Ending a long term relationship

[viking22]

I have been living with a girl for the last five years and we've been together for seven years. She is incredibly in love with me and gave me a lot of support during a difficult time for me (my father passed away and I was struggling with depression). She hasn't had many boyfriends and she is from a more traditional culture where people get married fairly young and are more serious minded generally.

I have been feeling bored in the relationship for the last few years especially as our sex life dried up. I knew she wanted marriage and kids and I did not see a future for us and didn't want to settle down especially as I was a late bloomer and she was my first serious girlfriend. But whenever I tried to talk about this she would get upset and call me ungrateful and say if I didn't want her I should have broken up with her years ago when she was still young and able to find someone else. And tried to persuade me that I will never find a girl like her and I do not want to be old and lonely and throw away seven years together just because I want to play the field. Another thing resting on my mind is she has sometimes threatened to suicide if I leave her. So I let it drop and hoped she would make the decision to break up with me herself. I started cheating on her and she caught me a few times, got upset, but forgave me.

We are comfortable together and trust each other and are quite attached (especially her) and as I said we live together, share expenses, and in many ways our lives are intertwined. But I am starting to feel old at 33 and want to be single again before I am old and unattractive. At the same time she is going to turn 30 and I don't want her to miss out on having a family and kids because she is hung up on me. But appeals to reason do not seem to work.

Is the only way out to simply move my stuff out, ignore her calls, and hope she won't do anything stupid?

 

[Chev.Chelios]

just tell her straight up, I don't see myself having a future with you and leave it at that.

if your having depression issues still and overall unhappy with your life, read up everything you can on victim mentality.

out of the millions things I've read that was the only thing that saved my ass from lethal, paralyzing depression.

on the flip side.. you might have a good thing going on with this girl, finding a woman thats devoted to you is extremely rare, and if you've been out of the game for several years be aware the dating market now is SEVERELY fvcked up.. any chance that your self sabatoging a good thing in your life?

I threw away my family suffering from depression issues and thought going out to play the field would solve all my problems but life only got way worse, was kind of like I was purposely trying to traumatize myself into near suicide it was a fvcking crazy mental downward spiral, ended up realizing I was caught in an insane victim mindset and blamed the world for everything.

just throwing ideas out there

if the gurl you're with is saying she's going to kill yourself that's a MAJOR victim mentality red flag.. obviously a relationship can never work out if her happiness is riding solely on you..

 

[sazc]

You cant let someone emotionally blackmail you into staying in a situation where you are unhappy. And, I agree, you dont want the same things she does so it's time to set her free to find someone that does want the same things.

The way I would approach it is to tell her you have been extremely selfish staying in this relationship. You knew a few years ago that you didnt see a future with her, no marriage, no kids, etc and you should have broken up with her then. Now you need to stand your ground and end the relationship. Then do it.

If she threatens suicide call her parents or best friend and tell them and ask them to call her and/or call the police to do a well check.

good luck

 

[AJ84]

"But whenever I tried to talk about this she would getupset and call me ungrateful and say if I didn't want her I shouldhave broken up with her years ago when she was still young and ableto find someone else."

So she is now likely going to start looking for the man who will settle down and start a family with her. You may as well end it now as its only a matter of time before she dumps you as you are not giving her what she wants, a family. Just end it and move on. Women who want a family are on a mission and will next any guy who isn't going to provide that for them because they don't have the time to waste. She's probably already considering her options. You both wasted time on each other, don't waste anymore of hers nor yours and just move on.

 

[Reykhel]

She's only 30 and potentially has plenty of time to meet someone knew and start a family. So you shouldn't feel guilty about that.

You gave it a go, seven years have passed and you realise it's not for you. That's life...

Follow your path, this is not for you. The quicker you do this the better. Take her out to a restaurant or bar on a FRIDAY (give her the weekend to process it when she doesn't have to work)

Tell her you're no longer in love with her. You've tried to rekindle the feelings but they're gone.

BE VERY CAREFUL OF HER TRYING TO GET HERSELF PREGNANT DURING THIS PERIOD.

Another person's suicide is out of your control.

 

[GT40]

If she’s blackmailing you now, just think what happens if you marry and have kids.
GTFO while you can. If she offs herself that’s on her. Not you.
She is holding you emotionally hostage and that’s just wrong on so many levels.