Ex still mad

[Desdinova]

8 months ago, I dumped the girl I was seeing for someone new. She took it hard. Really hard. Okay, she was fukkin mad as hell. Her plans were to move in, have a kid, and maybe even get married. I didn't want any of that 5hit.

We met at a legion about 5 years ago when I was still married. We both went there to sing karaoke. She asked me out and since I wasn't seeing anybody seriously at the time (aside from a fvck buddy), I went for it. Regardless, it was a fun 8 months and I can't say I regretted it. We ended up with some mutual friends, and one has turned into a pretty good friendship. We'll call him T. T ended up becoming friends with my best friend whom we'll call N.

Anyway, I haven't been to the legion in 8 months since I dumped her. I got a text on Friday from N asking if I would like to meet up at the legion since he and T were going. I texted my gf and asked her if she'd like to go, and she agreed. So we all had plans to show up. I knew that my ex was going to be there, but who fvcking cares. She's an ex, and I was going there to see my friends. I was NOT going there to piss her off. I decided to just keep to my group and leave her be. Besides, 8 months should be long enough for her to find a new man for herself.

We get there, and of course me and my gf are early. We went and sat down at a table at the opposite room by ourselves. My ex is sitting at the other end of the room. We were just minding our own business and I had no intention of telling my gf what the situation was. I saw no reason to do so. Later my two friends come in and we started having lots of fun chatting.

My ex gets up for her turn to sing and does "Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin." It was at this point that I knew she wasn't okay with my presence there. I knew that things were going to get interesting. For her second song, she chose "Enter Sandman" and me and my friends started head banging to it. We didn't care that it was her singing it, we were just having a good time.

T comes up to me and informs me that she told him thats she's going to get 5hit-faced tonight because I showed up with a new woman. Fukkin fine by me! She can act like an idiot all she wants. She also drives home regardless of her level of intoxication.

A couple of other mutual friends said hi to me which was nice. One was a little resistant to acknowledge me, and one didn't say a word to me. I expected that. I didn't think everyone would be able to handle the independence of being friends with both of us.

My friends were outside smoking and my gf was on stage singing. My ex decides to literally stomp over to my end of the bar and sit beside me. She greets me and tells me "It is extremely DISRESPECTFUL of you to show up here. Don't EVER show your face here again. These are MY friends, and I don't like you hanging out with them and going to karaoke with them. They find you irritating and annoying. So don't show up here ever again." I was calm and let her say whatever she wanted. The only words I was able to get in were "None of this is about you". She wouldn't let me get more than that in and straight-out ignored what I had told her. No problem. She needed to fart out her emotional indigestion and decided I should be the victim of the fumes. Fart odor dissipates and the one who made the noise ends up looking like an childish clown.

When my friends had come back I told them what had happened. The mutual friend T found her actions childish, disgusting, and decided that my table was more fun to be at. So he began avoiding her.

My gf was completely oblivious to everything that was going on. Well, at least until we left. I informed her of what was happening because my feathers were a bit ruffled after sniffing the emotional fart. Besides, I figured I'd tell her because it shows that I'm high-value.

The mutual friend T will be taking over hosting karaoke at the legion. This likely means that my best friend will be showing up more frequently, and I'll be invited too. My ex doesn't own the place and has no right to tell me that I cannot hang out with my friends. If she doesn't like my presence, she is quite welcome to get her drunk ass in her car and drive home.

Thank God I dumped her.

