Ending a relationship but leaving the door open?

[StrayCat]

A bit of a tough situation here, but I think I made the correct decision. I was dating this woman for a few months, but things became erratic. Where she'd just get up and travel somewhere for a week on supposed work, and then come back, just to go back to the same place for vacation. I backed off and went NC. Just told her to have a relaxing time. She came back and we saw each other that night and had sex a couple of times. We made plans for the weekend, but on that Friday she came down with a cold or the flu. She wasn't sure but still wanted to come over. I was sick over the period that she was away, she knew and checked in a bit, but was put on steroids and antibiotics. I've had the flu before and I was out of work for two weeks. I just suggested we see each other next weekend when she was better, she agreed and said she'll do something with some friends. I said ok. An hour later, I received an essay from her how she couldn't believe I would take care of her when she was sick and she expected this. In addition, she no longer wanted to be exclusive. She wanted to be non-exclusive, still see me and other guys instead. I said that isn't what I want, but I will miss you and good luck. She then texted furiously about she didn't understand why. Then she said can she KIT, I said no need to text any longer, and I wished her well and best of luck in finding what she wants out of a guy. Then she offered friendship, as she said she didn't want to lose me out of her life. I declined. She said, okay, I do not understand why we cannot still see each other, nothing is etched in stone unless you do it. I just said, what you texted above basically killed us, so it is what it is. Obviously, I wasn't doing it for you. Good luck. She then texted, if you change your mind, hit me up. I just replied, doubtful. She then texted, well, if you do, I'm here.

My profile was up on Match, as was hers. All of a sudden she changed all of her pics to new ones the next day. I deactivated my account for a week to take a break and at that time she hid her profile.

It's been about six weeks and I've not reached out, nor has she. She's still active on my whatsapp, so she's not deleted me. I just happened to open it today as another girl I am chatting with wanted to chat on whatsapp and I saw her there. I am second guessing myself, but she was the one who asked for the exclusivity and I ditched the other two girls I was seeing for her. For her to switch it around to a FWB, I just couldn't do it. I was able to rebound with other girls, but still not the same connection.

Did I handle it right? Is my second guessing warranted?

 

[jaymbrs]

Depends on what you wanted out of the her. If you had feelings for her, then yes, I'd say you handled it well. But if you were just a couple having fun, I would've just downgraded her like she was trying to do with you. Nothing wrong with downgrading. I found that the sex improved when my exes and I became non-exclusive.

 

[Roober]

Once you take the trash out to the curb, you dont ever go rummaging through it.

1. First of all, it's disgusting.
2. Secondly, all your neighbors are watching you dig through the trash questioning your sanity.
3. And lastly, once you find what you were looking for, it is never going to be the same as you remember it.

 

[sazc]

I feel like you are second guys yourself because there are no new potential ladies beckoning?

If you had a few ladies you were attempting to game, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself, correct?

See @Roober post above. She sounds like a headache. Leave the trash on the curb to be collected.

 

[backseatjuan]

A lot going on here.

My profile was up on Match, as was hers. All of a sudden she changed all of her pics to new ones the next day. I deactivated my account for a week to take a break and at that time she hid her profile.

She knows you were checking her out, she seen visitors to her profile.

It's been about six weeks and I've not reached out, nor has she.

She knows you visited her profile, perhaps several times. She is not going to reach out.

Did I handle it right? Is my second guessing warranted?

You handle it wrong in that you talked after you said 'this isn't what you wanted and good luck'. In all honestly, that wasn't even necessary, going cold would do it perfectly. Your second guessing is because you invested into one girl too much and had no options besides her.

I'm guessing she hasn't chased you for a long term relationship, instead you begged for it, figuratively speaking. Am I correct? Refer to this post before answering.

 

[highSpeed]

I feel like you are second guys yourself because there are no new potential ladies beckoning?

If you had a few ladies you were attempting to game, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself, correct?

See @Roober post above. She sounds like a headache. Leave the trash on the curb to be collected.

