Engaged, regretting it, and falling for another...

[Rollo Tomassi]

OK, time for some DJ Math. You're 27 and you've been in an LTR with the same dead fish for 5 years, meaning you were 22 when you entered into your LTR. Essentially what your having proposed to this girl has done is shocked you into the awareness that you've wasted 5 of the most pivotal years in a man's life with one woman, this woman, because you lacked the confidence to take a chance on yourself and find another one who will deliver on the passion and desire. So now that the prospect of spending the rest of your life with this woman has been made very real to you, your subconscious is looking for ways out of it.

The muff girl is just a convenience; you're really looking for ANY option at this point that would deter you from making the permanent mistake of marrying your LTR. You're just confronting what you've already had confirmed for you (probably several times over the last 5 years) and that's you know you've needed to break up with her for some time now. When you consider the life altering sacrifices a Man must make for marriage (sacrifices a woman can never hope to appreciate), there is no reason a man should ever consider marrying a woman he's less than 100% satisfied with. For a Man, marriage should never be the result of compromising himself.

You keep coming back to the old LTR because it's comfortable and you fear the uncertainty of real rejection in the field. You have no options, and haven't had any for 5 years, so in order to avoid what I think you already know would be a grave mistake, you've finally generated a perceived option with this new woman from school. Whether she is or isn't is not as important as you acknowledging why this situation has "suddenly" cropped up right before you commit to a life time with the old LTR.

 

[Sinistar]

If a guy were to come on here and tell us the woman he's dated for 5yrs just dumped him because she was never really that into him, there would be a flood of posts bashing her for using him - am I right?

Now to my point. You've strung your LTR along for far too long now knowing you would ultimately bail. For that you suck. Why, because you sound like one of (the way too many) people in this world that are so friggin' afraid of being alone, that you'll use someone else to shield you from what you fear most. And the fear of being alone is tightly coupled with a fear of rejection. Stringing her along for a few months or so, hey it takes time to figure sh!t out. But for 5yrs!!!

Re: new woman. No matter what relationship you are in you will eventually encounter other attractive, interesting, desireable women. From what you've described, she's got her drama and the intial s3x might be awesome but it will fade quickly for both and ironically, she's probably just using you to move along her own agenda But that is what she does because she is a emotionally driven creature who's mastered the art of being indirect and covert to achieve security and emotional zen again.

But you are a man. Men are logical creatures first (turning emotional when they go AFC and/or live in fear). Start being a man for a change, follow things to their logical conclusion. Then start by ending your current LTR so you can both get on with your lives. Meanwhile, figure out how to be on your own (doesn't mean no s3x, just get clear of relationship mode for a few years).

In the time you will be on your own, you'll meet and experience a broader range of women and different value systems. You will become more independent and confident. You will notice that high value women seem more drawn to you. You will learn that LTR's (especially marriage) can only come when a woman (worthy of mothering you kids) wants to be in your frame (compliment your life). You might be 29 or 35 or 46 when you reach this point. You may learn that you never want kids or marriage.

Rollo nailed it. Stop letting your fear of rejection (and fear of being alone) keep you from having what a MAN should have in his life. You can say you are DJ, a MAN, whatever - but until you can feel at ease dating many women w/o commitment you are still plugged into the matrix.

 

[Romjuan]

i think there is really good advice on this thread for you but i just wanted to share a similar experience that i witnessed.. years ago i worked with two individuals that were both in their own relationships. the girl i worked with was 22 at the time and engaged to a 30 year old that she constantly complained about. my other cowerker was a 28 year old that was in a happy but boring "live in relationship. the two of them always flirted but no sex for a few years. they ended up cheating on their others with each other. months later they both broke up with their bf/gf. i just saw the two of them on mardi gra at a restaraunt and they were both now happily married with each other.

 

[Oxide]

OK, time for some DJ Math. You're 27 and you've been in an LTR with the same dead fish for 5 years, meaning you were 22 when you entered into your LTR. Essentially what your having proposed to this girl has done is shocked you into the awareness that you've wasted 5 of the most pivotal years in a man's life with one woman, this woman, because you lacked the confidence to take a chance on yourself and find another one who will deliver on the passion and desire. So now that the prospect of spending the rest of your life with this woman has been made very real to you, your subconscious is looking for ways out of it.

The muff girl is just a convenience; you're really looking for ANY option at this point that would deter you from making the permanent mistake of marrying your LTR. You're just confronting what you've already had confirmed for you (probably several times over the last 5 years) and that's you know you've needed to break up with her for some time now. When you consider the life altering sacrifices a Man must make for marriage (sacrifices a woman can never hope to appreciate), there is no reason a man should ever consider marrying a woman he's less than 100% satisfied with. For a Man, marriage should never be the result of compromising himself.

You keep coming back to the old LTR because it's comfortable and you fear the uncertainty of real rejection in the field. You have no options, and haven't had any for 5 years, so in order to avoid what I think you already know would be a grave mistake, you've finally generated a perceived option with this new woman from school. Whether she is or isn't is not as important as you acknowledging why this situation has "suddenly" cropped up right before you commit to a life time with the old LTR.

Truth hurts, and in this case he will be a fool not to listen to this post. It also seems, and I could be wrong, that you have some self respect problems yourself, talking to a psychiatrist could clear some issues up.

 

[Rescue Mission]

maybe you should be a logical man instead of a moronic pvssy, and simply just leave the situation, and enjoy your newly found freedom.

It is as simple as that........if there is no true real love, then there is absolutely NO reason to be committed to someone. Period.

 

[pokechop]

maybe you should be a logical man instead of a moronic pvssy, and simply just leave the situation, and enjoy your newly found freedom.

It is as simple as that........if there is no true real love, then there is absolutely NO reason to be committed to someone. Period.

Perfect. I needed that. Time to un-plug.