Ex Broke Up With Me

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

My ex and I were doing great when I was in high school. Everything was going good. But I left for college and she was still a senior in high school. It was tough and everything. I had all the power at first. I did what I wanted, and she was the one that cried when things went bad. Now, its the other way around. I get pissed now, and she does not seem to mind. Its like we role reversed.

To the point, she told me a few days ago she wanted to be friends and that she did not want to date me anymore. She said its tough and she needs to see me everyday in order to be with me. I tried to get her back. Note: I admit I did everything wrong here: I begged and pleaded, I said I loved her, tried to persuade her to get back together. She said she did not want to date right now because its her senior year, but I ended up taking her my senior year. Anyway, I need some tips on getting her back?

I was never an AFC like this, but a breakup hurts. We dated for 9 months, but hung out for a year and one month. So technically, it was over a year of hanging out. I wanna get her back. She still says we could get back together, and wants to see me this weekend. Begging and pleading did not work, and it prly hurt me. But I still believe there is hope. Tips guys--what should I do to improve my chances starting this week.

 

[slcKing]

I would cut off contact with her for a while if i were u. go out meet a few new girls. make yourself unavailable to her. right now she has all the power over you because she broke up with you so now u need to turn the tables on her by cutting off contact with for about a month or 2, then she would want u even more because she haven't heard from you in a while.

 

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

So should I answer her texts if she texts me? I would rather try to get her back right now and see if I have a chance with her again. It's weird--I went from having all the power and not giving a **** to falling for her and losing the power completely. The past two weekends I have did everything wrong to get her back--texting too much, getting upset, begging, trying logic. I don't feel it's too late, but I need to act fast.

I was thinking about cutting contact for a few days, then when/if she texts me a few days after that, ill respond with short, quick answers showing I don't care at all. And I was thinking of doing everything I was recently doing the opposite--agree to be friends with her, treat her like my friend, don't texr her much, show her I don't need her. But I only see her once a week, so...

Any helpful info?

 

[Igetit!]

So should I answer her texts if she texts me? I would rather try to get her back right now and see if I have a chance with her again. It's weird--I went from having all the power and not giving a **** to falling for her and losing the power completely. The past two weekends I have did everything wrong to get her back--texting too much, getting upset, begging, trying logic. I don't feel it's too late, but I need to act fast.

I was thinking about cutting contact for a few days, then when/if she texts me a few days after that, ill respond with short, quick answers showing I don't care at all. And I was thinking of doing everything I was recently doing the opposite--agree to be friends with her, treat her like my friend, don't texr her much, show her I don't need her. But I only see her once a week, so...

Any helpful info?

Any helpful info? Dude,why are you asking this question? You ALREADY have the all the information you need to get this girl. You started off in your original post by saying that "you had all the power" and "she was the one who cried when things went bad". Then all of the sudden,you say that she told you that she wanted to just be friends,and she didn't want to date you anymore. Well guess what that means? It means that YOU screwed up,and this girl telling you that she "just wants to be friends" is a REACTION to what YOU did wrong. Just like her wanting to date you in the beginning was how she reacted to the way you approached her,her NOT wanting to date you now is how she's reacting to you turning afc.

And of course,you know that her saying that she doesn't want to date right now because it's her senior year is a lie. You do know that,right? You need to translate what that really means. When she said she didn't want to date her senior year,when she really meant was she didn't want to date YOU her senior year. We all know that if a guy came along who she felt chemistry for,she'd go for him in a second.

Look man,just go back to what you were doing,how you were thinking,and how you were acting and behaving with her in the beginning. Somewhere along the way,YOU changed,and started behaving afc. You changed FIRST,then she changed,but her change was a response/reaction to you turning afc. Imo.you don't need any new information on how to get back with her,unless it's info on damage control. In that case,then yeah,you might want to ignore her for a while,but when you do start to talk to her again,let it be the YOU she met at the beginning who's talking to her.

 

[DJDamage]

Anyway, I need some tips on getting her back?

The best tip I could give you is the same tip I would give you if you didn't want her back.

Go date other women and lots of women. Post those pictures on your facebook and be seen with these women, so your ex can see how popular and wanted you are now and she may want to be a part of it.

But then again if you are already in that mindset of dating multiple women, you may not want her back if she does.

