Ex reached out after 6.5 weeks of no contact

jnMissouri

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Background: things ended badly, not our first time. I didn't respond to her slew of last text messages that day full of threats and her usual up and down borderline personality. I texted her sister and told her that she needs to keep her away from me and that I will sue her if she keeps harassing me, that I was deleting both of their numbers and moving on. This wasn't our first time, but usually she'd wait for me to reach out. I didn't. Hence the 6.5 weeks.

In any case she went back to her old ways while apart (thanks Facebook) and I moved on, wrote her off, decided not to reach out to her again. Her or her sister. So this morning she texts me that she doesn't expect a reply (or really wants one) but she hopes I'm doing well and that she wishes me every bit of happiness.

Knowing her, she always says things like this and if I ignore her the messages keep rolling in and getting more submissive each time. Usually she will think I blocked her and she'll email me instead after no response.

I don't want to get back together. She is nuts and impulsive. Friends say don't leave bad blood, respond in a few days, you might tap it again. Personally, I was waiting to see if she did reach out, and this is my final closure: she did. Not sure if I should respond, or what to say, other than maybe "Thanks, I'm doing great". Leave her wondering. Or don't respond and take away her closure. Knowing her this is her way of trying to get back together.
 

billtx49

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If she is truly borderline, the further away you get, the more she thinks she wants you. If she’s the more normal variety, she wants the validation that you still want her, or her grass ain’t any greener over there…
In my world none of those answers spell love.
 

jnMissouri

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If she is truly borderline, the further away you get, the more she thinks she wants you. If she’s the more normal variety, she wants the validation that you still want her, or her grass ain’t any greener over there…
In my world none of those answers spell love.
I know her grass ain't greener for sure. She's used to guys, including me chasing her in these situations. I figured she would reach out around this time, wondering. Plus she's dying to get out of there too.

Like I said I don't want her as a gf anymore. I think she's realizing what she had and took for granted and trying to get me to talk. At best I'd bang her again but that's it. Friends say to wait a couple days then say thanks, etc to leave the door open to sex with her or her friends. I do miss talking to her married sister and she's a slut, cheats on her husband constantly...so that's an Avenue. But...

Oh and she's absolutely borderline, literally matches all the symptoms, impulsive, unstable work history a few weeks here and there, unstable up and down relationships, all of the signs. My colleagues told me their wives and ex wives are the same and officially diagnosed and pointed it out. So I looked it up. 100% match.
 

RickTheToad

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Background: things ended badly, not our first time. I didn't respond to her slew of last text messages that day full of threats and her usual up and down borderline personality. I texted her sister and told her that she needs to keep her away from me and that I will sue her if she keeps harassing me, that I was deleting both of their numbers and moving on. This wasn't our first time, but usually she'd wait for me to reach out. I didn't. Hence the 6.5 weeks.

In any case she went back to her old ways while apart (thanks Facebook) and I moved on, wrote her off, decided not to reach out to her again. Her or her sister. So this morning she texts me that she doesn't expect a reply (or really wants one) but she hopes I'm doing well and that she wishes me every bit of happiness.

Knowing her, she always says things like this and if I ignore her the messages keep rolling in and getting more submissive each time. Usually she will think I blocked her and she'll email me instead after no response.

I don't want to get back together. She is nuts and impulsive. Friends say don't leave bad blood, respond in a few days, you might tap it again. Personally, I was waiting to see if she did reach out, and this is my final closure: she did. Not sure if I should respond, or what to say, other than maybe "Thanks, I'm doing great". Leave her wondering. Or don't respond and take away her closure. Knowing her this is her way of trying to get back together.
6.5 weeks eh? Pretty exact. Sure you're not still hooked on her?
 

oldmanofthesea

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I would not respond to a borderline person. Not responding does not mean bad blood. It just means you're busy, moved on, and have other things of higher priority than responding to her. She is not "hoping you are doing well," she is trying to open the door so she can begin her manipulations again. This is what BPD people do. If you ignore them, they eventually move on and find another target to make miserable instead.
 

