Ex comes back and tells me something awful

[SoldMySoul]

Alright all you mature fellows, need some insight from others who have been involved in a similar story I am about to tell.

Was with a woman in LDR for a few years and last June we stopped seeing each other so to speak. I loved this woman very much. Things just were just dysfunctional because of her leading two lives. I was the other man by accident and by the time I found out, I was in love.

We spoke a few times after last June. She has contacted me several times this year and the other day she said she would be about 30 minutes from me on business and wanted to do lunch.

When I saw her, my feelings were the same and I felt hers were as well. We spent the day together and later in the evening we were tired so we retired to my room and thing became intimate. Before the act could take place she froze on me. This annoyed me of course. Then she drops a bomb on my a$$. She said two years ago she became pregnant by me and had an abortion. Then nutted up crying and having a panic attack.

We neither wanted children, but I would have been okay with having a child with her because the love I had and still have for her. I was hurt!!!!!!!

Anyone out there had a woman do this to them?

 

[KontrollerX]

LDR + pregnancy tale of woe + flowing tears=

1. You don't know if the aborted baby was even yours (without a DNA test on its remains) I don't care how much you trust her and think you know her.

2. The crying is more about her guilt over murdering her baby than it is over murdering your baby ie she just needs someone to cry on the shoulder of about it and selfishly used you as that shoulder.

3. TMD- too much drama. DTB- dump that b!tch. Unless of course you are a masochist and enjoy this sort of madness.

 

[speed dawg]

She sounds fvcking crazy. Believe me, she would have let you know if she suspected you were the the father. There are too many benefits available to her for her not to.

This b1tch is lying. Stay away from her.

 

[SoldMySoul]

She sounds fvcking crazy. Believe me, she would have let you know if she suspected you were the the father. There are too many benefits available to her for her not to.

This b1tch is lying. Stay away from her.

What benefits? She was married and I was not her husband.

 

[Luthor Rex]

LDR + pregnancy tale of woe + flowing tears=

1. You don't know if the aborted baby was even yours (without a DNA test on its remains) I don't care how much you trust her and think you know her.

This late in the game, he can't even confirm she was pregnant to start with!

Now, I guess the story she told was too screwy to not be true... but still... this long after the event and NOW she says something? Maybe something is wrong with the story, definitely this girl has a piss poor character.

The OP should run fast, run far.

3. TMD- too much drama. DTB- dump that b!tch. Unless of course you are a masochist and enjoy this sort of madness.

Here here!

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Alright all you mature fellows, need some insight from others who have been involved in a similar story I am about to tell.

Was with a woman in LDR for a few years and last June we stopped seeing each other so to speak. I loved this woman very much. Things just were just dysfunctional because of her leading two lives. I was the other man by accident and by the time I found out, I was in love.

We spoke a few times after last June. She has contacted me several times this year and the other day she said she would be about 30 minutes from me on business and wanted to do lunch.

When I saw her, my feelings were the same and I felt hers were as well. We spent the day together and later in the evening we were tired so we retired to my room and thing became intimate. Before the act could take place she froze on me. This annoyed me of course. Then she drops a bomb on my a$$. She said two years ago she became pregnant by me and had an abortion. Then nutted up crying and having a panic attack.

We neither wanted children, but I would have been okay with having a child with her because the love I had and still have for her. I was hurt!!!!!!!

Anyone out there had a woman do this to them?

Yes.

To this day I do not know if she was telling the truth or not. She left me and decided she wanted to come back to me a month or so later. I was really into this girl and quite naive as she obviously ****ed around during this period. So we got back together. Then she dumped me again out of the blue. Then we got back together again two months later when she started calling me again. So it was this make up break up ****.

Turns out she dumped me second time round because she heard that I had slept with two other women between our "relationship" break. She was devastated by this cheating and the fact that I moved on so quickly. (although chances are ****ing an ex first time round when I got dumped) Even worse was that she had found out she was pregnant. She was so angry at me and so desperate because she believed things would never work out that she had an abortion.

