Ending it with bad tempered Gf

[Blues]

Hey guys

Its been 2 weeks since i last spoke with my gf. We are having a cold war because she was pissed that i wanted to spent a Fri with my friends. We normally spent Fris and the weekend together. So i dont see whts the big deal.

In a nushell, I offered to meet her for lunch on fri instead but she refused to carry on the conversation and hang up on me.

I think i've reached a point where i dont give a **** anymore. I used to be very affected by coldwars. I would be the one calling back and trying to solve things even if i wasnt in the wrong. I've long realised that she has a bad temper and has a very childish way of expressig her unhappiness. I have been cursed and shouted at in public before by her, had to put up with all her nonsense. And i stil didnt call it quits then. I know, i feel like one big loser.

We have been together for 2 yrs and things are def better than before but somehow i know its not possible to change her temper. We are both 30 yrs old and she's been talking about marriage.

At some point, i actually thought that marriage was gona be a possible thing with my gf. But somehow, a part of me feels that im missing out on somethig more.

The more i think about it, the more confused i get.

 

[Sinistar]

Why would you ever let your woman disrespect you in public (ie cursed and shouted at in public). You didn't put your foot down someplace way back when you should have. And that means you have a stake in this too.

Do you live together?

Two years together, why so long without either getting hitched OR moving on with your life?

ps. Let her call you, any other way and you're right back in her frame - again!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

What did you see in this woman in the first place? Was she the perfect girl until one day a meteor hit and the radiation changed her into this?

 

[kyphan]

Blues, do not call her up, do not apologize for hanging out with your friends, and make plans with your friends for one day/night this upcoming weekend. If she asks simply tell her you want to hang out with your friends more.

If things do not shape up you might be ready to move on. It's not what you're missing out on, it's whether or not you want to have children and spend the rest of your life with this woman. That second question is HUGE compared to the one you are asking yourself.

Two years together, why so long without either getting hitched OR moving on with your life?

It can be a hard decision. Harder than you can imagine, unless you've been there.

 

[Blues]

Why would you ever let your woman disrespect you in public (ie cursed and shouted at in public). You didn't put your foot down someplace way back when you should have. And that means you have a stake in this too.

Do you live together?

Two years together, why so long without either getting hitched OR moving on with your life?

ps. Let her call you, any other way and you're right back in her frame - again!

No, we dont stay together. Shes just stays over during weekends of holidays.

 

[Blues]

What did you see in this woman in the first place? Was she the perfect girl until one day a meteor hit and the radiation changed her into this?

It was her simple girl next day attitude and mindset that attracted me in the first place.

She isnt high maintainance at all but somehow i had to find out about her temper the hardway.

 

[Blues]

Blues, do not call her up, do not apologize for hanging out with your friends, and make plans with your friends for one day/night this upcoming weekend. If she asks simply tell her you want to hang out with your friends more.

If things do not shape up you might be ready to move on. It's not what you're missing out on, it's whether or not you want to have children and spend the rest of your life with this woman. That second question is HUGE compared to the one you are asking yourself.



It can be a hard decision. Harder than you can imagine, unless you've been there.

Thanks Kyphan. You know where im coming from. Im giving it serious thought about our future or lack of one.

 

[Wyldfire]

Here is the first post of a thread I started awhile back...I think you could use it right now.

No, you do NOT love her...a comprehensive REALITY check!
Listen and listen good fellas...this is going to save a lot of you from a lot of heart ache, foolishness and pining away over women.

To LOVE another person requires time and going through both good and bad times together...you do NOT love someone after only a few weeks or even months knowing them. Hell, it usually takes AT LEAST 6 months or better for them to let their guard down enough for you to START to see their flaws.

Infatuation...let's take a nice, hard look at how this works. When you are infatuated with someone you feel "in love". Those feelings are NOT feelings you have FOR the other person. It's all about how YOU feel about YOURSELF when you are with that other person. If a woman is fun to be around, it will make you feel like you are fun too. If a woman is sexy, it will make YOU feel more sexy. If a woman is a good conversationalist, it will make you feel like a good conversationalist. If a woman laughs at all your jokes, you will feel like you are a funny guy.

If a woman no longer makes you feel good about yourself, most of you will hang on for dear life to the way she used to make you feel and be convinced you've lost some great love. Nonsense! You just need to learn how to elicit those feelings FROM YOURSELF through bettering yourself and building confidence and NOT rely on women to make you feel them...especially if you are clinging to a woman who used to make you feel great but now makes you feel like crap. Know when to let go and move on...

 

[Sinistar]

It can be a hard decision. Harder than you can imagine, unless you've been there.

Yup, been there done that when I was young and unaware. I allowed myself to hang onto to something for over 3yrs when I probably knew it wasn't a match after 6 months ... about the same I allowed myself to shift into her frame. Fortunately we didn't live together and no kids or assets. Many lessons learned there. For example: It's stupid to hang on when it just ain't working. Never tolerate disrespect. Grief (ie breakups) don't kill, they just hurt (as much as you let it) and you get over it. And the list goes on and on and on. Part of gettin' older and wiser.

All I know is when things are working right with a good woman, the tests are farther between, they show respect, they trust, they listen, they're happier and life is better. With the irony being that this positive return is really a direct return on our own ongoing investment (maintaining the frame, mystery, confidence, etc.)

