Ex- has turned psycho

[Jariel]

I'm sure many of you will remember the many threads I started about my ex- and how she was messing with my mind. She was looking for chances to get under my skin, to ruin my chances with any woman and has tried to destroy my friendships, but I've ignored and avoided her and got on with my life, meeting another woman in the process.

All was going great, my life was better until today when she sent me a threatening email, which begins with her telling me how much she hates me, followed by some personal insults and ending with a threat: "God help you if I see you again!"

Avoiding her means that I'm avoiding a lot of mutual friends and avoiding certain uni classes. I figured I'd let things settle and then stop avoiding her, but this last email scares me. I really don't know what she is capable of, but this is a girl with nothing to lose, past violent incidents against her ex-boyfriend and a lot of pent up hatred.

I don't know where to start in dealing with this. I'm worried for my friends, the girl I'm dating and even for my own safety. I just want her out of my life, but doing that means giving up uni and friends.

 

[Gravyboat]

Man, that's f*cked up. Have you thought about a restraining order?

 

[Joe The Homophobe]

If you knew about her past violence against ex-boyfriends then why did you go out with her?

What did you do to her that she hates you so much? maybe you should stop acting like such a p**** and be a man. Real men don't go running from anybody and specially a woman! Maybe this is the reason she is messing with you, she knows you're soft and just wants to mess with you.

psycho b1tches can smell fear from a mile away. They usually don't mess with men that don't take their crap.

 

[jprjrjr]

Originally posted by Gravyboat
Man, that's f*cked up. Have you thought about a restraining order?

CALL THE POLICE, AND HAVE HER PSYCHO ASS ARRESTED!!!! Any guy who would do anything remotely close to that would have his azz thrown in jail so fast his head would spin.

This is what I've been talking about all a long....bytches don't like being rejected.....they try to ruin your life when you stand up to them...don't back down..have her fvcking azz thrown in jail.

 

[CLOONEY]

lol, sounds mighty similar to my ex! Although she didnt have past violence against ex boyfriends. I had to get her thrown out of two clubs because she saw me out on different occassions and wouldnt leave me alone, pushing me and even tried to hit me with her champagne glass! Now, I definately know the meaning of fatal attraction! It is actually quiet scary, you never know what they are capable of!

First of all, it sounds great that you got out of it, you sounded like you liked her (or at least the drama she was bringing to your life), and this can sometimes be very hard to get out of, it requires a lot of self confidence and will power! Congrats!

Secondly, I dealt with my ex the way I was told, be firm with her, and let her know you will not tolerate her violence. If need be, tell her you will take out a restraining order! This was the threat that finally got my x to stop harassing me! She even waited outside my house at nights sometimes for half the night! Finally, she has stopped stalking me, but then again, I am yet to see her out at a club or a bar yet! Last night I was with one of my new girls, and was paranoid, every blonde that came through the door I was watching to see if it was her, and the girl I was with noticed! Doesnt help when you are trying to mack a new chica!

All the best mate, let us know how it goes!

 

[penkitten]

she is begging for your attention.
dont give her any.
ignore her ass.

she will grow up one day, and just be glad she's not your problem anyone with the way she acts.

you are much more mature than this.

 

[Jariel]

Thanks for the replies. I did like her a lot and never saw this side of her until she broke up with me. I don't know why she hates me and I don't think she knows either.

I have continued ignoring her, but this is where it turns weird. She keeps contacting my friends to find out when I'm going out with them and then she invites herself along. Today my friend had to tell her she wasn't invited, which sent her into a bit of a rage.

Apparently she moans about me non-stop to her friends and my friends, but people like me so it's causing them to side with me and choose my company over her's, which is making her even more mad.

I'm not a malicious person and I don't take pleasure from this. In fact, I wish her all the best, but it's like I'm fvcking with her head even when I'm not around.

Even if she doesn't get violent with me or my friends, it scares me that she will do something to herself.

I can't believe I got involved in all this. It's proving to be a much harder lesson than I ever expected.

 

[Bonhomme]

I hope you saved the email

It may come in handy if you need evidence to get a restraining order or whatever your equivalent is over there, if different, especially if you have other emails from her with the same routing/delivery info. Written evidence always makes it easier.