jnMissouri

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6.5 weeks eh? Pretty exact. Sure you're not still hooked on her?
Yeah, pretty sure. I moved on. I just counted the days and it was actually 7 weeks exactly. Last time I miss counted 10 days she corrected me that it was 12. I counted after that conversation and she was right, kept better track. Like I said I don't want her as a gf anymore. She's incapable of being one.
 

jnMissouri

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I would not respond to a borderline person. Not responding does not mean bad blood. It just means you're busy, moved on, and have other things of higher priority than responding to her. She is not "hoping you are doing well," she is trying to open the door so she can begin her manipulations again. This is what BPD people do. If you ignore them, they eventually move on and find another target to make miserable instead.
Yeah, she is definitely trying to open the door again. But like I said, I don't want her as a gf. I know that and am sticking to it. I don't think I'll respond. It will crush her that much more. It's tempting to send her texts with pics of my much younger side piece and much hotter at that. But I don't think I will. If anything I might reach out to her sister who likely told her to reach out. They talk and share screenshots of my texts and our issues. Her sister was in my corner, even lied to her for me. I have no feelings for this girl anymore really. This contact was the final closure. It shows me she broke down and reached out. Even if I don't respond, I have no doubt she will reach out again with a much longer and more submissive text. She always has...even then she is on her own. No more couple stuff. Sex only with her. Anything other than that was trouble with her and she even warned me she was crazy, a lot, I should stay away, etc. Repeatedly...but I thought I could fix her. I was wrong.
 

lifewobluelenses

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Listen! there is no "just for sex" with a BPD personality, Stay clear or she will suck you in to her web again. BPD women are pump and dump only, one time and you move on.
 

Alvafe

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problem number one you know exactly how long you was not talking with her, that means you care that much, if you didn't you would have say over a month nothing too precise.

you already know it did end badly, so why repeat?

guys lets get real here IF you do the same thing over and over expecting a diferent outcome you are crazy, with btw is the definition of crazyness. move on
 

jnMissouri

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OK, how about this. I want to take away her closure. I know from the first time we went through this she kept texting me when I didn't respond and I eventually responded...she told me months later that if I hadn't it would have sucked, she would have moved on eventually but she wouldn't have her closure.

So what's the best way to take away her closure. Last time we talked I stopped responding to her texts, instead I texted her sister and told her to tell her to stay away from me and that I was deleting their info/moving on, etc.

So I could either just respond with a "Thanks, I'm great" or just say nothing (though I think she is likely to reach out again, she always does). My ultimate goal here is to take away her closure. I got my final closure in that she is trying to establish dialogue, she reached out, etc. With that said I can fully move on (well do we ever??) knowing she did eventually reach back out.

The one thing I know with 100% certainty is I don't want to be in a relationship with this girl ever again.
 

jnMissouri

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Say nothing, Dont talk to the sister. Block and live your life!

I know that's the popular opinion on here. I will say friends who've had good advice and are a lot closer to the situation from the beginning or near beginning said she reached out, it was decent of her to do so and I should at least say something, so I kept it to "Thanks, same to you" a day later. She responded an hour later asking me why I decided to respond after all. Then a couple hours after that she sent a long text telling me she was in XYZ state, tending bar, working a retail job on top of it with one day off, playing pool, etc. Asked me again if I was OK, asked how things are going for me and if I ever broke up with my live in which she assumed I did not. Said in any case she was glad I was alive and kicking.

Friends say, and it's clear to me, that she misses me and is trying to fish for information, she knew she was my side gf and was waiting for the live in to move out. But this girl is so impulsive, I knew she wouldn't stay put where she said she was for very long. One month later she was off to another state for something else (bar-tending) which she knows I don't like her doing but alas, we are not a couple anymore.

