Ending LTR

[ChrisHughes]

I'll keep this short as I am sure it's a common story everyone has heard before.

I am 35 and have been in a long-term relationship for the past 6 years. The girl has her faults (a little bit emotionally needy and possessive) but ultimately a fantastic girlfriend: loving, caring, supportive.

During the last two years my sex drive has dwindled with her, and my eye was wandering. I felt bored. Suffocated. I still loved her, wanted her in my life, and was attached to her, but was just bored BEYOND senseless. This is perhaps my very first long-term relationship being a late-bloomer sexually, and have not sown my wild oats. She is very sexual, constantly needing it, but the passion for me was non-existent.

The girlfriend has sensed me withdrawing and broke it off - but had always hoped we would get back together and she remained in constant contact. I gave her some space for 6 months. I needed this more for myself too - to get out there and play the field, to see how I felt about her.

After 6 months she became disenchanted with waiting. She wanted a firm commitment, and she officially ended it, going so far as to block me from Facebook, saying she had now met someone else.

I am at a crossroads: let this amazing girl go (even though, to put it bluntly, like in most long-term relationships, I have lost my hard-on for her). But am concerned, at 35, that good girls without baggage are hard to come by.

Can anyone on this forum appreciate this and offer any advice?

 

[TheException]

The girl has her faults (a little bit emotionally needy and possessive) but ultimately a fantastic girlfriend: loving, caring, supportive.

Every girl does...its important to find out her faults and determine whether you can live with them or not.

During the last two years my sex drive has dwindled with her, and my eye was wandering. I felt bored. Suffocated. I still loved her, wanted her in my life, and was attached to her, but was just bored BEYOND senseless.

Its just the nature of being a guy. We CRAVE VARIETY. We're essentially polygamous animals in a monogamous world. Ive found that I always crave the opposite of the situation I find myself....When Im single....I seek to find that one girl that can satisfy my sexual needs while also being a positive in my life. Once i find that woman, after some time passes....I notice my eye wandering and wish I had the freedom to bang any girl I want when I was single. Its just the way it is for me. I dont think about it too much anymore because I believe "you always want what you cant have". I have learned to just accept the decision I make and until Im TRULY UNHAPPY WITH HER, I wont leave her, just because I have the yearning to bang mad broads...the feeling will come and go.

I am at a crossroads: let this amazing girl go (even though, to put it bluntly, like in most long-term relationships, I have lost my hard-on for her)
She either wasnt amazing(you wouldnt have lost your feelings for her) or you were seeking to be single and now you got it. Decision is out of your hands pal...your single now. Go out and explore. Find and add new plates and get always be focusing on your career and advancing as much as possible.

But am concerned, at 35, that good girls without baggage are hard to come by.

Dont get caught up in the "what if she was the one" mindframe. Every girl has red flags...its your job to properly screen a woman. You can always find somebody that will treat you better than your ex.

 

[handle]

You mentioned you had six months to "play the field," but you didn't elaborate on what that was like. How was it? Did it feel right to get out there and meet other women? Or did you realize that it wasn't really worth it? I would think that you got some insight from these last six months, unless you spent your time moping around. I once had the opportunity to go "play the field" and I realized that my long term girl was much better than random sex. Did you feel the same?

I'm not going to tell you one way or another what you should do, but it sounds like she has moved on. You might not even have the option of getting back with her.

 

[JoeMarron]

Let her go. You'll just be wasting her time if you cant even stay fully attracted to her. You cant force yourself to be satisfied with her even though she has many good qualities. I dont believe that any man is fully monogamous or polygamous. Some dudes can stay satisfied with one chick while others will always have a constant urge for more. I'd spend a significant time uncommited to anyone if I were you. Spin plates, perhaps form some open relationships, give yourself time to find out what you really want. After properly sowing your wild oats you may come to find the prospect of monagamy appaling and never try it again.

 

[ChrisHughes]

Thanks for everyone's kind responses.

During the 6 months I have played the field considerably, but it's been mostly joyless sex. I have pretty much checked out sexually and emotionally from the LTR, that is definitely true. My gut tells me "let it go" but you second guess yourself, and because she was such a great girlfriend in many ways, you worry if you're making the right tactical decision.

 

[The_411]

We remember the good times and 6 years is 17% of your life so there will always be some pangs of thinking maybe I made a mistake, but clearly she was boring you, so it seems that she wasn't giving you want you needed and the relationship fizzled.

The other thing is that you're lamenting something you "had" and now you do not. Never accept something because you're afraid you won't find better.