If she does something to herself, that's strictly her problem: it's her biochemistry. Something else would set her off if not you.

best of luck.

 

[Wyldfire]

I've been following your posts about this woman and her behavior. Does she fit the following description? If so, strap on your seat belt, it's gonna be a long, bumpy ride.

DSM-IV Definition of Borderline Personality Disorder

1. A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

2. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).

3. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation. This is called "splitting."

Following is a definition of splitting from the book I Hate You, Don't Leave Me by Jerry Kreisman, M.D. From page 10:

The world of a BP, like that of a child, is split into heroes and villains. A child emotionally, the BP cannot tolerate human inconsistencies and ambiguities; he cannot reconcile anther is good and bad qualities into a constant coherent understanding of another person. At any particular moment, one is either Good or EVIL. There is no in-between; no gray area....people are idolized one day; totally devalued and dismissed the next.

Normal people are ambivalent and can experience two contradictory states atone time; BPs shift back and forth, entirely unaware of one feeling state while in the other.

When the idealized person finally disappoints (as we all do, sooner or later) the borderline must drastically restructure his one-dimensional conceptionalization. Either the idol is banished to the dungeon, or the borderline banishes himself in other to preserve the all-good image of the other person.

Splitting is intended to shield the BP from a barrage of contradictory feelings and images and from the anxiety of trying to reconcile those images. But splitting often achieves the opposite effect. The frays in the BP's personality become rips, and the sense of his own identity and the identity of others shifts even more dramatically and frequently.

4. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

5. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in (5).

6. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior.

7. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).

8. Chronic feelings of emptiness.

9. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).

10. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

Dissociation is the state in which, on some level or another, one becomes somewhat removed from "reality," whether this be daydreaming, performing actions without being fully connected to their performance ("running on automatic"), or other, more disconnected actions. It is the opposite of "association" and involves the lack of association, usually of one's identity, with the rest of the world.

 

[bp1974]

Be open about what's going on. Show your friends the email so thy know what you're going through. This has two purposes - they might be able to help, and it looks mroe honest if things get nastier later on and the authorities get involved. It's easier to believe she is harrassing you if you've told people about it than if you've kept it to yourself.

 

[JonJack]

Whoah! She broke up with you and now she's tormenting you? Now that is some really heavy shyt man. Whatever it is man, just take that road that will make things easier for you. Don't have to bother whether the girl will end up in jail or a mental institution.

But from the way you post, I am of the opinion that you should probably feel pissed, angry, infuriated with this girl. You shouldn't bother whether she'll be fine or if she'll be okay. Actually, you should hope that many bad and unfortunate things should befall her.

There ain't no point thinking or looking at this girl as a decent human being. She's so far gone that she does not deserve any respect or decency from you anymore.

 

[spider_007]

You HAVE TO go get a restraining order. DO NOT HESITATE. If it was the other way around you would be in Jail by now. Get the emai, ip address, and go to the police.

If you don't and you get in a physical fight with her. You WILL GO TO JAIL. AND THEY WILL LISTEN TO HER. AND SHE WILL **** UP THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

DON'T PLAY WITH THIS SH1T

 

[Luveno]

Ok dude, you do not have to go out of your way to avoid her.

Go to all your classes, hang out with all your friends.

Heck, I'd pick up the phone and call the police right now to report that letter she sent you.

Don't ever change your life around to avoid someone. It's weak.

 

[Skullcrusher]

Originally posted by Joe The Homophobe
If you knew about her past violence against ex-boyfriends then why did you go out with her?

What did you do to her that she hates you so much? maybe you should stop acting like such a p**** and be a man. Real men don't go running from anybody and specially a woman! Maybe this is the reason she is messing with you, she knows you're soft and just wants to mess with you.

psycho b1tches can smell fear from a mile away. They usually don't mess with men that don't take their crap.

You know *NOTHING* about psychologically damaged individuals. "Stop acting like a p****" wow, such brave statement from a jockey like you. Especially knowing that people who are mentally unstable tend to be people that most normal people stay away from for their own emotional and physical safety.

