Emotionally unavailable...

[In2theGame]

Any guys out there also emotionally unavailable? Ive been feeling like this for a long time since my last LTR ended really bad and Ive been fvcked up ever since. I'm at a point where I'm realizing that i have absolutely no feelings of wanting to love a Woman again. Some remember my story already from a while back but to make a short point, The relationship was very serious and towards the end she initiated family get together to talk about wanting to marry me as she always stated and I truly loved her, I wasnt the best guy in the world but i knew i could let myself open 100% and wanted to make her my Wife. Soon after, at the end she suddenly went distant and seemed depressed one day. Ever since then i started digging and i found conversations with other men in her Email and how she was going to "suck their c0ck" and telling them "I dont satisfy her and a piece of sh!t" I couldnt believe what i was reading. it only got worse as she began calling me telling me she fvcked a bunch of guys during multiple ONS. I tried speaking to her in person one night as i took a cab to her place and she told me to my face not to kiss her because a bunch of guys came on her face. I'm telling you, Ive never felt more hurt than what i thought possible at that moment. To make things worse she started saying some really hurtful things about her letting other guys fvck her and she doesnt care about anything. This was a woman i loved deeply after 5 years together. A month and a half later i found out she was engaged to be married and embarrassed me on FB for family and friends to see. Ever since this has happened... i have never been the same....

Ive dated so many Women since then and they wanted to start a relationship with me but i would panic with anxiety and my moods would fluctuate many times. Ive been out to dinner with some and i would randomly feel a big wave of sadness that i would have to excuse myself from the table to walk outside and relax for a second. It would feel like my eyes wanted to get watery and feel so down. It would last for 15 min and then i could calm down again. Its been 4 years since the breakup and i still have those symptoms where i randomly feel down, anxiety and just feel like tearing up. I fvcking hate it. I get flashbacks of the breakup from time to time and it makes me breath hard and just brings me down overall. I havent been able to feel an emotional connection with a girl and when i tried, it was like fighting myself or forcing myself to happen but when it comes down to it, i just dont care anymore. Im seeing a girl right now thats really into me and although i like her, i just dont feel it, like i said... im just in a, i dont care anymore, mood. Has any of you guys been fvcked up like this or feel completely emotionless when it comes to being in a LTR again? or even Marriage? How did you guys rebound from this sh*tty feeling? It seems when you get hurt really bad, theres no coming back.

 

[sharkbeat]

Same here. Although I am still on LTR, I haven't been emotionally unavailable most of the time. Had she not been smart, as I love smart conversations, we wouldn't be talking to each other anymore.

 

[stephenbaldwin]

Yeah, I've been there; you don't want to get hurt. I totally understand that. The less you invest, the less you lose. For me, it goes to the extremes: I can be overly emotionally invested, only for the woman to pull away, or emotionless, in which case I do better with women, but it doesn't make me happy because of the lack of passion and genuine interest.

At the same time, if you want to come back from that guard your heart post/post break up citadel, you have to be willing to trust women (people) again. At least I think. It is a risk but you have a lot going for you dude. Don't look at what you don't have, but appreciate what you do have. That war story is a straight 10/10. I don't know how the f*ck you came back from that, but you did. Whatever it took to find that strength within you, you found it. And look at how successful you've been. I'm certainly not that successful with women, which is ok.

But you have overcome a seriously traumatic event and have been able to succeed. If you decide to trust a woman in the future, take heart in the fact that you've been through the trenches and made it back. If you can overcome that relationship and breakup, you're strong enough to go out there and try again.

Regarding rebounding from that feeling, I've been into skydiving lately. I also live in New York and am 31. I'll take a Friday off work and drive from Brooklyn to eastern Long Island to an airpark where they have tandem skydiving. I make a day of it, jamming out, listening to 80's rock on the freeway, then jump out of a plane. The skydiving puts me in an amazing mental space. All the self doubting second guessing bull**** goes out the window and I feel right with the world. If you have a chance, I would highly recommend it. The mental clarity and sense of accomplishment make it so much easier to deal with the stresses and limitations we place on ourselves. This is how I would recommend you rebound. You're a good person and I've enjoyed reading your posts. You'll either find a way to get over this emotional feeling or you'll make one.

 

[latinnova]

I know it can hurt man. But this is the only life you get. Learn from your past experiences, but do not let it make you bitter, only more appreciative of what you have learned from it. Know that something like this can happen, and if it does, say to yourself that you had a nice time with this person and move on to the next chapter of the journey in your life. Because unplanned things happen in life all the time, the only thing you can do is adapt to the changes and move on. I just recently divorced a woman that I though I had loved for over a decade, the reason being is because she cheated on my with another man and left me for him. Talk about bitter... but then I came to realize that she was only a poison that was slowly draining my life of all the fun and pleasure. I did not realize this until she was gone.

Think of the death of a family member, it will happen and it will be tough, but it is inevitable. It does not mean that you will sever ties to the rest of your family to avoid the pain of their deaths also. Just let the feeling flow again, knowing that pain in life is inevitable, and if it happens again then grieve and move on. Rinse and repeat. Enjoy life.

It might be wise to see a therapists if this has been going on for a while.

 

[jc_80]

Maybe. Right now my girlfriend is happy and I'm just pretending to be happy and I can because I don't care because I have lost faith in all this love $hit women throw at me. Starting to seem like nothing lasts so why become emotionally invested in the first place. I wouldn't say I'm bitter though. Just tired of giving a fvck. There's much more to life than women and I'm really starting to see that and live it too. I think I was programmed to feel like I had to find that special woman and marry her and have kids and get a stable well paying career. Fvck all that after everything I've been through lol.

 

[In2theGame]

Thanks for the encouraging advice guys. I guess its something i just cant really get rid of. I understand how a guy who has been Married for years and his wife leaves him for a lover and makes his life miserable during divorce would never want to go though that again and avoid a second marriage at all costs. I just dont believe what Women tell me about how much they love me or how great they think i am, they get upset when i dont react to it and dont respond to their words. I literally just smirk at it and think nothing else, maybe because the two women i had serious relationships prior all said the same things to me, sh*t my last ex who hurt me the most was the one who was on her knees (literally) begging me to give her a shot, I did and years later i paid for it. I stated prior that i feel like im a MGTOW without realizing it, Im just emotionally empty when it comes to connecting to Women romantically. Yeah i have the looks and charm to bed alot of beauties but thats where the train stops for me not by choice but its just because of the way i feel deep down,... just empty. Thinking about how exhausting a relationship can be and how irrational Women can be at times, especially this day and age.... im just too far gone to even care to do it all over again. They are just too exhausting emotionally draining and a financial burden is what Ive come to realize. Just not worth it.

 

[In2theGame]

Maybe. Right now my girlfriend is happy and I'm just pretending to be happy and I can because I don't care because I have lost faith in all this love $hit women throw at me. Starting to seem like nothing lasts so why become emotionally invested in the first place. I wouldn't say I'm bitter though. Just tired of giving a fvck. There's much more to life than women and I'm really starting to see that and live it too. I think I was programmed to feel like I had to find that special woman and marry her and have kids and get a stable well paying career. Fvck all that after everything I've been through lol.

The part in bold is how i feel man.