ex(BestFriend) is acting weird...is it time to break NIC

[goodganji44]

First I would like to thank SS and the community for providing me the blueprint on how to use NC the correct way.


Here's the rundown. Couple years ago, one of my really good friends I've known from childhood came back into my life. We hung out, picked up right where we left off, had a very strong connection with her. Got oneitis very badly and got friendzoned.

She basically tried to sh*t test me with small amounts of disrespect that would've eventually gotten worse. I called her out on her BS and let her know that I was not interested in being just friends and initiated NC, in a ruthless manner. I cut complete contact with all of her family members and contacted our mutual friends, let them know the situation and they were nice enough to respect my wishes and delete her from social media. As painful as it was, I felt a great satisfaction of knowing that I stood my ground.

Eventually after two years of NC, she emails me confessing her undying love for me(this happened almost at the near moment I realized I was completely healed). I was nice, aloof and non-committal in my response. Told her to hit me up whenever she's in town and we would catch up.

Instead she's been sending me a ton of breadcrumbs that's starting to get weirder and weirder by the moment. I have reasons as to why it would make sense for me to break the NIC(no initiating contact) phase and tell her to cut this out. But it could be just rationalizations in my head.

My questions is as to why would she be leaving these weird breadcrumbs instead of picking up the phone and calling/texting me directly. It's almost stalkerish. Even though I've left the door open for reconciliation, as I don't have any hard feelings for her anymore.


None of the regurgitated SS mantra either please(NEXT!! SPIN PLATES, OMG UR BETA!!1111)..... I'm more interested in the psychology of what's going on...

Advanced level DJ's help me out pls.



P.S. I initiated the NC right before her 30th birthday, if it helps any to know

 

[amoka]

First I would like to thank SS and the community for providing me the blueprint on how to use NC the correct way.


Here's the rundown. Couple years ago, one of my really good friends I've known from childhood came back into my life. We hung out, picked up right where we left off, had a very strong connection with her. Got oneitis very badly and got friendzoned.

She basically tried to sh*t test me with small amounts of disrespect that would've eventually gotten worse. I called her out on her BS and let her know that I was not interested in being just friends and initiated NC, in a ruthless manner. I cut complete contact with all of her family members and contacted our mutual friends, let them know the situation and they were nice enough to respect my wishes and delete her from social media. As painful as it was, I felt a great satisfaction of knowing that I stood my ground.

Eventually after two years of NC, she emails me confessing her undying love for me(this happened almost at the near moment I realized I was completely healed). I was nice, aloof and non-committal in my response. Told her to hit me up whenever she's in town and we would catch up.

Instead she's been sending me a ton of breadcrumbs that's starting to get weirder and weirder by the moment. I have reasons as to why it would make sense for me to break the NIC(no initiating contact) phase and tell her to cut this out. But it could be just rationalizations in my head.

My questions is as to why would she be leaving these weird breadcrumbs instead of picking up the phone and calling/texting me directly. It's almost stalkerish. Even though I've left the door open for reconciliation, as I don't have any hard feelings for her anymore.


None of the regurgitated SS mantra either please(NEXT!! SPIN PLATES, OMG UR BETA!!1111)..... I'm more interested in the psychology of what's going on...

Advanced level DJ's help me out pls.



P.S. I initiated the NC right before her 30th birthday, if it helps any to know

Because you always pick them up whenever she drops them.

 

[goodganji44]

Because you always pick them up whenever she drops them.

Except for the email where she confessed her love and admitted that she wants to be more than friends, I have ignored her completlely. I haven't responded to none of her breadcrumb attempts.

 

[amoka]

Nobody can tell you exactly why she's doing what she's doing. In most cases, she doesn't even know what she's doing and won't be able to tell you what she's doing. All that matters now is how you deal with it. At her age, she's probably running out of options of viable suitors and you seems to the "ideal" guy for her. My take is she's debating on whether to go with someone that she "knows" or keep on searching. So she's keeping sending you signal just so you keep her in your mind while you search for yours.

If you're interested in her, I suggest you rather pickup the phone and call her. It is highly unlikely that she'll call you.

 

[goodganji44]

Nobody can tell you exactly why she's doing what she's doing. In most cases, she doesn't even know what she's doing and won't be able to tell you what she's doing. All that matters now is how you deal with it. At her age, she's probably running out of options of viable suitors and you seems to the "ideal" guy for her. My take is she's debating on whether to go with someone that she "knows" or keep on searching. So she's keeping sending you signal just so you keep her in your mind while you search for yours.

If you're interested in her, I suggest you rather pickup the phone and call her. It is highly unlikely that she'll call you.

I deleted her phone number and I have no way to retrieve it, but point well taken. I accepted her FR on Facebook months back, so I can just use that if I decide to go that route. From the time I accepted her FR, the only time I've ever visited her FB page was once, which was to put her on ignore. This would at least keep me immune to any cryptic subliminal mind games that women do on FB. At the same time, keep things cordial.

The lesson I learned about No Contact is that once you get to that point in your life where you have completely moved on, is the moment when she will contact you again if your relationship with her was a good one. When she does contact you, you will experience a setback if you truly do care about the woman. Regardless of that fact, it's an interesting situation because you don't want to put yourself in the position of being the beta provider that wants to give you the 2nd place trophy since she's in her 30's now.

In my case, when she broke NC, I questioned what her motives really were. Given the situation, I needed to know if she was being genuine or if she's really trying to use me for an ego boost. When she said something along the lines of " I think about you and dream about you every night, I love you miss you and you're my best friend and I want to make it more" I'm starting to believe she wasn't playing lol.

I'm very cognizant of the fact that the SMV dynamic that's taking place. I'm fully aware that I'm starting to reach a peak as I hit 30 this year(no kids, no debt, own house etc.). It's the reason why I'm reluctant to give my commitment that easy. However, she was the catalyst in taking me through the pain I needed to go through to become a DJ. For that I thank her. The only real problem with our "friendship" was that I wasn't hitting that.

The only way to describe her actions as of late is "PLEASE JUST SAY SOMETHIHNG TO ME". I will continue to socialize with my other plates and prospects on FB like I've been doing. Amoka, thank you for the advice. I've gone to great lengths to protect my ego, but I will admit that I am very interested but cautious. I may end up taking your advice and update this thread if I do.

 

[[S]alvatore]

Eventually after two years of NC, she emails me confessing her undying love for me(this happened almost at the near moment I realized I was completely healed). I was nice, aloof and non-committal in my response. Told her to hit me up whenever she's in town and we would catch up.

Swingers haha.