Why "Whatever You Want" Keeps You Single

She says the movie looks dumb; you suddenly agree. She tests you with a little attitude; you apologize for nothing.

You think you're being easy to get along with. She reads something else entirely: a man with no edges. Nothing to hold on to. No friction, no tension, no reason to wonder what he really thinks.

The "22 Rules" taught me to push back — playfully, calmly, without needing her approval. Strange things happened after that.

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Ex BPD trying to make a move

Polish Rifle

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The reason I found this forum in the first place was I was searching the Internet of accounts of people having relationships with BPD girls. What I found at this site helped me process a lot and I hope that I've been able to help others along the way. Anyway, here's the story:

Yesterday, I posted a picture on Facebook and got a pretty overwhelming response, especially from the lady population of my FB friends. I am not FB friends with my ex, but profile pictures are public, so my ex BPD from a year and a half ago texted me. I haven't had any personal contact with her because I went NC on her.

She said, "No response please, but I just wanted to let you know I had a dream about you earlier today."

These creatures are interesting aren't they?
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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abe0

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I have one of those and every few months she tries to contact...."Don't need to call me but just wanted to tell you I think about you a lot".....what she really is telling you is "call me so I can validate you still want me"....DO NOT RESPOND!!!!! Abe
 

Outlaw_

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Out of curiosity, In this situation, what if she text you..."I'm horny & want to see you." Would you guys respond "Come Over?"
 

Outlaw_

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After you explain it like that, it looks like a simple choice.
 

Willard

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Mauser96 said:
Well, this is a tough one.

I would have to decide:

a)Do I want to continue my peaceful, confident, healed life, full of serenity and restful nights....

OR

b) do I want to get involved with this BPD again, get hoovered back into a "relationship" by this master manipulator, experience depression, confusion, nerve-wracking conflict, second-guessing myself, having low-esteem due to them constantly berating me, sleepless nights, worry, snapping at the people around me because my nerves are shot,..........................




After some careful thought, I would choose option a), and ignore the text from the nutjob
That's the best answer I've ever heard to a question like that! I wasn't sure how I would respond to a text from my BPD, now I know.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Outlaw_

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It's still a game-time decision. Especially when you're not thinking with the correct head. That's why it's so key to have a new pc. of azz ASAP. Otherwise, you fall victim to this.

In the OP's case, this was a long time ago, however, if it was from last month & he still didn't have FWB, then that would be hard to turn down...unless you have complete control of your balls.
 

abe0

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Outlaw_ said:
Out of curiosity, In this situation, what if she text you..."I'm horny & want to see you." Would you guys respond "Come Over?"
That is a situation I am facing....recently she told me she wants to be friends with benefits. The problem is that I am afraid I do not have the emotional strength to separate my physical wants from my emotional needs. I am afraid that if she came over ...she would lure me in with those brown eyes of hers...she will start talking to me, seducing me emotionally...and then as always pull the rug under me f8cking me up again!!!
Best thing is....not to be tempted by Eve...do not bite that apple or you will be doooooomed!!
There might be a few of you who can deal with these BPD....I am not sure I am one of them and thus I am passing up on the benefits.
Best, Abe
 

Polish Rifle

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Outlaw_ said:
It's still a game-time decision. Especially when you're not thinking with the correct head. That's why it's so key to have a new pc. of azz ASAP. Otherwise, you fall victim to this.

In the OP's case, this was a long time ago, however, if it was from last month & he still didn't have FWB, then that would be hard to turn down...unless you have complete control of your balls.
That can be the difficult part. Because it would be an easy, and enjoyable hook up. But after that, you've already invited her into your life. I wanna have the cake but all the follow up text messages, calls and random drop-bys at your house? I don't think the trade off is good enough.

Well said though, need to use it as motivation to get something going on the side.
 

Die Hard

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Never forget how you felt at your lowest point after she sucked the soul out of you.
Never forget what a blessing it is that you survived those dark times and healed from them.

Take a moment and be REALLY conscious of those things!
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Outlaw_

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Malice said:
The best response if your ex BPD texts you is "f/ck off".
I personally wouldn't do this. This is engaging in exactly what she needs. IMO, any emotion that you trigger in a woman in this situation is what she is looking for. Responding that is allowing yourself to get sucked back in with an exchange. NC is the nail in the coffin for a woman in this case.
 
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