I'd like to share with you guys the greatest discovery that's helped me get rid of my approach anxiety. I came to this realization 2 weeks ago and my approach anxiety has gone from a 7 or 8 (10 being the highest AA) on a typical night to a consistent 2 or less. I've suffered from AA for almost 2 years, and the fact that its almost banished literally overnight motivates me to share my discovery with those who need help and could possibly benefit too.
Outline:
A) Convincing yourself that you HAVE to approach.
B) Making yourself WANT to approach
C) The strategy to dissolve AA
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A) Convincing yourself that you HAVE to approach.
Approaching makes you a confident man. Here's why.
Confidence and social momentum are the same thing. What's is social momentum? Is that talkative friendly and careless state that comes to you when you're befriending strangers. To be able to communicate with hot women and attract them, you must have social momentum (aka confidence), and social momentum only comes from approaching. And not just approaching hot girls, but approaching anyone, ugly girls, guys, old people, it doesn't matter.
Every night that you go out, you want to measure your success not by the results you got, but by whether you approach or not. Approaching should be your only goal when you go out. it doesn't matter who you approach, and it doesn't matter what opener you use (anything usually works).
So hopefull now you have a clear goal in mind. The goal being that you have to approach to gain confidence.
Here's a video by Tyler Durden that goes into this further.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUJdJIxgI7U
B) Making yourself WANT to approach.
Lets face it. Sometimes we know we should be approaching but we just don't ahve the energy to do it. You had a tough day, someone just got on your nerves, or you're just not in the mood to approach. This is why before you go out you must make yourself feel good. When you feel good, you want others to feel good, and you assume the others are friendly, so you WANT to talk to them. There are many ways to make yuorself feel good in only a few minutes. How to make yourself feel good:
Wearing hot new clothes.
Listening to some good beats
Forcing yourself to smile for 5 minutes
Affirmations. Looking yourself in the mirror and saying "I'm the ****ing man", or "I feel awesome".
Telling yourself that you love yourself and you love everything (the feeling of love is great for feeling awesome).
Getting rejected on purpose
Excercising
Singing romantic songs loudly.
C) The strategy to dissolve AA
Now, to lose the fear of approaching you must understand AND believe the following concept:
Your mind is responsible for your AA (approach anxiety), because its your mind that thinks up the excuses that prevent you from approaching.
Those thoughts that come in the form of excuses arise from fear (often an unconscious fear), and toughts of fear create fear. If you can make yourself stop listening to the thoughts of fear created by your mind, the fear of approaching will cease.
After that statement some of you might already get the big eureka moment that I'm getting at. Anyways, the mind can create all sorts of resons for you not to approach, but if you can be aware of every excuse you're thinking of, you can destroy them.
How? simply by thinking, after each excuse your mind invents, "this is just my mind making the approach seem weird" or "this is just my mind distorting reality" or "this is just my mind making things seem more akward than they really are" or make up your own statement that reveals the mind's strategy. Notice how the excuse your mind was making no longer stops you. Try it right now. Visualize the last time you saw a set and remember the excuse that came to your head that stopped you from approaching (they're with a guy, my energy is too low, they dont look too friendly, etc) now think to yourself "that excuse is just my mind making the approach seem weird".
Here's why this works. You know how when you think too long about approaching strangers, it seems weird? Like thinking about the act of walking up to a group of strangers and trying to talk them up, it will start to become weird. And the more you think about it, the more fearful you become, until you're paralized and can't approach even the easy sets. This is why the 3second rule is so effective (you must approach in less than 3 seconds), because you're not allowing the thoughts to grow and grasp you.
It is the same process as when you think about some memory. The thought of the memory amplifies the emotions related to the event compared to the emotions that were actually felt during the moment of the event. So when some event felt good while you were experiencing it, when you're thinking about it the next day or 2 days later, the event feels 10x better, or if it was a bad event, it feels 10x worse. This is because thoughts amplify emotions. As such, the mind is like a drama queen that makes everything seem much better or much worse than it really is. This is evidence enough to know that you can not trust everything your mind tells you. Because thoughts are not reality, they are illusions and fantasies. as such they are false and innacurate. The problem is that most people treat their thoughts as reality and this creates all sorts of problems, such as freezing them from apporaching.. But when you recognize the thoughts as nothing more than illusions, they loose all their credibility, and whatever emotion they were bringing (fear, sadness, embarrassment, etc) dissolves.