 

[backbreaker]

i love you desinova but i have to call bull**** on this post. not the post in general but the fact that you are pretending that you did not know exactly what the fvck you were doing.

i mean... how can i say this.. what did you honestly think was going to happen? you said you knew the ex was there. you know your ex's biological clock is ticking. you know she did not handle the breakup very well.

and you just prance your new 10 + year younger girlfriend around her, and add alcohol and what did you expect? lol they are going to get together and pass notes on how you like your *******s or something?

what did you honestly think was going to happen besides what happened? i think you knew damn well was going to happen and part of you wanted to rub it in her face. why i don't know but that's what i think

I mean, i'm not going AFC or antyhing but at the same time i know how to let sleeping dogs lie. in particualr with girls that i actually respected / liked like you said you wish you would not have done differently. dude my wife would be damn near suicidal if i left her right now how do i look going around with some 24 year old 5'8 long legged big breasted girl? she already thinks i'm going to leave her whens he gets older lol. as many nights as i have held her in my arms and told her i love her and now she has to look with scorn with this new "tramp" on my arm. why rub the **** in her face? even if i have moved on i respect her too much to do that and her me i would hope. i don't care how many mutual friends we have i'm not that naive. some **** you just don't do.

i know where all my ex's hang out, work, and i avoid it. at least to the best of my abilities. but i would never take my wife to somewhere that a girl i know always hangs out when know she is going to be there or her job or whatever may be.

i mean was she out of line? of course. not saying she wasn't but i am saying i can understand why. i mean WTF dude and you are hiding behind this vile of she needs to grow up and you had " no idea" this was going ot happen man pretending to be so clueless you knew better.

is it a complex decision? yes and this is the stuff you deal with w hen you mix friends and **** like that. that's not her problem.

i'm not even saying you were wrong to do it. i'm saying don't sit here and act like you are so freaking shocked she acted out. she's a scorn woman that's what they do.

 

[Desdinova]

i'm not even saying you were wrong to do it. i'm saying don't sit here and act like you are so freaking shocked she acted out. she's a scorn woman that's what they do.

I would have expected it had I showed up at that place one month after we broke up. But we're approaching one year.

I know I can't expect logic from women, but I was hoping that perhaps her emotions had leveled out and she found another guy. But maybe it was what she needed. She can't cry over me forever.... or she shouldn't anyway. Maybe she needed reality to smack her in the face and her friends to tell her to get over it.

I live about 3 blocks away from her so it was going to happen eventually. She can't be out and about and not notice me and my gf walking around the neighborhood. We damn near ran into her at the corner store once. She nearly saw us another time when we went walking by the river which is right beside her house. Is she going to tell me it's disrespectful to walk around the neighborhood?

 

[speed dawg]

I agree with both of you. You would have to see eventually if you're in that close of quarters. But then again Desdinova, you know d*mn well you enjoyed this episode of drama.

All in all, it will probably be forgotten. A necessary step I guess if you're going to run in the same circles.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This thread reminds me of a pic I saw on facebook this week:
http://www.kulfoto.com/pic/0001/0022/y1Ow521371.jpg

There's no kids involved, but the sentiment is similar. Also, afoaf is a beautiful 26 y/o with a 42 y/o guy who dumped his wife and later ended up with the much younger and hotter girl. The ex-wife still hates the girl with a passion for no good reason. That's just how women are.

Both of you should remember that love and hate are both symptoms of caring about someone. She obviously still cares about you, and whatever kick you get out of seeing her upset is the manifestation of the feelings that you still have for her. I can tell you as someone with a lot of exes, once you really care for someone, that never completely goes away.

 

[Desdinova]

I'm really not sure why all of you think that I have to fulfill some sort of need for drama. I will tell you that having my ex-wife see my gf felt great. There was no drama from that and she was the only woman who I felt deserved to see that I upgraded.

I honestly don't give a 5hit about this woman I dated for 9 months. If I did, I wouldn't have brought my gf there and would never step foot in that place again. To me, she's just like all the other women I've dated (with the exception of one). She's in the past and I've moved on with my life. If she cannot do the same, then she's the one who has to remedy that. I do NOT feel I should avoid a gathering with my friends because of one woman who I fvcked for less than a year. I'm not responsible for her lack of effort to move forward with her life. I gave her 8 months to get her emotional 5hit under control. I needed only one week to get over it.