It broke me into pieces. Treated this girl like gold, I was head over heels and I am anti abortion. Which she knew. The problem was that her story lacked congruency so I will never know if its true or not. Not to mention that as time has passed I have come to realise that she was nuts. Possibly bi polar.

Now what did I learn from this? If I knew then (I was 23) what I knew now, this **** would never have gone down this way. I would never have been involved with the girl because she is a drama queen and possibly bi polar.

If I could give you one piece of advice? Nay, make that two.

Firstly, you are not responsible for her actions and there is no reason to feel guilt. You were never given the opportunity to act! Women act emotionally and then rationalise things after. Which quite often includes blame shifting. She wants to make this a problem for both of you when the reality is that she made it a problem for herself. She is looking to shift accountability to ease her guilt. This is not your fault and you are not to blame for this. You were never given options and her acting on your behalf is neither honourable nor should it be acceptable.

Second would be to cut this woman out of your life completely. If she was honest about this and she was pregnant yet never told you until after the abortion? Self centred, self serving ***** who wont even accept responsibility for her actions now by trying to shift accountability. She did something she feels guilty about and is trying to absolve herself of wrongdoing by suggesting she did it for you as much as for her. If she is lying, and there is a chance she may very well be, then she is a headcase.

Cut her off completely and move on. What she has done is unacceptable and there really is no way back from something like this. Not to mention that she is attached. WTF? How do you even know its yours?

 

[DJDamage]

Listen to what the other posters said, that chick is wacked.

First of LDR is not a relationship, you can't have it without her actual body being present on consistent basis. She had a real relationship with someone else and was using you for ego stroking attention and a side option for fun.

I wouldn't trust in whatever information that is coming out of this woman's mouth. To hide something like this from you for supposedly 2 years is very sketchy and she proved herself to be untrustworthy as a result.

You dodged a bullet there that you didn't have a baby with her (whether her story was even real or not, regardless you did have sex with her). You have oneitis for this chick and she is playing you and the other man in her life for fools.

You need to end this relationship with this woman and find yourself a relatonship that isn't long distance, that the woman is single instead of a cheater and that she is trustworthy. You owe it to yourself to be in a healthy relationship and healthy situation instead of hanging onto this messed up in the head situation and being miserable.

 

[jophil28]

Listen to what the other posters said, that chick is wacked.

First of LDR is not a relationship, you can't have it without her actual body being present on consistent basis. She had a real relationship with someone else and was using you for ego stroking attention and a side option for fun.

She was using the OP for," ego stroking and a side option for fun". Bingo !

Yep.. women who f*k around on their husband/ LTR boyfriend/ fiance NEVER leave their established relationship for the 'other guy' because they have too much invested in the first one. They f*k around to 'fill in the gaps' only.
YOu are there to PROVIDE her only with the elements that are absent from her 'real' life.
If you are foolish enough to develop feelings for a woman who lives/sleeps with another guy, then you are in a very powerless position . SHe has all the power, and she WILL dump you like a hot brick when you show your 'feelings' and you expect her to act like a regular girlfriend.
Then she is likely to reappear in your life whens she needs another refill.
SHe is NOT interested in a mutally satisfactory relationship with you, rather she is with you for entertainment, for romance, sex, and good feelings.

Women like this 'compartmentalize" the affair guy. YOu are her secret distraction. She has to keep you a secret, and so you are not invited to any of her social events .
BUT she will also subtly lead you to believe that she is miserable enough to consider leaving her husband because she does not want to honest about the fact that she just wants a fun 'affair' with you. They have NO intention to leave #1 guy because he is her established source of financial and social security.

MY gut tells me that the story about the abortion is a faked up dramatic tug at your heart strings to place you back on her hook as her toy .
She can no longer hook you in with the covert promise to leave her husband because that no longer holds any credibility ,so she has invented an even more emotive event to stun and fascinate you into submitting to her emotional control.
Telling you that she aborted YOUR child is perhaps the most powerful, but evil, mindf*k of all.

Why did you ever take her back in the first place??