 

[VIVAlasVEGASBaby]

The past two weekends I have did everything wrong to get her back--texting too much, getting upset, begging, trying logic.

So you think doing more of these things will somehow bring her back?

You have to do your best to let this go man. You might think you have a chance at getting her back but you really don't. She made up her mind weeks before she told you anything. Now shes out with other guys.

For your own sanity and self-respect you need to walk away. WITHOUT any expectation of it making her want to come back. It's time to focus on your life right now. Walking away and cutting contact is very hard but things will get better and easier if you give it time.

She flat out told you she wants to date other guys but wants to keep you around as a "friend" for emotional support in case being single isn't all she made it out to be and YOU want her back even though she hasn't expressed any feelings of regret?

I doubt you will listen to any advice anyone here gives you. Many of us have already gone through this and know how the story ends. If you want to find that out for yourself, then by all means go no contact for a few days and see what happens. Try to get her back.

TRYING TO GET HER BACK WILL ONLY MAKE YOU LOOK MORE PATHETIC IN HER EYES. She dumped you. She stomped on your heart. This should be the end of this b!tch in your life bro. And she knows it.

Time to accept things are over and move on with your life.

If she texts you, tell you don't want to be friends and you need time to yourself for a while.

Good Luck man, we've all been there.

 

[puma183]

Do you listen to Tom Leykis? This topic comes up frequently and you will surprised to learn that a lot of young men have been in your shoes.

(heck I had a similar situation myself back in the day, and I wish I had the right DJ/Leykisian skills to handle it back then. too late for me. not too late for you.)

 

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

Well the thing is, I don't know whether I should try to get over her or not. I really began to like her more and more, and I guess showing her I liked her a lot pushed her away. I felt myself falling into the trap that she already fell into, and for some reason she did not like me falling for her as much as she already did for me.

My plan is to not text her unless she texts me. I plan on cutting contact for a few days, and showing her I don't need her. Later in the week, I plan on answering her if she still texts me, giving short answers showing her I am busy. She says she will come up and visit me this week, even though I have heard that before.

Every time we fought, I knew she would come back to me and she did. Every time I did something wrong, I knew I could fix it quickly knowing I would still have her. Recently, I feel like if I screw up, I believe it's over. It's sad knowing I went from having her in my back pocket to having nothing.

 

[bukowski_merit]

it happens...

not too long ago i was going through something similar (although we were never "officially" dating - we spent 80% of our time together)... and suddenly she lost a lot of interest...

i started out all wrong, forgetting all the stuff i've learned over the last 7 years... when she'd text me - i'd have these really needy conversations with her... when we'd talk - i'd talk about how perfect we were and how come we couldn't go back to that, etc...

the teller was sundays... when she'd text me to ask me how my weekend was... i'd say something like "not very good because i was missing you" and she would normally respond back that she missed me too, blahzay blah...

then i just finally said "why am i acting AFCish! yes she is good in bed and we get along great. but this isn't fun!" (<you have to realize that it's not fun with her like this anymore, she is not who she used to be, no matter what you think.)

so i stopped texting her unprovocted, calling her unprovocted, asking her to do things completely...

when she'd text me on sunday and say "i hope you had a great weekend" - i'd respond back "i did, maybe too much, and i have a headache today" and if she poked around to figure out why - i'd just say i was going back to bed and i'd talk to her later.

the key is to not fail her Sh!t tests... she will come at you with all kinds of stuff about what you would or wouldn't do with her if you really loved her, etc... just take it and ignore it more or less... laugh it off... play it cool

her interest in what i was doing with myself began to rise alot....

and she's actually still in my life, but only barely.... she text, calls, or drops by every once in a while (we have sex)... but i don't feel the same way about her...

 

[WC2]

It sounds to me like you're just depressed over the feeling of being rejected. Some guys do crazy things for women, not because they like them, but because they were rejected by them.

She KNOWS she has the power now and is using it to her advantage. Beforehand she knew that if she said this to you, you'd just go bang some other broad.

Now she has enough evidence to believe that if she says this to you, you'll just sit in one place and cry.

Many guys will sit on here and talk about 'ganji games' or ways to get your ex back, but that's the wrong path.

The path I will suggest will not only bring your EX back (most likely), but it will take you one step closer to being your own man.

