pressure0354
Don Juan
After reading a book by Dale Carnegie, I am urged to write a post summarizing his important points. Do you want to be able to have better conversations? Less arguments? More influential power on ladies and friends alike? Try to think of situations in present or past in which some of these principles can be applied. I feel like everyone can relate or learn from one of these strategies. Enjoy.
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A great deal of success in this world requires interaction through people. And it is in this interaction that most people forget the fundamental elements of how to have good relations. Through the fast lane of the modern world, we happen to forget the commonalities that bind us together. Once discovered, your personal and professional life will become something else all together.
There was a study at the Carnegie Institute of Technology decades ago. It revealed that in almost every professional line of work, including engineering and technical knowledge, that about 85% of financial success was directly related to personality and ability to lead people.
As such, you can apply everything learned to not only your professional life, but your personal life as well.
Let’s understand how we can better ourselves and relationships.
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain – These are all negative connotations which rarely solve any problem or make any situation better. We are all human and have flaws, you as well as your neighbor. Criticizing a person is the quickest way to kill ambition. It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes someone try to justify his/her behavior and arouses resentment. BF Skinner, a psychologist, proved that animals rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. The same goes for humans, look for positive behavior or things that they do well and make suggestions on how they could improve in other ways.
Make People Feel Important – This is what drives almost all human behavior. Sigmond Frued quoted that everything we do as humans’ springs from two derivatives: our sex drive and the desire to be great. People crave attention and sympathy. Everyone is striving to have some purpose and value in other people’s eyes. There is a story of how insane people are physically, brain and all, are just as healthy as mine or yours. Why do these people go insane? Nobody knows for sure. Many, however, seem to go insane to find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world of reality. Give people an incentive to work, appreciate, and always compliment and praise. Be a good listener. Make people feel important!
Create a Want from Others – Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something, but before you speak, think of how you can make that person actually want to do it. One secret to success is to see the world from the other person’s eyes, as well as your own. Focus on their wants. Show someone how an action can benefit them. Nobody wants to be sold anything, but if you make them believe they are buying into something (an idea or material) on their own accord, then you will reap the spoils. Think of a resume and relating on how your skills can directly benefit the company to which you are applying.
Be Genuinely Interested in Others - One of the most important quotes to remember, “We are interested in people who are interested in us.” One of the most used words in the English language is “I”. I do this, I am, I was, etc. The truth is people love to talk about themselves. One way to get somebody to like you is to become interested in them and what they have to say. Do not talk about yourself! It is boring and people only care about themselves. Let others do most of the talking and ask questions. There is not one of us that can’t learn from someone else. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get others interested in you.
Smile – Everyone in this world is striving for happiness. And there is only one way to obtain it, and that is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness does not depend on out-ward conditions; it depends on your inner thoughts. It isn’t where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. Say two have lost motor skills in their legs. One becomes distraught and lives day to day hoping there is some sort of destination. The other decides to take on special athletics and is happy. Both dealt the same card, however completely opposite reactions. Shakespeare said, “There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” When you smile, you send off an aura of confidence and good feeling, which in turn makes you feel more positive and happy. It is one of the most influential external communications we can have on someone. It says, “I am enjoying your company, I am happy.” Smile. Smile. Smile.
Remember People’s Names - If you can remember people’s names and use them strategically, you will undoubtedly make a good impression. It instantly creates rapport and friendliness. It shows effort on your part and is flattering to the other party. There is no sweeter sound to a person than their own name.
When Someone is Wrong, Even Youself – Think of the last argument you had. What was accomplished? 9 times out of 10, the argument ends with each contestant more convinced than ever that he or she is right. Remember this quote, “A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.” You can’t make people instantly change their minds, no matter what. You can batter a religious person with facts about revolution but it will do nothing. Changing ones mind is a gradual process that takes time to accept new ideas. It is important to never say “You’re wrong.” That is a form of criticizing and ends with the same result. When someone says you’re wrong, what happens? You become disappointed and resent the person who said it; your pride gets hurt and most likely won’t change your mind. Accept other people’s ideas if you expect them to accept yours. It is also important to understand that half the time you are might be in error. By admitting you are in error, you instantly stop the argument and inspire your opponent to be fair just as you have been with yourself.
The Theory of “Yes” - When we agree to something and say “Yes” to an idea or suggestion, we are propelling ourselves in one direction, and it takes some force to deflect it: far more force to send it in the opposite direction. This can be used on other people as well. If you start a conversation with positive agreeing remarks, they will nod and say yes. This will set the tone for the rest of the conversation and they will have more trouble saying no to an idea than if starting off by not saying “yes”. It is the physics of conversation.
