Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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Ex girlfriend

cognac

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So I've been chatting with my ex a bit lately. I'm the one that broke up with her a few years ago. She tells me she is in a bind financially and owes some money on some bills that have accrued over the past 2 months. About $150. I actually want to help her out. She says she might go into stripping to make some money cuz she is starting to get far behind. Told her that is disgusting, pisses me off and if she does start stripping I will not talk to her anymore basically. Told her I don't want to ever hear of her stripping or hear of it again. I have a firm belief against those clubs and the generality of what goes on behind the scenes there.

I told her I'd lend her $200 to sorta get caught up. I mean it's only 200, I've got money so it's just change to me. Today I started thinking about it. I'm the one that offered her the money for one. I'm surely never gonna see the money back no doubt. I actually want to help her but I started thinking maybe she just wants the money for something else. I dunno what ta do? Should I just forget about it and act like I never said such a thing? Damn conscience. lol
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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amoka

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If that is "just a change" to you, give it to her and dont expect to have it back. Dont worry about what she uses the money for. If after receiving the money and she still goes into stripping, do not talk to her again (as you already let her know in your chat with her).
 

cognac

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yeah. I told her no stripping. And to tell me(as in say I will not strip)she won't strip because I can't deal with someone who has no self respect flashing their body for money in front of perverts. And to not disappoint me.
 

jophil28

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cognac said:
So I've been chatting with my ex a bit lately. I'm the one that broke up with her a few years ago. She tells me she is in a bind financially and owes some money on some bills that have accrued over the past 2 months. About $150. I actually want to help her out. She says she might go into stripping to make some money cuz she is starting to get far behind. Told her that is disgusting, pisses me off and if she does start stripping I will not talk to her anymore basically. Told her I don't want to ever hear of her stripping or hear of it again. I have a firm belief against those clubs and the generality of what goes on behind the scenes there.

I told her I'd lend her $200 to sorta get caught up. I mean it's only 200, I've got money so it's just change to me. Today I started thinking about it. I'm the one that offered her the money for one. I'm surely never gonna see the money back no doubt. I actually want to help her but I started thinking maybe she just wants the money for something else. I dunno what ta do? Should I just forget about it and act like I never said such a thing? Damn conscience. lol
Cognac, what are you thinking ? Her financial problems are HERS, not your's..
You are being manipulated and used.

You are allowing her problems to be transferred across to you - a boundary violation.
You might want to stay on this site for a while longer to kill off your Capt-save-a- Ho mentality.
 

cognac

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Jophil I am using this as a test on her. $200 is nothing to me. I want to see what her reaction is and see how it pans out. So either way if I am being used or not it's gonna be her loss in the long run if she chooses the wrong path with me.
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Ease

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cognac said:
Jophil I am using this as a test on her. $200 is nothing to me. I want to see what her reaction is and see how it pans out. So either way if I am being used or not it's gonna be her loss in the long run if she chooses the wrong path with me.
She probably knows how strongly you feel about her stripping.

She probably is using it to get a reaction and sympathy from you.

Sounds like your being manipulated.
 

jophil28

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cognac said:
Jophil I am using this as a test on her. $200 is nothing to me. I want to see what her reaction is and see how it pans out. So either way if I am being used or not it's gonna be her loss in the long run if she chooses the wrong path with me.
Why are you bothering to "test" an ex ? What do you want from her, or hope to gain ?
 

game.r

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cognac said:
yeah. I told her no stripping. And to tell me(as in say I will not strip)she won't strip because I can't deal with someone who has no self respect flashing their body for money in front of perverts. And to not disappoint me.
she's you ex why do u need to deal with her?

And if someone decides to go to a strip club that doesnt make them a pervert.
 

romangod

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cognac said:
Jophil I am using this as a test on her. $200 is nothing to me. I want to see what her reaction is and see how it pans out. So either way if I am being used or not it's gonna be her loss in the long run if she chooses the wrong path with me.
If you say this enough times to yourself you might actually believe it.

What is this need to "test" her?

Don't bullsh*t a bullsh*tter. :nono:

If you really want to test her try loaning her a few thousand bucks. It's her loss if it doesn't pan out. :whistle:

Cheers!
 

cedd

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And why are you going upster about her stripping ?
You are neither her bf nor her father, your are her EX !
I guess you dont want to imagine her (in bed) with a another guy, do you ?

if 200$ is change for you and you want help her out (if she deserves it), just give her that money and say "you will thank me later. Good luck".

one more good deed and you will get your wings !

cheers.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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cognac

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I thought about this. It is a bad idea. I actually started caring about her again through talkin with her. Shame on myself. i dunno what the hell ta tell her when she asks why I changed my mind.
 

cedd

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cognac said:
I thought about this. It is a bad idea. I actually started caring about her again through talkin with her. Shame on myself. i dunno what the hell ta tell her when she asks why I changed my mind.
Be honest. Nothing wrong with changing your mind. You dont owe her anything, then.
 

cognac

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I actually want to get back together with her. My mind is all over the place about it. The whole she wants to strip thing pissed me off. Nothing I can do about it anyway even if i tell her not to she'll end up doing it anyways.
 

cedd

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yes youre right. Its none of your business.
Stop contacting her. you will help YOU out !
 

sodbuster

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SO, WHY is she your EX? If you broke up with her, the same reasons will come back the first time you try to date her again.
 

"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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squirrels

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A fool and his money are soon parted.

Jophil is right. If she wanted your cawk, she would HIDE her financial issues, rather than air them out. The fact that she is telling you about them says, at least to me, that she needs money and knows you have it.

Tell her to strip. Give her the money at the club for a lapdance. That way, she's at least paying you back with more than false hope.
 

romangod

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cognac said:
I actually want to get back together with her. My mind is all over the place about it. The whole she wants to strip thing pissed me off. Nothing I can do about it anyway even if i tell her not to she'll end up doing it anyways.

At least you're finally being honest with yourself. It was obvious to everyone but you. Still, I have no idea why you want to get back with her. She doesn't sound like much of a catch. Are you that desperate?


Cheers!
 

zekko

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I actually want to get back together with her. My mind is all over the place about it. The whole she wants to strip thing pissed me off. Nothing I can do about it anyway even if i tell her not to she'll end up doing it anyways.
You don't approve of her stripping, yet she wants to strip (or is at least open to the idea). I think that pretty strongly suggests that this woman is not a good match for you. Better to find someone who meets your standards.
 

SBW

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cognac said:
I told her I'd lend her $200 to sorta get caught up. I mean it's only 200, I've got money so it's just change to me.
I would guess that this is 200 to begin with - Then she may "need" a lot more. Still, your choice. My adage is "never lend what I'm not prepared to give"

As for the stripping, I've known quite a few over the years. Although I'm no fan of strip clubs (who wants to watch a pal adopt a fake persona and strip?) . All but one of them have been seriously troubled women who were disasters waiting to happen. Also, none of them would have much trouble making the equivalent of a few hundred dollars worth of tips/gifts in even an average night.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

Read more...

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