If I have one single problem, it's that I'm being too fvcking nice to her. She's badmouthed me to all of her friends. I haven't said one single bad thing about her.

 

[speed dawg]

I think we all are just giving our immediate reactions to your story, nothing more. My response was the first thing that entered my mind.

You say you hadn't been to this joint in 8 months and then 2 guys (mutual friends with your ex) asked you to go. I think I'd have just kept it as the 3 of you and not invited the girlfriend. You said you were going to see your friends anyway. Hang out with your current girlfriend another time.

I mean, you have relationships, they end, people move on, but the past is real. You can't undo it, and it seems like this place is somewhere where your ex frequents alot if you knew for a fact she'd be there on this random night. You have to alter things in your life to compensate.

In the end, NO WAY I bring a new girlfriend to my ex's stronghold. I don't want them knowing anything about each other.

 

[BMX]

1. You and your buddies headbanging to "Enter Sandman" might've been the best part. Couldn't help it, they play it at my alma mater during football season.

2. If your ex frequently hangs out at the Legion, then you showing up with whoever you please whenever you please should not bother enough to make her want to stop going. She is simply old enough to know better but doesn't have her sh!t together. Now the lightbulb has gone off inside her head telling her to find a nutjob like herself.

 

[Desdinova]

In the end, NO WAY I bring a new girlfriend to my ex's stronghold. I don't want them knowing anything about each other.

Maybe the "suck it up or fvck off" attitude is my problem. If she wants to have a chat with my gf, she's quite welcome to. I've got nothing to hide from either one of them.

To me, this situation is nothing but a demonstration about how pathetic people can be. It's peanuts compared to the bouncer's gf I fvcked which he found out about. I stayed away from that bar for 6 months, came back, and never heard a peep other than his gf bytching about how much he says he doesn't like me.

Now THAT'S something I'd never do again.

 

[Naughty Ninja]

Interesting how the OP claims to not care yet posts his story on here looking for some sort of validation on the scenario.

If it was a mistake and a random chance bumping into an ex then ok.

But knowing she might be there and not caring to somehow one up and throw it in her face isn't something I'd personally do. I'd pick another place so at least her friend or friends who may be your friends too wouldn't see me as the type to kick someone when they're down. Even if I was right in the previous relationship.

 

[scrouds]

Desdinova,

You're probably playing with fire. But playing with fire can be fun.

 

[MasterFuu]

You say that your ex has bad mouthed you to mutual friends and you have not said anything bad about her... I respect that. You ended up being a bigger man which is important. This probably made her even more mad when mutual friends told her that you are not saying anything negative.
Also the fact that she reacted the way she did shows she still cares about you. It's far from over for her. If you want to see your mutual friends again maybe it would not be such a bad idea to chat with your ex and clear up everything that happened give the woman some closure. I understand when you have mutual friends that you respect and love hanging out with but there is your ex and they all talk. :box:

Just saying don't turn this into a Jerry Springer case :crackup: J/K

 

[Love's Orphan]

She didnt keep her frame. Desdinova sure did. Thats all i see. Maybe you were trying to put yours to a lil test.

 

[zekko]

I can see both sides of this. On the one hand, why should Des modify his behavior just because there's some ex of his who might be there?

But on the other hand, maybe Des isn't taking this girl's feelings into consideration. Here's a woman who obviously cared a lot about him and had high hopes for him that he couldn't fulfill. If it was a guy trying to go no contact on his oneitis to get over her, only to have her invade his social circle (along with her new stud boyfriend), it might make it harder to heal those wounds.

Then again, in the long run maybe everybody can forgive and forget, and it might even be good for her, who knows?

 

[SoldMySoul]

Des, always liked you and your posts, but you my friend, are dead a$$ wrong here! You do not show up where your ex and you used to go, met or hung out. I mean you would if you were trying to get her back... You lacked sensitivity here. What if your ex dumped you and she did this to you???? If you took it hard initially and were still having trouble it would hurt!!!!

