Ever been harassed/dissed by a stranger in public?

[MoreThanSmooth]

I don't know what it is about me, but when out in public I seem to attract weirdos, nutcases and d*uchebags. One thing I've always found completely inexplicable is how regularly random strangers will try to mock, physically assault or otherwise debase me in public. It's happened a bunch of times.

I'm 6'0", pretty well built, I don't have any weird facial features and I have good posture and confident body language. In other words, I don't think I look like an "easy target" or someone with low self-esteem.

Anyway, here's an example:

-*-

A few weekends ago I was at a bar, ordered a drink, saw an old friend of mine. We chatted Rugby and he tried to get me to do some training for a team with him.

Anyway he leaves. 5 mins later I'm walking out the door and I kid you not, this obese 5'7" ginger, neckbearded guy comes over to me. He seems kinda drunk, he's wearing a gross green shirt and in terms of looks he's a 4/10 ugly mofo. He grabs my shoulder and stops me.

"Oi, Dave!" he says to his friend, a tall, really skinny guy. "Doesn't this guy look a bit like that bloke in that movie?"

They both laughed stupidly and cracked a few more jokes at my expense. I could barely understand what the skinny guy said, but it sounded like they were comparing me insultingly to some buttmonkey nerd character from an Adam Sandler movie.

I was so confused and awestruck by the sheer random disrespect of this, I froze up and just stared silently at the two guys for a moment. Here I am; fit and healthy, clean shaven and physically a lot more intimidating than these guys - and some fat ginger neckbeard is telling me to my face that I look like a "nerd". Am I on planet Earth right now?

Eventually my mouth just moved on its own and I said something like "I'm sorry? I'm not sure a greasy fat f*ck like you should say that." and shoved him away from me.

I know it sounds like macho posturing, but if it wasn't for the legal repercussions I would have punched some respect into both those dumb f*cks there and then. I'm happy I had the self control not to, because internally I felt almost berserk at the sheer absurdity of it. They were so out of shape that it wouldn't have been hard to just go mad on them.

-*-

I just find it so odd. If I was 5'2" and out of shape and I went up to 6'5" muscular guys in clubs and insulted them, I would rightfully expect to end up in a hospital. And yet this isn't even the first interaction I've had with idiots like this who give me trouble even though I could really hurt them.

What gives? Do they pick on me because I don't look "easy"? Are they trying to get some sort of pathetic street cred? Really interested on thoughts on this, and your stories.

I'm almost convinced that because our society is no longer overtly violent, it's eroded the old customs of respect. If you walked up to a Viking in a pub and said he looks like a little b*tch, he'd break your nose there and then. These days that's not acceptable...and it's almost a shame because these losers have free reign.

 

[speed dawg]

I used to get some of that while I was in high school and even a little while in college, but once I increased my confidence level most of that seemed to go away. I get little jabs here and there now, but everybody does. Just need to learn a little verbal self defense and show that no one can get to you, and it's no problem.

Is there something else you're missing?

 

[wifehunter]

Just come to Orange County. Most people are snobs, rude, unfriendly, and they drive like they've never been to driving school. Here, they give drivers licenses to insane people.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

I used to get some of that while I was in high school and even a little while in college, but once I increased my confidence level most of that seemed to go away. I get little jabs here and there now, but everybody does. Just need to learn a little verbal self defense and show that no one can get to you, and it's no problem.

Is there something else you're missing?

Yeah exactly, this is why it seems ridiculous to me. It's like high-school level bullying, except I'm an adult and these guys are the sorts who would get bullied normally, not the other way round.

If it's co-workers or friends doing a s*** test I normally have a nice little witty put-down saved up but when it's strangers I'm so surprised usually that it's hard to even react. You don't expect the spotty nerd teen from The Simpsons to start dropping "phat disses" on you in a car park, because it's so ridiculous.

The people that have a go at this on me aren't exactly blessed with a towering intellect - I wonder if it's because I live in the countryside, and a lot of people are just morons. And pretty much every single one has seemed pretty "inadequate" themselves in some glaring way, it's like they're making up for their own lack of confidence/self-esteem by trying to have a crack.

Another example is that when I go clubbing, I seem to attract troublemakers. But not big, tough men who are genuinely scary...more like little skinny dweebs who seem to think they can start something on me. It's weird.

 

[speed dawg]

Yeah exactly, this is why it seems ridiculous to me. It's like high-school level bullying, except I'm an adult and these guys are the sorts who would get bullied normally, not the other way round.

If it's co-workers or friends doing a s*** test I normally have a nice little witty put-down saved up but when it's strangers I'm so surprised usually that it's hard to even react. You don't expect the spotty nerd teen from The Simpsons to start dropping "phat disses" on you in a car park, because it's so ridiculous.

The people that have a go at this on me aren't exactly blessed with a towering intellect - I wonder if it's because I live in the countryside, and a lot of people are just morons. And pretty much every single one has seemed pretty "inadequate" themselves in some glaring way, it's like they're making up for their own lack of confidence/self-esteem by trying to have a crack.

Another example is that when I go clubbing, I seem to attract troublemakers. But not big, tough men who are genuinely scary...more like little skinny dweebs who seem to think they can start something on me. It's weird.

Are you acting arrogant? Do you stare people down? That's the only thing I can think of.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Are you acting arrogant? Do you stare people down? That's the only thing I can think of.

I don't think so. Unless people mistake the confidence for arrogance...I don't walk around with a stick up my ass.