Outline:
A) Convincing yourself that you HAVE to approach.
B) Making yourself WANT to approach
C) The strategy to dissolve AA
---------------------------------------------
A) Convincing yourself that you HAVE to approach.
Approaching makes you a confident man. Here's why.
Confidence and social momentum are the same thing. What's is social momentum? Is that talkative friendly and careless state that comes to you when you're befriending strangers. To be able to communicate with hot women and attract them, you must have social momentum (aka confidence), and social momentum only comes from approaching. And not just approaching hot girls, but approaching anyone, ugly girls, guys, old people, it doesn't matter.
Every night that you go out, you want to measure your success not by the results you got, but by whether you approach or not. Approaching should be your only goal when you go out. it doesn't matter who you approach, and it doesn't matter what opener you use (anything usually works).
So hopefull now you have a clear goal in mind. The goal being that you have to approach to gain confidence.
Here's a video by Tyler Durden that goes into this further.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUJdJIxgI7U
B) Making yourself WANT to approach.
Lets face it. Sometimes we know we should be approaching but we just don't ahve the energy to do it. You had a tough day, someone just got on your nerves, or you're just not in the mood to approach. This is why before you go out you must make yourself feel good. When you feel good, you want others to feel good, and you assume the others are friendly, so you WANT to talk to them. There are many ways to make yuorself feel good in only a few minutes. How to make yourself feel good:
Wearing hot new clothes.
Listening to some good beats
Forcing yourself to smile for 5 minutes
Affirmations. Looking yourself in the mirror and saying "I'm the ****ing man", or "I feel awesome".
Telling yourself that you love yourself and you love everything (the feeling of love is great for feeling awesome).
Getting rejected on purpose
Excercising
Singing romantic songs loudly.
C) The strategy to dissolve AA
Now, to lose the fear of approaching you must understand AND believe the following concept:
Your mind is responsible for your AA (approach anxiety), because its your mind that thinks up the excuses that prevent you from approaching.
Those thoughts that come in the form of excuses arise from fear (often an unconscious fear), and toughts of fear create fear. If you can make yourself stop listening to the thoughts of fear created by your mind, the fear of approaching will cease.
After that statement some of you might already get the big eureka moment that I'm getting at. Anyways, the mind can create all sorts of resons for you not to approach, but if you can be aware of every excuse you're thinking of, you can destroy them.
How? simply by thinking, after each excuse your mind invents, "this is just my mind making the approach seem weird" or "this is just my mind distorting reality" or "this is just my mind making things seem more akward than they really are" or make up your own statement that reveals the mind's strategy. Notice how the excuse your mind was making no longer stops you. Try it right now. Visualize the last time you saw a set and remember the excuse that came to your head that stopped you from approaching (they're with a guy, my energy is too low, they dont look too friendly, etc) now think to yourself "that excuse is just my mind making the approach seem weird".
Here's why this works. You know how when you think too long about approaching strangers, it seems weird? Like thinking about the act of walking up to a group of strangers and trying to talk them up, it will start to become weird. And the more you think about it, the more fearful you become, until you're paralized and can't approach even the easy sets. This is why the 3second rule is so effective (you must approach in less than 3 seconds), because you're not allowing the thoughts to grow and grasp you.
It is the same process as when you think about some memory. The thought of the memory amplifies the emotions related to the event compared to the emotions that were actually felt during the moment of the event. So when some event felt good while you were experiencing it, when you're thinking about it the next day or 2 days later, the event feels 10x better, or if it was a bad event, it feels 10x worse. This is because thoughts amplify emotions. As such, the mind is like a drama queen that makes everything seem much better or much worse than it really is. This is evidence enough to know that you can not trust everything your mind tells you. Because thoughts are not reality, they are illusions and fantasies. as such they are false and innacurate. The problem is that most people treat their thoughts as reality and this creates all sorts of problems, such as freezing them from apporaching.. But when you recognize the thoughts as nothing more than illusions, they loose all their credibility, and whatever emotion they were bringing (fear, sadness, embarrassment, etc) dissolves.
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