 

[penkitten]

it is common to hear chicks gossip about things and one of the number one revenge things to hear them do is to tell an ex that they randomly bump into that he missed out on his boat because she had been pregnant by him, and since she knew he wouldn't be man enough to help her with their baby, without even talking to him about it, that she cowgirl'ed up and went and had an abortion because it was a sensible thing to do.

the thing about it is : if she didn't think the guy would be a good enough man to help raise his own kid, that she went on her own , in secret and aborted her baby, why in the hell would she mention it when bumping into him somewhere months or years later?
it doesn't make sense that she would mention it.

i hear chicks plot and plan on how to say things like this to ex's and then some of them actually say this crap... with real tears coming out of their eyes. all to hurt the guy and break his spirit down. make him think he wasn't good enough to be in on the decision on the first place.

these are the same type of chicks that go around saying they were pregnant but someone pushed them down some stairs and they must have miscarried their baby.

chicks tell these types of stories and laugh their ass off to their other chick friends when they get home.

it's a mind game.

 

[Bible_Belt]

omg pk, that is good stuff! The rep system won't let me rep you anymore, but other people should. (hint! hint!)

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah really kickass reply Penny. :box:

Sadly it won't let me rep you anymore either.

 

[Luthor Rex]

it is common to hear chicks gossip about things and one of the number one revenge things to hear them do is to tell an ex that they randomly bump into that he missed out on his boat because she had been pregnant by him, and since she knew he wouldn't be man enough to help her with their baby, without even talking to him about it, that she cowgirl'ed up and went and had an abortion because it was a sensible thing to do.

the thing about it is : if she didn't think the guy would be a good enough man to help raise his own kid, that she went on her own , in secret and aborted her baby, why in the hell would she mention it when bumping into him somewhere months or years later?
it doesn't make sense that she would mention it.

i hear chicks plot and plan on how to say things like this to ex's and then some of them actually say this crap... with real tears coming out of their eyes. all to hurt the guy and break his spirit down. make him think he wasn't good enough to be in on the decision on the first place.

Which is why when a woman tells you this story, the man should respond with one of his own:

"You aborted my baby? Here I felt guilty all this time never telling you I had AIDS."

Hopefully now she'll think that you gave her aids... lol

 

[penkitten]

Which is why when a woman tells you this story, the man should respond with one of his own:

"You aborted my baby? Here I felt guilty all this time never telling you I had AIDS."

Hopefully now she'll think that you gave her aids... lol

i would say herpes, as it is much more common to actually have.

 

[horaholic]

I wonder if my ex still laughs about how she convinced me she had a brain tumor and had less than a month left to live. That fvcked me up for while! I called her out about lying, but she eventually convinced me, and I'll tell you, I was a wreck about it until a few months later, she moved back to my town, and I wouldnt have anything to do with her, and one of our mutual friends ran into her, and said she looked great.

She had two miscarriages form me as well, if either one of them were true... or mine, for that matter.

 

[jophil28]

the thing about it is : if she didn't think the guy would be a good enough man to help raise his own kid, that she went on her own , in secret and aborted her baby, why in the hell would she mention it when bumping into him somewhere months or years later?
it doesn't make sense that she would mention it.it's a mind game.

It is is the same genre as those get square games in which baitchy women sell his Merc for $1 on eBay .
IT is in the same (low) class of behavior as blocking visitation rights to his children.

Telling a guy that she secretly aborted his child is a power stroke. IT is an attempted to toss an emotional handgrenade at him out of sheer raging baitchiness because their relationship did not pan out and naturally she blames him.

A Possible translation, "I could not control you or my relationship with you, and I hate you for leaving me so you have to pay. I am going to tell you that I destroyed your child to inflict on you as much pain as possible. I did it in secret to hurt you even more. See how POWERFUL I am."


And that is how some of them really think and behave.
And the scariest thought of all is that some of these loonies will eventually trap another guy and go through the motions of raising innocent, unsuspecting ,dependent children who have no choice in the matter..

Don't leave home without your condoms, men.

In fact, as an extra safeguard, I would not even open my Inbox to check out my "New Matches" without wearing one...

 

[WaterTiger]

IT is an attempted to toss an emotional handgrenade at him out of sheer raging baitchiness because their relationship did not pan out and naturally she blames him.

