"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Evil, Evil Little Girls

spider_007

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They are like little crack dealers....who have cornered the market on "GIRL GUIDE COOKIES"

mmmmm....so good.....i can't bolive they don't sell these in the stores, instead we get to look forward to that one day a year when they sell them.


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"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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djSlvt

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I tell ya, that much dont make sense, unless I put myself in your shoes.


At times I too put them a little too high, even #1. Nobody's #1 but myself. But I get lost once in a while when one of them cute little teases my nuts and brains. It takes some serious control to keep the balance. The smaller and cutter they are, the easier it is for them.





Hey! I dont even want to think about that!
 

spider_007

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HEY!!!!!!!

i didn't mean it that way you perv.!!!!!!!



I'm talking about the stupid cookies they sell to raise money for their school.......



For all you pervs, and people who need a detaild explaination; Once a year schools try to raise money by having kids sell "girl guide cookies".....The freaking cookies are awsome!!!!!! LIKE CRACK:whistle: i ate an entire box since 9 this morning (it's 10:50 now)
 

Skel

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No one would buy them from girlscouts if you could buy them in the stores.
 

djSlvt

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HEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I didnt mean it that way you perv.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




The fact that you thought it that way means you are a perv.



What I meant was little girl. They can be small when 18 and over too, if you didnt know. Pervard lol. You should have said what you wanted in Russian. :D


Nah, I dont get girls selling cookies around here.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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diplomatic_lies

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Man, talk about a NAMBLA magnet...
 

SamoJednom

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Err Girl Scout Cookies? :-\, Never really liked em.

I had excess sweets 6th grade - 9th grade then I just grew out of em a shame tho I ocassionally eat chocolate now.... but now I started to lift too so thats out of the question o well.
 
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