Stop talking to her. If she decides to call you or attempt to talk to you, be polite and short, just like you would any other girl who is just a friend (cause she really is just a friend now!) Start dating other women, whether you like them or not. You'd be surprised how much better you feel after being with another woman, even if you don't dig them all that much.

Use this confidence to propel you into being your own man. Don't fall into this trap again of putting all your eggs in one basket. Once a woman knows all your eggs are in her basket, damn right she'll run off with all your eggs (emotions) and give them to the next guy.

However, if you as a man give a woman your emotions only when she deserves it, then she will know that you are in essence your own man. She knows that if she leaves, she can't take all of you, because you have too much value in yourself. She will continue to claw and love you forever until you hand the power (eggs) over to her. It's a sad cycle, but we as men can use it to our advantage and keep it going as long as we'd like.

NEVER tell a woman that you love her and you miss her unless she's earned it. Clearly your EX did not earn this when she broke up with you, but you still gave it to her. This was 100% what told her that you had given up all your eggs to her. After that, the rest was history.

These are tough times, but your best growing periods nonetheless. Even if she does return as you grow, don't revert back to your old ways unless she has done something extraordinary. Even then, think long and hard about it. Sometimes it's just better to start fresh.

 

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

So I have gone three days without texting her. She has texted me twice so far, recently this morning. I got up and read what she said: "Thinking about you..." I did not respond. I don't know if she is looking for a responso from me which she will not get until I see a definite text worth responding to. Like I said, I am working on getting her back while spinning other plates. If I can't get with her at least every day I don't text her which is a good start.

If she keeps texting me, is she trying to showing me something? Or am I reading into this?

 

[Trajhenkhet01]

You can't win playing her game (or pass her test if you will). This isn't about logic its about emotions. She has to think of you as a man. As such you have to perform an about face on your current behavior. That means no texting or phone calls unless its to discuss when your meeting or hooking up next. I wish you the best of luck. You should take this time to put you first. Try going out with other women and get into your hobbies. It may help with some perspective. Make no mistake. This may attract her to you again, but the chances of having an LTR ever again with this person the way it was is almost nil if you even would want that.

 

[Five To One]

Wow. I wish I had seen this post earlier because im in/was the exact same situation as you to the tee. Dated a younger girl officially for 9 months, little over a year of total dating. We broke up when she wanted to be just friends.
And now she wants to hang out soon. Saying she misses me and bullsh1t.

Message me and we can talk about it. I know how to turn this around and its pretty easy to pull off.
Just make sure its the right thing to do; trying to get back with this girl that is.

 

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

So I just got home for Thanksgiving break and I am looking forward to seeing my friends to to figure my situation with my old gf. We have not contacted for two days until today when I got home when we texted back and forth for a few minutes.

Previous to that though, she sent me a few texts saying how our "anniversary" was coming tomorrow and than she sent "today" when it happened. This was last week by the way. Than she sent me a few pic messages of the place she visited. I feel like she is playing games cuz she is also I guess "meeting up with" a guy who is 9 years older than her. Idk what she thinks she is doing or if she is bored that I am not home or if she is trying to get back at me for something...but it does bug me.

So today, we may hang out and I don't know how to go about the situation. I don't know whether to mention to her about this guy who is like 27 years old, and still lives at home with his parents. He still is like a college kid at heart and he lives in the same place as her, so she may feel its easy to see someone besides me since I am a half an hour away.

So if I do see her tonight or one of the days on this break, how do I approach the situation. Should I be straight foward and ask her what she is doing with this guy, and what does she still think of me and how can she let all the fun things we had in the past go? Or should I pretend like nothing is going on and game her like I normally used to and pretend nothing is absolutely wrong?

I am not over her, and am not ready to move on...but I am trying to and am seeing my female friends from back home and I know a bunch of girls at college but its not the same yet?

What do you guys think I should do?

 

[Pathgen]

Play it off cool. I am in a very similar situation. I didn't talk with her for a couple of weeks and I am choosing not to see her for thanksgiving. She knows im home too. I figured out that if they arent interested in you anymore you can't do anything about it. If she is more interested in this other 27 year old guy than you, why would she want to come back? She hung out with you for a year dude. She knows a lot about you. She wants something new.

