Ex BF snapchatting GF of 6 months

[Barclays]

Hi all,


Long time lurker, first time poster. As the post suggests, I need a little bit of advice on how to handle an ex boyfriend who I can see is sending snaps to my current girlfriend of 6 months. She lives in London (as do I) and he lives back in Manchester where he is from, so there is no immediate danger of them meeting up without my knowledge. Generally I don’t have a massive issue with her speaking to other boys or her other ex boyfriend as I am quite secure, but I do know, and she has mentioned, that she took a long time to get over him and she “hates” him as he had cheated on her a while back- so in other words he burned her to an extent. As far as I know she was single for over a year before she met me but said she never really got over him until she had met me. When she told me of his profile and how much she resents him, I have obviously took note of him, but never really said anything more about it at that stage.


Move on a few months and I just seen on her phone that he had sent her a snapchat when we were looking at her phone in bed last Sunday morning- I immediately asked her what was up and she just said that he snapped her a couple of pictures of him in the office and she had never replied (you can see the difference in snapchat history between a message received vs a message sent). This was last week and then I just checked her phone this morning when she was in the shower (lame I know but if I see foul play shes done as I have zero tolerance policy) and seen that he has sent her more, either yday or the day before which she had opened ( no evidence yet of her replying).


How am I to handle this? I don’t want to seem insecure etc and overly jealous for no reason, and normally I wouldn’t be but I do know this guy has a big impact on her life this time last year. Do I just keep quiet and try to assess the situation over the next few weeks to see if she has replied to him.


It’s an awkward one in terms of not appearing controlling, not being played for a fool, or being weary of an ex who she had trouble getting over. I kind of want to be in a situation where I see her phone with her there without appearing like I am being sneaky and then just tell her in no uncertain terms that if she doesn’t tell him to “f-off” shes getting the chop.


Thanks!

 

[parkthebus]

If I were you I would message him and tell him to leave her alone.Unless your girlfriend has turned into a troll since they split up, then I can only imagine he is still interested in planting his seed in her soil. If he tells her what you've said, then you can tell her that and say that if she has any interest in maintaining communication with her ex bf who of course would like to root your mrs' then her commitment to you is in serious doubt. Don't get emotional when you talk about it. Tell her you it's about showing respect and you won't allow anyone to disrespect you by trying to seduce your woman. It's all about how you present your argument IMO. You can word it so that you seem like your being masculine rather than insecure.

 

[Barclays]

Cheers mate. I see where you're coming from but then she will know that I was looking at her phone again. As bad as this seems I think I might have to wait on an opportunity where we are looking at the phone together and then I can bring it up to her and possibly send her a snapchat of me back to him, giving him the middle finger or something haha and then saying something to her.

Problem with her is shes got a very cool and chilled personality so I think if she ever was hiding anything, it would be difficult to tell!

 

[parkthebus]

Cheers mate. I see where you're coming from but then she will know that I was looking at her phone again. As bad as this seems I think I might have to wait on an opportunity where we are looking at the phone together and then I can bring it up to her and possibly send her a snapchat of me back to him, giving him the middle finger or something haha and then saying something to her.

Problem with her is shes got a very cool and chilled personality so I think if she ever was hiding anything, it would be difficult to tell!

Good point. You could just say "hey i've been thinking about X and I don't like him snapchatting you he's obviously got the intention of getting with you". Although your idea would take longer, I admit it would make you seem less insecure.

 

[Barclays]

Having done a little bit of research I found this and couldn't stop laughing.

http://www.mirror.co.uk/lifestyle/dating/man-finds-girlfriends-ex-snapchatting-5132859

I think my plan of bringing it up casually and getting her to send him a snapchat of me giving him the middle finger or something else funny is the way forward (unless anyone thinks different?) and would be sufficiently funny but also alpha.

 

[parkthebus]

Jeeze. Just do the opposite to this guy mate and I'm sure it'll work a charm. Went ham on the insecurities.

 

[Barclays]

how do you work that one out?

 

[SgtSplacker]

Just tell her you don't like it man. Women are always making the most ridiculous requests of me and I try my best to comply. My girl is constantly asking me to do stuff for her that she can't do herself. So when I want her to do something she has to do it to make things even and fair. Tell her to stop and give her the boot if she disagrees. If she's not making you happy she's worthless to you.

 

[Barclays]

Yeah i will mate, thanks. I just need the opportunity as i can't really let her know I was snooping through her phone when she was in the shower!

 

[SgtSplacker]

When i'm in a situation like this I just address the situation a little vague to see what she says. What you want to do is to get her talking about this issue to see where she stands on it and if she is being honest. Just ask her "so has mr cheater been sending you more snap chats?" wait and see what she says. Maybe talk about how people that cheat just love that kind of intrigue and that you bet he has a girl he's getting serious with and that he's doing the same thing he did to her with that girl. Talk about how she felt when he did that to her in such a way that she might understand she is doing that to you now.

 

[parkthebus]

When i'm in a situation like this I just address the situation a little vague to see what she says. What you want to do is to get her talking about this issue to see where she stands on it and if she is being honest. Just ask her "so has mr cheater been sending you more snap chats?" wait and see what she says. Maybe talk about how people that cheat just love that kind of intrigue and that you bet he has a girl he's getting serious with and that he's doing the same thing he did to her with that girl. Talk about how she felt when he did that to her in such a way that she might understand she is doing that to you now.

I think the humourous question would be a good way to approach it but the second part would make him sound a bit bitter I think.

 

[El Payaso]

Any form of casual contact with an ex is grounds for instant dismissal for me. I don't bring it up or try to "reason" with her. I simply go ghost.

 

[Barclays]

Thanks folks!! Sorted now. Went out for dinner last night and on the tube on the way there we had a bit of an argument t as she was being a little bit moody. I went very distant for about half an hour and then on way to restaurant we took a step to the side and had a pretty good convo and I just told her straight out- she completely understood and it turns out that he had only sent her the 1 snapchat and that was last week and she has proof of not replying..she immediately offered to block him and talk about it and fully reassured me so it's all good. Best being just straight up about these things just in an honest and non ***** way it seems. I told her I was going to hold it in. Thanks all for second opinions!

 

[pyros]

You should not have to tell your gf that it not ok to have an ex bf orbiting her.
She may have blocked him cause you told her so, but...