And if a woman isn't bringing the above to the equation then its time to focus on MOVING FORWARD with my life because the dynamic of the emotional investments and personal differences (when things just aren't working) are usually insurmountable. For example, why spend a year or two in misery when perhaps dating another 20-30 women will land you that HB that desires you, respects you and trusts you.

ps. Is this a long distance relationship?

 

[Skel]

Get out while you can. There are better fish in the sea.

 

[amoka]

I'll say you give her a chance---do not call her. Is she calls, don't pick up. In relationship, the person in need mostly have less power. Calling her shows you're in need of her. Go sarging....

 

[joekerr31]

ok, simple rule in life. most people really dont change much as they get older. they sometimes learn to cover their tracks better, and once in a while actually do change (after a lot of work that is) - but all in all after 27 or so things get sort of set in stone.

lack of change isn't that surprising. i mean, if you liked pizza at 16 odds are you will still like it at 40. If you like horror movies, odds are you will always like a good horror flick.

if you have a bad temper and like to fight - odds are you will always have a bad temper and like to fight.

the question then becomes - WHY on god's green earth would you EVER put up with a woman with such a temper?! you think its going to get better?! my god, wait until she traps you with a couple of kids. then she'll rip into you like you wouldn't believe - because guess what - she got what she wanted and now you're her meal ticket for life.

i mean, the ONLY time i might make an exception ot the advise im giving is if normally she is the most loving caring nuturing person you've ever met. but rarely do such women ever exhibit the kind of temper you are talking about. and when they do its because they are bipolar.

so lets flip this on its head quickly. what you need to do is not worry about why she is the way she is etc. - you need to ask yourself WHY you are with this woman.

my money says its because of routine and fear of being on your own. those two reasons account for 95% of the cases where a man stays with a woman who has emotional issues (like rage).

sounds like its time to cut loose.

 

[Sir Drinksalot]

Dude, I hate to break it to you, but a woman who expects that you're gonna spend every Friday night and weekend together is not "low maintenance." She's someone who is very lonely, has no social life, and will depend on you for all interactions, and BLAME you for everything wrong with her life - because she has nothing else.

Having a normal social life outside of your romantic partner is necessary for every healthy relationship!

Thinking of MARRYING her? You've got a screw loose!!!!! Ten, fifteen years from now she'll be old, fat, spend YOUR money AND be the same pain in the a$$. You won't be able to break up with her then without giving up half your $hit, legal fees, and recurring alimony and/or child support.

This is probably your last chance to get out of becoming the p-whipped married chump your friends all make fun of.

RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Nighthawk]

Sure, but how about if the gf shows disrespect only occasionally, like when she is in a bad mood, period, contraceptive pill, etc.

Where do you guys draw the line?

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

It was her simple girl next day attitude and mindset that attracted me in the first place.

She isnt high maintainance at all but somehow i had to find out about her temper the hardway.

Well it could be worse. You could feel like you couldn't do better.

 

[joekerr31]

Sure, but how about if the gf shows disrespect only occasionally, like when she is in a bad mood, period, contraceptive pill, etc.

Where do you guys draw the line?

thats what's so cool with life. you get to draw the line where ever the hell you want to. and so does she.

this is what we call the process of compatibility.

 

[Aaron B]

This is why it is extremely important to set the boundaries and expectations from the very beginning.

I have had several LTR's, and in all but my current one, I spent all my free time with my girl in the beginning when everything was fresh and new.

Problem was, when I wanted to go back to spending time with my friends, I got resistance from my girls. Lots of resistance.

I now firmly believe that asking and/or begging to do your own thing on your own time is not worth it. She has to accept that you have a life separate from her, or she loses you. Plain and simple.

With my wife, I was very clear from the beginning that I value my free time and when I want to do something without her, I will do it no matter how she feels about it.

When your girl throws a b.tch fit, you can ask her why she doesn't have anything to do with her free time. You know, like hobbies? She doesn't honestly expect her boyfriend to be her hobby, does she?

Additionally, the more flack she gives you for how YOU choose to spend YOUR time (and its just that, YOUR time, not hers), the less time I would spend with her. She wants to give you ****, then show her just how good she used to have it by withdrawing your time and attention.

Life is too short. Trust me, I've learned it the hard way. And especially now that I look back on all the fun times I passed on because "she" didn't want me to go, and now I'm not even with those girls. So why did I allow her to influence my behavior and how I spent my time?

One simple answer, I was seeking her approval and trying to keep her happy. Now I realize that she is lucky to be with me, and its not my job to keep her happy. If she has nothing to do with her time when I'm not around, she better figure out something because its not my problem.

 

[kyphan]

Well it could be worse. You could feel like you couldn't do better.

This is totally true, but that sort of "I can't do better" mentality makes me think of some of my friends - and the laughter begins :crackup:

 

[Blues]

Well i met up with my gf and we both agreed that there wasnt much of a future for us and decided to part ways.

Though i think its for the better, it hurts like ****.

Breaking hard is always hard to do.

 

[Latinoman]

Well i met up with my gf and we both agreed that there wasnt much of a future for us and decided to part ways.

Though i think its for the better, it hurts like ****.

Breaking hard is always hard to do.

How she reacted to this?

I sense that she wanted to end things a while back.