I think it's more than that. Of course you second guess yourself. If it was a good job and you moved on, even if you got a better offer, you'd probably still think somewhere in the back of your head "Did I do the right thing?"

 

[StrayCat]

Your second guessing isn't warranted, she just wants to use you for her own purposes.

I felt that very much when she started acting funny with these "trips". I started to have a feeling in my stomach something wasn't right.

Depends on what you wanted out of the her. If you had feelings for her, then yes, I'd say you handled it well. But if you were just a couple having fun, I would've just downgraded her like she was trying to do with you. Nothing wrong with downgrading. I found that the sex improved when my exes and I became non-exclusive.

There were feelings, but it seemed a lot of times it was what she needed, not really what I needed. So I started to back off. I was a bit shocked at her actions knowing that I'd might get sick with a weakened immune system, so I was on the ropes on our "relationship". She also kept her profile online during the time we were together which I found disrespectful. She said she thought she removed it and shown it to me on her phone that it wasn't on the phone and there were no active chats. Again though, something felt amiss.

Once you take the trash out to the curb, you dont ever go rummaging through it.

1. First of all, it's disgusting.
2. Secondly, all your neighbors are watching you dig through the trash questioning your sanity.
3. And lastly, once you find what you were looking for, it is never going to be the same as you remember it.

Yea, heard that before and I tend to adhere to this thought process to.

I feel like you are second guys yourself because there are no new potential ladies beckoning?

If you had a few ladies you were attempting to game, you wouldn't be second guessing yourself, correct?

See @Roober post above. She sounds like a headache. Leave the trash on the curb to be collected.

No, I've been on dates, but the connections weren't there for either of us, I guess that is why I am second guessing myself.

A lot going on here.


She knows you were checking her out, she seen visitors to her profile.


She knows you visited her profile, perhaps several times. She is not going to reach out.


You handle it wrong in that you talked after you said 'this isn't what you wanted and good luck'. In all honestly, that wasn't even necessary, going cold would do it perfectly. Your second guessing is because you invested into one girl too much and had no options besides her.

I'm guessing she hasn't chased you for a long term relationship, instead you begged for it, figuratively speaking. Am I correct? Refer to this post before answering.

Doubtful, as my profile had been offline for two months. I checked it a week later I broke it off and she was gone, and I went offline as well. I logged in a couple of weeks ago to restart, she's still MIA as she's not in the search results.

Actually, no, I didn't chase her for any LTR, she chased me. She would contact me daily, talk about our future, marriage, etc. I would just say let's take it one step at a time. Perhaps that blew it off. I am a lot of things, but a beggar, no. If a girl does not want to be with me, I do not argue and just leave. If she wants to turn it to and open relationship, I just leave. Just like I did.

Actually, in the essay texts she sent me, she mentioned marriage with me a few times, I just didn't reply to those texts and just said okay take care. I didn't want to seem angry or upset, but I am a bit disappointed.

I think it's more than that. Of course you second guess yourself. If it was a good job and you moved on, even if you got a better offer, you'd probably still think somewhere in the back of your head "Did I do the right thing?"

I guess I play the whatif scenarios in my head and if I was too over zealous in letting her go. That is what I am figuring in my head. Then again, if she really was that head over heels for me, she would had reached out. A buddy told me, she probably will not reach out because the way I worded the text it seemed that I said don't contact me again. So, not sure.

 

[Glassguy]

You're not the player. You're the played.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Why are you second guessing yourself after she downgraded you to a FWB/Plate?

Generally speaking, one's intuition is usually correct so there's probably some other guy (or guys) in the picture now. She wanted her freedom rather than seeing the other guys behind your back. I'll actually give her some credit for at least playing the NSA/FWB card rather than just cheating and sneaking around.

Just not sure why you would want to take her back after this. You've been demoted to backup QB by her. I think you need to to employ IDGAF and The Abundance Mentality.

My best advice: Forget about her and move on.

 

[SoSuave666]

Someone hurt my man @LARaiders85

 

[StrayCat]

You're not the player. You're the played.

Not sure how. I didn't agree to her offer and left.