I wasn't a "local" in this bar, whereas these two guys clearly were. Maybe that was why, I didn't blend in with the backwoods weirdo crowd...I think tbh these people just chance it because they think they can get away with it, if it happens again I'll just put the education to good use and make them look stupid.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just fyi, shoving someone is still battery. You are of course less likely to get in trouble, but if one of the guys were to fall after you shoved him and hit his head on the pavement and die...which happens to drunk people...then you would go to jail. In the US, you would likely do 3-4 years, with a plea deal down to manslaughter.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

Just fyi, shoving someone is still battery. You are of course less likely to get in trouble, but if one of the guys were to fall after you shoved him and hit his head on the pavement and die...which happens to drunk people...then you would go to jail. In the US, you would likely do 3-4 years, with a plea deal down to manslaughter.

I reckon that by stating that the guy aggressively grabbed my shoulder first and he had a second man with him, I could probably justify a push in a court of law.

And I didn’t throw my weight into him and send him over a table, it was just a “back off” mini shove.

In reality it wasn’t a physical situation, which is why it was so ridiculous.

People don't want to confront some one they think is crazy. Even If they are bigger than you, you just have to be more crazy and willing.

This is very true actually. If things turn physical acting like an absolute berserker scares off 90% of people. And the remaining 10% are so shocked and confused that they are at a disadvantage if they attack you.

I remember this guy got right in my face outside a club once trying to menace me and some friends. I just screamed “You don’t scare me” and walked forwards. I’m pretty sure he s*** himself for real, it was like watching a bag of air deflate haha!

But screaming and going mad at every provocation isn’t a classy way to deal with verbal abuse. I think the best response is just to put them down with words too.

I think as deesade said, most of these things happen when you run into a group of losers and you’re on your own.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

You’re vibe isn’t strong enough. When I was 17, I was EXTREMELY pissed off on the inside because of moving (just recently got over it actually) and became super aggressive when someone would try to start **** with me. Like if I was being a **** and they’d knock me a little, hey that’s fan. Friendly banter too. But don’t go trying to dish it out if you can’t take it.

But I had such a strong drive in me that no one ever ****ed with me. My brother would tell me how with him it’s similar now and that he hates all the pussies and crap and how he just wants to beat up all of them, but that he gets the feeling that they don’t care that much because then he will just be proving their point. But I said you have to be above that, in the sense that you don’t give af if you get in trouble, you just come back and beat the hell out of them again the next day. This was back in high school anyway. There was even one kid, 230 lb 6’2 linebacker who bullied tf out of so many kids, and here’s me the new kid coming. Dude tried once to start **** with me and never did again. Later on in the year during swimming, I called him a b!tch to his face several times, and he put a towel over his head, ran into the locker room, called his dad up, and started crying. No joke. I can turn a kid like that into a simpering b!tch because of how aggressive I was back then.

I’ve calmed down since then, but now I’m working my way up to have a strong drive again with so much the anger.

Also keep in mind that you were in a bar. There’s a difference. Normal people don’t do that kinda thing irl.

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

With me, you don't have to be nice to me. Just respect me.

Better than having it vice versa.

 

[FairShake]

I'm one of the few White people in my neighborhood and certainly the only one out at the witching hour so yeah, occasionally. Usually from young guys in large groups.

I'm also pushing 40 with a full scrotum sack-load of other things to worry about in my life so I usually forget about it within seconds. No amount of "carrying myself" differently is going to intimidate the future America's Most Wanted I have to share air with anyway.

I didn't always forget about it so easily but forgetting comes with age.

 

[MoreThanSmooth]

When confronted by a group of humans, just ignore the cvnts.

Your pic made me think: "When in doubt, what would Begbie do?"

"SORRY WON'T DRUY ME OUFF, YA FAT C***!" *Pint glass to the face*

Yeah maybe not!

 

[Machine10033]

We all give off a certain vibe. Growing up I was a very angry, aggressive kid and teen. I was very violent.. I had no hesitation when it came to defending myself or fighting. In that phase literally no one messed with me. Not a toot of my horn because there were plenty of skilled fighters who would have slaughtered me but they probably felt this idiot is unstable and stayed clear. Anyway in College I listened to my one and only true love ( sarcasm) and changed my ways. I needed to become more attentive, loving,caring, sympathetic and all that other stuff... because I was to abrasive. I sh!t you not during that year I had more dudes screw with me than my entire life. I think it's your mindset... when your the agressor and live for confrontation most people sense that... when your being nice and caring the predators and degenerates sense that. My advice is if this happens again you grab the prick by the throat... he had it coming and in any social setting if he is a better fighter about 10 bleeding hearts will pull him off you before he or his friends can inflict any serious damage !

 

[zekko]

Anyway in College I listened to my one and only true love ( sarcasm) and changed my ways. I needed to become more attentive, loving,caring, sympathetic and all that other stuff... because I was to abrasive. I sh!t you not during that year I had more dudes screw with me than my entire life. I think it's your mindset... when your the agressor and live for confrontation most people sense that... when your being nice and caring the predators and degenerates sense that.

Sounds to me like maybe you went too far in the other direction. You decided you were too aggressive, so to make up for it you became too accommodating. This is a natural thing to do, to swing the pendulum too far in the other direction. Either approach is an extreme. What you want to find is the right balance, or what they call calibration.

 

[speed dawg]

Ultimately, LessThanSmooth, I'd say you need to work on your wits, in other words, learn some verbal self-defense. Google it. You can't let people bother you.

If somebody overtly is disrespecting you, I'd ask some friends about how you carry yourself.