It's tempting to block her but I'll just be tempted to check the blocked messages folder just like she did. Also two friends very close to the situation said not to block her, talk to her once in a while, but not like before. I'm torn. I did not respond to her very last two texts asking how I'm doing and if my live in moved out after all (she didn't). I know I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore but she will always have a special place in my heart. We had a tumultuous relationship but everyone you come in contact with molds you into who you are. I learned a lot from the relationship and as crazy as it sounds, she'll always be someone I think about even years from now, but I'm nostalgic like that.
 

Dan.Lifestyle

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I know that's the popular opinion on here. I will say friends who've had good advice and are a lot closer to the situation from the beginning or near beginning said she reached out, it was decent of her to do so and I should at least say something, so I kept it to "Thanks, same to you" a day later. She responded an hour later asking me why I decided to respond after all. Then a couple hours after that she sent a long text telling me she was in XYZ state, tending bar, working a retail job on top of it with one day off, playing pool, etc. Asked me again if I was OK, asked how things are going for me and if I ever broke up with my live in which she assumed I did not. Said in any case she was glad I was alive and kicking.

Friends say, and it's clear to me, that she misses me and is trying to fish for information, she knew she was my side gf and was waiting for the live in to move out. But this girl is so impulsive, I knew she wouldn't stay put where she said she was for very long. One month later she was off to another state for something else (bar-tending) which she knows I don't like her doing but alas, we are not a couple anymore.

It's tempting to block her but I'll just be tempted to check the blocked messages folder just like she did. Also two friends very close to the situation said not to block her, talk to her once in a while, but not like before. I'm torn. I did not respond to her very last two texts asking how I'm doing and if my live in moved out after all (she didn't). I know I don't want to be in a relationship with her anymore but she will always have a special place in my heart. We had a tumultuous relationship but everyone you come in contact with molds you into who you are. I learned a lot from the relationship and as crazy as it sounds, she'll always be someone I think about even years from now, but I'm nostalgic like that.
Why ask for advice if you're not going to follow it.
 

jnMissouri

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Why ask for advice if you're not going to follow it.
Because as I just said I get to weigh the advice based on my own knowledge of the situation and that of friends who are closer to the situation from the beginning and decide who's advice makes sense. That of people I often find have no women in their entire posting history and even post about being lonely or people who have women and know the details more closely. I don't blindly follow what some random anonymous person says like a robot.

I've called out a few people on this here and the forum is full of people who post junk but when you look at their posting history they have zero women...

And as I said, I'm not getting back together with her. She even told me she was unstable. I don't want to be friends and she knows that. But maybe there is a middle ground. When you love someone you don't just stop loving them or caring about them. And I had an affair, she knew that. I did 10p times worse than her. I slept in bed with another woman and chided her about Male friends. I'm not perfect. So I can't sit on a high horse here.
 
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BURT MCQUEEN

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Background: things ended badly, not our first time. I didn't respond to her slew of last text messages that day full of threats and her usual up and down borderline personality. I texted her sister and told her that she needs to keep her away from me and that I will sue her if she keeps harassing me, that I was deleting both of their numbers and moving on. This wasn't our first time, but usually she'd wait for me to reach out. I didn't. Hence the 6.5 weeks.

In any case she went back to her old ways while apart (thanks Facebook) and I moved on, wrote her off, decided not to reach out to her again. Her or her sister. So this morning she texts me that she doesn't expect a reply (or really wants one) but she hopes I'm doing well and that she wishes me every bit of happiness.

Knowing her, she always says things like this and if I ignore her the messages keep rolling in and getting more submissive each time. Usually she will think I blocked her and she'll email me instead after no response.

I don't want to get back together. She is nuts and impulsive. Friends say don't leave bad blood, respond in a few days, you might tap it again. Personally, I was waiting to see if she did reach out, and this is my final closure: she did. Not sure if I should respond, or what to say, other than maybe "Thanks, I'm doing great". Leave her wondering. Or don't respond and take away her closure. Knowing her this is her way of trying to get back together.
NEXT

unplug yourself from the matrix.

you're AFC, you need to recover

Read The Rationa Male


You already wasted , and you're still wasting too mach time and energy with this b!tch.


