Ex Girlfriend wants to talk

[gottafixit]

ALright guys just looking for some input. I dated a girl for almost three months. We did the BF GF thing for about 5 weeks and had a bunch of issues that ultimatly winded down into a final phone call ten days ago where she said that she didnt have the feelings she should after this time and essentially we broke up. Of course this gave me a temporary case of insanity for a couple days but I sent her an email just putting somethings into perspective that didnt make sense and left it at that. Two days later I got a text that said she wasn't ignoring me but was just super busy", which I didn't repspond to right away. I walk to her friend alot who told me she was happy with the things in the email and has seriously been thinking she made the wrong decision. After three days while I was out of town I sent a txt saying that being away made me understand things and that I have essentially "woke up". She responds by saying have fun on your trip, we will talk when you get back. She initated contact with me again asking to talk this week, and I confirmed a day.

Any advice is appreciated. I want this girl alot, I'm just not tracking that if there are no feelings there, then what the hell is there to talk about???

I suspect she is going to want to try again, and take things slow, but if we are not exclusive I am not really interested because I dont want her seeing other people.

I had already met her parents and she had me around her firends, but...I could tell she maybe wasn't feeling it, then told me that on the phone, and now is reconsidering?? Confusement 101 here.

Talk to me.

 

[gottafixit]

Bump

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Bumping your thread after 20 minutes?

That's not gonna win you many supporters

 

[gottafixit]

How old are you?

Anyway, she dumped you. How much bigger of a red flag do you want? She has total control over you at the moment and if she decides to get back with you, then she'll have all the power in the relationship aswell.

You are way too attached to this girl. You've manage to survive your whole life without her and after ten days without her, you're going "insane" and getting all worked up over her. You gotta spin more plates, my friend.

I'm fine now. I said a temporary period of insanity. LOL I'm 29 she is 28. I got the she dumped me part very clearly. But her friend is telling me she feels she made a huge mistake. What other reason is there to talk? But it seems she is putting forth the effort her to talk. How do I get back with her without getting back with her. ????

 

[gottafixit]

Bumping your thread after 20 minutes?

That's not gonna win you many supporters

Sorry man, we are meeting tommorrow and I need you guys to put me in my place so I dont say something stupid.

 

[gottafixit]

I have no idea what you mean.

You said if I she takes me back she has the power. But SHE wants to talk so isnt it possible SHE wants me back. I want to be with her, so I don't see how I can be with her, without the power struggle assuming she is giving me the chance to slide back in.

 

[john_trenor]

Hey gottofixit,

I think every guy, inclduing me, feels your pain. Women tend to get distant sometimes and play hard to get... The good news is that when they do this, it means they probably like you. All you have to do is understand why women act distant and then you know what to do about it...

Especially at the beginning of relationships, women will sometimes freak out and get distant and cold all of a sudden! She'll be all over you one day, and won't talk to you the next.

90% of the time women act this way because they are instinctively protecting themselves from heartbreak. People carry a lot of baggage around with them and she doesn't know you well enough yet to understand that you will not hurt her - trust takes some time to develop.

Your ex just needed some time to get comfortable with what her body and heart already new: that she's attracted to you. During this time, she naturally got distant and broke it off (for a bit it looks like). Again, it's just a freak-out due to her internal conflict. It's not fun as a guy to endure this period of distance, but the good news is that it looks like you played all your cards well.

Right now, just make sure to create a comfortable atmosphere - you want her to feel safe with you and realize how silly she was acting. Don't chase her around too much because that might scare her. Instead, just be funny, confident and interesting - she'll fell secure and attracted to you this way.

Good luck my friend.

 

[Nkognito]

Your predicament falls right into mine with the exception of a few things. A girl I dated did the same thing, see my thread a few below this. In the end she said she did not feel the same way I did and that she "would know by now" We were reaching our 3 month mark but her mom was in the hospital and she had a lot going on.

I am new here but have been listening and reading a lot and the best I can recommend is to go no contact. I know you want her but I think you're on the "oneitis" ledge my friend. My girl originally did not want to come tell me in person because she thought I could talk her into staying but she said she felt she was not in it at least "for the long haul". She ended up cutting it off in text. She then got wishy washy in the end and said she didn't come to me because of things I said but then I apologized a few days later and it made up for that.

My ex was not sure, she was stringing me along by not coming to get her stuff. I was being manipulated and placed into "back up guy" box. I wasn't going to be second best and dropped her stuff off and left it at that. I went no contact for 3 weeks, it was bad but I was able to do it. I fowled up on week 4 but I have not gone back. I think you should do the same. She is going to string you along until some other guy (prospect) comes along.

 

[Iceberg]

I'm fine now. I said a temporary period of insanity. LOL I'm 29 she is 28. I got the she dumped me part very clearly. But her friend is telling me she feels she made a huge mistake. What other reason is there to talk? But it seems she is putting forth the effort her to talk. How do I get back with her without getting back with her. ????

Well here's the deal. Everyone feels like they made a mistake after dumping someone. I left my ex...great, great girl....and weeks - no - months later, I'd still think it was a mistake. It's a natural reaction.

