"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

ZRaddue

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You may have heard this before, but I ran across it recently and thought that it would be appreciated here...

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97, Wear sunscreen!

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now...

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; Oh never mind, you will never understand the power and the beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in twenty years, you will look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now, how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked.

You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future or worry that know that worrying is as affective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind. The kind that blindsides you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other peoples' hearts; don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy, sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters; Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't.

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the "Funky Chicken" on your 75th wedding anniversary.

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either.

Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can, don't be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but your own living room.

Read the directions even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.


Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings. They are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go. But a precious few, who should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, for as the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.

Live in northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain alible truths: prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old and when you do, you'll fanaticise that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse but you'll never know when either one will run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're forty, it will look eighty-five.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it.

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of wishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.
 
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"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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SheepSter

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These are lyrics from a song, but the message is pretty good: embrace life.
 

Slimijs

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A similar song :D

Ladies and Gentlemen of the G. E. D. class of 1999,
i have one piece of advice for you,
No matter what a stripper tells you,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!
Oh, theres champagne in the champagne room
But, you don't want champagne, you want sex.
And theres no sex, in the champagne room.

Dont go to parties with metal detectors.
Sure, It feels safe inside,
But what about all those ******s waiting outside with guns,
They Know You Aint Got One!

If a woman tells you shes 20, and looks 16, shes 12.
If she tells you shes 26, and looks 26, Shes Damn Near 40!

Take off that silly ass hat.

The ODB couldnt have possibly committed all those crimes.
Coolio did some of that ****

Young black men:
If you go to a movie theater, and someone steps on your foot,
Let it slide!
Why spend the next 20 years in jail b-cuz
Someone smudged Your Puma!

Cornbread-Aint nothin wrong with that!

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin,
remember this one thing:
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room!
(That guy starts singin)
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Absolutly, positively no sex in the champagne room

If a homeless person has a funny sign,
He hasnt been homeless that long.
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

If a girl has a pierced tongue,
She'll probably suck your ****
(That'd Be great, Yeaaaah!)
If a guy has a pierced tongue,
He'll probably suck your ****
(Dont want that Noooooo!)

Heres a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius-You're Gonna Die!
Capricorn-You're Gonna Die!
Gemini-You're Gonna Die TWICE!
Leo-You're Gonna Die!
Scorpio-You're Gonna Die ****in!

No one goes to Hooters for wings.

If you've been dating a man for 4 months,
And you havent met any of his friends yet,
You Are Not His Girlfriend!

Some of the things I said may not apply to you.
Some of the things I said may offend you
But no matter who you are,
You must remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper says,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!

No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Cant get none, Nooooo!
Cant have none, Nooooo!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
 
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