Emotionally Engaging Women

[Weeks]

Hey guys

First post here so I guess I'll go over a little background. I'm 20 and am in college right now. A couple years ago after I was devastated by my first girlfriend dumping me, a friend of mine showed me ladder theory and I joined up on the intellectual ***** forums... They're a lot less populated than these ones, though, so I figured I'd come over here.

Anyways, I read through and learned a lot but then kind of forgot about it... Looking at sites like this one became a thing I only did when I was feeling particularly insecure, which wasn't much at all this past year or so, despite my having gotten very little action. I've spent all of my time improving myself; I know I'm on the right track in college now, get good grades, eat healthier, have worked out consistently for several years, have much better and closer friends, and am all around much more confident and happier than I used to be. So, in essence, I feel great about myself. I know demonstrating value is important, but I think that one of my greatest flaws is that I just expect women to fall into my hands because I'm sure of myself and my future. Wrong.

My largest problem is just meeting people. At my college, frat parties are all exclusive, and the whole greek thing totally isn't for me, so I never joined one. And, basically, any non-frat party I ever go to is a complete den of ****s; average girl to guy ratio is probably 4:1. Plus I'm too young to hit the bars and I'm a computer science major, so my opportunities to meet women are very limited.

So, anyways, last night I went to one of the first parties in forever in which there were lots of women. Its the beginning of the year so frats have all these parties where they try and get freshmen to suck their ****s and pledge. So, when finally presented with an environment with an optimistic girl to guy ratio, I completely fell flat. I talked to plenty and plenty more girls, but I realized that I really had no ****ing game at all. All conversations consisted of the same old bull**** "blah blah whats your major blah blah where do you live." Multiple times conversations escalated and there were laughs and the interaction wasn't completely shallow, but then they ended and that was that. I gave no reason to make any girls think "damn, this guys pretty ****ing awesome, I want to get to know him better."

So, upon this realization, here I am. One of the concepts I remember from the IW forums was that of emotionally engaging women in conversation, and that is precisely what I did not do and have trouble doing. One girl I was talking to wasn't drinking at all and I asked if she was a DD and she said no, she was just taking it easy because of recent encounter with vodka. I, too, just had an awful experience with vodka so we talked on that, laughed a bit, and then she asked if I wanted to play beer pong with her. **** yes I do. Then she left and said she was coming back (I knew she wasn't) and I saw her later grinding on some guy. In essence, despite having a good starting point and conversation topic, she just wasn't into it.

Sorry for the wall of text, prob shouldn't have posted such a damn huge first post. But yeah, anybody have any tips or know how I can better emotionally engage girls?

 

[Rubato]

It's easier to emotionally engage girls when you can emotionally engage yourself. That sounds like a trite response, but it's true.

A lot of guys today don't have a lot going for them and expect for women to think their life is amazing when it isn't. They do the same boring stuff everyone else does... Hang out with their friends, drink beer, watch sports, blah blah blah. When you think about your life and it doesn't interest you, how do you expect it to interest a girl??

Emotionally engaging a girl isn't going to happen if you can't develop that hallowed emotional connection. If you're just some dude who's one of the bros and spends all your time at a sports bar, or some video game person who doesn't do anything but Final Fantasy, do you think that's going to give you anything to work with as far as developing an emotional connection? No.

But what if you have some interesting hobbies or passions? What if you can write songs really well, or if you're obsessed with some musician or composer and their music stirs your spirit in a very specific way that you could talk about all day? What if you were passionate about nature and didn't feel fully alive unless your hands were clutched against a sheer rock face high above the Earth? Or perhaps you're more of a humanitarian and have a deep conviction about caring for the indigent among us and that's why you volunteer at a soup kitchen or inner city homeless shelter every weekend.

What you do doesn't matter as long as you're passionate about it. You can spend your time trying to figure out ways to artificially create emotion where none exists or you can retool your life so that emotion flows from it naturally.

The second choice is much better.

 

[Weeks]

This is so much of a better response than I expected. Thanks. Obviously, I agree with you fully. Part of the whole self-improvement thing I've been about so much these last few years is precisely because I am NOT just some boring guy who just hangs out at sports bars / plays video games / etc. My current roommate is actually a perfect example of this... He's the guy that, at any given time, just wants to talk about
A. how much he had to drink last night
B. Football
or
C. his claimed sexual conquests that we all know are lies; he doesn't pull at all but likes to act like he has game.

Anyways, my goal is to always differentiate myself from this average joe (funny thing, my roommates name is actually joe). I've never been unsure of my identity or bent to peer pressure easily. However, up until very recently, I was partially in the average joe mold because I was in a major that I probably wouldn't be happy in (computer engineering). Now, I've switched and can minor in visual art and my final goal is to do animation for a company like pixar. I'm happier where I am and can wear my passion on my sleeve... I'll try to work from that angle and see where it goes.