Problem is, your girlfriend is in the driver's seat of this relationship. And honestly, it's barely even a relationship. Three months? People have booty call arrangements that last longer. But, back to her being in control...She knows that you're sitting around waiting. You're emailing her. You're texting her. You're talking to her friends about the breakup. And all the while, she's "Not ignoring you....just too busy to respond."

That's not a little game she's playing. She's genuinely lacking interest in being with you.

This girl might very well get back with you. But she'll always have her eye out for something better. At least that's what happens to me every time I've gone back with an ex that I left.

Either way. You're way too torn up over the loss of a 3-month fling. I have a sneaking suspicion that you're not exactly the type who had an active dating life.

 

[Thundernuts]

This girl might very well get back with you. But she'll always have her eye out for something better

Agree. Listen man, it sounds like this relationship of your got to serious to fast, you got comfortable with it and she left because what made things interesting in the beginning was gone.

Now if you want her back, you have to change, you have to be indifferent about the outcome, the moment you seem concerned is the moment she will realise why she left you in the first place. Women want to chase the men, she is either gonna chase you or someone else and as long as you keep giving her control of the situation the less she is going to have to chase you.

Look, i am a firm believer that it is better to know for sure than to wonder what could have been, and you are getting some good signs but seriously do not get to attached to this girl. If she is seriously considering getting back with you, you have to assert your dominance right then and there. You aren't gonna take any crap, your gonna be the man and she is gonna be the woman, and a man wears his pants strong and carries a big mother****in stick because he goes far.

Just remember, if things go right back to the way they were, things aren't going good, its your job to make this go differently.

In this situation though i wouldn't do it, but hey nothing ventured nothing gained, good luck.

 

[gottafixit]

I'm thinking maybe if she opens the door enough it would be cool to hit it one more time then leave her. :rockon:

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

I'm thinking maybe if she opens the door enough it would be cool to hit it one more time then leave her. :rockon:

I know what you're going through man. So don't think I'm being harsh...

But Hit it and leave? Who are you fooling? That doesn't sound like you. If you hit it tonight, you'd be waking up early to serve her breakfast in bed tomorrow. This little 3-month relationship has you all mushy and soft.

You need to just break ties with this girl for a while. Go out on the town for a few months, work out, meet women, make more friends...basically become a new man. If you wanna give her a call AFTER all that, just to show off the cool new you, then go for it.

 

[gottafixit]

I know what you're going through man. So don't think I'm being harsh...

But Hit it and leave? Who are you fooling? That doesn't sound like you. If you hit it tonight, you'd be waking up early to serve her breakfast in bed tomorrow.

Yea I know but it sounded good.

 

[gottafixit]

It will most liekly sound like this. "I still wanna see you but I dont want to be in a relationship yet". I bet the world she says that.

 

[Jeffst1980]

I wrote this a couple years back:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=149268&page=1

 

[OFWHAP]

It will most liekly sound like this. "I still wanna see you but I dont want to be in a relationship yet". I bet the world she says that.

Or she'll say, "I don't want to rush back into things."

I went through this exact same thing almost two years ago. She broke up with me, asked me to come back, etc. The cycle repeated a few times, and it definitely screwed with me. She felt bad about breaking up with me, all girls do. We were best friends, and you feel bad when you hurt your best friend. With that having been said, once a girl loses interest in you, it's over. She'll miss you when you're gone, but once y'all are hanging out again, she'll be reminded of why no longer has feelings for you. It's not necessarily anything you did, but she feels like something is lacking in the relationship. I'm sorry, but we've all been there. Listen to our advice.

 

[Thundernuts]

Or she'll say, "I don't want to rush back into things."

I went through this exact same thing almost two years ago. She broke up with me, asked me to come back, etc. The cycle repeated a few times, and it definitely screwed with me. She felt bad about breaking up with me, all girls do. We were best friends, and you feel bad when you hurt your best friend. With that having been said, once a girl loses interest in you, it's over. She'll miss you when you're gone, but once y'all are hanging out again, she'll be reminded of why no longer has feelings for you. It's not necessarily anything you did, but she feels like something is lacking in the relationship. I'm sorry, but we've all been there. Listen to our advice.

You guys, i have the coupe de gra of AFC mistakes.

My ex girlfriend and i broke up because i was moving to texas. After a few months i realised things werent working for me so i asked my ex is i was back in california would she give me another chance, she said yes. Two days later I'm in california and we see eachother, eventually she gets back together with some no good piece of **** and blah blah blah, the sob stories continue but let me tell you what she said to justify her actions after i gave up my life.
(mind you guys i know this whole thing was stupid but i was dumb and in love, terrible combination)

" I still have feelings for you, but right now isn't a good time, who knows whats gonna happen in the future though"

To the OP, if she gives you any kind of crap like this im telling you right now RUN AND DON"T LOOK BACK

 

[ENIGMA16]

Come back when she dumps you again, I'll be interested in hearing what you have to say then.

 

[TheManOfSteel]

Stop talking to her and meet other women.

 

[f283000]

oh great not this s**** again

this must be the millionth "gf/ex re-initiated contact" thread i've seen and they always end the same way.