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As with all lessons, simply reading them won’t change anything. You must try to implement them in your life. Good luck and have fun!
---
A great deal of success in this world requires interaction through people. And it is in this interaction that most people forget the fundamental elements of how to have good relations. Through the fast lane of the modern world, we happen to forget the commonalities that bind us together. Once discovered, your personal and professional life will become something else all together.
There was a study at the Carnegie Institute of Technology decades ago. It revealed that in almost every professional line of work, including engineering and technical knowledge, that about 85% of financial success was directly related to personality and ability to lead people.
As such, you can apply everything learned to not only your professional life, but your personal life as well.
Let’s understand how we can better ourselves and relationships.
Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain – These are all negative connotations which rarely solve any problem or make any situation better. We are all human and have flaws, you as well as your neighbor. Criticizing a person is the quickest way to kill ambition. It puts a person on the defensive and usually makes someone try to justify his/her behavior and arouses resentment. BF Skinner, a psychologist, proved that animals rewarded for good behavior will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behavior. The same goes for humans, look for positive behavior or things that they do well and make suggestions on how they could improve in other ways.
Make People Feel Important – This is what drives almost all human behavior. Sigmond Frued quoted that everything we do as humans’ springs from two derivatives: our sex drive and the desire to be great. People crave attention and sympathy. Everyone is striving to have some purpose and value in other people’s eyes. There is a story of how insane people are physically, brain and all, are just as healthy as mine or yours. Why do these people go insane? Nobody knows for sure. Many, however, seem to go insane to find in insanity a feeling of importance that they were unable to achieve in the world of reality. Give people an incentive to work, appreciate, and always compliment and praise. Be a good listener. Make people feel important!
Create a Want from Others – Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to do something, but before you speak, think of how you can make that person actually want to do it. One secret to success is to see the world from the other person’s eyes, as well as your own. Focus on their wants. Show someone how an action can benefit them. Nobody wants to be sold anything, but if you make them believe they are buying into something (an idea or material) on their own accord, then you will reap the spoils. Think of a resume and relating on how your skills can directly benefit the company to which you are applying.
Be Genuinely Interested in Others - One of the most important quotes to remember, “We are interested in people who are interested in us.” One of the most used words in the English language is “I”. I do this, I am, I was, etc. The truth is people love to talk about themselves. One way to get somebody to like you is to become interested in them and what they have to say. Do not talk about yourself! It is boring and people only care about themselves. Let others do most of the talking and ask questions. There is not one of us that can’t learn from someone else. You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get others interested in you.
Smile – Everyone in this world is striving for happiness. And there is only one way to obtain it, and that is by controlling your thoughts. Happiness does not depend on out-ward conditions; it depends on your inner thoughts. It isn’t where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. Say two have lost motor skills in their legs. One becomes distraught and lives day to day hoping there is some sort of destination. The other decides to take on special athletics and is happy. Both dealt the same card, however completely opposite reactions. Shakespeare said, “There is no good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” When you smile, you send off an aura of confidence and good feeling, which in turn makes you feel more positive and happy. It is one of the most influential external communications we can have on someone. It says, “I am enjoying your company, I am happy.” Smile. Smile. Smile.
Remember People’s Names - If you can remember people’s names and use them strategically, you will undoubtedly make a good impression. It instantly creates rapport and friendliness. It shows effort on your part and is flattering to the other party. There is no sweeter sound to a person than their own name.
When Someone is Wrong, Even Youself – Think of the last argument you had. What was accomplished? 9 times out of 10, the argument ends with each contestant more convinced than ever that he or she is right. Remember this quote, “A man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still.” You can’t make people instantly change their minds, no matter what. You can batter a religious person with facts about revolution but it will do nothing. Changing ones mind is a gradual process that takes time to accept new ideas. It is important to never say “You’re wrong.” That is a form of criticizing and ends with the same result. When someone says you’re wrong, what happens? You become disappointed and resent the person who said it; your pride gets hurt and most likely won’t change your mind. Accept other people’s ideas if you expect them to accept yours. It is also important to understand that half the time you are might be in error. By admitting you are in error, you instantly stop the argument and inspire your opponent to be fair just as you have been with yourself.
The Theory of “Yes” - When we agree to something and say “Yes” to an idea or suggestion, we are propelling ourselves in one direction, and it takes some force to deflect it: far more force to send it in the opposite direction. This can be used on other people as well. If you start a conversation with positive agreeing remarks, they will nod and say yes. This will set the tone for the rest of the conversation and they will have more trouble saying no to an idea than if starting off by not saying “yes”. It is the physics of conversation.
---
As with all lessons, simply reading them won’t change anything. You must try to implement them in your life. Good luck and have fun!