So what can you do? i really recommend do nothing that involves her. Don't break contanct completely but give yourself a fresh start. Pretty soon this 27 year old will get bland even if it takes a year. Then she will be looking for someone else to keep her interest. Thats when you roll in and be Mr. Interesting that i have not talked too in a long while.

Thats what I am doing with my girl. I am still being friendly with her, but i am not going to become her friend. IF she wants to talk to me she needs to come out and show interest in me.

What I am finding out is that over time you really do get over these girls. 2 months ago i would never be able to do what i am talking about here so i get it. If she never does show interest in you again, then you will be set free. You will not care about her anymore, enough time will have passed that you are truly over her.

Take my advice. I know we all feel like we are special cases on the forum. "She really loved me". "Our situation is different". All those excuses seem very very valid. However, the truth is a girl is still a girl. They all think very similar and while yours may not be exactly what these people on the board describe in their posts, she most likely is 90-99% all ***** deep down.

 

[Junkyard]

Ive been in your shoes before, you need to get the ball back in your court. Cut off ALL contact until shes literally begging for you. Stay occupied with something else. Seriously, why be with someone who isnt really sure about their feelings about you? the last thing you want is to get back together in a half-assed relationship to have it happen all over again.

 

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

Thing is, she knows I wanna see her and I just think she has to want to see me too. I think she was used to seeing me everyday, and when I left for college we only really saw each other every 2 weeks for about a month. Than she stopped coming to my college which was close. I don't get how she can pass so easily I really don't. She switched her classes around to be in class with me my senior year, and showed so much interest. Than when I left for college, it seemed to go all downhill.

I cant just forget about her. When I entered my hometown again, I remember looking at the places we went, and the things we did. I had to drive by her house and stuff and since she lives next to my friend, itll be tough going to his house. Idk how she can be tired of me since we dont see each other much, but I know we can make this work. I was thinking about negging her and joking around with her about the 27 year old. I would say "Looks like you can't kiss me cuz I don't want to wreck your little relationship with (name of 27 year old) or "Looks like I gotta be good, since you have (name)."

Or I was thinking of just pretending nothing is happening with him, but its so obvious to see from facebook and aol. This is very tough. The girls I used to like when I was younger for years and I eventually got over them.

I wanna take one last go at this girl to see if we can really make this work. Since I know she may be playing games, can I call her out and force her to stop by calling her out on her BS? I know I am overanalyzing, and it can't be good, but I wanna have some kind of self motivation if and when I do see her.

 

[Junkyard]

You cant let it be known that you want to see her. She has to think "wow he really doesnt give a shyt"

I have a feeling right now shes keeping you at bay while she tests out another dude and if it doesnt work out, she still has you. Do you really wanna be 2nd best or the backup? Have some dignity and go after other girls. I know its hard, but you just gotta do it.

 

[Pathgen]

She kept visiting you in college every two weeks and then it stopped = Lack of interest.

I know dude i didn't want to believe it either, but its the truth. She really doesn't want you romatically right now she thinks she can get better and she is NOT interested.

I don't know everything about this. However, i can say this. If she wants to see you she wants to see you pine over her. She wants to see you want to come after her. By not doing this your going to win a small battle and its a step towards winning the war.

 

[Chicks Just Dig Me]

So here is an update guys: I have not spoken nor communicated to my ex-gf in 2 weeks. I still think about her and stuff, but like I Said--some days are easy, while some days are hard. I had a good time hung with a bunch of my friends cuz I am on X-mas break. Tomorrow is football sunday so anyway...

From what I know: For some reason, she blocked me on aim (so maybe I would not find out that she is secretly dating a guy 10 years older, and she is not 18). So I have no way to check her sn. He has nothin in his info, on the other hand she has his name and stuff.

I don't get why she dropped me and is kind of officially with a guy who is ten years older...I think that's truely pathetic and I try hard not to call her up and tell her how pathetic she is..

What are the negatives and positives of me calling her or seeing her, and telling her she screwed up and is an idiot for even thinking about dating a guy 10 years older, who is an official loser? If I don't go that route, can I contact her to hang out just to see how she is doing? (Like me initiate contact)? I know we have not communicated for 2 weeks, but what option should I do or neither?

One last question: if by chance I am not over her in several months, and her and her "wicked old guy" don't work out, any chance by not communicating with her for a long diration, would she return back to me?