me then there is nothing to worry about. All I know is that it is not her, or anyone else I currently know.

 

[Crissco]

Why are you guys still concerned about your ex's? Get over them

Its supposed to be a joke thread, i aint accepting that comon lol :rockon:

 

[dangdang]

She didnt even single you out... Linked in prompts you to "add contacts" for email, outlook, etc... You're cached from previous messages.

 

[corrector]

She didnt even single you out... Linked in prompts you to "add contacts" for email, outlook, etc... You're cached from previous messages.

This is helpful as well. This shows it should just be treated as spam and deleted. The only thing about it that makes it look somewhat intentional is it occurs on the first day of this month and not long after I went to a home church where the leader of that home church may be friends with my "ex" and you don't know what talk may have occurred. (i.e. "I saw your "ex" here, etc...)

But even on that level, she had a crush on this guy, while I was in relationship with her so I wouldn't be interested in being her friend, or having anything to do with her since she acted up too much in that relationship that I never really felt I had her even though we planned on getting married and were close. (This is more of an in-demand guy so I do not think he would go for her and is probably just friends with her. He would lower his social profile if he did that especially if there is a rumour around that I used her for experience then dumped her when it was time to buy an engagement ring)

Assuming it was really accidental - For a calender thing being on the first day, it could really be some "add contact" feature that activates on the first day of each month for all I know.

Either way it doesn't matter. With a girl with so many issues it's better being single anyway and waiting until the right girl comes around.

Also such an attempt sounds too weak when she could have called on the phone to see how I'm doing if she really wanted to check up on me, and done so within about a week or two after I dumped her or within the first month -- not six months later. In a sense I'm more pleased with my decision to dump her because I don't think she really loved me and we were thinking about marrying each other.

Her behaviour after I dumped her proves the point since she never attempted to reach out to me after the fact or see how I was doing when she knew the break-up was based on selfless reasons and her past, not because of another woman. This just shows she's flakey and a divorce would be likely (if it went that far) probably in the fist six months of a marriage.

Seeing she blocked me from her own home church list earlier in January, I doubt she has any concern for my well-being and the emails should be deleted.