Sure they can smell fear, they ride heavily on it until a more powerful male can somewhat control them but he has to put up with her crap. I don't think you've ever dated a psycho yet, till you do, keep your theories to yourself. This is also to other posters who think it's "weak" or "pathetic" to try to hide from those who want to harm us. Weigh the consquences of being firm or running away. If you can no longer emotionally handle someone, just run away is always the best than fighting.

To Jariel: Continue ignoring her, continue not trying to contact her. For some reason I think you are somewhat trying to contact her, if you are , stop doing that sh**. It'll be over till she finds a new victim.

 

[Jariel]

Just to update you, it has gone no further. My friend believes she is just attention seeking, but he says she speaks about me all the time and seems obsessed with hating me.

She could well be a BPD case reading that file Wyldfire posted, and even if not she needs help as her life revolves around spite and misery.

Meanwhile, I'm ignoring her and really starting to get my life on track.

 

[PRMoon]

Originally posted by Jariel
Just to update you, it has gone no further. My friend believes she is just attention seeking, but he says she speaks about me all the time and seems obsessed with hating me.

She could well be a BPD case reading that file Wyldfire posted, and even if not she needs help as her life revolves around spite and misery.

Meanwhile, I'm ignoring her and really starting to get my life on track.

Good to hear man
Nobody likes a psycho
my room mate FINALLY graced his way away from his psycho ex. Man did that suck and he's as relieved as I am. Maybe now he'll date somebody sane...*sigh*who am I kidding he always falls for the nutzo's

 

[Blue Phoenix]

Originally posted by Jariel
Just to update you, it has gone no further. My friend believes she is just attention seeking, but he says she speaks about me all the time and seems obsessed with hating me.

She could well be a BPD case reading that file Wyldfire posted, and even if not she needs help as her life revolves around spite and misery.

Meanwhile, I'm ignoring her and really starting to get my life on track.

I am wondering... Couldn't you have done something that pissed that girl off, leading to her "bad" attitudes? And you're not aware of it?

I think it's pretty strange that the guilt ones are always the girls and never you. Just something to think about.

 

[the_great_gaia]

Man, I am currently going thru the EXACT SAME THING TODAY!! My (now) Ex dumped me 2 weeks ago. Now, she's trying to back over me with her car, she's bragging to the world about what money her NEW boyfriend is spending on her like it's gonna affect me (not), AND SHE'S STARTING TO FOLLOW ME EVERYWHERE i GO. It's funny now, but I know it's not always gonna be a laughing matter. I was so AFC to her and that's why she let me go, and now, I'm not even acknowledging her presence and she's doing all of this: SHE TRIED TO BACK OVER ME WITH HER CAR TODAY.... What gives? I am impressed though.

 

[Robbie]

Three Things


1. SHE COULD BE A NUT. If she is BPDish, we hope that she has enough insight and self-respect to just leave you alone and find somebody else to make miserable.

2. KEEP IGNORING HER. She wants your attention. I had a girl call twenty times a day, call my parents, send numerous emails, instant messages, contact my friends, and try to access my voicemail. She stopped after a while and when she called a few weeks later, I made the mistake of answering the call. This was very stupid. Chicks like this will try to ruin your life, piece by piece. They are blood thirsty monsters who need to be strapped down and injected with hard core drugs to keep them from inflicting their terror on the next naive man.

3. TRUST YOUR GUT around this girl and her friends. If you feel uncomfortable about something, please act on it. She is bad news and you know it. Do not rationalize hanging around with her or having anything to do with her for that matter. A nut is a nut is a nut is a nut. They will get you in a lot of trouble quickly. We can only hope they lose interest in you and find somebody who is right for them, like Brother Rapp, who says "a smart woman knows when to shut the @#$! up."

Seriously, pretend that if you see or talk to or correspond with or even have to be in the same room as this person, that you will turn to stone. If you approach the situation like this, you will minimize any damage she is able to cause.

EDIT: don't go for the restraining order unless she does something off the wall. For a psycho, restraining order = attention.

 

[Luveno]

I am wondering... Couldn't you have done something that pissed that girl off, leading to her "bad" attitudes? And you're not aware of it?

Even if he did do something bad, unless it was something like giving her AIDS or killing her parents or something really inhumane, it doesn't give her the excuse to act like a psychopath.