"Emotional Handgrenade" is the perfect term for this. (Jophil28, you should trade-mark that! )

You don't even know the kid was yours! It could have been her HUSBAND'S.

She saved you from 18 years of child support payments as well as messy court battles and DNA tests.

(Gentlemen! Do not pay her a penny till you get confirmation from a DNA lab of YOUR choosing.:nono: )

 

[jophil28]

She has contacted me several times this year and the other day she said she would be about 30 minutes from me on business and wanted to do lunch.

What is it that Rollo says about not rooting through your garbage after you have dragged it to the curb ?

His comment about you getting all messy and not finding what you are looking for sure applies to you.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Wow... I don't have much to add here, but wanted to extend my condolences. True or not, that was a terrible thing for her to do, either A.) to not allow you any involvement in the decision process, or B.) Lie about it altogether... I am very, very sorry, because either way this is having a huge impact on you.

 

[SoldMySoul]

She was using the OP for," ego stroking and a side option for fun". Bingo !

Yep.. women who f*k around on their husband/ LTR boyfriend/ fiance NEVER leave their established relationship for the 'other guy' because they have too much invested in the first one. They f*k around to 'fill in the gaps' only.
YOu are there to PROVIDE her only with the elements that are absent from her 'real' life.
If you are foolish enough to develop feelings for a woman who lives/sleeps with another guy, then you are in a very powerless position . SHe has all the power, and she WILL dump you like a hot brick when you show your 'feelings' and you expect her to act like a regular girlfriend.
Then she is likely to reappear in your life whens she needs another refill.
SHe is NOT interested in a mutally satisfactory relationship with you, rather she is with you for entertainment, for romance, sex, and good feelings.

Women like this 'compartmentalize" the affair guy. YOu are her secret distraction. She has to keep you a secret, and so you are not invited to any of her social events .
BUT she will also subtly lead you to believe that she is miserable enough to consider leaving her husband because she does not want to honest about the fact that she just wants a fun 'affair' with you. They have NO intention to leave #1 guy because he is her established source of financial and social security.

MY gut tells me that the story about the abortion is a faked up dramatic tug at your heart strings to place you back on her hook as her toy .
She can no longer hook you in with the covert promise to leave her husband because that no longer holds any credibility ,so she has invented an even more emotive event to stun and fascinate you into submitting to her emotional control.
Telling you that she aborted YOUR child is perhaps the most powerful, but evil, mindf*k of all.

Why did you ever take her back in the first place??

WOW!!! Were you and my father sharing a brain? He laid it out in the fashion you did. Almost exactly! I have not taken her back.

Thanks to all that responded and each of you have given me much to think about. The advice given is priceless, truly it is. Most agree that her doing this at all and bringing it up 2 years later is really $hitty.

If it happened, SHE KILLED A LIFE TO SPARE A MAN FEELINGS!!!! If it were mine, it was a part of me! She assured me it was mine, but as close family and friends have said, "You have as much reason to believe it as you to disbelieve it."

Jop, it wasn't a grenade, it was a freaking weapon of mass destruction!! She went as far as telling me how horrible the experience was including the place where it was done. Here is the best part which gives me some doubt. She would not tell me exactly where it was, just the vicinity. Also said it was the only one where she was at, but funny thing is I saw several online at her location.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Wow... I don't have much to add here, but wanted to extend my condolences. True or not, that was a terrible thing for her to do, either A.) to not allow you any involvement in the decision process, or B.) Lie about it altogether... I am very, very sorry, because either way this is having a huge impact on you.

Thank you so much! I appreciate your sentiments and you are right. A big damn impact on me!!!! I mean this woman has been out of my life for a year and comes back like this....JESUS!!!! If loving a person makes me an AFC and having Oneitis, guilty as charged.

I met her when I was separated from ex wife and going through my divorce. She of course said she was unhappy, separated and getting a divorce as well. I found otherwise when her husband called me. By that time, I was in love with her and believed her. Big mistake!!!!!!!

What is it that Rollo says about not rooting through your garbage after you have dragged it to the curb ?

His comment about you getting all messy and not finding what you are looking for sure applies to you.

Rollo would be dead on about me in this case no doubt!