Why are you second guessing yourself after she downgraded you to a FWB/Plate?

Generally speaking, one's intuition is usually correct so there's probably some other guy (or guys) in the picture now. She wanted her freedom rather than seeing the other guys behind your back. I'll actually give her some credit for at least playing the NSA/FWB card rather than just cheating and sneaking around.

Just not sure why you would want to take her back after this. You've been demoted to backup QB by her. I think you need to to employ IDGAF and The Abundance Mentality.

My best advice: Forget about her and move on.

I had the same feeling. I actually went NC two weeks prior and she contacted me, apologized and wanted to get back together. I agreed and that was a foolish mistake on my part. Then she went away again. Saw her 10 days later, but if felt fishy in my gut. I was thinking this was the end of the line.

 

[RickTheToad]

Sounds like she's a serial dater. She got you to drop the others for exclusivity, and then she started playing games. You did right and she may had not thought you'd react like you did. You did shoot yourself in the food for telling her not to contact you again. She's not going to contact you again, and you cannot contact her as that would effectively negate any frame you had with her. I can see where you attempted some reverse pysch with the don't contact expecting her to contact. That only works in the movies dude.

Who knows if she was on other site or jump to a one of her orbiters after you kicked her to the curb. Doesn't matter, as @Dash Riprock, @LARaiders85 and @Roober already told you, you made the right decision, do not look back. I will through out two caveats though. One, she may had changed her photos to lure you back. Weird that she'd hide or remove her profile from the dating site. Most ladies never remove their profiles unless they are seeing someone else seriously. Two, if she does come back at a later date, as I've had ladies contact me six months later asking me how I am doing, you can then have your way with her sexually. As Alpha Male Strategies says, if she comes back crawling, she'll have to suck a whole lotta d!ck; among other things.

Though, you seem hurt, so I am not sure if it would be a wise decision to ever give her the time a day. You need to realize, she was never yours. She was only your turn. Ladies are not loyal. They are only loyal to their options. Listen to my boy Chris Brown's lyrics in Loyal. It's the gospel.

 

[RickTheToad]

@StrayCat - Who would of thought the legend himself, Alpha Male Strategies made a video today just for you. Watch it and learn. You are welcome.

 

[Glassguy]

Not sure how. I didn't agree to her offer and left.



I had the same feeling. I actually went NC two weeks prior and she contacted me, apologized and wanted to get back together. I agreed and that was a foolish mistake on my part. Then she went away again. Saw her 10 days later, but if felt fishy in my gut. I was thinking this was the end of the line.

You were her plate. She wasnt your plate.

You are still thinking about it after weeks and weeks but she on the other hand.....is spinning plates.

You got too emotional and too invested. Its ok- you just need 2-3+ in your rotation and it fixes a lot of problems.

 

[Johnwic11]

Glassguy,

I am new to the board. buckeye myself. I love your brutal honesty man. would love for you to assess my situation that happened to me about month back if you don't mind me shooting you a dm? I'm new to this stuff. not total alpha but not total beta either.

 

[Glassguy]

Glassguy,

I am new to the board. buckeye myself. I love your brutal honesty man. would love for you to assess my situation that happened to me about month back if you don't mind me shooting you a dm? I'm new to this stuff. not total alpha but not total beta either.

Anytime. Go Bucks

 

[Glassguy]

Here is the thing guys- quit watching the CW sausage fest videos. The more I hear about CW the more beta the guy gets.

Now I am not one to turn down good pvssy, but when I walk away I am done. There is no door left open because she has already replaced before I pushed her out the door.

CW- "well if you change your mind let me know"-----thats a cuck statement that you will never hear me say to a chick.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Here is the thing guys- quit watching the CW sausage fest videos. The more I hear about CW the more beta the guy gets.

Now I am not one to turn down good pvssy, but when I walk away I am done. There is no door left open because she has already replaced before I pushed her out the door.

CW- "well if you change your mind let me know"-----thats a cuck statement that you will never hear me say to a chick.

And a cuck mindset.

 

[backseatjuan]

@StrayCat watch 2nd part