Ex has my balls in a vise...

[Boilermaker]

Hold on - he didn't want the money but she kept insisting is what he said in his op. So we either take him at is word or we dont.
Far as I am concerned bad luck for the dumb bytch - and wouldnt matter a jot to me if it were vice versca, i.e if it was the male whom lent the money, still a stupid thing to do.
Whats with the feminist paranoia quip? So you agree with feminism or what? Whats the deal behind that rather perplexing quip?

I don't know what 'feminism' technically means. It probably has a technical and maybe sound definition (as Zarky suggests) that I don't know.

I was just making the point that if this story happened to one of us, but only the opposite way (say ex-borrows money from you and refuses to pay back) we (myself included) would be quick to jump to conclusions, throwing off things like how feminism encourages women to be in men's pockets, and so on.

But I don't like to derail this any more, I have got my "warning" from the veterans

 

[Zunder]

I don't know what 'feminism' technically means. It probably has a technical and maybe sound definition (as Zarky suggests) that I don't know.

I was just making the point that if this story happened to one of us, but only the opposite way (say ex-borrows money from you and refuses to pay back) we (myself included) would be quick to jump to conclusions, throwing off things like how feminism encourages women to be in men's pockets, and so on.

But I don't like to derail this any more, I have got my "warning" from the veterans

No mate all good - everything that can't be quantified is merely opinion and we all have our opinions, and long may it continue.

 

[Cheeks]

Update: So last night I stopped by her work to give her a check. Just walked in, handed it to her and walked out.

This text conversation followed.

Her: Thank you.

Me: You don't have to thank me, it's money owed to you.

Her: I know. I'm thanking you because I want to.

Me: I'll have another check on Friday so let me know what's up

Her: As far as what?

Me: Where or when I can give you the check.

Her: Well I'll be working my usual 3:30 to 11 shift so you can come by anytime

Me: I think it's a bit awkward for me to keep popping in to (her workplace). Kind of why I wanted to go the PayPal route. I could always mail it but stamps are expensive.

Her: You could just drop it in my mailbox then. Pay pal is unnecessary for this situation.

Me: Well gas is expensive too so work it is.

Her: Yup don't be such a wussie

Me: what

Her: The only person who feels awkward when you come here is you.

Me: Now now don't be a *****

Her: OK I'll try


I've told her many times now that I want to link PayPal accounts and dump the payments there so I don't have to keep seeing her.

She KNOWS that I'm uncomfortable seeing her at work with the guy she kicked my ass to the curb for.

What is she trying to do to me? Does she want me to suffer? Has she just lost all respect for me and wants to play around?

Her calling me a "wussie" just seems so beyond the pale, why should I have to put myself in an awkward situation with a girl who broke my heart?

 

[wilford]

If you want to go the PayPal route, then do it.
If you feel bad popping in there, don't do it.
Have some self-respect?

 

[synergy1]

A few posters get it, but sadly this thread shows that when the roles are reversed, we are just as biased as some of the women we talk about.

The short of it is simple

1 - dude needs money, gets loan
2- chick dumps him
3- guy gets pissy becasue he can't pay back and she left him


News flash bro, you still owe her the money. Complaining about it is not changing anything. Judging by that conversation in the previous post, you are just creating all this drama in your head. Put it to better use and work a second job to pay her off.

Here is my beef here. When women act dishonorable, its bad. When men ( like this) rationalize the same thing, its OK because this situation might dictate it. If the roles were reversed, we would call for the chicks head on a platter.

A fundamental tenant of this community aught to be owning up to ones responsibilities in everything in life. Many of us do this. It is the OPs responsibility to pay back money which was loaned to him without making excuses and causing drama. Men should be part of the solution to dating issues, yet guys like this set us three steps back. I see nothing here but drivel, and excuses which is no better than the women who drove us here.

Here is how this story should conclude for the OP:

1- Pay back your money
2- Move on
3- Man up

 

[Cheeks]

If you want to go the PayPal route, then do it.
If you feel bad popping in there, don't do it.
Have some self-respect?

I do want the PayPal but she won't agree to link accounts with me. That's the problem.

 

[wilford]

I do want the PayPal but she won't agree to link accounts with me. That's the problem.

Why wouldn't she agree? Is there any rational explanation for that? Doesn't she want her money back? Why do you need her approval?

Why don't just tell her "hey i don't wanna have to move to pay you, if you want your money back, it will have to be through pay pal"
What about making a rational decision based on what you think it's the best for YOU, ignoring irrational arguments, and moving on? like a man? Just an idea

 

[synergy1]

I do want the PayPal but she won't agree to link accounts with me. That's the problem.

The onus is not on her to accept a paypal link, but on you to make a payment as per an agreement. Use a check.

I can see why she left you. your utterly worthless.

 

[vatoloco]

I can see why she left you. your utterly worthless.

I didn't wanna kick the guy while he's down but that's why I didn't want to comment on the thread. He doesn't take charge. He doesn't lead. He obviously has a lot of learning to do...

Cheeks, what's happening is the following: you obviously still have feelings for this girl and keep going back to her (this loan re-payment thing is just the medium) for more abuse, even though she already dumped you and is fucking another guy, all this while you give her the satisfaction of putting you down and you taking it.

What you need to do is, each time you pay her, put the check in an envelope with her name on it, go up to her place of employment and say "Hey, [insert girl's name here], here's your check. Later." and GTFO of there and go on with your life. No conversation. No chit-chat. No opportunities for her to keep abusing you.

You obviously have issues to work out. You need to spin [a] new plate. But before that, you need to work on yourself so that you're able to attract good plates and then be able to keep them spinning...

 

[goodfoot]

Just mail the checks. It's friggin 45 cents.

 

[scrouds]

bill pay through your bank. My bank (citibank) mails out a check for me free of charge to anyone i put down.

 

[Rubirosa]

Just mail the checks. It's friggin 45 cents.

+10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

 

[SharinganUser]

Why are you in contact with this chick, other than to pay the loan? You just mail the check, and when she text's "thank you" you either reply "no problem," or you just ****ing delete it. You don't get into a conversation where she calls you a pvssy.

You shouldn't care what her whoore friends are calling you because you shouldn't be around to hear it. You have to remove yourself from the problem.


EDIT: I almost forgot. If you haven't signed a contract then you don't owe her anything. If you want to pay her back, fine, but do it on your own terms and don't sign anything. Don't even talk about it over emails, or text. Don't talk about it on the phone either. In fact I wouldn't talk about it at all to her.

 

[Cheeks]

Hey thanks for all the advice guys. I've started taking charge of the situation and paying her off in a more consistent manner.

What's funny, I saw her at work the other day and just brushed off all her comments, did a little ****y and funny with her, and basically just treated her like a child.

Now she's texting me lovey-dovey messages and apologizing for things she said. Whatever man.

I still love her though, that kind of sucks.