In this time lapse you say thet she waits to reach you out,(in these case 6.5 weeks) she got fvcked so many times by one or more alpha males that probably you don't even know them, he or they dumped her (beacuse of various reasons), he/they fvcked her with no effort and didn't heve all the hassles that you have now and had just get her intimacy, and now she's back to you the beta male.

Remember, alpha fvcks Beta bucks, and alpha is how alpha does
 
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lifewobluelenses

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I know that's the popular opinion on here. I will say friends who've had good advice and are a lot closer to the situation from the beginning or near beginning said she reached out, it was decent of her to do so and I should at least say something, so I kept it to "Thanks, same to you" a day later. She responded an hour later asking me why I decided to respond after all. Then a couple hours after that she sent a long text telling me she was in XYZ state, tending bar, working a retail job on top of it with one day off, playing pool, etc. Asked me again if I was OK, asked how things are going for me and if I ever broke up with my live in which she assumed I did not. Said in any case she was glad I was alive and kicking.

bla bla bla bla etc.

Thats how she will suck you back in to her crazy web, be warned!
Do as you please but nothing good will come out of it, Trust me on this as i have lived it and i pretty much ****ed 5 yrs of my life up
 

jnMissouri

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The alpha dumped her , and now she want's provisioning , so she gets her emotional tampon that she knows how to manipulate

You speak like you know this for a fact, but you really don't know annnnnyyyything and clearly have little experience with women. Heck you JUST signed up here lol. If you had experience you'd realize that this is normal after a period of "no contact". Usually after 30-60 days when you go no contact after a break up the other person will reach out exactly like this. The negative energy has faded, she remembers the good times. I worried that she was a sloot when I first met her, but I checked into it and it turned out she wasn't, I was the only guy she was dating at the time and I had 100% proof. Sure, she may be dating someone else and if she is, I'm happy for her. I doubt she is now considering she works two jobs but if she isn't now she will eventually. I feel sorry for the guy that ends up with her crazy. That said, she was a great person in a lot of the non normal ways that our society judges these days (material accomplishments). I have those, she didn't. But she taught me a lot about people and life in general. You must have been cheated on badly or have little actual experience. Contrary to inexperienced peoples opinions, most women aren't hoe's...That's why most guys have a really hard time getting sex from women. Yes some women are. Her sister for example I know is. But her? Nah...In any case I'd never want her as a gf again, but she's a good person that I don't want to cut out of my life. And she knows I'd never give her money, and she's never asked for any.
 

Dan.Lifestyle

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Because as I just said I get to weigh the advice based on my own knowledge of the situation and that of friends who are closer to the situation from the beginning and decide who's advice makes sense. That of people I often find have no women in their entire posting history and even post about being lonely or people who have women and know the details more closely. I don't blindly follow what some random anonymous person says like a robot.

I've called out a few people on this here and the forum is full of people who post junk but when you look at their posting history they have zero women...

And as I said, I'm not getting back together with her. She even told me she was unstable. I don't want to be friends and she knows that. But maybe there is a middle ground. When you love someone you don't just stop loving them or caring about them. And I had an affair, she knew that. I did 10p times worse than her. I slept in bed with another woman and chided her about Male friends. I'm not perfect. So I can't sit on a high horse here.
I get that but EVERYONE is saying the same thing. If it was a mixed bag of advice ok yeah vet the responses but this just shows even the beginners know what you need to do here. You are way overthinking, the answer is simple. If you don't want her in her life don't have her in your life period. You're literally getting in your own way and CHOOSING not to do what you need to do. If you were thinking about your future self, with his future wife, would he look back and say you wasted time thinking about all this and wasting time on this girl?
 
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