I am with backbreaker...YOU knew what you were doing.

The thing is, I have NO idea if the girl treated you $hitty or what. I have no clue what relationship you two shared. I guess if she did you badly I would not have too big of a problem.

I am all about trying to do what is right and just... At times on here I have come across as a woman basher. Not true at all, I love women and hate a lot of their behavior. This time I am showing empathy for your ex. Sorry pal.

 

[backbreaker]

It's hard to disagree with this. Personally I would not have even gone, even if I felt absolutely nothing for her as you say you don't. Maybe that sounds like I'm letting her dictate where I go, but I don't care. I have no desire to run into exes and certainly don't need my wife to meet them (even though she IS an upgrade). In your case you wanted to hang out with your good friends so I get that. If it were me, I'd tell my friends "maybe next time" and have no problem explaining why. I just prefer to leave all that in the past and avoid (except for chance encounters) if I can.

Heck I don't even like running into exes when I'm by myself. It's not that I'm not over them or come across as unhappy. I just like the past to stay where it is. That includes one ex that prompted me to basically drop a dozen or so mutual acquaintances /work contacts because it was just easier for me to go my own way than risk any "encounters." (It's also why I'm not on Facebook.)

i will tell a little story from about 2 years ago and this is why even if I am over an ex, and i am over every last one i assure you, why i avoid ex's like they are the ebola virus.

i forgot the specific reason why i was in little rock, but for whatever the reason may be i went home to little rock for a few weeks. Anyway I had heard through the grapevine that an ex of mine was doing really really bad with drugs. so I made some phone calls, got in touch with her, and sure enough she was doing pretty bad. I mean I'm over her, well over her but i give a **** about her she's not a ****ty person.. actually she did do me pretty bad but still as a person i wish the best for all. Regardless, I told my now wife who was with me that i ahd somethign to do.. she doesn't question me and said okay do what you have to do, so I pick up the ex and take her to a particuar NA meeting that i used to visit when i was livign here. I took her to starbucks afterwards and we talked for about 45 mins.. i assure you nthing went on, one beucase she is a shell of herself, she's not ugly but she's not on my level in her current state, and secondly i just don't like her. regardless i could tell she was liking the attention and was attempting to flirt with me but i wasn't having it.

anyway, i had no idea where she worked. **** i haven't talked ot her in years. nor did i ask. **** i did not thinks he had a job honestly lol. anyway, my wife wanted to go out to eat and there is a sports bar and grill i like to visit when there as they have my fav side dish on earth (cholpte shrimp)a nd they have good food overall so we go there, plus there was an Arkansas game on and i figured we could watch it there. so i go there and about 10 mins after i am there i hear this big noise "backbreaker hey!" it's her she was a waitress there. Me not having antyhing to hide i introduce her to my then GF and what not and so on. so she is making small talk and then she blirts out "i appreciate you coming to see me the other night, i had a good time". it took me a mintue to realize what just happened so I said no problem glad i could help if you need to call me you now my number.

so i'm ont really paying any attention and then i nocie out the corner of my eye my GF is starring a hole through my head

lol i said "that didn't like right did it lol" she was like "um.. no it did not, did you go see her behind my back?"

eventually i smoothed it all out but it took just about every stashed away chip of goodwill i had to do so.. she knew what she was doing that's the reason she left out the NA part. she just wanted to start ****. and damn near did.

anyway I have 1 particaular ex who neither of us really care she's married i'm married. but the rest i go to great depths not to see. most still have something for me as i did the leaving.

 

[zekko]

I told my now wife who was with me that i ahd somethign to do.. she doesn't question me and said okay do what you have to do, so I pick up the ex and take her to a particuar NA meeting that i used to visit when i was livign here. I took her to starbucks afterwards and we talked for about 45 mins

You've got to admit you brought that one on yourself, BB.
As a penalty, I'm calling you a Capt. Save-a-Ho.